issue118 第一篇~~~希望得到帮助
总觉得干巴巴的，词语的贫乏就不说了，好像结构论证都有很大问题。能帮忙看看吗？谢了118"In any field of endeavor—the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc.—it is not the attainment of a goal that matters, but rather the ideas and discoveries that are encountered on the way to the goal."
In most cases, thing is not as simple as the question like whether it is right or not. When we face some problems just as the assertion above, we cannot arbitrary to say one is must more important than the other, any conclusion should be on a case-by-case basis. To some extent the attainment of a goal is essential as well as the ideas and discoveries encountered on the way to the goal.
First of all, if we do not matter the accomplishment of the goal, endeavor will lose the direction, and become meaningless possibly wasting the time, energy and resource. Just like morning star in night and compass on the sailing, without the goal we may wander through the forests aimlessly, even if the landscape is beautiful，anyhow you can never see the hope to go out. Let’s go back to our reality. In any field of endeavor-the sciences, the humanities, the policy, industry, etc-it’s the attainment what really matter. In hospital, doctors’ responsibility is to cure patients, especially in an operation, the goal is clear and definite; in industry, we invest just for profits, we cannot accept a nonprofit result; As to policy area, when a decision is made up, the only result must be success, or it is a failure of policy.
In the meantime, idea and encounters on the road to goals can be illuminating and instructive. They might shed light on new discoveries and achievements. They are not merely byproduct to some extent that from the process of going forward, even failures, we can be informed with roads that are misleading. Also ideas and discoveries may be illuminating to successor, which will help them to absorb the formers’ merits, while avoiding the same mistakes. Maybe some surprises are waiting there for us to discover. In other words, the ideas and discoveries on the way to goal may be called chance, if you miss them, you will miss them forever，commonly chances will never falls on you for the second time.
Sometimes, what really counts is not original goal but the ideas and discoveries on the road to goal. Take Sun Microsystem for example, which is the founder of Jave language. In fact java was invented for controlling embeded chips in home apparatus originally, finally the project failed, but Jave, as a new computer language surprisingly becomes one of the most popular computer languages used in Internet Development. The discovery of penicillin also demonstrates the assertion mentioned above.
In conclusion, both goal and ideas encountered on the way to the goal are important no matter relating to any field of endeavor—the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc. So keep your mind tightly up with your goal and pay attention to every details on your forward way, work harder and harder, success will belong to you one day. 118"In any field of endeavor—the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc.—it is not the attainment of a goal that matters, but rather the ideas and discoveries that are encountered on the way to the goal."
In most cases, thing is not as simple as the question like whether it is right or not. When we face some problems just as the assertion above, （这句话读着有点别扭）we cannot arbitrary to say one is must more important than the other, any conclusion should be on a case-by-case basis. To some extent the attainment of a goal is essential as well as the ideas and discoveries encountered on the way to the goal.
First of all, if we do not matter the accomplishment of the goal, endeavor will lose the direction, and become meaningless possibly wasting the time, energy and resource. Just like morning star in night and compass on the sailing, without the goal we may wander through the forests aimlessly, even if the landscape is beautiful，anyhow you can never see the hope to go out. Let’s go back to our reality. In any field of endeavor-the sciences, the humanities, the policy, industry, etc-it’s the attainment what really matter. In hospital, doctors’ responsibility is to cure patients, especially in an operation, the goal is clear and definite; in industry, we invest just for profits, we cannot accept a nonprofit result; As to policy area, when a decision is made up, the only result must be success, or it is a failure of policy.
想说明目标的重要性，但是说理部分有点欠缺，而且例子举得总觉得有点勉强。
In the meantime, idea and encounters on the road to goals can be illuminating and instructive. They might shed light on new discoveries and achievements. They are not merely byproduct to some extent that from the process of going forward, even failures, we can be informed with roads that are misleading. Also ideas and discoveries may be illuminating to successor, which will help them to absorb the formers’ merits, while avoiding the same mistakes. Maybe some surprises are waiting there for us to discover. In other words, the ideas and discoveries on the way to goal may be called chance, if you miss them, you will miss them forever，commonly chances will never falls on you for the second time.
说ideas and discoveries on the way to goal may be called chance，不是很合适，你说呢？
Sometimes, what really counts is not original goal but the ideas and discoveries on the road to goal. Take Sun Microsystem for example, which is the founder of Jave language. In fact java was invented for controlling embeded chips in home apparatus originally, finally the project failed, but Jave, as a new computer language surprisingly becomes one of the most popular computer languages used in Internet Development. The discovery of penicillin also demonstrates the assertion mentioned above.
举完例子最好给一个小总结
In conclusion, both goal and ideas encountered on the way to the goal are important no matter relating to any field of endeavor—the sciences, the humanities, the social sciences, industry, etc. So keep your mind tightly up with your goal and pay attention to every details on your forward way, work harder and harder, success will belong to you one day.
不好意思，因为时间问题，你的语法错误我就没往外挑，主要看的是你的思路。
先说语言吧，还存在一些语法问题，你自己再检查一下，个别句子写的有点难懂。
说思路吧，总体来说，我觉得你的文章在说理上还比较欠缺，关于目标和过程哪个更重要好像说的不是很清楚。
你在文章的开头表明你的观点：两个都重要，但是从你倒数第二段的论述看，似乎你认为还是过程更重要一些，就和开头有点偏离了。
我觉得这道题，如果按照你的思路写，两者都重要，可以说：
1、目标重要，如果没有目标，努力就失去了方向
2、努力同样重要，只有努力才能实现目标，等等
3、两个都很重要，相辅相成，需要有机结合才能成功的做好一件事。
不过，第一篇写成这样，不错！继续努力！ 感谢指导，这样的指导已经很满意了，谢谢
我写作的时候思路是不太清晰，总是有点凑字数？论证很不充分
我会按你说得再重写一遍
还是那句，谢谢
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