issue16 奢华和便利不成人~-
16"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."Admittedly, modern material civilization acts as a double-edged sword in the advancement of human society, which actually bring people the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary. It is helpful to individual development that contemporary people should realize this point in advance.
Anyway, accompanying with the development of material civilization, people can perform more efficiently in daily lives. Futher, people can draw more energy,time and other resources to do more things so that their lives can be enriched greatly. Thus, people can get round to developing themselves intentionally. There is a case in point, the invention and application of computer. It is well known that the appearance of computer and further that of internet have exerted profound influence on human life. People have promote working efficency immmensely by using computer and internet. Espcially, computer has maken enormous work easy jobs nowadays that people used to be unimaginable to handle. Just as the invention of computer, any technological advancement always gives rise to feasibilities for human to work more, faster and further. To sum up, material civilization conduces to more chances to develop as people wish.
Moreover, to the extent, it is likely for people to be strong and independent, only if they can obtain necesary luxsuries and conveniences in their lives. Without those, human kind will lose the ability of control nature. Obviously, human ancestors used to suffer from the fierce nature condition,lacking enough luxsuries and conveniences. There is no denying that they have been not regarded as strong and independent human kind by contemporary people. In the sense, more and more luxsuries and conveniences have been reflecting the progress of human society.
However, on the contrary, we must pay our attention to the role of human awareness,spirits and so forth in individual development, for the luxuries and conveniences offered by modern material civilization can erode people volition as well. People entail certain constraints and incentives to live more actively. They always tend to loaf and feast from human nature. On condition that they lose the constraints and incentives, luxuries and conveniences will turn out to be a kind of toxicant to human being. People will be ready to content with this situation and lose any volition to act rigidly, even have no idea of making progress. Just as a chinese old saying goes, " live in the jeopardy, die in the coziness."
Overall, the two-sided effect of modern material civilization causes people to rate our positions in the contemporary situation properly. Only if we can keep a sober mind to strive unremittingly, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are bound to be a kind of catalyzer rather than corrosive for our lives. 16"Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, in fact, they actually prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."
Admittedly, modern material civilization acts as a double-edged sword in the advancement of human society, which actually bring people the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary. It is helpful to individual development that contemporary people should realize this point in advance. 双刃剑的主题,不过写得不够直接,我的想法是倾向于它的负面
Anyway, accompanying with the development of material civilization, people can perform more efficiently in daily lives. Futher, (further)people can draw more energy,time and other resources to do more things so that their lives can be enriched greatly. Thus, people can get round to developing themselves intentionally.(是不是想表达"随意地"的意思?at will怎么样?)There is a case in point, the invention and application of computer. It is well known that the appearance of computer and further that of internet have exerted profound influence on human life. People have promote working efficency immmensely by using computer and internet. Espcially(especially), computer has maken enormous work easy jobs nowadays that people used to be unimaginable to handle. (这个表达有问题, nowadays, computers have faciliated the job which was ever difficult to handle ,很久没动笔写了,暂时只能想到这个表达方法,自己再去想想吧,: )just as inon of computer, any technological advancement always gives rise to feasibilities for human to work more, faster and further. To sum up, material civilization conduces (be conducive to)to more chances to develop as people wish
Moreover, to the extent, it is likely for people to be strong and independent, only if they can obtain necesary luxsuries and conveniences in their lives. Without those, human kind will lose the ability of control nature. (这两个之间有关系吗?luxsuries and conveniences in their lives和征服自然?而且,第一句也有一层有待考证的关系strong and independent.和luxsuries and conveniences in their lives.先征服自然才能算strong and independent,然后才能是luxsuries and conveniences吧?)Obviously, human ancestors used to suffer from the fierce nature condition,lacking enough luxsuries and conveniences. There is no denying that they have been not regarded as strong and independent human kind by contemporary people. In the sense, more and more luxsuries and conveniences have been reflecting the progress of human society. 后面的确是在论证你的ts,不论里面存在的逻辑关系,你的论证是在循环
However, on the contrary, we must pay our attention to the role of human awareness,spirits and so forth in individual development, for the luxuries and conveniences offered by modern material civilization can erode people volition as well. People entail certain constraints and incentives to live more actively. They always tend to loaf and feast from human nature. On condition that they lose the constraints and incentives, luxuries and conveniences will turn out to be a kind of toxicant to human being. People will be ready to content with this situation and lose any volition to act rigidly, even have no idea of making progress. Just as a chinese old saying goes, " live in the jeopardy, die in the coziness." 缺少例子,最好来一个.可能是因为头痛,第一遍竟然没读懂,呵呵
Overall, the two-sided effect of modern material civilization causes people to rate our positions in the contemporary situation properly. Only if we can keep a sober mind to strive unremittingly, the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are bound to be a kind of catalyzer rather than corrosive for our lives.这一段写的很有文采. anyway ，thank u for advice ，美女。：）
关于第三段，你提出的问题非常的中肯。我原来想表达的是：越来越多的奢华和便捷是人类社会发展的正常表现，反映出了人类征服自然能力的提高。但我开头的ts写得不好，很含糊。
这篇文章 我有点写了前面忘了后面。我原来想写得是：不能简单认为奢华必然妨碍个人发展，它既有不利的一面，也有有利的一面（我更看重的）。我觉得这是一个正常现象，不该单纯的否定它。但实际上我组织的不好，应该先说，尽管入文中所示便利确有不利于个人发展的一面，然后再说但是也该看到便利对于个人发展的合理性和有利性。
所以我再次觉得：作文最重要的是有一个清晰的逻辑思路组织。 你自己已经认识到了,很不错哦!
:) 发现你说话还真cute哦~-~ 下次再帮我改哦，mm
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