issue185 needle版本+精彩讨论
（由于上次一个不小心把needle姐姐的原帖给删了，幸好大家还都留着原本，赶紧给恢复回来.....不过只能变成目前这个样子了，格式模拟仿真中...... by imong）No.1 Issue185，机井高频椰树又一棵，丑闻的作用
by needle
Issue185
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
提纲：
1。部分同意
2。丑闻的确可以吸引注意力并使我们知道更多的问题
3。丑闻有时候过分吸引注意力，反而使得人们忽略了更重要的问题；并且丑闻使得人们对社会的信任下降
4。鉴于丑闻的两面性，对于丑闻的利用要慎重
5。总结
Scandals are usually linked with such ugly words as "bribe", "corruption" and even "sex-batter". This strong impression would probably be altered to some extent since scandals are now claimed useful by some voices. In terms of my point of view, I do partly agree with this justification that scandals function in calling for the public's attention in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Besides the realization of their active impact, it could not be ignored either that they may make a sense even worse in some cases.
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology to be interest in everything happening around the famous, scandals, as closet affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch people's eyes. So it is easy to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton. On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, which was revealed in 2002, render thousands of Canadians contracted AIDS by blood transfusion. Heath is the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.
However, the adverse effect of scandals should not slip out of one’s mind, that they may sometimes detract people from more profound and important problems, especially those happening all but concurrently and scandals may also lead a pessimistic attitude of people and a latent panic to the society. Firstly, the inborn feature of scandals to catch people’s attention would ensure them a central point in people’s consideration, which might cause a severe result that rare interest is shown in some other meaningful events. That is somewhat like that when a player had entangled in excitant scandal, nobody would care how the other 21 players acted on the soccer court. What is more, scandals are vehicles and embodiments of lies and lusts, which are both aspects of mean humanity. So what the information people received from them is nothing but a deep disappointment and a bad impression of the “foul” world full of scandals. Gloomy mood are spread by the influence of increasing number of scandals, as a result people would perhaps less believe in the society and even not any longer. Scandals but offers a description of the situation, however, they fail to help people surmount the trouble.
Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful. Those advocating the goodness scandals bring about should not evade the shortcomings of scandals. It also should be taken into a well-round consideration to utilize scandals in helping focus people’s attention on the problems of society or other realms, especially in combating with the political adversaries, as is a much more abased way that could make sense even worse. However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts.
In sum, surely scandals sometimes dwarf a speaker or reformer in calling for public attention and making people focus on the problems involved in the sandals, but they do have some fallacies which are prone to cause severe results. So it would be inevitably impartial to merely emphasize the scandals’ active effect and likewise, their fallacies should not be overestimated either.(759words)
一看字数就知道狂超时（这就不提了。。椰树我就没有不超时的时候）
一看发帖子的时间就知道写的比较痛苦，又是改来想去，想来改去，写不出反例几乎想把body1拆开写完全赞同算了，最后还是忍了。
这一篇应该没有上一篇那么多语法错误了，虽然现在我也很困:PP
谢谢大家拍砖！！！！ No.3
by eveningboat
加油啊，老针，不限时可不好，在凌晨还写文章更是不可取，不要睡得太晚
文章我粗看了一下，整体写得中规中矩。第一段拉的过长，例子可以举加拿大那个（个人感觉克林顿要被人举烂了）。
感觉body2的“Gloomy mood are spread by the influence of increasing number of scandals, as a result people would perhaps less believe in the society and even not any longer. ”论证不够到位，可以考虑再细化前面的部分。
语言也没什么大毛病可以挑了，结构也很不错。你的逻辑思维一向是严谨的。觉得应该注意限时了，我在机经里都写过的。
祝你早日解脱 bless
No.5
by seeseafast
第4段Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful.？？
No.7
by kuaikuai
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology to be interest in everything happening around the famous, scandals, as closet affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch people's eyes. (有一些语法错误，而且句子有点杂糅)So it is easy to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton. （克老兄的例子都举烂了，再ETS看来应该是clique了，其实可以有很多其他的例子，如Nixon的watergate affair,jonh kenedy 和Marilyn Monrae的例子，实在不行还有最近韩国政坛丑闻，或者是台湾大选丑闻）On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, which was revealed in 2002, render thousands of Canadians contracted AIDS by blood transfusion. Heath is the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. （这个FUTHERMORE仅仅有抽象的表述，似乎缺少具体的说明）In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.（总体觉得本段拖的有点长了，想表述的东西太多了，然而又没有非常好的展开具体某一点的透彻的分析）
