潜水近一年第一次发自己的作文，呵呵，issue30
从去年1月底最开始准备G，上gter，去年7月份注册gter的用户，潜水有一年多了吧。。。考试一直拖拉到现在，终于，不到2星期就要考了，发自己写的第一个issue作文，自己已经分3次修改过，包括小词的使用，所以，欢迎大家全面拍~~
写的手法有点另类，定义了题目其中的一个关键词，然后按定义展开的文章 ：） 不知道这样写妥当否？也希望能得到高手的指教 ：）
谢谢啦先~~~
30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
The impact that technology has had on our country and society in general, is undeniable. People’s efficiency has been sharply increased and accordingly they can enjoy more leisure time which once was a luxury to most people. To examine whether the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency and enable everyone to enjoy more leisure time or not, we have to look carefully into further details and enlarge our understanding of what is meant by the term technology.
Technology is more than tools and skills; ways of organizing work are also part of technology. Technology has three dimensions, which may be summarized as follows:
1. Technological tools, instruments, machines, gadgets, which are used in accomplishing a variety of tasks. These material objects are best referred to as apparatus, the physical devices of technical performance. 2. The body of technological skills, procedures, routines—all activities or behaviors that employ a purposive, step-by-step, rational method of doing things. 3. The organizational networks associated with activities and apparatus.
For the first part of the description, it is obvious to see that technology development primarily aims at saving time. Due to the sharp technological development, people’s efficiency is greatly increased. Just look around for a while and notice there are so many inventions which are taken as necessity by people living in modern world and exert a significantly influence on people’s efficiency. For example, before the invention of refrigerator had come out, people had to purchase their every day’s necessity of foodstuff like vegetable and meet frequently, even several times one day, and going to grocery shop is so time-consuming that it laid a heavy burden on people. However, refrigeration makes transporting fresh food and other perishables possible, and makes home storage for days or weeks practical. People were able to simplify shopping and save time while still enjoying a great diversity and high quality of food because of this excellent preservation technology. And by the end of the 20th century, 99.5 percent of U.S. households had a least one refrigerator. Many had separate freezers. Another technological development is the development of the internet. It connects people in 65 countries instantaneously through computers, fiber optics, satellites, and phone lines. It helps people keep up to date on world events, gather loads of information with a single click of the mouse, communicate instantly with a friend several miles away, travel several continents in a single day, and find a restaurant in Oregon or a cheap flight to Paris in only a few seconds, all of which inevitably increase people’s efficiency.
The second portion of the portrayal can be clearly clarified by nowaday diverse expertise and increased proficiency. The industrial revolution had completely changed the organization of working procedures, thus appeared the assembly-lines that greatly enhanced the speeds, and accordingly, the efficiency of manufacturing. And many practical shortcuts in the working activities are gradually found due to updating technology to make technological procedures and routines more simple and thus less time-consuming and energy-costing and people are more liberated than before to take pleasure in relaxation. Therefore, the chief target of technological development should be to increase people’s efficiency from this aspect
The most far-reaching effect of the technological development involves the last component of the dimension. Organizational networks are sets of statuses and roles. Fundamentally speaking, almost all technological developments’ main purpose is to establish or modify such networks to meet the growing need of efficiency increasing. For instance, the automobile owner is part of a network that includes dealers, mechanics, parts suppliers ,insures, licensing agents, and junkyard owners. Our great-great-grandfather were probably part of horse dealers, harness makers, buggy suppliers, and blacksmiths, a network that has been largely eliminated by the advent of motorized vehicles and that demonstrate the most far-reaching outcomes of the technological development. Likewise, the internal-combustion engines, for instance, which made possible the development of the automobile, has completely transformed the living pace of North America. We can see with ease that one single invention has had a series of outcomes that increase people’s efficiency as a whole. So it hasn’t gone so far to say that the social organizational networks are changed into a more efficient existing form which, at the same time, is the primary goal of the technological development.
