issue 99, any advice and suggestion are welcome!!!! thanks !!!
99. In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superseded by simpler, more immediate options.In contemporary society, there is a growing concerning about how to make success among no matter whether youngster or sophisticated people all want to succeed because success means coming of welfare, fame, social status and so on. But the title statement asserts that in any realm of life as well the only way to succeed is to take practical view. In fact, it is far away from the truth; the success due to many complex factors, and taking practical is one of them. It is true that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, as well as the idealistic view warrant real success.
First of all, any behavior of human being is based on survival because survival is the first of all others like enjoyment, seeking hobby, having a trip etc. Thus, in order to survive people have to take pragmatic behavior though under most times they would not like to. As a case in point, there is a person who has fascinated in music, but tomorrow he will have no money to support his family; now he is facing too choices; one is to go on enjoying his hobby without any rewards, and another is to go to restaurant to sever people; which one he will choice? Generally speaking, an average person will choose the later though he probably does not like doing it at all, because he want to live and he has no better choice but to take the work, still the hobby could seek after he can live on himself. Therefore, the survival is the base of all others. Similarly, a scientist could not research completely according to his own interest and must consider the benefit of his research work. A person who has no ability to live on himself could not concentrate other work that cannot bring any fruit to him. Consequently, pragmatic behavior can guarantees survival.
On the other hand, people who can survive should seek the idealistic point of view because idealistic goals could motivate people to go after greater success. For instance, in academic realm, researchers should have a idealistic goal in order to attain the academic success. The theory of relativity, Einstein work on it entirely attribute to his goal of seeking the truth; although the theory is too idealistic and profound so that few people could understand clearly, yet it contributes tremendously to society. So if people who would like to achieve greater success and make important contributions to human being should set up a idealistic goal.
However, it must be admitted that undue pragmatic views could lead to materialism, and excessive idea could result in the work which is far away from the real life and concern about only immediate benefits. Hence, people should keep a balance between two sides; only in this way can people make success, as well as the society could develop healthily and rapidly.
总感觉这样四段，没有五段的形式好，我想把我的文章定位为五段的模式，但还有一点真不知道怎么论述，请大虾指点！谢谢！ In contemporary society, there is a growing concerning about how to make success among no matter whether（among no matter whether有问题） youngster or sophisticated people all want to succeed because success means（the这句话仍然觉得很不爽the coming of考虑用个名词替换一下吧） coming of welfare, fame, social status and so on. But the title statement（title和statement重复） asserts that in any realm of life as well（这里as well不合适） the only way to succeed is to take（a） practical view. In fact, it is far away from the truth; the success（is）due to many complex factors, and taking practical （view）is one of them. It is true that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, as well as（while） the idealistic view warrant real success.
有点罗嗦，but以前的内容可以不要
First of all, any behavior of human being is based on survival because survival is the first of all others like enjoyment, seeking hobby, having a trip etc.（没太明白first of all others什么意思） Thus, in order to survive people have to take pragmatic behavior though under most times（under most circumstances或者mostly） they would not like to. As a case in point, there is a person who has（is） fascinated in music, but tomorrow he will have no money to support his family; now he is facing too（two） choices;（：） one is to go on enjoying his hobby without any rewards（跟得奖有什么关系）, and another（the other） is to go to restaurant to sever people（不如直接说find a job）; which one he will choice（choose）? Generally speaking, an average person（不是说一般人而是normally或者 ordinary people） will choose the later though he probably does not like doing it at all, because he want to live and he has no better choice but to take the work, still the hobby could seek（be sought） after he can live on himself. （注意例子和论点区别，帮助别人生活和自力更生是两个概念）Therefore, the survival is the base of all others. Similarly, a scientist could not research completely according to his own interest and must consider the benefit of his research work（折合生存有什么关系？）. A person who has no ability to live on himself could not concentrate （on）other work that cannot bring any fruit to him. Consequently, pragmatic behavior can guarantees survival.
On the other hand, people who can survive should seek the idealistic point of view because idealistic goals could motivate people to go after（这个词组用再这里也不爽，我的感觉） greater success. For instance, in academic realm, researchers should have a（an） idealistic goal in order to attain the academic success. The theory of relativity, Einstein work on it entirely attribute to his goal of seeking the truth（这句话的成分自己在分析一下，特别是加的那个逗号的作用）; although the theory is too idealistic and profound so that few people could understand clearly, yet it contributes tremendously to society. So if people who would like to achieve greater success and make important contributions to human being should set up a（an） idealistic goal.（if只能引导一个分句，主句不能省略）
However, it must be admitted that undue pragmatic views could lead to materialism, and excessive idea could result in the work which is far away from the real life and concern about only（only on） immediate benefits. Hence, people should keep a balance between two sides; only in this way can people make success, as well as the society could develop healthily and rapidly.
