Issue116，超了点时，盼指教
Issue116"With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society-including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences-will benefit greatly from international influences."
提纲：
1。referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network.
2。Then, shifting our focus from science domains to global network's influence in political, we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial.
3。Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either.
4。However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect as negative effect rather than the positive one.
With the rapid development of global network in economy and communication, nearly every aspects of society have been changed more or less by the international influence. While the traditional routines have been challenged, the new and advanced models in every aspects start to substitute the older one. While I concede that the international influence have a positive impact on listed areas--insofar as science, politics, and education, I disagree with the speaker that the international influence have a positive impact on cultural and art domain as well.
To start with, referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network. Thanks to the contribution of the global network in communication, present scientists can share data and information all over the world no matter how remote the data or information located. By accessing to Internet, it is no longer necessary for scientists to waste time searching for information of data that could have been accessed, but not available in former time due to lack of global network. Nowadays, lots of scientific project can hardly achieved without the aid of global network in communication. One example is the project of decoding the human gene which involve with several countries' talented scientists in this area. By sharing the advance and data they acquire and communicating through global network in the research work, the project advances at a fantastic speed. Even more recently, with the aiding of global network, the outbreak of SARS and avi-flu have been quickly suppressed. By sharing the data and experience in process of defending ourselves against SARS and avi-flu, the scientist can detect the cause of the disease then discover a approach to cure them. As the examples show above, we tend to realize that the international influence which result from the global network benefit the development of scientific research. Besides, the global network of economy also facilitate the more ambitious project such as the international space station and exploring the Antarctic. Thanks to the financial support and commitment of all involving countries, these projects can become available.
Then, shifting our focus from science domains to global network's influence in political, we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial. There are several reasons can support this view. One compelling reason is that by aiding of global network, the political leader of one nation can have a better understanding of other nations' system value, political system and convention, in turn , tolerate other nations so-called curious action. Another reason seems to be that through the immediate communication which is made available by global network, distinct nations is apt to strengthen their cooperation since there are clearly understanding between each other afforded by global network. The third reason is that the instantaneous communication brought by the global network can help eliminate the misunderstanding between different countries, in turn, help avoid the potential conflict.
Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either. With the help of internet and video-teaching method, the students can acquire more knowledge at one time and be exposed to more sophisticated situation which can temper their capacities. Also, by using the approach of remote education, the students, no matter where he/she is, can have class at any time. Besides, the global network help broaden the ken of the teachers, in turn, give the students the possibility of acquiring more knowledge.
However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect as negative effect rather than the positive one. By introducing the global network into the art domain, we will risk of losing one nation's precious heritage in art domains, and the homogenization in the form of the art. Although the mainstream art can easily thrived by the global network. Some precious but more vulnerably disappeared art will vanish without any trace. Were it the case, it would be a disaster for the civilization of all human beings.
To sum up, while I concede that the international influence stemmed naturally from the global network will have a beneficial impact on the domains including the science, politics, education, when it comes to the art domain, I posit it tends to have a negative impact on the art. 占个座。 不好意思，又麻烦了：） 先搬个凳子，恩恩，占座先~~
开始改作文了，恩恩，10G系列改作文第一篇，哈哈 :p
不知道什么时候自己写自己的第一篇呢？ :cool:
改的第一篇
Issue116"With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society-including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences-will benefit greatly from international influences."
提纲：
1。referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network.
2。Then, shifting our focus from science domains to global network's influence in political, we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial.
3。Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either.
4。However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect as negative effect rather than the positive one.
With the rapid development of global network in economy and communication, nearly every aspects of society have been changed more or less by the international influence. [是不是上过笑来的课，怎么同我的文章开头一个味道 ：P ]While the traditional routines have been challenged, the new and advanced models in every aspects start to substitute the older one. While I concede that the international influence have a positive impact on listed areas--insofar as science, politics, and education, I disagree with the speaker that the international influence have a positive impact on cultural and art domain as well.