Ironically, though all of these recent developments aim at saving time and increase efficiency, instead of making more leisure time available, these have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before. However, it is the people rather than the technology itself that should be responsible for the way of life they lead. Theoretically speaking, such recent inventions as instant foods, instant communication, and fast transportation have made it possible for us to set aside more time for repose and relaxation. What makes people hurry today is their views that give too much stress on competition and efficiency. When people have their precious free time, they vacillate to use it as leisure time, and what will they do without hesitation is to go on making another day’s plan, negotiating with one more business group, doing the documentation, and so on so forth as to get a better position in future competition.
In conclude, we owe a lot to the technology advancements which are applied to all aspects of human life and are a major force in shaping and changing other institutions in addition to scientific institution themselves. Furthermore, according to the analysis above, it should be the technological development’s primary goal to increase people’s efficiency so as to save people’s time considerably and therefore everyone can have more leisure time if people learn to appreciate it. 这么长 限时写的?? hehe,潜水这么久应该对发文的规范比较熟悉啊.
先看看公告吧.谢谢。 改好了。
谢谢支持. up
占座先
补：差点忘了改这个：） 谢谢你的邀请，考完就是来服务的，一会儿帮你看看～～～ 论证很充分!展开很好!值得借鉴参考! 30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
The impact that technology has had on our country and society in general, is undeniable. People’s efficiency has been sharply increased and accordingly they can enjoy more leisure time which once was a luxury to most people. To examine whether the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency and enable everyone to enjoy more leisure time or not, we have to look carefully into further details and enlarge our understanding of what is meant by the term technology.
Technology is more than tools and skills; ways of organizing work are also part of technology. Technology has three dimensions, which may be summarized as follows:
1. Technological tools, instruments, machines, gadgets, which are used in accomplishing a variety of tasks. These material objects are best referred to as apparatus, the physical devices of technical performance. 2. The body of technological skills, procedures, routines—all activities or behaviors that employ a purposive, step-by-step, rational method of doing things. 3. The organizational networks associated with activities and apparatus.
这种思路还是头一回见，比较新颖。但最好和leisure time联系起来再说一下
For the first part of the description, it is obvious to see that technology development primarily aims at saving time. Due to the sharp technological development, people’s efficiency is greatly increased. Just look around for a while and notice there are so many inventions people live in the modern world take as necessity and exert a significantly influence on people’s efficiency. For example, before the invention of refrigerator had come out, people had to purchase their every day’s necessity of foodstuff like vegetable and meet frequently, even several times one day, and going to grocery shop is so time-consuming that it laid a heavy burden on people. However, refrigeration makes transporting fresh food and other perishables possible, and makes home storage for days or weeks practical. People were able to simplify shopping and save time while still enjoying a great diversity and high quality of food because of this excellent preservation technology. And by the end of the 20th century, 99.5 percent of U.S. households had a least one refrigerator. Many had separate freezers. Another technological development is the development of the internet. It connects people in 65 countries instantaneously through computers, fiber optics, satellites, and phone lines. It helps people keep up to date on world events, gather loads of information with a single click of the mouse, communicate instantly with a friend several miles away, travel several continents in a single day, and find a restaurant in Oregon or a cheap flight to Paris in only a few seconds, all of which inevitably increase people’s efficiency.
这段讲科技节省了人们的时间论述比较充分。但是如果例子的范围再大点会更好
The second portion of the portrayal can be clearly clarified by nowaday diverse expertise and increased proficiency. The industrial revolution had completely changed the organization of working procedures, thus appeared the assembly-lines that greatly enhanced the speeds, and accordingly, the efficiency of manufacturing. And many practical shortcuts in the working activities are gradually found due to updating technology to make technological procedures and routines more simple and thus less time-consuming and energy-costing and people are more liberated than before to take pleasure in relaxation. Therefore, the chief target of technological development should be to increase people’s efficiency from this aspect
好，这段讲述科技提高了人们的效率。
The most far-reaching effect of the technological development involves the last component of the dimension. Organizational networks are sets of statuses and roles. Fundamentally speaking, almost all technological developments’ main purpose is to establish or modify such networks to meet the growing need of efficiency increase increasing. For instance, the automobile owner is part of a network that includes dealers, mechanics, parts suppliers ,insures, licensing agents, and junkyard owners. Our great-great-grandfather were probably part of horse dealers, harness makers, buggy suppliers, and blacksmiths, a network that has been largely eliminated by the advent of motorized vehicles and that demonstrate the most far-reaching outcomes of the technological development. Likewise, the internal-combustion engines, for instance, which made possible the development of the automobile, has completely transformed the living pace of North America. We can see with ease that one single invention has had a series of outcomes that increase people’s efficiency as a whole. So it hasn’t gone so far to say that the social organizational networks are changed into a more efficient existing form which, at the same time, is the primary goal of the technological development.
