Issue55，教育类，敬请指教！
55. "Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."追求高分严重限制了各个教育阶段的学习质量。
提纲：
Position：反对+让步。
1. 追求高分可以促使学生主动学习，促使老师改进教育方法，教学质量。
2. 早点树立竞争意识，培养竞争能力，有利于学生今后参与社会竞争。
3. 度的把握，过度则会损害教育质量，偏离其原有的作用。
正文：
“How is your examination?”, this may be a most frequently asked word among students and their custodians. Some people worry about that too much emphasis put on grades will do harm to the real quality of education. But in my eyes, pursuing for high grades do have much more benefits than its blemish.
First of all, it is competition for high grades that helps boost students’ ambition to grasp knowledge as firmly as possible in that thirst for success is everyone’s humanity. Just as the proverb goes, “No pains, no gains.” For getting a satisfying score, students have to prepare for and review their texts frequently, remember all the knowledge they have learned deep in mind, enlarge their learning if it is possible and so on, especially when examinations are coming. All these efforts, no matter what their aims are, will surely lead to a corresponding paying back. On the other hand, such pressure of competition will actuate teachers to improve their quality of education. For example, they should ameliorate their didactics to adapt the changeable needs of students, make their lessons more interesting and concise to attract pupils, and renewal their own knowledge and conception to keep up with the updating pace of young men. Thus with the exertion of the both sides, student’s pursuit of high grades is not such a bad thing.
Secondly, we are in a well-established competition system that no one can break away from it, so the earlier students have the competitive awareness and competitiveness, the more easily they can adapt to the intense life in the future. That is, from the first day one begins his/her process of socialization till the last day of his/her life, it is unavoidable to face with many challenges and contests such as attending record examination of universities, job hunting after graduation, promotion in companies, going after a beautiful girl, and so on. Thus to be a cogent competitor is of great necessity for one to make his/her own way, which reflected at present to students during their process of education is the ardent pursuing for high grades. I remember that General 巴顿 used to say that the soldier who do not want to be a general is not a good soldier. Accordingly, in a sense, a students do not want to gain high grades is not a good student.
However, every coin has two sides. When students and teaching faculties are confined by the zealous pursuance of high grades, such figures seem to lose their original sense. Some faculties take grades as the only standard to evaluate a student neglecting other qualities of the same importance such as teamwork spirit, creativity, criticize spirit and so on, and as a feedback to their teachers, some students put all their attention to the textbooks with other knowledge, skills and abilities culture left behind, which lead to the strange phenomenon so called “ Having high scores but poor quality”, a great sarcasm towards modern educational system. Another mal-consequence of too much emphasis on competition is the forfeit of some belief. For example, stealing in examinations, a severe problem badgers many teachers, is in fact the lost of honesty and a dangerous trend for future.
To sum up, competition for high grades may compel students to grasp the knowledge automatically and firmly; help them establish competitive awareness, which may inspire them to improve their comprehensive quality for the better competitiveness. On the contrary, if such pursuit were not limited to a proper degree, it would lead some negative effects. Hence, the right attitude towards this question is to encourage students to study hard, absorb knowledge widely and compete equitably, only in such way can competition for high grades indeed upgrades the quality of learning at all levels of education.
好久没有写出一篇完整的文章了，好不容易憋出这一篇，敬请大家狠狠的批，让我能够从现在的混沌状态中清醒过来。 55. "Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education."
追求高分严重限制了各个教育阶段的学习质量。
提纲：
Position：反对+让步。
1. 追求高分可以促使学生主动学习，促使老师改进教育方法，教学质量。好，从学生、老师两个角度论证
2. 早点树立竞争意识，培养竞争能力，有利于学生今后参与社会竞争。
3. 度的把握，过度则会损害教育质量，偏离其原有的作用。
正文：
“How is your examination? 另一种说法供参考：How are you getting along with your examination? ”, this may be a most frequently asked word 不是一个词呀？不如改成question among students and their custodians. Some people worry about the possibility that too much emphasis put on grades will do harm to the real quality of education. But in my eyes 可以这么说吗？我不确定，另一种说法: In my view, pursuing for pursue是及物动词，可以直接跟宾语吧？ high grades does have much more benefits than its blemish.
