Issue208 大家来掐
Issue208“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.”
1． 穿着反映出一个国家的审美观点；
2． 一个国家价值观的变化，往往直接体现在人们的穿着上；
3． 有一些情况下，往往需要更深入的理解表面以外的东西才能了解一个国家的根基，比如道德观念。
Whether the way people look, dress, and act is a mirror image of their attitudes and interests? The statement claims that the out looking of people is such a sensitive reflection of their attitudes that one can tell about a society’s ideas and values by simply analyzing this reflection. On balance, I basically agree with the notion which emphasizes the importance of people’s appearance in judging the social beliefs, however we should not magnify this significance and neglect those characteristic values of a society that are so deep and hidden that cannot be accurately embodied by the exterior looking of people.
The preference in dressing effectively mirrors people’s aesthetic values and inclinations which are determined by the personality. Chinese people would like to dress themselves formally under most circumstances in order to show their sobriety and moderation. Americans prefer anything that could express their personality and therefore they always wear colorful clothing. The French, who are prestigious for their romantic dispositions, define “beauty” as a form of romance. And their dressings are always impressive in their explicit way of expressing love. Judging from this aspect, we could tell about people’s personality by their inclination in dressing.
An alternation in values and social criteria of aesthetics of a nation is always directly indicated and presented by a corresponding change in people’s dressing. People are the most sensitive receptors to the reform in the values of a society. When China carried out its open policy in the 1980s, fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion. What people wore are no longer those uniforms that were made with cloths in the color of either blue or black. Now when you take a walk in Beijing, there’s hardly any difference in people’s preference of clothing between the residents and their counterparts in those world famous fashion cities. As the component of society, people always act in accordance with social changes.
However, the function of people’s exterior appearance is normally limited to a shallow level, that is to say, when it comes to the fundamental elements of the value of a society, such as moral disciplines, which require a continuously observation and study, we need to rely on historical records and other statistical evidence which indicates the overall development of these elements. For example, in many counties, divorce is considered as a betrayal to the marriage instead of a democratic and personal choice of living as other nations believe. As to such kind of social beliefs, the way people dress themselves cannot possibly indicate a hint. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification. However, the moral disciplines of a society are a lifelong process of accumulation which alters every minute in accordance with other aspects of the society. Consequently, a stable and continuous record is necessary to analyze and study the background and overall developing trend of the discipline, which may help to draw a complete conclusion of the object.
In sum, even though the effectiveness of people’s appearance in revealing a society’s basic ideas and values should not be denied, some interior values of the society cannot be simply reflected by the way people dress and acts, and therefore it required us to resort to more reliable information. Whether the way people look, dress, and act is a mirror image of their attitudes and interests? The statement claims that the out looking of people is such a sensitive reflection of their attitudes that one can tell about a society’s ideas and values by simply analyzing this reflection. On balance, I basically agree with the notion which emphasizes the importance of people’s appearance in judging the social beliefs, however we should not magnify this significance and neglect those characteristic values of a society that are so deep and hidden that cannot be accurately embodied by the exterior looking of people.(提出论点,有保留的赞同,虽然行文上看上去有点累赘,但我找不出什么毛病)
The preference in dressing effectively mirrors people’s aesthetic values and inclinations which are determined by the personality. Chinese people would like to dress themselves formally under most circumstances in order to show their sobriety and moderation. Americans prefer anything that could express their personality and therefore they always wear colorful clothing. The French, who are prestigious for their romantic dispositions, define “beauty” as a form of romance. And their dressings are always impressive in their explicit way of expressing love. Judging from this aspect, we could tell about people’s personality by their inclination in dressing.(这一段是来自孙远的提纲吧,,个人感觉讲法国人那句论述的好,强调了审美观和穿着的关系, 讲中美的略有简略,感觉有那么一些些跳跃的成分,不过不算明显.,总的来说这段行文我觉得很流畅)
An alternation in values and social criteria of aesthetics of a nation is always directly indicated and presented (indicate和present是否重复了)by a corresponding change in people’s dressing. People are the most sensitive receptors to the reform in the values of a society. When China carried out its open policy in the 1980s, fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion. What people wore are no longer those uniforms that were made with cloths in the color of either blue or black. Now when you take a walk in Beijing, there’s hardly any difference in people’s preference of clothing between the residents and their counterparts in those world famous fashion cities. As the component of society, people always act in accordance with social changes.(社会观念的变化导致了穿着的变化,相比上段,这段更强调一个动态的过程.尤其是强调corresponding,穿着的变化你讲了,但社会价值的变化在哪呢? fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion.有点笼统了. 还有那个corresponding我觉得好像没体现出来啊.不妨举个再具体的例子,比如说牛仔裤,这是美国文化无拘无束的象征,随着中国国门开放,美国文化也影响了中国人,中国人也开始追求自由与个性(社会价值观变化了),相应的(correspondingly),作为这一文化象征的牛仔裤,所以在中国也流行起来了. 你觉得这样如何,是不是比原来稍微深入一点?