这段论述效率提高的真正目的，比上一段又深入了一个层次。但我个人觉得考试时把上一段再写的详细点就已经可以了
Ironically, though all of these recent developments aim at saving time and increase efficiency, instead of making more leisure time available, these have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before. However, it is the people rather than the technology itself that should be responsible for the way of life they lead. Theoretically speaking, such recent inventions as instant foods, instant communication, and fast transportation have made it possible for us to set aside more time for repose and relaxation. What makes people hurry today is their views that give too much stress on competition and efficiency. When people have their precious free time, they vacillate to use it as leisure time, and what will they do without hesitation is to go on making another day’s plan, negotiating with one more business group, doing the documentation, and so on so forth as to get a better position in future competition.
这段从反面论证，如果讲述一下这种现象的原因可能会更好。
In conclude, we owe a lot to the technology advancements which are applied to all aspects of human life and are a major force in shaping and changing other institutions in addition to scientific institution themselves. Furthermore, according to the analysis above, it should be the technological development’s primary goal to increase people’s efficiency so as to save people’s time considerably and therefore everyone can have more leisure time if people learn to appreciate it.
整篇文章论证有力，层次清晰。楼主好强阿居然写了九百多字
以后最好还是限时练一下吧 30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
The impact that technology has had on our country and society in general, is undeniable. People’s efficiency has been sharply increased and accordingly they can enjoy more leisure time which once was a luxury to most people. To examine whether the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency and enable everyone to enjoy more leisure time or not, we have to look carefully into further details and enlarge our understanding of what is meant by the term technology.
Technology is more than tools and skills; ways of organizing work are also part of technology. Technology has three dimensions, which may be summarized as follows:
1. Technological tools, instruments, machines, gadgets, which are used in accomplishing a variety of tasks. These material objects are best referred to as apparatus, the physical devices of technical performance. 2. The body of technological skills, procedures, routines—all activities or behaviors that employ a purposive, step-by-step, rational method of doing things. 3. The organizational networks associated with activities and apparatus.
For the first part of the description, it is obvious to see that technology development primarily aims at saving time. Due to the sharp technological development, people’s efficiency is greatly increased. Just look around for a while and notice there are so many inventions people live in the modern world take as necessity and exert a significantly influence on people’s efficiency看看这句的很多动词原形，有语病！自己再研究一下他们之间的关系：从句？后置定语？～～长句要有效的表达，不然即使没病也可能被误会有语病，有些地方你至少要加that会更清楚. For example, before the invention of refrigerator had come out, people had to purchase their every day’s necessity of foodstuff like vegetable and meet frequently, even several times one day, and going to grocery shop is so time-consuming复合词用的很好～～ that it laid a heavy burden on people. However, refrigeration makes transporting fresh food and other perishables possible, and makes home storage for days or weeks practical. People were这段不是都在用现在时吗？ able to simplify shopping and save time while still enjoying a great diversity and high quality of food because of this excellent preservation technology. And by the end of the 20th century, 99.5 percent of U.S. households had a least one refrigerator. Many had separate freezers. Another technological development is the development of the internet. It connects people in 65 countries instantaneously through computers, fiber optics, satellites, and phone lines.都用it开头呀，干脆把这两句合在一起说，加个关联词 It helps people keep up to date on world events, gather loads of information with a single click of the mouse, communicate instantly with a friend several miles away, travel several continents in a single day, and find a restaurant in Oregon or a cheap flight to Paris in only a few seconds, all of which inevitably increase people’s efficiency.
