issue91 传自己刚写的文章上来给大家批评--证明批别人和自己不犯错误是两回事
惭愧.虽然写过不少文章,但是这是我的第一篇GRE作文.顺便问一下,写作有字数要求么?19(91). "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."
This assertion is too general. In fact, the relation between reason and values is very complicated; and from different angles we can see the different scenes.
To any individual living in a given society or group, the formation of values has little to do with reason. To him, what is valuable depends on many factors, especially his own desire and emotion. Only when his passions to pursuit valuable goals are translated by choice into action, reason begins to enter the picture. In other words, rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends which are not themselves determined by reason. This instrumental conception of choice can be found even in the philosophers in Ancient Greek. As Aristotle ever said: “Choice is deliberate desire”, but in this sense, no comment can be more insightful than David Hume's:" Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions." Value is what we prefer; choice is what we do; and reason connects choice to value. For instance, happiness is valuable, and we should employ reason to optimize our limited resources to be happy.
On the other hand, to any society or group, the formation of values, or moral codes is the result of evolution in rational behavior, that is the result of rational choice. For instance, in many societies, respecting the elder is considered as a virtue. Because in pre-modern society, the elder's experiences were crucial to accumulate and impart knowledge, therefore respecting them was rational for the sake of the survival and development of a group. Another example involves the loyalty to spouse, which is valuable in many cultures. But we all know that the monogamy did not appear in the dawn of civilization. Instead, its establishment was also the result of rational choice due to its huge advantage in cultivating next generation and preventing STDs.
In sum, we should not analyze the relation between values and reason in a single, static framework. Also, we should resist the temptation to draw a simple conclusion on such a complicated problem.
Re: 传自己刚写的文章上来给大家批评--证明批别人和自己不犯错误是两回事
首先要提醒：发作文的时候注意题目格式：最开端写issue91，91和issue中间不要空格。19(91). "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."
This assertion is too general. In fact, the relation between reason and values is very complicated; and（这里这个分号and非常别扭） from different angles we can see the（why put a "the" here？） different scenes. 开头等于什么都没说。
To any individual living in a given society or group, the formation of values has little to do with reason. To him, what is valuable depends on many factors, especially his own desire and emotion. Only when his passions to pursuit（词性？） valuable goals are translated by choice into action,没看懂 reason begins to enter the picture. In other words, rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends which are not themselves determined by reason. This instrumental conception of choice can be found even in the philosophers in Ancient Greek. As Aristotle ever said: “Choice is deliberate desire”, but in this sense, no comment can be more insightful than David Hume's:" Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions." Value is（is？） what we prefer; choice is what we do; and reason connects choice to value. For instance, happiness is valuable, and we should employ reason to optimize our limited resources to be happy. 很费解。如果说TS是formation of value has little to do with reason，那后面就应该是在支持这一论点。题目说value is of rational choice，而不是what we do is of rational choice，但是这一段到了后面变成value is what we prefer，choice is what we do，我觉得基本跑掉。中间也体现出来：rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends 我怀疑在这一段里你比较充分的混淆了value和valuable ends.
On the other hand, to any society or group, the formation of values, or moral codes is the result of evolution in rational behavior（behavior感觉不对，evolution in behavior?）, that is（好像是that is后面加逗号） the result of rational choice. For instance, in many societies, respecting the elder is considered as a virtue. Because in pre-modern society, the elder's experiences were crucial to（to??） accumulate and impart knowledge, therefore respecting them was rational（这个地方恐怕不是rational而是favorable，然后导出这一结果的过程是rational） for the sake of the survival and development of a group. Another example involves the loyalty to spouse, which is valuable（我觉得value和valuable在文章中这样的混用很不合适） in many cultures. But we all know that the monogamy did not appear in the dawn of civilization. Instead, its establishment was also the result of rational choice due to its huge advantage in cultivating next generation and preventing STDs.
这一段的例子还是比较到位的，但是我认为这里的推断“因为such value is of great advantage，所以the formation is a result of rational behavior”中间少东西。reasoning使得we choose what is favorable. 我认为至少应该补上这样一句。何况考虑到你这里的写作是给出两个结果然后告诉人家过程是rational. 如果中间的那个underlying assumption是个问号的话你的论点就很危险。
In sum, we should not analyze the relation between values and reason in a single, static framework. Also, we should resist the temptation to draw a simple conclusion on such a complicated problem.