To start with, referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network. Thanks to the contribution of the global network in communication, present scientists can share data information all over the world no matter how remote the data information located. By accessing to Internet, it is no longer necessary for scientists to waste time searching for information data[三个地方，用了三个介词……] that could have been accessed, but not available in former time due to lack of global network.[句子有点绕，换个说法似乎更好点] Nowadays, lots of scientific project can hardly[这个地方加一个be] achieved without the aid of global network in communication. One example is the project of decoding the human gene which involve with several countries' talented scientists in this area. By sharing the advance and data they acquire and communicating through global network in the research work, the project advances at a fantastic speed. Even more recently, with the aiding of global network, the outbreak of SARS and avi-flu have been quickly suppressed. By sharing the data and experience in process of defending ourselves against SARS and avi-flu, the scientist can detect the cause of the disease then[少一个连词] discover a approach to cure them. As the examples show above, we tend to realize that the international influence which result[单数，results] from the global network benefit the development of scientific research. Besides, the global network of economy also facilitate the more ambitious project such as the international space station and exploring the Antarctic. Thanks to the financial support and commitment of all involving countries, these projects can become available. [这个句子可以删掉，没有用，反而可能会被误认为跑题]
Then, shifting our focus from science domains to global network's influence in political[少一个名词吧，否则是in +一个形容词], we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial. There are several reasons can support this view. One compelling reason is that by aiding of global network, the political leader of one nation can have a better understanding of other nations' system value, political system and convention, in turn , tolerate other nations so-called curious action. Another reason seems to be that through the immediate communication which is made available by global network, distinct nations is apt to strengthen their cooperation since there clearly [名词的数不对] between each other afforded by global network.[句子还是有点绕] The third reason is that the instantaneous communication brought by the global network can help eliminate the misunderstanding between different countries, in turn, help avoid the potential conflict.[这句重点如果是instantaneous communication，可以突出一下“及时”，要不然不能很好的证明主题，因为没有by the global network，依然可以避免冲突。
重点说什么，要给予强调，这样比较清晰好懂]
Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either. With the help of internet and video-teaching method, the students can acquire more knowledge at one time and be exposed to more sophisticated situation which can temper their capacities.[ 讨论一下temper their capacities这种用法，不知道可以这样用否？] Also, by using the approach of[这个词组可以省略] remote education, the students, no matter where he/she is, can have class at any time. Besides, the global network help broaden the ken of the teachers, in turn, give the students the possibility of acquiring more knowledge.
However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect as negative effect rather than the positive one. By introducing the global network into the art domain, we will risk of losing one nation's precious heritage in art domains, and the homogenization in the form of the art. Although the mainstream art can easily thrived by the global network. [这句话少了一半，要不然就别用连词，要不然改标点符号]Some precious but more vulnerably disappeared art will vanish without any trace. Were it the case, it would be a disaster for the civilization of all human beings.
To sum up, while I concede that the international influence stemmed naturally from the global network will have a beneficial impact on the domains including the science, politics, education, when it comes to the art domain, [这句可以放在句末，这样流畅一些，感觉也好的多]I posit it tends to have a negative impact on the art.
说实话，改的第一篇文章，我是选了选的，最后决定改zhangbaoke的，我们的文字实在很多地方很象。文章都这么长（这个。。。被好多人说过），而且，正文第一段都太长了，后面还短一点。我们都太重视语言了，但是会犯些小错误，而且，自己检查的时候还看不出来 ：P 不过你写的比我快多了，我的第一篇写了整3天。。。汗~~
认真的改过了，有好多地方，我也记不清楚了，（从语气可以判断出来我的疑惑），我们一起讨论一下吧。
To sum up，写的不错的说 ：）
我们一起努力 ！ 说实话，很感动
看出来
在改上都费了不少心，感谢啦：）
with the aiding of global network, the outbreak of SARS and avi-flu have been quickly suppressed.