First of all, it is competition for high grades that helps boost students’ ambition用这个词是不是有些言重了？ to grasp knowledge as firmly as possible in that thirst for success is everyone’s humanity is humanity for anyone如何？. Just as the proverb goes, “No pains, no gains.” For getting a satisfying score 用In order to get a satisfying score如何？, students have to prepare for and review their texts frequently, remember all the knowledge they have learned deep in mind, enlarge their learning if it is it is可省 possible and so on, especially when examinations are coming. All these efforts, no matter what their aims are, will surely lead to a corresponding paying back. On the other hand, such pressure of competition will actuate teachers to improve their quality of education. For example, they should ameliorate their didactics to adapt the changeable needs of students 这么说如何：to meet various needs of different students, make their lessons more interesting and concise to attract pupils, and renewal their own knowledge and conception to keep up with the updating pace of young men. Thus with the exertion of the可去 both sides, student’s students’ pursuit of high grades is not such a bad thing.
Secondly, we are in a well-established competition system that no one can break away from it 为何不用从句？system where no one can break away from, so the earlier students have the competitive awareness and competitiveness, the more easily they can adapt to the intense life in the future. That is, from the first day one begins his/her process of socialization till the last day of his/her life, it is unavoidable to face with many challenges and contests such as attending record examination of universities, job hunting after graduation, promotion in companies, going after a beautiful girl, and so on. Thus to be a cogent competitor is of great necessity for one to make his/her own way, which reflected at present to students during their process of education is the ardent pursuing for high grades 这后半句我没读通. I remember that General 巴顿Patton used to say 过去经常说？呵呵，这么说如何：once said that the soldier who does not want to be a general is not a good soldier. Accordingly, in a sense, a students用单数 who does not want to gain high grades is not a good student.
However, every coin has two sides 我也曾用过这个句子，结果被狂贬了一通，呵呵，不如用a two-edged sword. When students and teaching faculties are confined by the zealous pursuance of high grades, such figures seem to lose their original sense. Some faculties take grades as the only standard to evaluate a student neglecting other qualities of the same importance such as teamwork spirit, creativity, criticize 这是动词呀！ spirit and so on, and as a feedback to their teachers, some students put 可以用put吗？ all their attention to the textbooks with other knowledge, skills and abilities culture 怎么突然蹦出了这个词？ left behind, which lead to the strange phenomenon so called “ Having high scores but poor quality”, a great sarcasm towards modern educational system. Another mal-consequence of too much emphasis on competition is the forfeit of some belief. For example, stealing 考场上偷东西吗？这也太不会找时候了吧？用cheating如何 in examinations, a severe problem which badgers many teachers, is in fact the lost 名词应该是loss of honesty and a dangerous trend for future.
To sum up, competition for high grades may compel students to grasp the knowledge automatically and firmly;这个标点不对吧？ help them establish competitive awareness, which may inspire them to improve their comprehensive quality for the better competitiveness. On the contrary, if such pursuit were not limited to a proper degree, it would lead to some negative effects. Hence, the right attitude towards this question is to encourage students to study hard, absorb knowledge widely and compete equitably, only in such way 不应该用定语从句吧，要不然要改前面这半句，不如这样：equitably, and only in this way can competition for high grades indeed upgrades 前面用can了这里怎么还加s呢？ the quality of learning at all levels of education.