仅仅是个人观点，就献丑了。
不过楼主大人的句子的构造和句式灵活运动还是很羡慕的说。
希望互勉~~~ No.11
by LSD
Issue185
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
提纲：
1。部分同意
2。丑闻的确可以吸引注意力并使我们知道更多的问题
3。丑闻有时候过分吸引注意力，反而使得人们忽略了更重要的问题；并且丑闻使得人们对社会的信任下降
4。鉴于丑闻的两面性，对于丑闻的利用要慎重
5。总结
Scandals are usually linked with such ugly words as "bribe", "corruption" and even "sex-batter". This strong impression would probably be altered to some extent since scandals are now claimed useful by some voices. In terms of my point of view, I do partly agree with this justification that scandals function in calling for the public's attention in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Besides the realization of their active impact, it could not be ignored either that they may make a sense even worse in some cases.
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal (appeal 作动词使好像没有吸引的意思吧，是否应该改成appeal to 呢？) the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology （curiosity）(to be interest) in everything happening (taken place) around the famous(public figures), scandals, as closet(这个词用得不对吧) affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch（吸引要好些吧）people's eyes. So it is easy to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton. On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which(due to which), people are more likely to eye(??) the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, (which was) revealed in 2002, render(ed) thousands of Canadians contracted (infected) (AIDS)(具体说是HIV而不是AIDS) by blood transfusion. Heath is the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight（这句什么意思？）? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly（hasty） neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.
However, the adverse effect of scandals should not slip out of one’s mind, that they may sometimes detract people from more profound and important problems (affairs), especially those happening all but concurrently and scandals may also lead a pessimistic attitude of people and a latent panic to the society. Firstly, the inborn feature of scandals to catch people’s attention would ensure them a central point in people’s consideration, which might cause (lead to) a severe result that rare(这个词用得不对吧？) interest is shown in some other meaningful events. That is somewhat like that when a player had entangled in excitant scandal, nobody would care how the other 21 players acted on the soccer court(什么意思？). What is more, scandals are vehicles （media）and embodiments of lies and lusts, which are both aspects of mean humanity. So what the information people received from them is nothing but a deep disappointment and a bad impression of the “foul” world full of scandals. Gloomy mood are spread by the influence of increasing number of scandals, as a result people would perhaps less believe in the society and even not any longer. Scandals but offers a description of the situation, however, they fail to help people surmount the trouble.
Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful (两个形容词后应该加个宾语吧？). Those advocating the goodness scandals bring about should not evade the shortcomings（弊端） of scandals. It also should be taken into a well-round consideration to utilize scandals in helping focus people’s attention on the problems of society or other realms, especially in combating with the political adversaries, as is a much more abased way that could make sense even worse. However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening（awareness） of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts(这句读起来挺别扭,最好再想一下).
In sum, surely scandals sometimes dwarf a speaker or reformer in calling for public attention and making people focus on the problems involved in the sandals, but they do have some fallacies which are prone to(这几个词用在这儿没必要把) cause severe results. So it would be inevitably impartial to merely emphasize the scandals’ active effect and likewise, their fallacies should not be overestimated either.(759words)
很佩服搂主的词语运用能力,想起自己的作文,觉得词语都用得很简单,缺少变化,而且GRE词汇用得很少.
在这儿想问一下,ETS对于词汇的要求到底有多高呢?
用简单的词汇不会得很低的分数? No.12
by LSD
跟一贴：
这篇用一辉的模考软件限时写的
写完了觉得内容有点浅，请各位看看吧
Issue185: 562 words
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
Scandals, the productions of modern sociey seem to play a more and more important role in our daily lives. So some people assert that these scandals --whether in politics, academia, or other areas, can be useful and they focus attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. As far as I am concern, the significance of scandals is far more rely on the temporary situation and other factors. Sometime it is really useful while it is not always the truth.