用under control怎么样？？？
temper their capacities.[ 讨论一下temper their capacities这种用法，不知道可以这样用否？
enhance their capacities怎么样？？？
我们都太重视语言了，但是会犯些小错误，而且，自己检查的时候还看不出来
hatty,看得出，你语法相当好，今天我意识到一个重要问题，写作文语法错误好多
以后会注意的
以后你铁的我也会看的：）
不过你写的比我快多了
这个不用担心，多写个几篇即可把时间压下来 其实，我的语法在我写的时候也没有那么管用了，我写的时候，也好多毛病，自己看不出来
相信你是发帖子之前修改过的，又觉得我们的文章风格感觉很象，所以，今天用一整下午时间，看了好几遍，挑了细了一点 ，恩恩，不好意思了
under control什么的，我觉得改以后好多了：）不过，地道不地道我也不知道，毕竟，不是那个地方生长的 ~~~ Issue116
"With the growth of global networks in such areas as economics and communication, there is no doubt that every aspect of society-including education, politics, the arts, and the sciences-will benefit greatly from international influences."
提纲：
1。referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network.
2。Then, shifting our focus from science domains to global network's influence in political, we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial.
3。Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either.
4。However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect as negative effect rather than the positive one.[嗯，关于body段提纲很清晰，分领域，3个赞成态度。1个否定态度。]
With the rapid development of global network in economy and communication, nearly every aspects of society have been changed more or less by the international influence. While the traditional routines have been challenged, the new and advanced models in every aspects start to substitute the older one. While I concede that the international influence have a positive impact on listed areas--insofar as science, politics, and education, I disagree with the speaker that the international influence have a positive impact on cultural and art domain as well.
To start with, referring to the influence exerted by the global network of economy[这里有点怪，network的影响 exert到network上？注意你前后两个network] and communication in scientific domain, we tend to be impressed by the benefit and achievement brought by the global network. Thanks to the contribution of the global network in communication, present scientists can share data and information all over the world no matter how remote the data or information located. By accessing to Internet, it is no longer necessary for scientists to waste time searching for information of data that could have been accessed[这句罗嗦而且时态有问题], but not available in former time due to lack of global network.[紧跟着TS的这句没有按照TS展开，而是直接说了TS的第二个领域] Nowadays, lots of scientific project can hardly achieved without the aid of global network in communication. One example is the project of decoding the human gene which involve with several countries' talented scientists in this area. By sharing the advance and data they acquire and communicating through global network in the research work, the project advances at a fantastic speed. Even more recently, with the aiding of global network, the outbreak of SARS and avi-flu have been quickly suppressed. By sharing the data and experience in process of defending ourselves against SARS and avi-flu, the scientist can detect the cause of the disease then discover a approach to cure them. As the examples show above, we tend to realize that the international influence which result from the global network benefit the development of scientific research. Besides, the global network of economy also facilitate the more ambitious project such as the international space station and exploring the Antarctic. Thanks to the financial support and commitment of all involving countries, these projects can become available[分角度论述要注意与TS保持一致。Economy的角度说得太简略了，而且，我认为举的例子那也不是全球经济网络的例子，资金支援和经济网络我觉得差距还是很大的].
Then, shifting our focus from science domains [这个似乎是向原文靠拢，但是不足以总结你实际写的body1] to global network's influence in political, we tend to realize that international influence is beneficial. There are several reasons can support [典型的病句，自己改] this view. One compelling reason is that by aiding of global network, the political leader of one nation can have a better understanding of other nations' system value[这里怎么读怎么别扭] , political system and convention, in turn , tolerate other nations so-called curious action[这里也不太对]. Another reason seems to be that through the immediate communication which is made available by global network, distinct nations is apt to strengthen their cooperation since there are[?] clearly understanding between each other afforded [这是修饰哪个的？] by global network. The third reason is that the instantaneous communication brought by the global network can help eliminate the misunderstanding between different countries, in turn, help avoid the potential conflict.[说全球化对政治的影响，怎么最后说的倒像是即时通讯的影响了？][段末也没有总结]
Turning to the education areas, the numerous successful changes brought by global network which facilitate the education tell us that the global network have a positive impact on education either[ color=blue][你不觉的划线的两部分是语义重复吗？翻译成汉语就能感觉到了]. With the help of internet and video-teaching method[后者和global network似乎没有必然关系], the students can acquire more knowledge at one time and be exposed to more sophisticated situation which can temper[这个词在这里啥意思？] their capacities. Also, by using the approach of remote education, the students, no matter where he/she[前面是复数！] is, can have class at any time. Besides, the global network help broaden the ken of the teachers, in turn, give the students the possibility of acquiring more knowledge.[段末没有总结]
However, when it comes to the art domains, while I concede that the global network will have a far-reaching effect on art, I would posit this effect [前后effect重复] as negative effect rather than the positive one[这句实在很罗嗦]. By introducing the global network into the art domain, we will [丢了个词？]risk of losing one nation's precious heritage in art domains, and the homogenization in the form of the art. Although the mainstream art can easily thrived by the global network[这句没看懂，而且是半句]. Some precious but more vulnerably disappeared [这个词能做被动么？] art will vanish without any trace. Were it the case, it would be a disaster for the civilization of all human beings.