The second portion of the portrayal can be clearly clarified by nowaday diverse expertise and increased proficiency. The industrial revolution had completely changed the organization of working procedures, thus appeared the assembly-lines that greatly enhanced the speeds, and accordingly, the efficiency of manufacturing. And many practical shortcuts in the working activities are gradually found due to updating technology to make technological procedures and routines more simple and thus less time-consuming and energy-costing and people are more liberated than before to take pleasure in relaxation. Therefore, the chief target of technological development should be to increase people’s efficiency from this aspect
The most far-reaching effect of the technological development involves the last component of the dimension. Organizational networks are sets of statuses and roles. Fundamentally speaking, almost all technological developments’ main purpose is to establish or modify such networks to meet the growing need of efficiency increasing. For instance, the automobile owner is part of a network that includes dealers, mechanics, parts suppliers ,insures, licensing agents, and junkyard owners. Our great-great-grandfather were probably part of horse dealers, harness makers, buggy suppliers, and blacksmiths, a network that has been largely eliminated by the advent of motorized vehicles and that demonstrate the most far-reaching outcomes of the technological development. Likewise, the internal-combustion engines, for instance, which made possible the development of the automobile, has completely transformed the living pace of North America. We can see with ease that one single invention has had a series of outcomes that increase people’s efficiency as a whole. So it hasn’t gone so far to say that the social organizational networks are changed into a more efficient existing form which, at the same time, is the primary goal of the technological development.
Ironically, though all of these recent developments aim at saving time and increase efficiency, instead of making more leisure time available, these have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before. However, it is the people rather than the technology itself that should be responsible for the way of life they lead. Theoretically speaking, such recent inventions as instant foods, instant communication, and fast transportation have made it possible for us to set aside more time for repose and relaxation. What makes people hurry today is their views that give too much stress on competition and efficiency. When people have their precious free time, they vacillate to use it as leisure time, and what will they do without hesitation is to go on making another day’s plan, negotiating with one more business group, doing the documentation, and so on so forth as to get a better position in future competition. 这段很切题，谈得很好，对上面的论证是很好的补充！
In conclude, we owe a lot to the technology advancements which are applied to all aspects of human life and are a major force in shaping and changing other institutions in addition to scientific institution themselves. Furthermore, according to the analysis above, it should be the technological development’s primary goal to increase people’s efficiency so as to save people’s time considerably and therefore everyone can have more leisure time if people learn to appreciate it. （946words）
先赞一个，就整篇文章来看，是写的很不错的了，看来是精心准备这么久的收获啦，语言也瞒好的！
QUOTE]最初由 hatty 发布
写了一天。。。
因为是第一篇，自己告诉自己时间长点没有关系，所以就。。。
又改了2天 ：P
第一篇是该慢慢写，不过4月是最后一批了，还有几天考呀？？？
不过，你的时间也用得太长了（个儿认为超过2h就另当别论了），慢慢写东东和限时写的感觉和写出来的作品可不是一回事呀；这个思路就是想了好久的吧，再加上写，改，～～
QUOTE]最初由 hatty 发布
不到2星期就要考了
那你还不快开始限时训练？加油呀～～～
[
还有一个问题，希望问清楚，谢谢啦～