哇，写的太棒了！
结构清晰，逻辑性强，一气呵成。
用词丰富，结构灵活，句式多变。
向你学习！！！ “How is your examination?”, this may be a most frequently asked word among students and their custodians. Some people worry about that too much emphasis put on grades will do harm to the real quality of education. But in my eyes, pursuing for high grades do have much more benefits than its blemish.开头不错的样子，我学着点。
First of all, it is competition for high grades that helps boost students’ ambition to grasp knowledge as firmly as possible in that thirst for success is everyone’s humanity. Just as the proverb goes, “No pains, no gains.”（破句） For getting a satisfying score, students have to prepare for and review their texts frequently, remember all the knowledge they have learned deep in mind, enlarge their learning if it is possible and so on, especially when examinations are coming. All these efforts, no matter what their aims are, will surely lead to a corresponding paying back. On the other hand, such pressure of competition will actuate teachers to improve their quality of education. For example, they should ameliorate their didactics to adapt the changeable needs of students, make their lessons more interesting and concise to attract pupils, and renewal their own knowledge and conception to keep up with the updating pace of young men. Thus with the exertion of the both sides, student’s pursuit of high grades is not such a bad thing. （追求高分的是学生，干老师什么事呢？你需要做进一步的说明，比如说我们用学生的考试分数来检验他们的老师的教学水平）
Secondly, we are in a well-established competition system that no one can break away from it, so the earlier students have the competitive awareness and competitiveness, the more easily they can adapt to the intense life in the future. That is, from the first day one begins his/her process of socialization till the last day of his/her life（这句绝对了点，比如说退休了以后就不怎么竞争了）, it is unavoidable to face with many challenges and contests such as attending record examination of universities, job hunting after graduation, promotion in companies, going after a beautiful girl（faint，这你都想到了，不过是不是还要写上girl or boy呢，just a joke）, and so on. Thus to be a cogent competitor is of great necessity for one to make his/her own way, which reflected at present to students during their process of education is the ardent pursuing for high grades. I remember that General 巴顿（再倒，中文都来了，小乔治•史密斯•巴顿 (George Smith Patton, Jr. 1885-1945）） used to say that the soldier who do not want to be a general is not a good soldier.（第三次倒，拿破仑说的） Accordingly, in a sense, a students do not want to gain high grades is not a good student.
However, every coin has two sides. When students and teaching faculties are confined by the zealous pursuance of high grades, such figures seem to lose their original sense. Some faculties take grades as the only standard to evaluate a student neglecting other qualities of the same importance such as teamwork spirit, creativity, criticize spirit and so on, and as a feedback to their teachers, some students put all their attention to the textbooks with other knowledge, skills and abilities culture left behind, which lead to the strange phenomenon so called “ Having high scores but poor quality”, a great sarcasm towards modern educational system. Another mal-consequence of too much emphasis on competition is the forfeit of some belief（integrity是不是好点）. For example, stealing（是cheating吧） in examinations, a severe problem badgers many teachers, is in fact the lost of honesty and a dangerous trend for future.
To sum up, competition for high grades may compel students to grasp the knowledge automatically and firmly; help them establish competitive awareness, which may inspire them to improve their comprehensive quality for the better competitiveness. On the contrary, if such pursuit were not limited to a proper degree, it would lead some negative effects. Hence, the right attitude towards this question is to encourage students to study hard, absorb knowledge widely and compete（competes，时态出错可是大问题了） equitably, only in such way can competition for high grades indeed upgrades the quality of learning at all levels of education.
有空帮我看看吧
http://211.151.90.54/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=174982 角度独特，思路清晰，分析透彻，佩服。
“I remember that General 巴顿 used to say that the soldier who do not want to be a general is not a good soldier. Accordingly, in a sense, a students do not want to gain high grades is not a good student.
”用得恰到好处，精彩，不过下回用“General George Patton ”
个人小意见：
第一个body中说“追求高分可以促使学生主动学习”合情合理，但不加过渡直接说“也促使老师改进教育方法，教学质量”是否欠妥当？如补充说“老师出于对学生负责的态度及自身责任感”，或“大多情况下老师的水平评定与学生成绩是联系在一起的”是否好些？ 晕！要不是楼上提醒，我倒忘了是拿破仑说的了，光觉得用得好了！
惭愧！刚才看时楼上的帖子还没出来，提了个楼上已说的问题，不好意思，算不谋而合吧 最初由 maniac 发布
晕！要不是楼上提醒，我倒忘了是拿破仑说的了，光觉得用得好了！
惭愧！刚才看时楼上的帖子还没出来，提了个楼上已说的问题，不好意思，算不谋而合吧
是英雄所见略同 感谢，犯了不少让人笑话的错误哦！
赶快存下来再好好看看：） 我觉得你的语言很好, 是我学习的亮点.角度也很好.我很欣赏.有时间帮我看一下,救救命!
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175002 唉，让apolloxp一倒再倒，我心里很是歉疚，以后一定要少犯这种错误了！ 看了第三楼的观点:
1.突然想起来那句话和巴顿没关系,是拿破仑说的,faint~~~
2.一开始觉得举老师的例子是个很好的角度,现在想想确实有些不合适,虽然题目并没有限定非要谈学生,但competition for score只是说的学生而已,老师并没有compete for score.有待进一步讨论. “How is your examination?”, this may be a most frequently asked question among students and their custodians. Some people worry about that too much emphasis put on grades will do harm to the real quality of education. But in my eyes 这里我也不知道对不对，以后就按照dezhi的说法，肯定对，呵呵, pursuing high grades does have much more benefits than its blemish.
