issue177
177. The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.If we compare the whole world to a wonderful garden, the knowledge we gain from the discipline is just like a pair of magic glasses, through which we may both be intoxicated by the grace of a red rose and be astonished by the elegance of the garden’s composition. That is to say, we can discern the distinctive aspects of a common thing once we considered, because the approach of a discipline can lead us to perceive the world in other angles.
When we were very young, our parents taught us to recognize the things around us; we might be quite proud of asserting that the moon would come out a couple of days later and become round after two weeks, when we could not find it at a clear night. At that time, everything in the world seemed simple and easy to know, and our great parents could answer all the questions we met. However, as growing up, we gradually noticed the simple things once we had thought were not the case. We may question how moon can alter in a month; and when we consulted the issue with our parents, they might not be capable of explaining explicitly. So we desired to learn the reason from our teachers at school. Subsequently, we attained the solution that the moon is actually cannot light as the sun, all we see is the light reflected by the moon from the sun; and during their orbiting, the earth shades the light from the sun, so usually the moon we see is not round. We may not be merely satisfied with it yet, and are interested in astronomy, which our teacher was not good at. Consequently, we may devote ourselves into that field and have to admit what we thought is superficial.
As we know, we could learn a lot from an academic discipline: the theories, the methodology, the approaches as well as the applications; all of them can provide us a novel view to the world. The theory is the foundation of an academic discipline's exist and development, and almost all the phenomenon in this field can be explained by the theories; as a result, we can obtain the key to the confusing thing we thought, and learn the essence of the various phenomenon. With the methodology and approaches, we can know the theoretical and practical methods towards a certain problem of the field; then when the situation emerges in our daily life, we will easily deal with it. The application of discipline is the impetus of the development of the world. By using the knowledge of this aspect, we can apply when or where is necessary and decide whether an application existed is reasonable. All these mentioned above might either bring us a highlight of the world or to concern about the details that we ignored or neglected before. Therefore, the study of an academic discipline makes us perceive the world much comprehensive and careful.
However, with the rapid development and interweavement of different disciplines, to study one of them can only alter the way we perceive the world but will probably not be objective and precise, sometimes even may arouse the argument. A case in point is the technique of clone and its application. On the one hand, the technique of clone is undoubtedly an effective method testified by physiologists to cure some disease caused by genic defect; on the other hand, sociologists state the application may lead to unexpected ethic problems. We can object neither the viewpoints because they both reason well. Although different people may support the different views, we should gain as much knowledge as we can in all disciplines so that we can select a better way to perceive the world on balance.
Just like a epitome of the process of human civilization, to some extent, our cognition of the world is also a long period from simple and naive towards comprehensive and precise by studying, especially the disciplines, continuously. We may feel the garden of world more attractive because of the knowledge we have studied about it. If we compare the whole world to a wonderful（建议用更specific的词，清除的表达怎么样的wonderful） garden, the knowledge（为什么是knowledge?题目并无此意啊） we gain from the discipline is just like a pair of magic glasses, through which we may both be intoxicated by the grace of a red rose and be astonished by the elegance of the garden’s composition（这个比喻的喻体选的很好，但你想一下，如果把透过魔幻眼镜看的东西的前后特征作一比较是不是比单方面强调眼镜的功效更有说服力呢？）. That is to say, we can discern the distinctive aspects of a common thing once we considered, because the approach of a discipline can lead us to perceive the world in other angles.（最后讲到了in other angles，就像前面说过的，前面的比喻也要讲出这种other的感觉来）
（这里最好加上一个主题句）When we were very young, our parents taught us to recognize the things around us; we might be quite proud of asserting that the moon would come out a couple of days later and become round after two weeks, when we could not find it at a clear night.（这句确实没太明白） At that time, everything in the world seemed simple and easy to know, and our great parents could answer all the questions we met. However, as growing up, we gradually noticed the（those） simple things once we had thought were not the case（the case what they seemed to be）. We may question how（why） （the）moon can（去掉这个can） alter in a month; and when we consulted the issue with our parents, they might not be capable of explaining （缺宾语）explicitly. So we desired to learn the reason（explanations） from our teachers at school. Subsequently, we attained the solution that the moon is（去掉is） actually cannot light（shine） as the sun, all we see is the light reflected by the moon from the sun; and during their orbiting, the earth shades the light from the sun, so usually（so usuallyand that’s why） the moon we see is not round. We may not be merely satisfied with it yet, and（这两个分句的关系在想想，用and不太好） are interested in astronomy, which our teacher was not good at. Consequently, we may devote ourselves into that field and have to admit what we thought is superficial.
