lq8186 发表于 2004-2-23 13:57:38

issue112, 用了52分钟写完的,谢谢批评:)

112. "Some educational systems emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

态度中立,二者都不能忽视

The speaker claims that students would benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions than from one that emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking. I concede that we should emphasize emotional education, but in my opinion, people should not overlook the effects and importance of education that teaches students to reason and logically think.

On the one hand, reasoning and logical thinking are one of the most fundamental capacities of students who have to learn lots of skills and develop capacities, and are the one of the most basic objectives of our educational system. Without these basic capacities, students would not be able to do a good job during his studying in school. As human beings, people should have to embrace every common and fundamental mental skill like computing, reasoning, logical thinking and so on which would ensure them to gain knowledge and to solve problems. For instance, with the capacity to reasoning and logical thinking, students learn knowledge of mathematics and know how to tackle a math problem full of logic and complexity. Without these fundamental skills- reasoning and logical thinking- students would not have enough abilities to compete against others after they graduate from schools. When they confront some practical problems like how to increase profits of the company where they are working, and how to satisfy their customers who are always complaining their services and products, they have to try solving these problems using the knowledge they had learned from school and the basic capacities like reasoning and logical thinking as well. Lacking of these capacities, they will likely be fired and superseded by other competitors. Thereby people should not overlook education on reasoning and logical thinking, etc.

On the other hand, emotional education plays an undeniable and definite importance in student's development. As a social member, students should have to learn not only academic knowledge and capacities like reasoning and logical thinking, but they have to develop themselves into intact and qualified citizens full of emotion, passion, and love. Without emotions such as love, respect, tolerance of others, and spirit of co-work, they cannot develop into social member of our society. When a student is still learning at school, he or she needs to become an emotional person who knows to respect his or her teachers, professors and other people's working results. He or she needs to learn how to solve relationship between he or she and other classmates. And he or she would have to be magnificent and not make a fuss at little things. After their graduation and leaving from school, he or she begins working with other people even from all over the world. He or she should learn to tolerate other people's habits and customs. He or she must learn how to co-work with others well and how to make his or her boss appreciate his or her well-down job. Thus, we can know the importance of emotional education in school and people should not neglect it because it is the combination of capacity for reasoning and logical thinking and emotional quality that produces qualified students who will as a result become a good citizen in our society.

In conclusion, our educational systems should not only emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but also know the critical role of an education that also taught students to explore their own emotions which makes them become qualified students and citizens.

crusade 发表于 2004-2-23 16:36:36

112. "Some educational systems emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

态度中立,二者都不能忽视

The speaker claims that students would benefit more from an education that taught them to explore their own emotions than from one that emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking. I concede that we should emphasize emotional education, but in my opinion, people should not overlook the effects and importance of education that teaches students to reason and logically think.(个人觉得这个开头不是很好,一方面照抄了一遍原题,另一方面有点点跑题之嫌.人家问的是哪个more important,言下之意也就是承认逻辑推理也是重要的,你却说我们不能忽略逻辑推理,是不是有点… 对于中立的stance, 个人还是觉得用call for a balance更保险一点)

On the one hand, reasoning and logical thinking are one of the most fundamental capacities (这个能力好像更多的指客观物质的能力,如电容的带电能力等等,要说人的能力,是不是用faculty更好些) of students who have to learn lots of skills and develop capacities, and are the one of the most basic objectives of our educational system. Without these basic capacities, students would not be able to do a good job during his studying in school. As human beings (多余了), people should have to embrace every common and fundamental mental skill like computing, reasoning, logical thinking and so on which would ensure them to gain knowledge and to solve problems. For instance, with the capacity to reasoning and logical thinking, students learn knowledge of mathematics and know how to tackle a math problem full of logic and complexity. Without these fundamental skills- reasoning and logical thinking- students would not have enough abilities to compete against others (是什么呢?) after they graduate from schools.(看看你上面这么多是不是犯了老生常谈的毛病: 学习xx是有好处的,好处是它能为我们解决很多问题,要是不学的话,我们就没能力解决很多问题….好像没实质的东西啊) When they confront some practical problems like how to increase profits of the company where they are working, and how to satisfy their customers who are always complaining their services and products,(解决这个问题和逻辑推理很有关系嘛?) they have to try solving these problems using the knowledge (不要漏which, that )they had learned from school and the basic capacities like reasoning and logical thinking as well. Lacking   ( Being lack )of these capacities, they(点明是谁) will likely be fired and superseded by other competitors. Thereby people should not overlook education on reasoning and logical thinking, etc.

On the other hand, emotional education plays an undeniable and definite importance   ( role )in student's development. As a social member, (前后单数要一致)students should have to learn not only academic knowledge and capacities like reasoning and logical thinking, but (but also不要忘了,这句句子要改一下, 把but also后的改为名词短语以和前半句一致)they have to develop themselves into intact   (不太适当)and qualified citizens full of emotion, passion, and love. Without emotions such as love, respect, tolerance of others, and spirit of co-work, they cannot develop into social member of our society. When a student is still learning at school, he or she needs to become an emotional person who knows to respect his or her teachers, professors and other people's working results. He or she needs to learn how to solve relationship between he or she and other classmates. And he or she (那么多的he or she别扭啊,用复数不就行了)would have to be magnificent (这个词用的太夸张了吧?) and not make a fuss at little things. After their graduation and leaving from school(两个重复,把后面那个短语去掉), he or she begins working with other people even from all over the world. He or she should learn to tolerate other people's habits and customs. He or she must learn how to co-work with others well and how to make his or her boss appreciate his or her well-down job. Thus, we can know the importance of emotional education in school and people should not neglect it because it is the combination of capacity for reasoning and logical thinking and emotional quality that produces qualified students who will as a result become a good citizen(前面是students后面就变单数了?) in our society.

In conclusion, our educational systems should not only emphasize the development of student's capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but also know the critical role of an education that also taught students to explore their own emotions which (这个which指代哪个?emotion?不通,前面的education?已经有that限定啦,用to 不就完了?)makes them become qualified students and citizens.

总体感觉论证太苍白, 似乎举了例子,实际上什么都没举. Body2也犯了body1差不多的毛病, 空洞的太多.个人认为举例要么不举,要么就举详细. 像什么泛化的例子, he/she在学校中怎么样,踏上社会又怎么样, 这种毫无意义,哪怕编一个自己身边的人出来, 围绕主题论证他的经历也比这样泛泛的论证好得多. 那篇通才与专才的范文,5分和4分的区别就在这里. 当然,这只是我的个人意见.
另外,总体结构上力度也不够,对于一个骑墙型的立场,两段论,各说一半好话显得是不够的.比方说还可以论证xx过头了又怎么样等等.
基本上时间是属于限时的, 所以语言上可以不追求太多,但我认为逻辑论证上千万不能马虎.

lq8186 发表于 2004-2-23 23:25:09

真是太感谢crusade啦!!!!马上就要考了,没有信心啊!
页: [1]
查看完整版本: issue112, 用了52分钟写完的,谢谢批评:)