To sum up, while I concede that the international influence stemmed naturally from the global network will have a beneficial impact on the domains including the science, politics, education, when it comes to the art domain, I posit it tends to have a negative impact on the art.
[你的开头段和结尾短的语气，给人的感觉都是要重点写在艺术领域的否定态度，但其实，你的各个领域是并列分析的。我建议你修改一下开头结尾。另外，你的body1,2看起来是想把原题中的science分开写，但是似乎前后结合得不太好，感觉和开头、下文都脱节。
语言上的小问题太多了，以至于我怀疑你没有自己查一遍语法。你需要注意的语法点是单复数一致，尤其是从句谓语和先行词的主谓一致。另外，过多的which从句，过多的by doing句式，给人带来阅读困难。写完之后要自己做修改。] 另外，我感觉文章中对global network的理解不够，尤其在economy、politics方面。平时应当多积累。 最初由 needle 发布
start to substitute the older one
以下省略......
jj，查了一下，好象substitude可以做及物动词的说。。。
substituting moral power for physical force?Elizabeth Cady Stanton)
我的理解好象是如果做不及物，后面加for，如果及物，被替代的前面没有东西，而替代品前面加for
不知道这理解对不对？ 完整的将needle jj的修改看了一次，过来写点感想——
姐姐改的文章真的不一样呵，从结构，编排到语言、词汇都有很多很实用的见解，比如例子的有效性和针对性，开头body段以及结尾的轻重比例安排（body段要依照开头段与结尾段而定），段中结尾处的总结，句子的复杂与罗嗦或重复情况。
而且jj文章题目把握的很细致，分几个方面，下面就要按着分好的写，去展开，真怀疑考场上45分钟，如果碰到自己没有细想过的题，如何应对的这么周到，呵呵，pfpf~~~
我摘记了一下，共勉吧~~ :) 这个词我当时就查了Longman，给出的例句和用法都是搭配for的。的确可以作为vt.，但不是这样用的，而是sb. substitude A for B 最初由 needle 发布
这个词我当时就查了Longman，给出的例句和用法都是搭配for的。的确可以作为vt.，但不是这样用的，而是sb. substitude A for B
我给的查到的例子也是substitude A for B 的说，所以怀疑也许那个词可以这样用的，所以与jj讨论一下。就象我们常用的leave A for B一样，完全可以说 leave A，而不说去B地。所以，类推一下，我怀疑那个词也可以说一半的。
again, 不知道这样理解对不对？ 不对的，上面的用法是说(sb.)用A代替B，而直接表示A代替B，在Longman上面有例句：
He substituded for the worker who was ill.
见于《朗文现代英汉双解词典》现代出版社1988年版 P1429 恩恩，我用的是美国传统辞典（双解），里面也是类似的用法和例子
给的几个例子：名词：Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality（Barbara Grizzuti Harrison）
及物：substituting moral power for physical force（Elizabeth Cady Stanton）
不及物：Only art can substitute for nature（Leonard Bernstein）
我们查到的内容是一样的，感觉，只是理解的问题了。晕了，如果用及物，必须用全的，要不然，就要用不及物，然后把被替代的做主语。
用法知道了，以后小心些 ：） 别的不想了，困，呵呵
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