First of all, it is competition for high grades that helps boost students’ anxiety to grasp knowledge as firmly as possible in that thirst for success is everyone’s humanity. Just as the proverb goes, “No pains, no gains.”, which reflected to students is that for a satisfying score, they have to prepare for and review their texts frequently, remember all the knowledge they have learned deep in mind, enlarge their learning if it is possible and so on, especially when examinations are coming. All these efforts, no matter what their aims are, will surely lead to a corresponding paying back. On the other hand, such pressure of competition will actuate teachers to improve their quality of education because they also have undeniable responsibility for students’ scores. For example, they should ameliorate their didactics to meet various needs of different students, make their lessons more interesting and concise to attract pupils, and renewal their own knowledge and conception to keep up with the updating pace of young men. Thus with the exertion of the both sides 这里我想说“从双方的努力来看”，可是不知道怎么表达好, the author’s conclusion is a bit unilateral, and students’ pursuit of high grades is not such a bad thing.
Secondly, we are in a well-established competition system that no one can break away from 是用that还是where引导呢, so the earlier students have the competitive awareness and competitiveness, the more easily they can adapt to the intense life in the future. That is, from the first day one begins his/her process of socialization till the last day of his/her life, it is unavoidable to face with many challenges and contests such as attending record examination of universities, job hunting after graduation, promotion in companies, going after a beautiful girl, and so on. Thus to be a cogent competitor is of great necessity for one to make his/her own way, which reflected at present to students during their process of education is the ardent pursuing for high grades 这句话的意思是：要向获得成功，必须要成为一个强有力的竞争者，这种意识在现阶段学生的教育过程中表现为他们对于高分的热切追求。我自己看了半天，也觉得很晦涩，再改改。. I remember that Napoleon once said that the soldier who did not want to be a general was not a good soldier. Accordingly, in a sense, a student who does not want to gain high grades is not a good student.
However, everything is a two-edged sword 呵呵，以前我们备考四六级时，英语老师很推崇那个硬币的比喻。. When students and teaching faculties are confined by the zealous pursuance of high grades, such figures seem to lose their original sense. Some faculties take grades as the only standard to evaluate a student neglecting other qualities of the same importance such as teamwork spirit, creativity, criticizing spirit “批判精神”有什么更好的表达方法吗？ and so on, and as a feedback to their teachers, some students put 那用什么好呢？ all their attention to the textbooks with other knowledge, skills and abilities left behind, which lead to the strange phenomenon so called “ Having high scores but poor quality”, a great sarcasm towards modern educational system. Another mal-consequence of too much emphasis on competition is the forfeit of some belief 我的意思是对于一些信念的丧失，而不单指诚实. For example, cheating 我是想说舞弊来着，呵呵 in examinations, a severe problem badgers many teachers, is in fact the loss of honesty and a dangerous trend for future.
To sum up, competition for high grades may compel students to grasp the knowledge automatically and firmly, help them establish competitive awareness, which may inspire them to improve their comprehensive quality for the better competitiveness. On the contrary, if such pursuit were not limited to a proper degree, it would lead to some negative effects. Hence, the right attitude towards this question is to encourage students to study hard, absorb knowledge widely and compete equitably, and only in such way can competition for high grades indeed upgrade the quality of learning at all levels of education.
按照大家的建议修改过了，请再次审阅 :)
千万别夸我，我是很容易骄傲的 :cool: 偶也写了一篇i55，观点几乎是和你反过来的，
各位也帮批批看吧~
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=177946&highlight=issue55 嘿嘿，路过都不批评一下，让我好失望！
（玩笑，知道大家时间都很紧了）
我去看看：） 嘿嘿，路过都不批评一下，让我好失望！
我冤……
楼上几位都改得那么详细了，
我实在没什么好说的了 :p
[color=red][b]Inspiring Critique！[/b][/color]
Critique by fishergirl的一位朋友 (imong注)====================
I’m not the most talented writer, I’m probably somewhere around average. However, the good thing is that everyone can get better. The key is to keep on practicing. Here are a few suggestions that may be helpful.