恩，谢谢楼上几位的帮助！～还想和楼上的ＬＳＤ讨论，很多东西你说再展开一些，可是偶已经写了９００多字，再展开的广泛些，详细些，和反面多论证些，字数是不是不可能在４５内完成？还是要重要做？呵呵，欢迎各位指教！～
另外，还有一些比较麻烦的问题，偶不知道那样另类的思路可不可以用，就是主要问一个写法上的问题。
没有见人这样像偶这样写过，又知道ets喜欢标新立异，所以打算很多题目都这样写，但是又怕不妥当，所以就拿出来，让大家帮看看这样写可以否。。。其实也挺冒险的。。。
不知道如果考试的时候，碰上了科技类，（感觉这类题目还是挺多的），自己比较熟悉这种定义式写法，这样写可以不？
我对于题目中词technology给了一个定义
那个定义就是来自孙远工具箱那里，偶感觉还挺恰当，就想先定义3个方面，然后根据每个方面说到底goal是不是提高效率和leisure time。
我就是不知道这样展开我的文章好不好？题目都要从源头开始讲起，分别说明。
另外，我用孙远工具箱里的东西安全不？
孙远的东西是不是都来自老美的文章？能不能直接摘抄引用里面的东西？
谢谢啦～～ 就是4，5 段考试时可以合成一段写科技是如何帮人们提高效率的。
第六段可以写一下人们没有更多的空余时间的原因
楼主的字数的确太多了，考试时恐怕来不及写完 30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
The impact that technology has had on our country and society in general, is undeniable. People’s efficiency has been sharply increased [这里用主动更好] and accordingly they can enjoy more leisure time once is a luxury to most people. To examine whether the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency and enable everyone to enjoy more leisure time or not, we have to look carefully into further details and enlarge our understanding of what is meant by the term technology[被动？主动不是很舒服么,of what the term technology means][最后的这个句子像是引起下一段的句子，不像TS。这一段缺点在于没有说明你选择的立场。].
Technology is more than tools and skills; ways of organizing work are also part of technology. Technology has three dimensions, which may be summarized as follows:
1. Technological tools, instruments, machines, gadgets, which are used in accomplishing a variety of tasks. These material objects are best referred to as apparatus, the physical devices of technical performance. 2. The body of technological skills, procedures, routines—all activities or behaviors that employ a purposive, step-by-step, rational method of doing things. 3. The organizational networks associated with activities and apparatus. [定义下得很复杂。看了body1之后，感觉开头段的最后一句话应该挪至本段做开头。]
For the first part of the description, it is obvious to see that technology development primarily aims at saving time. Due to the sharp technological development, people’s efficiency is greatly increased. Just look around for a while and notice there are so many inventions people live in the modern world take as necessity [做必需品为可数necessities] and exert a significantly influence on people’s efficiency[这句话动词很多，于是语法错误。修改之后是两个定语从句并列，中间有一个分词作名词定语]. For example, before the invention of refrigerator had come out [时间顺序弄反了，这里应该用过去时], people had to purchase their every day’s necessity of foodstuff like vegetable and meet frequently, even several times one day, and [这一句太长了，第一反应是going和purchase并列，感觉是语法错误。断开避免混淆。And] going to grocery shop is [时态] so time-consuming that it laid a heavy burden on people. However, refrigeration makes transporting [冷藏的主要目的是transporting?至少应该加上限定比如“长途”] fresh food and other perishables possible, and makes home storage for days or weeks practical. People were able to simplify shopping and save time while still enjoying a great diversity and high quality of food because of this excellent preservation technology. And by the end of the 20th century, 99.5 percent of U.S. households had a least one refrigerator. Many had separate freezers[这一句的作用是什么？]. Another technological development is the development of the internet. It connects people in 65 countries instantaneously through computers, fiber optics, satellites, and phone lines. It [这里可以用and与上一句联接成长句，省去it,或者加上also] helps people keep up to date on world events, gather loads of information with a single click of the mouse, communicate instantly with a friend several miles away, travel several continents in a single day, and find a restaurant in Oregon or a cheap flight to Paris in only a few seconds[这些比喻看起来都不象是比喻，因为没有提到是“神游”。], all of which inevitably increase people’s efficiency.