这一段例子不错，却一个主题句逊色了不少
As we know, we could learn a lot from an academic discipline: the theories, the methodology, the approaches as well as the applications; all of them can provide us a novel view to the world. The theory is the foundation of an academic discipline's exist（existence） and development, and almost all the phenomenon in this field can be explained by the theories; as a result, we can obtain the key to the confusing thing we thought, and learn the essence of the various phenomenon. With the methodology and approaches, we can（用第三人称去写，避免we you I） know the theoretical and practical methods towards a certain problem of the field; then when the situation emerges in our daily life, we will easily deal with it. The application of discipline is the impetus of the development of the world. By using the knowledge of this aspect, we can apply when or where is necessary and decide whether an application existed is reasonable. All these mentioned above might either bring us a highlight of the world or（前后并列的成分不一致） to concern about the details that we ignored or neglected before. Therefore, the study of an academic discipline makes us perceive the world much comprehensive and careful.
However, with the rapid development and interweavement of different disciplines, to study one of them can only alter the way we perceive the world but will probably not be objective and precise, sometimes even may arouse the（去掉the） argument. A case in point is the technique of clone and its application. On the one hand, the technique of clone is undoubtedly an effective method testified by physiologists to cure some disease caused by genic defect; on the other hand, sociologists state the application may lead to unexpected ethic problems. We can object neither （of）the viewpoints because they both reason well. Although different people may support the（去掉the） different views, we should gain as much knowledge as we can in all disciplines so that we can select a better way to perceive the world on balance.（克隆的例子不错，关键是要讲清楚学习disciplines和不学的区别，到底对人们的思路有什么影响，换句话说，应该写出一个纵向的动态发展变化，而不仅仅停留在静态的横向比较上。）
Just like a epitome of the process of human civilization, to some extent, our cognition of the world is also a long period（transition） from simple and naive towards comprehensive and precise by studying, especially the disciplines, continuously. （这句写的很漂亮）We may feel the garden of world more attractive because of the knowledge we have studied about it.
总的来说写的不错，语言上问题不多，有些句子写的很漂亮。
结构上可以看出思路是很清晰的，关键是要抓住学习前后的态度变化，这样一个动态的过程，如果只停留在静态比较给人感觉就是不深入。
看得出你的基础很好，再多练习肯定会有更大收获的，也希望你能多帮别人改些文章，自己也会提高更快的。 我觉得楼主的写法很新颖，而且个人认为body第一部分可以不要主题句。
麻烦丹尼再解释一下“动态的过程”，谢谢，不太明白的说。 好的
动态过程,关键是一个前后的态度转变,从题目中可以看出,造成这种转变的原因在于discipline.那么好了,下面行文的重点就应该是在学习discipline的前后,对于同样的问题到底人的看法发生了怎样的变化呢.
这篇文章中的月亮的例子可以用,但重点应该这样安排:先说儿时懵懂少年,是怎么看月亮的,这个说的还行;后来长大了,其实不是长大了,关键是学到了天文学的一些知识,于是月亮还是那个月亮,但知道了为什么月亮会发光,就是这样一个过程. 补充一点:
这个题目虽然是说academic discipline,但如果从纯粹的自然科学去写,很难写出新意.建议考虑一些社会问题,越heat越controversial越好,这样才容易写出规范学习后的作用. 社会科学的话题也比较多。谢谢丹尼。学习学习。
楼主的句子写的不错的说。 大家都来看看哦。 非常感谢丹尼和九月！受益匪浅！
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