However, the function of people’s exterior appearance is normally limited to a shallow level, that is to say, when it comes to the fundamental elements of the value of a society, such as moral disciplines, which require a continuously observation and study, we need to rely on historical records and other statistical evidence which indicates the overall development of these elements. (在我的word里显示出是一句长句,但我觉得完全没必要,因为这句结构比较松散,可以拆成两句,中间加过渡词)For example, in many counties, divorce is considered as a betrayal to the marriage instead of a democratic and personal choice of living as other nations believe. As to such kind of social beliefs, the way people dress themselves cannot possibly indicate a hint. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification.(这句不太同意呃,人们的外在穿着只对他们的个性以及那些直接和人们行为认知有关的社会价值敏感?难道离婚和人们的行为认知没有直接关系?不太赞同) However,(下文是对上文的转折?,个人以为是递进) the moral disciplines of a society are a lifelong process of accumulation which alters every minute in accordance with other aspects of the society. Consequently, a stable and continuous record is necessary to analyze and study the background and overall developing trend of the discipline, which may help to draw a complete conclusion of the object.(这段写着写着好像把”人的外在穿着”给扔了,虽然你旨在说明其他因素,但最后还是最好回到穿着上来,收一下.呼应主题.)
In sum, even though the effectiveness of people’s appearance in revealing a society’s basic ideas and values should not be denied, some interior values of the society cannot be simply reflected by the way people dress and acts, and therefore it required us to resort to more reliable information.
总的来说我觉得写的很好,行文没什么大错误, 总的结构也很清晰,羡慕ing
有个遗憾我觉得你的which, that的主,宾语从句太多了,使得整个文章句式看上去比较单一,建议可以采用分词结构代替有些较短的从句,或者多变换一下句式.
Simply put, 我还要向你学习啊. 原文
No.1 Issue208 大家来掐
Issue208
“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.”
1． 穿着反映出一个国家的审美观点；
2． 一个国家价值观的变化，往往直接体现在人们的穿着上；
3． 有一些情况下，往往需要更深入的理解表面以外的东西才能了解一个国家的根基，比如道德观念。
Whether the way people look, dress, and act is a mirror image of their attitudes and interests?这个句子有必要吗？ The statement claims that the out looking of people is such a sensitive reflection of their attitudes that one can tell about a society’s ideas and values by simply analyzing this reflection. On balance, I basically agree with the notion 没有必要再重复了which emphasizes the importance of people’s appearance in judging the social beliefs, however， we should not magnify this significance and neglect those characteristic values of a society that are so deep and hidden that cannot be accurately embodied by the exterior looking of people.清楚表达了自己的观点，不过还是建议可以稍微改一改，总体说来写得累赘了
The preference in dressing effectively mirrors goodpeople’s aesthetic values and inclinations which are determined by the personality.加一个连接，表明开始举例子了好点，虽说不是必要，但是对一个严谨的文章而言，这个做法是比较好的 Chinese people would like to dress themselves formally under most circumstances in order to show their sobriety and moderation. Americans prefer anything that could express their personality and therefore they always wear colorful clothing. The French, who are prestigious for their romantic dispositions, define “beauty” as a form of romance. And their dressings are always impressive in their explicit way of expressing love. 如果没有记错的话这个是东方提纲上的例子吧，是不错，不过还可以考虑一点别的。Judging from this aspect, we could tell about people’s personality by their inclination in dressing.意思表达和论证都不错，中美法例子详略得当，不过前后的安排可以考虑有一点差异，较详细的放前面你认为如何呢？还有在句式上还可以考虑一下变化。比如换一下语态