常规写作方法在开头结尾都能够给出总述论点性质的文字，但是总述不等于里面没内容。自己考虑一下。
可以看得出来在语言方面的运用的确已经比较熟练，同时由于第二段文字本身感觉比较晦涩我就没有仔细推敲了。
字数方面没有要求。 基本同意imong的观点，第二段显然是跑了，values 不等于valuable,差远了。而且搂主喜欢用to+verb开头，很多这样的句子，重复了。其他的imong分析得比较具体了。 19(91). "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."
This assertion is too general. In fact, the relation between reason and values is very complicated; and from different angles we can see the different scenes.
To any individual living in a given society or group, the formation of values has little to do with reason. To him [+or her, in order to avoid blame as sexism. Perhaps the rater of your issue will be an black woman who is very sensitive to sexism and racism.]["To..." again? Repeated phrases.], what is valuable depends on many factors, especially his own desire and emotion. Only when his passions to pursuit valuable goals are translated by choice into action, reason begins to enter the picture. In other words, rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends which are not themselves determined by reason. This instrumental conception of choice can be found even in the philosophers in Ancient Greek. As Aristotle ever said: “Choice is deliberate desire”, but in this sense, no comment can be more insightful than David Hume's:" Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions." Value is what we prefer; choice is what we do; and reason connects choice to value. For instance, happiness is valuable, and we should employ reason to optimize our limited resources to be happy.
On the other hand, to any society or group, the formation of values, or moral codes[+,] is the result of evolution in rational behavior, that is[+,] the result of rational choice. For instance, in many societies, respecting the elder is considered as a virtue. Because in pre-modern society, the elder's experiences were crucial to accumulate and impart knowledge, therefore respecting them was rational for the sake of the survival and development of a group. Another example involves the loyalty to spouse, which is valuable in many cultures. But we all know that the monogamy did not appear in the dawn of civilization. Instead, its establishment was also the result of rational choice due to its huge advantage in cultivating next generation and preventing STDs.
In sum, we should not analyze the relation between values and reason in a single, static framework. Also, we should resist the temptation to draw a simple conclusion on such a complicated problem.
["In sum" heralds your readers that you are to draw a clear conclusion, and you let them down closely after the comma. There are many topics like that of this issue. Will you say the same about all of them? Of course, a simple and even extreme conclusion drawn by ignoring evident opposing facts seldom makes a good issue. Usually, a balance should be achieved.]
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It's really too short. 600 words is the bottom line of a 6-mark issue, as far as I know.
I advise you to read some model issues and see how they make reasoning, although simple and childish at first glance, step by step. Moreover, do not to hasten to criticize them before you have assimilated the essences of them.
I uploaded an edition of a collection of model issues, which I had made for easy reading(if you have seen the original edition, you will understand what I mean). Here's the URL for download below.
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=165457 19(91). "Most people think that their deeply held values are the result of rational choice, but reason often has little to do with the way people form values."
This assertion is too general. In fact, the relation between reason and values is very complicated; and from different angles（别用这个词吧 觉得好别扭哦 感觉aspects或者 perspectives都要更适合一些呢） we can see the different scenes. 实话说 这个开头也太简洁了一点 虽然说也摆明了观点 但这个不是科学的实验报告 有时候适当的修饰和润色还是必要的
To any individual living in a given society or group, the formation of values has little to do with reason. To him, what is valuable depends on many factors, especially his own desire and emotion. Only when his passions to pursuit valuable goals are translated by choice into action, reason begins to enter the picture. In other words, rationality is seen as an instrument for achieving valuable ends which are not themselves determined by reason. This instrumental conception of choice can be found even in the philosophers in Ancient Greek. As Aristotle ever said: “Choice is deliberate desire”, but in this sense, no comment can be more insightful than David Hume's:" Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions." Value is what we prefer; choice is what we do; and reason connects choice to value. For instance, happiness is valuable, and we should employ reason to optimize our limited resources to be happy. Imong说了 这段有跑题的问题哦~~~我个人认为what is valuable只不过是values的一个方面 不过说实在的 我其实也不是特别清楚什么到底是哲学意义上的values 呵呵
On the other hand, to any society or group, the formation of values, or moral codes is the result of evolution in rational behavior, that（which） is the result of rational choice. For instance, in many societies, respecting the elder is considered as a virtue. Because in pre-modern society, the elder's experiences were crucial to accumulate and impart knowledge, therefore（前有because 后有therefore 感觉怎么都不对呀） respecting them was rational for the sake of the survival and development of a group. Another example involves the loyalty to spouse, which is valuable in many cultures. But（哪里来but的转折意味？ 对不起哦 这里我不是很懂） we all know that the monogamy did not appear in the dawn of civilization. Instead, its establishment was also the result of rational choice due to its huge advantage in cultivating next generation and preventing STDs.（STDs是什么？弱弱的问一句~）
In sum, we should not analyze the relation between values and reason in a single, static framework. Also, we should resist the temptation to draw a simple conclusion on such a complicated problem.