The second portion of the portrayal can be clearly clarified by nowaday diverse expertise and increased proficiency. The industrial revolution had [时态？] completely changed the organization of working procedures, thus appeared [这个倒装好] the assembly-lines that greatly enhanced the speeds, and accordingly, the efficiency of manufacturing. And many practical shortcuts in the working activities are gradually found due to updating technology to make technological procedures and routines more simple and thus less time-consuming and [连续3个and，读起来很费劲。这一句段开成两句，或者用点关联词not only … but also什么的] energy-costing and [断开，后面一句改写！to结构读着不顺,改并列结构会好很多] people are more liberated than before to take pleasure in relaxation. Therefore, the chief target of technological development should be to increase people’s efficiency from this aspect
The most far-reaching effect of the technological development involves the last component of the dimension. Organizational networks are sets of statuses and roles. Fundamentally speaking, almost all technological developments’ main purpose is to establish or modify such networks to meet the growing need of efficiency[‘s] increasing. For instance, the automobile owner is part of a network that includes dealers, mechanics, parts suppliers ,insures[这是动词], licensing agents, and junkyard owners. Our great-great-grandfather were probably part of [这里是不是应该有一个名词] horse dealers, harness makers, buggy suppliers, and blacksmiths, a network that has been largely eliminated by the advent of motorized vehicles and that demonstrate the most far-reaching outcomes of the technological development . Likewise, the internal-combustion engines, for instance, which made possible [后面的宾语很短啊！不要这么用了] the development of the automobile, has completely transformed the living pace of North America. We can see with ease that one single invention has had a series of outcomes that increase people’s efficiency as a whole. So it hasn’t gone so far to say that the social organizational networks are changed into a more efficient existing form which, at the same time, is the primary goal of the technological development.[这一段，举的车主的例子说明了他属于一个网络，但是这样一个网络跟你要论证的efficiency没有关系。]
Ironically, though all of these recent [取掉，不应有此限定] developments aim at saving time and increase efficiency, instead of making more leisure time available, these have contributed to a pace of human affairs that is more rushed and more frantic than ever before. However, it is the people rather than the technology itself that should be responsible for the way of life they lead. Theoretically speaking, such recent [同上] inventions as instant foods, instant communication, and fast transportation have made it possible for us to set aside more time for repose and relaxation. What makes people hurry today is their views that give too much stress on competition and efficiency. When people have their precious free time, they vacillate to use it as leisure time, and what will they do without hesitation is to go on making another day’s plan, negotiating with one more business group, doing the documentation, and so on so forth [去掉so on或者so forth] as to get a better position in future competition. [这一段直接承认了人们没有拥有更多闲暇，但没有足够的证明，证明人们的确是比原来忙。]
In conclude, we owe a lot to the technology advancement which are applied to all aspects of human life and are a major force in shaping and changing other institutions in addition to scientific institution themselves. Furthermore, according to the analysis above, it should be the technological development’s primary goal to increase people’s efficiency so as to save people’s time considerably and therefore everyone can have more leisure time if people learn to appreciate it.
[文章写得不错，45分钟要写900字恐怕不可能。把technology分成3个方面定义，然后非别描述目的，最后讨论有了efficiency的提高，人们有没有more leisure time。结构还是很清晰的。但是我有一个疑问，那就是什么叫做目的？你写的大多都是efficiency提高的结果，而不是某一项技术之所有变革的目的。我想可能需要改变一些句子来突出目的吧！
语言上，长句过多。应该说，引起了很多不必要的阅读困难和混淆。句子过长，很容易顾头不顾尾，产生很多语法错误。应该注意一下。] needle 你改的很好啊~~~ 谢谢LSD ，谢谢needle！~[
QUOTE]最初由 needle 发布
但是我有一个疑问，那就是什么叫做目的？你写的大多都是efficiency提高的结果，而不是某一项技术之所有变革的目的。我想可能需要改变一些句子来突出目的吧！
nod，我好好想了想，我的确过多的笔墨用在了描写结果上，就是用了那么多的例子说明（其实开始是怕字数不够）。。。
有很多问题，虽然姐姐也说是小问题，但是我觉得会造成挺大的麻烦，包括阅读障碍和逻辑
自己看不出来，思维定式了，多亏姐姐指出来 ：）
还有，我忽然想，文章轻重上面，前面说提高效率太多了，后面说的ironically里很少，又没有太好的展开，是不是给人头重脚轻的感觉啊？
again，谢谢！
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