An alternation in values and social criteria of aesthetics of a nation is always directly indicated and presented 用这种表达的时候最好可以有一个递进的意思，你这个用的不是很合适by a corresponding change in people’s dressing. People are the most sensitive receptors to the reform in the values of a society. When China carried out its open policy 至少它应该是大写的我查到的Reform and Open Policyin the 1980s1978！！, fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion. What people wore are no longer those uniforms that were made with cloths in the color of either blue or black不要只考虑到颜色的差别哦。其实样式等许多方面都有变化。而且在全球化问题中的我自己的一个常用的例子就是衣着，JEANS！可以自己在考虑一下！当然就你这样写也足够了，我那个只是提个小意见而已Now when you take a walk in Beijing, there’s hardly any difference in people’s preference of clothing between the residents and their counterparts in those world famous fashion citiesfashion city?这个表达正确吗？. As the component of society, people always act in accordance with social changes.改革开放（作为一个社会的变化的例子）开放了人们的思维等，从而人们衣着也发生变化，反映了前面的那个变化。是这个意思吧。但是在表达上你还没有太明确的表达出你的意思，会比较容易误会哦。可以再多写一点，不要光是例子，加入一点点的说理，文章会增色不少
However, the function你这里的FUNCTION 是什么做意思理解，不太明白 of people’s exterior appearance is normally limited to a shallow level, that is to say, when it comes to the fundamental elements of the value of a society, such as moral disciplines, which require a continuously observation and study, we need to rely on historical records and other statistical evidence which indicates the overall development of these elements. 很长的一个句子，不知道你自己读起来感觉如何。但是前后实际的结构不是那么紧凑的，完全可以分成两个句子。不要为写长句而写For example, in many counties, divorce is considered as a betrayal to the marriage instead of a democratic and personal choice of living as other nations believe. As to such kind of social beliefs, the way people dress themselves cannot possibly indicate a hint？这个表达对吗？. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification.例子和你这个句子表达的意思是不同的。建议再斟酌 However,IN ADDTION或别的什么来连接要好写 the moral disciplines of a society are a lifelong process of accumulation which alters every minute in accordance with other aspects of the society. Consequently, a stable and continuous record is necessary to analyze and study the background and overall developing trend of the discipline, which may help to draw a complete conclusion of the object.这个最后是写的太远了点吧。还是要收回去到衣着的。
In sum, even though the effectiveness of people’s appearance in revealing a society’s basic ideas and values should not be denied, some interior values of the society cannot be simply reflected by the way people dress and acts, and therefore it required us to resort to more reliable information.这个句子表达很不错，如果长句都写成这样就不错了。
写的不错，不过有些地方，比如在写句子的时候，可以在多考虑一下。有些表达不够地道。还有就是可以考虑一下如何使文章更出彩，这样的论点比较普通。
文章的结构总体来说不错，思路很清晰。
继续努力吧。 首先多些两位老兄的指点，受益匪浅；
其次要承认第一段的观点和例子来自孙远提纲；
然后要间接的对galaxysong为我们提供的变色器表示感谢，效果很好地说，美观大方！
最后要提问+辩护了。 :D
1. 改革开放放在第二段里是讲一个动态过程，1978年的时候政策刚刚出台，考虑到中国的特色，一个政策从颁布到具体实施再到取得成效肯定需要两年以上的时间，而且大部分改革开放的成效是从80年代甚至90年代的社会特征中看到的，所以用了1980s.
2. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification.这句写完自己也觉得有点问题，主要是relevent后面找不到合适的宾语。
我觉得人的衣着打扮只能反映和他们的外在表现有关的问题，而对于离婚这种社会问题，仅仅通过个人的表现是很难理解的。怎么表述呢？再想想
3. 第三个body，也就是让步的那段，两位同时指出最后一句的离题问题，我有点困惑。在这段的TS中（就是大家都觉得可以拆的那句）， 之所以写那么长，就是怕概括不了两个意思：一是人的外在表现所反映的社会问题的局限性，二是解决这一局限性的方法是深入研究可靠资料。是不是应该最后加上总结两方面意思的句子呢？
4. 还是第三个body。开始的function是想说“功能”的意思，不知道应该换个什么词，写上自己也很别扭的说。
5. 两位都提到了语言问题，说来惭愧。昨天翻出了斑竹们的成长日记，看看那间隔的两篇总是有质的飞跃，自己写了不少了，倒有种语亏次穷的感觉，失落ing
6. 如何才能使文章出彩？ 这个问题我也考虑好久了。看6分范文里印象最深的是逻辑论证部分，大多不仅证明了自己的观点，还花了很大篇幅有理有据的批驳反面观点，而不仅局限在自己这种简单让步的层次上。昨天看到了一篇我迄今为止认为是最好的范文，Issue136， 讲自由选择的。在批驳过程中先把反对自由选择的观点让步到哲学层面，并提供前沿科学进行支持。按常理说，这该是正面描写的典范了，作者居然用到驳斥里。最后通过逻辑因果的假设推出矛盾，从而证明论点。看完实在过瘾。真不知自己合适才有这种驾驭文章的能力。 Issue208
“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.”