感觉 文章太单薄了 虽然说body中间一定要是3个段落（无论是正正反 反反正 还是正反合）的确是有点无聊八股了 可是对于G的文章来说 这些好象都成为一个公理
而且字数太少 我不象galaxy那样苛求6分的完美 但我想 即使是5分 凭这样的字数是很困难的 怎么也要过500吧~~~
说的不对的地方请反驳 也请多多指教 谢谢~~~~~ 谢谢诸位,这是一篇失败的文章,大家提出的建议都很好.我都接受.一些问题和感想这里再说一下.
一.谢谢各位对字数的提醒,不过以我的水平在45分钟内无论如何不可能码600字出来,所以呵呵,可能努力一个月可以达到500字.不行再凑几个例子?呵呵.
二.开头应该有一个明确的观点出来,这一点大家说的很对.
1.斑竹所说分号加and是这样的,这是避免另起一句的常见格式,可以参看大家常看的那篇"The Elements of Style."
2.angle这词好象挺汉语化的,但实际在英语中也常用.
应该加一个主题句,否则确实"等于什么都没说"
三.二段的问题比较严重,确实走的太远.思考原因大概是内容太杂,安排不好.并且造成了GALAXYSONG的误解,说明这确实是失败的一段.
1.value这个词太抽象,一直想不出适当的形容词表达,请教各位了!!
2.Only when his passions to pursuit（词性？） valuable goals are translated by choice into action,没看懂 reason begins to enter the picture
应该用 pursue,
上句的意思应该从介词的使用上看出来,这是一种简洁的表达,是模仿来的.
3.第二段逻辑混乱,语意重复.应该完全重写.谢谢各位的意见.
4.问一下galaxysong, 关于HIM OR HER的说法真的那么必要么?我知道有这个讲究,但总觉得也就那么一说,可能感觉错了.呵呵.另外,BUT和YET语气上的差别不是很大.但是我把这两句引言放在一起没必要,有卖弄的嫌疑.最后那个例子实在拙劣,惭愧!
三.这段也不好.说理不充分.应该重写.下面就几个语言点补充一下.
1.that is 之后是不是一定要加逗号,我没有查过,但是依稀记得如果有逗号的话,后面多半是句子而不是词.不知道对不对?各位教我.
2.STDs并不是我有意缩写,实在是因为它确实是一个约定俗成的表达.指sexually transmitted diseases.
四.最后一段应该总结具体内容.谢谢斑竹!
最后感谢galaxysong的提醒,我一定仔细研究一些范文.简单的表达一直是我想达到的目标,但还差的远.
再次感谢各位,希望修改后的文章仍然能得到大家的批评. 鼓励一下先，一开笔就写这么抽象的文章啊，也算有勇气了。
其实字数不是一个可以归咎给计算机的问题，我建议你，（问一下你什么时候考）如果不急的话，先别限时间，你需要打开思路，写多少算多少，现在就掐时间往往会打断你的想法的。还有就是题目，一定要明白那几个字是重点，含义是什么，ETS最喜欢绕，还喜欢故意来点什么细节的单词把你往外推。所以你有必要看一下题目，分类总结会比较好的。 谢谢楼上,实际上我非常欣赏这些题目,每一篇都有无数发挥余地.我本来4月份考,可现在不太想考了.
我现在特别想在毕业前这两年把这些题目都写一遍,每篇限在千字左右.然后把大家的意见集中起来,就是恐怕那时候没这么多人改,呵呵.我相信自己能把这项工作作完. Another bamboo is rising. If you really manage to write out an essay for each topic, you are sure to be one of the most experienced bamboos. 字数最少，如果你要得高分数的话，不要低过450 。。ISSUE。
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