To begin with, I should say that some times scandals expose some crucial problems of the society. With the development of human civilization and the promotion of peoples' sense of democracy, individuals now have the rights to speak out what they think and what they want. And mass media give the chance to every person to express their needs. So we can know the uncovered affairs of some public figures, which cannot be imagined several years before. In fact some of these information is so useful to our society. A case in point is the famous president Nixon of US. Only after the so-called Water Gate was published in some newspapers did Americans cast doubt on the rule of their government. This candle also made persons pay attention to the economic problem of their country.
In the realm of education and research, another example recently appearances in the United States is the scandal in the Tulane University of medical department. Several days ago, this well-known university sold some cadavers donated by citizens to American army for some military usage. This action was revealed and results in large scale of responses in the whole society. People claim that the government should regulate the use of cadaver and they didn't want to see such phenomenon again.
Even in the realm of sports, scandals have their meanings. Via modern technique, now we can identify who has use excitant before the competition. The exposal of these athletes who make use of excitant to get a higher records and cheating in the competition will help us build up a more equitable environment for the competition and then these records could reflect the true standard of the athletes. It is due to the exposure of scandals that reminds sports constitution in each country to set up their own laws to restrain such unexpected actions.
However, when we savor the benefits that scandals bring us, we should realize that just like every human production, scandals also like a two-edged sword, sometimes they can arouse disturbance in society. For example, lately in my hometown, the local newspaper published a piece of news reported that a woman acknowledged she had an illegimate child with one of the main government official. This unluckily leader, have to abandon his position in the government and wait for the checking carried by the local censorate . Whereas, several days later, after an examine toward the official and the woman, the government confirm that the woman told a lie to the public. So I would emphasize that the mass media and the newspaper should take a serious attitude before publish each scandal.
In sum, although in some situations scandals can help us recognize the problems of our society, we should take a seriously attitude about each scandal. More important, the government should legislate to restrain mass media use their rights improper. No.13
by needle
最初由 LSD 发布
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal (appeal 作动词使好像没有吸引的意思吧，是否应该改成appeal to 呢？) the mass，
u a right! appeal to
最初由 LSD 发布
by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology （curiosity）(to be interest) in everything happening (taken place) around the famous(public figures), scandals, as closet(这个词用得不对吧) affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch（吸引要好些吧）people's eyes.
closet作adj.表示秘密的；
happen 和take place有区别么？而且即便用take place修饰，是不是也应该用现在分词，而不是过去分词呢？因为没有被动的含义。
catch one's eyes吸引……的注意力
最初由 LSD 发布
because of which(due to which), people are more likely to eye(??) the scandals voluntarily.
eye作v.表示盯着看
最初由 LSD 发布
Heath is the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight（这句什么意思？）?
健康是一个人所拥有的最珍贵的财富，所以他（她）会不关注这样的丑闻吗？（放在视野之外）
最初由 LSD 发布
which are recklessly（hasty） neglected
recklessly adv.鲁莽地 hasty匆忙的意思也没错也没错，不过要用hastily
最初由 LSD 发布
which might cause (lead to) a severe result that rare(这个词用得不对吧？) interest is shown in some other meaningful events.
rare adj.稀少的。。。有疑问？
cause和lead to一样的意思呀！
最初由 LSD 发布
That is somewhat like that when a player had entangled in excitant scandal, nobody would care how the other 21 players acted on the soccer court(什么意思？). What is more, scandals are vehicles （media）and embodiments of lies and lusts,
这就有点像当一个球员被牵涉进兴奋剂丑闻，不会有人再关心其他21个球员在足球场上表现的好坏了。
vehicle可以表示载体，比media更准确，可以用carrier代替
最初由 LSD 发布
Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful (两个形容词后应该加个宾语吧？).
treat sb. as+宾补，是不是可以直接接形容词呢？我认为是可以的。Longman上没有查到相关的例句，但是由treat的这项用法是和regard完全相同的，regard sb. as adj.在Longman上有例句。
最初由 LSD 发布
However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening（awareness） of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts(这句读起来挺别扭,最好再想一下).