1) The golden rule in short persuasive essays is that the first paragraph needs to clearly set-up the topic and then lay out what you think are the best supporting arguments (if you agree with the statement) or what are the major flaws (if you disagree).
2) In this particular case, perhaps it may be a good idea to start of by asking an interesting rhetorical question?
3) Clearly state your hypothesis (the argument that you support).
Here is an example of what I’d write about for the first paragraph:
When was the last time a news headline reported co-Superbowl champions or even an announcement of new tri-CEO of a major fortune 500 company? Such scenarios are highly unlikely because real life does not afford us with a competitiveless workplace. In modern society, there will always be both winners and losers. Predictably, winners have a tendency to reach higher goals more often than their losing counterparts. Successful people usually earn this distinction through their praiseworthy ability and/or hard work. Even from a historical perspective, archeological evidence has indicated that every great ancient civilization (Chinese, Egyptian, Greek, Byzantine, Mayan, Incan, Roman etc…), at least in part, rose into or fell from prominence due to natural competition. Recently, there is a radically new proposal, which has gained some attention amongst education policy makers and various debating circles. They are essentially in favor of abolishing the current educational-based letter grading system and replacing it with a non-competitive educational approach. These constituents have argued that overemphasizing grades sets-up an unnecessary precedence in actively learning children. They claim that by increasing the level of competitiveness, the overall quality of education for each student may actually be significantly lowered. Despite the problems associated with a competitive learning environment, this teaching system is far better adept at preparing students for their prospective careers.
4) The second paragraph I would start off by introducing the definition of competition.
Example:
Competition is defined by a biochemical, ecological, economic or sporting activity whereby two or more individuals or groups strive antagonistically against one another for resource, market share or for quality or for reputation.
5) Then I would state all the pros and cons of both sides (especially the controversy behind grade inflation).
6) Form a conclusion that contains a logically sound argument that is based on the evidence and information of the essay’s body:
In conclusion, even though non-competitive approaches may be emotionally attractive for their potential uses in helping to raise student self-esteem and psyche, such characteristics play a lesser role in the challenges that they will realistically face in their future careers. In the end, regardless of type of curriculum, teaching quality, relations and instructional methods, what matters most is the pursuit and attainment of academic excellence. Undoubtedly, major changes to the current traditional letter-grading system could be implemented in order to dramatically improve the overall quality of education. However, these problems do not warrant total abandonment and replacement with an entirely new system. There are several lines of educational evidence that clearly points to letter grading and number-scoring as the most effective methods for measuring academic standards and progress. The benefits gained through competitive study far outweigh any other alternative strategy. It is a reasonable assumption that the competitive nature of test-taking significantly contributes to the overwhelming majority of students’ successes. Therefore, striving to reach high test scores encourages every student to freely compete with one another, providing them with a natural competitive edge that they will value for the rest of their working lives.
Helpful writing points:
1) Try not to say (I)
2) Always refer to evidence (makes your argument sound much stronger) rather than stating opinions and/or motives (these sound too weak and wishy-washy).
3) The US has become a politically correct (PC) country, especially in academia. Never use male or female genders. It is well-known that a majority of graders are fervent believers of PC agenda. They may deduct points from you score if they interpret your writing as being derogatory towards women (even if you didn’t mean and did it unintentionally). Instead of using he/she/girl/boy, use gender neutral words such as people, person, they, them etc…
4) Try your best to use words with the correct meaning of what you’re trying to articulate to the reader. Even though words have a variety of meanings, they need to be used correctly. Each definition has slightly different meanings. Synonyms usually cannot be switched interchangeably. Plus, keep in mind, the first listed definition in the dictionary is often the most common use of the word. Sometimes, subsequent definitions may be used much less frequently.
5) Try not to get overly complicated when writing. If you do your essay will lose meaning, making it difficult for the reader to understand what you’re attempting to say. When you write your first draft, I think it is very important to write as straightforward and direct as possible. During the second revision, try to add a little more depth and complexity. However, be careful in going overboard.
6) In general, when writing English, try to keep verbs toward the beginning of the sentence. This tends to make it easier for the reader to follow the action conveyed. Even though it’s perfectly fine to place verbs at the back of the sentence, the meaning sometimes gets muddled if you do so.
7) Avoid using clichés and/or slang.
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