总的来说有很多的工作要做。
语言上，第一段集中反映出的问题是连词的使用。后面的问题主要是复合句成分的把握。
论证上，还应该再注意一下coherence，例子和论点以及结论之间的关系，多看看范文。
对于这道题，我觉得可以深入一些，探讨一下idealism和pragmatism的根源，而不是只谈作用。
至于说文章结构，不必太拘泥于形式，四段也好，五段也好，关键是题目挖掘的深度。如果写balance的立场，最好有一段比较两方面优缺点。 thanks very much, gdhdanny
i will study hard! 我帮你看看，可能要点时间 thanks, 猫咪me
我就感觉我写的没有深度，没有抓住问题的实质，我3月11号的，好急啊！ 99. In any realm of life-whether academic, social, business, or political-the only way to succeed is to take a practical, rather than an idealistic, point of view. Pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, whereas idealistic views tend to be superseded by simpler, more immediate options.
In contemporary society, there is a growing concerning about how to make success among no matter whether youngster（是否应该用youngsters）or sophisticated people (这是两个句子了，这样用不通) all want to succeed because success means coming of welfare, fame, social status and so on. (第一句与第二句之间的转折不明显，可以再加一句：most of people are likely to consider things from a pragmatic vies.或类似的来。) But the title statement asserts that in any realm of life as well the only way to succeed is to take practical view. In fact, it is far away from the truth; the success due to many complex factors, and taking practical is one of them.（这句话的问题很大，到底是两个句子，还是due to many complex factors是success的定语，如果是前者due to不是动词，不能做谓语，如果是后者，就不要用and） It is true that pragmatic behavior guarantees survival, as well as the idealistic view warrant(主谓不一致) real success.
同志呀，才短短的一段话就折磨多的语法错误，你在这上面真的要注意了。
First of all, any behavior of human being is based on survival because survival is the first of （用to,of表示是后面的其中之一）all others like enjoyment, seeking hobby, having a trip etc. Thus, in order to survive people have to take pragmatic behavior though under most times （有这个用法吗？）they would not like to. As （去掉as）a case in point, there is a person who has fascinated in music, but tomorrow he will have no money to support his family; now he is facing too choices; one is to go on enjoying his hobby without any rewards, and another is to go to restaurant to sever people; which one he will choice?（分号乱用，是choose,OK?） Generally speaking, an average person will choose the later though he probably does not like doing it at all, because he want to live and he has no better choice but to take the work, still the hobby could seek after he can live on himself. Therefore, the survival is the base of all others. Similarly, a scientist could not research completely according to his own interest and must consider the benefit of his research work. A person who has no ability to live on himself could not concentrate other work that cannot bring any fruit to him. Consequently, pragmatic behavior can guarantees survival.
On the other hand, people who can survive should seek the idealistic point of view because idealistic goals could(这是你的观点，用语气强一点的词，e.g. can) motivate people to go after greater success. For instance, in academic realm, researchers should have a idealistic goal in order to attain the academic success. The theory of relativity, Einstein work(语法问题) on it entirely attribute（同上） to his goal of seeking the truth; although the theory is too idealistic and profound so that few people could understand clearly, yet it contributes tremendously to society. So if people who would like to achieve greater success and make important contributions to human being should set up a idealistic goal.
However, it must be admitted that undue pragmatic views could lead to materialism, and excessive idea could result in the work which is far away from the real life and concern about only immediate benefits. Hence, people should keep a balance between two sides; only in this way can people make success, as well as the society could develop healthily and rapidly.
同学阿，语法错误太多了，看到后面我就没有仔细的帮你看语法错误了。就文章的立意和逻辑来讲，也不是很顺，虽然结构是比较清楚地。题目中的“academic,social,business,or political”你都没有提到。
还需要加油呀。下次发的时候检查一下语法错误。可能说的比较直接，但是是出于帮助你进步的角度。别介意阿。：）
你要加油哦，你的语法错误真的不少。：） 猫咪me
3x, 我对我的文章，就是没有仔细的推敲和检查，我以后会注意，也会努力的，谢谢！你的帮助对我很有用！！！ 对你有用就好了。：）
页:
[1]