1． 穿着反映出一个国家的审美观点；
2． 一个国家价值观的变化，往往直接体现在人们的穿着上；
3． 有一些情况下，往往需要更深入的理解表面以外的东西才能了解一个国家的根基，比如道德观念。
Whether the way people look, dress, and act is a mirror image of their attitudes and interests? The statement claims that the out looking of people is such a sensitive reflection of their attitudes that one can tell about a society’s ideas and values by simply analyzing this reflection. On balance, I basically agree with the notion which emphasizes the importance of people’s appearance in judging the social beliefs, however we should not magnify this significance and neglect those characteristic values of a society that are so deep and hidden that cannot be accurately embodied by the exterior looking of people.
The preference in dressing effectively mirrors people’s aesthetic values and inclinations which are determined by the personality. Chinese people would like to dress themselves formally under most circumstances in order to show their sobriety and moderation.(我觉得现在已经不是这样了吧，说实在的，我觉得平时中国人穿衣服没有什么特点反映中国的审美观念，如果要写的话我觉得到可以写中国人在节日时穿唐装，在本命年是系红腰带的例子） Americans prefer anything that could express their personality and therefore they always wear colorful clothing. The French, who are prestigious for their romantic dispositions, define “beauty” as a form of romance. And their dressings are always impressive in their explicit way of expressing love. Judging from this aspect, we could tell about people’s personality by their inclination in dressing.
An alternation in values and social criteria of aesthetics of a nation is always directly indicated and presented by a corresponding change in people’s dressing. People are the most sensitive receptors to the reform in the values of a society. When China carried out its open policy in the 1980s, fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion. What people wore are no longer those uniforms that were made with cloths in the color of either blue or black. Now when you take a walk in Beijing, there’s hardly any difference in people’s preference of clothing between the residents and their counterparts in those world famous fashion cities. （我觉得这句最好改一下，只要表达出人们的穿着习惯变化了就可以了，不要说和世界上别的大城市的人穿的一样，虽然这个例子是为这段的论点服务的，按你这么写也没什么不妥，但是反正我读到这的时候马上想起来你在上一段刚说完衣服可以体现不同国家的不同特点，在这个例子中有说北京人和世界其他城市的人穿的一样，不是和上一段的论述有点矛盾吗？）As the component of society, people always act in accordance with social changes.
However, the function of people’s exterior appearance is normally limited to a shallow level, that is to say, when it comes to the fundamental elements of the value of a society, such as moral disciplines, which require a continuously observation and study, we need to rely on historical records and other statistical evidence which indicates the overall development of these elements. For example, in many counties, divorce is considered as a betrayal to the marriage instead of a democratic and personal choice of living as other nations believe. As to such kind of social beliefs, the way people dress themselves cannot possibly indicate a hint. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification. However, the moral disciplines of a society are a lifelong process of accumulation which alters every minute in accordance with other aspects of the society. Consequently, a stable and continuous record is necessary to analyze and study the background and overall developing trend of the discipline, which may help to draw a complete conclusion of the object.
In sum, even though the effectiveness of people’s appearance in revealing a society’s basic ideas and values should not be denied, some interior values of the society cannot be simply reflected by the way people dress and acts, and therefore it required us to resort to more reliable information.
其他的都确实不错，真实羡慕，一个是我肯定不会用你这么复杂的句式和词汇，在一个我觉得你每一段的思路都特别清晰，我就不行，每一段都是谜迷呼呼的。 唐装的例子好！
第二个body的问题我没考虑过，不过看起来确实有问题。
看看上面的帖子，帮我解答几个
my comment
Issue208“The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society’s ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.”
1． 穿着反映出一个国家的审美观点；
2． 一个国家价值观的变化，往往直接体现在人们的穿着上；
3． 有一些情况下，往往需要更深入的理解表面以外的东西才能了解一个国家的根基，比如道德观念。
Whether the way people look, dress, and act is a mirror image of their attitudes and interests? The statement claims that the out looking[ I would prefer appearance ] of people is such a sensitive reflection of their attitudes that one can tell about a society’s ideas and values by simply analyzing this reflection. On balance, I basically agree with the notion which emphasizes the importance of people’s appearance[ To avoid repeatance,here you can use figure] in judging the social beliefs, however we should not magnify this significance and neglect those characteristic values of a society that are so deep and hidden that cannot be accurately embodied by the exterior looking of people.[这么写字数的确够了，但是好像不是很简洁，你认为呢？特别在摸考时候， 开头用的时间 太多 的话，后面的压力很大， 可能反而 展不开 纷纶点]
The preference in dressing effectively mirrors people’s aesthetic values and inclinations which are determined by the personality. Chinese people would like to dress themselves formally under most circumstances in order to show their sobriety and moderation. Americans prefer anything that could express their personality and therefore they always wear colorful clothing. The French, who are prestigious for their romantic dispositions, define “beauty” as a form of romance. And their dressings are always impressive in their explicit way of expressing love. Judging from this aspect, we could tell about *people*’s personality by their inclination in dressing. :( =》． 穿着反映出一个*国家*的审美观点；
An alternation in values and social criteria of aesthetics[这里不能用美学，题目和你的提纲都没有局限在美学或者美感领域]of a nation is always directly indicated and presented by a corresponding change in people’s dressing. People are the most sensitive receptors to the reform in the values of a society. When China[又是中国？] carried out its open policy in the 1980s, fresh ideas in dressing flock into this conservative land and changed the social criteria of beauty and fashion. What people wore are no longer those uniforms that were made with cloths in the color of either blue or black. Now when you take a walk in Beijing, there’s hardly any difference in people’s preference of clothing between the residents and their counterparts in those world famous fashion cities. As the component of society, people always act in accordance with social changes.[其实，我觉得，从风气的改变说好些，
我来个3段论：1改革开放使人们的不在保守，2，保守的人寻求统一，害怕标新立异和个性。3，所以改革使人们的着装不统一，而且更加多元化。]
However, the function of people’s exterior appearance is normally limited to a shallow level, that is to say, when it comes to the fundamental elements of the value of a society, such as moral disciplines, which require a continuously observation and study, we need to rely on historical records and other statistical evidence which indicates the overall development of these elements. For example, in many counties, divorce is considered as a betrayal to the marriage instead of a democratic and personal choice of living as other nations believe. As to such kind of social beliefs, the way people dress themselves cannot possibly indicate a hint. After all, people’s exterior appearance is only sensitive to their own personality and those social values that are directly relevant to their behaviors and identification. However, the moral disciplines of a society are a lifelong process of accumulation which alters every minute in accordance with other aspects of the society. Consequently, a stable and continuous record is necessary to analyze and study the background and overall developing trend of the discipline, which may help to draw a complete conclusion of the object.[这一段很不错的说]
In sum, even though the effectiveness of people’s appearance in revealing a society’s basic ideas and values should not be denied, some interior values of the society cannot be simply reflected by the way people dress and acts, and therefore it required us to resort to more reliable information.[结尾有问题，轻重搞反了，成了强调后者，而你的提纲是强调前者，后者补充，从文章的段落分配也是前轻厚重啊] 1. 既然是carried out就是指的开始实行，句子本身和实行的结果无关，不过鬼佬也不定知道中国的改革开放是什么时候呢。
2. 这句话本质上有问题，衣着只和个人的性格有关系么？在中国海滩上谁穿比基尼？这就不是一个人“矜持”的问题了，是中国“矜持”的问题了。感觉把衣着和行为完全对立起来是不合适的。
3. 如果语法上完整了，但是你的意思还没有完，那么就用分号。所以你可以用分号连接两句句子，重新组织一下。
4. 建议用signification
5 and 6: 相信自己，这里所有的朋友们共同郁闷，共同进步。哈哈哈。
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