awakening n.觉醒. awareness也是可以的，但是我个人感觉没有awakening的动感（动名词变来的名词都是有动感的）
不知道是整句感觉别扭还是but从句或者and从句？为什么呢？
“然而，媒体应当在一定程度上追逐丑闻，并不是基于迎合大众好奇心的目的，而是唤起大众对于一些严重的问题的觉醒，并且把知情权归还给人们。”不太明白“别扭”指的是什么呢？
最初由 LSD 发布
很佩服搂主的词语运用能力,想起自己的作文,觉得词语都用得很简单,缺少变化,而且GRE词汇用得很少.
在这儿想问一下,ETS对于词汇的要求到底有多高呢?
用简单的词汇不会得很低的分数?
我？:PPP 其实我词汇量并不大。。。不过，可能会有时候刻意的避免过多的重复，包括词和句子。这一篇里用了两遍make sense even worse其实就挺能证明我还是挺贫乏的，我想避免来着，但是没有做到，因为想不出来还能怎么说。
你问的ETS要求，这个我回答不了。我没怎么看过范文，不过就我看过的而言，词汇量不是很大的。我想LSD不用太担心！句子尽量多写几个变化可能会有好处。不过，毕竟语言不是最重要的。
非常感谢你这么晚了还在帮我看帖子。。。谢谢！
以上回答如有疑义欢迎讨论。 No.14
by needle
最初由 LSD 发布
跟一贴：
这篇用一辉的模考软件限时写的
写完了觉得内容有点浅，请各位看看吧
Issue185: 562 words
Issue185: 562 words
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
Scandals, the productions of modern sociey seem to play a more and more important role in our daily lives. So some people assert that these scandals --whether in politics, academia, or other areas, can be useful and they focus attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. As far as I am concern , the significance of scandals is far more rely on the temporary situation and other factors. Sometime it is really useful while it is not always the truth.
To begin with, I should say that some times [次数？sometimes] scandals expose some crucial problems of the society. With the development of human civilization and the promotion of peoples' sense of democracy, individuals now have the [去掉] rights to speak out what they think and what they want. And mass media give the chance to every person to express their needs. So we can know the uncovered affairs of some public figures, which cannot be imagined several years before. In fact some of these information is so useful to our society. A case in point is the famous president Nixon of US. Only after the so-called Water Gate was published in some newspapers [这里用“印”在报纸上当然没有错，但是我觉得published/publicized by被报纸”公开”更好] [,] did Americans cast doubt on the rule of their government. This candle also made persons pay attention to the economic problem of their country.[这一段除了开头TS和例子总结句，没有提到scandal啊！中间一直在强调公众有了更多可能知道幕后的事情，但是究竟是什么才使得他们知道的呢？楼主似乎将其归功于人类文明进程，民主意识增强，以及大众媒体，都给scandals毫无关系。另外，uncovered affairs不见得就是scandals]
In the realm of education and research, another example recently appearances in the United States is the scandal in the Tulane University of medical department [后面的这个指医药部？还是该大学的医学系？感觉of关系是不是反了]. Several days ago, this well-known university sold some cadavers donated by citizens to American army for some military usage. This action was revealed and results in large scale of responses in the whole society. People claim that the government should regulate the use of cadaver and they didn't want to see such phenomenon again.[总结的太轻飘飘的啦！][这一段完全就是一个独立的例子。也不是不可以，看看下文结构再说。]
Even in the realm of sports, scandals have their meanings. Via modern technique, now we can identify who has use excitant before the competition. The exposal of these athletes who make use of [用服用take in多好“who have taken in excitant to…”] excitant to get a higher records and cheating [前面有who, are cheating] in the competition will help us build up a more equitable environment for the competition and then these records could reflect the true standard of the athletes. It is due to the exposure of scandals that [强调句强调的是句子的状语部分，那么that后面应该是主句部分，一个完整句。看了一下，这一句最好去掉前面的due to] reminds sports constitution in each country to set up their own laws to restrain such unexpected actions.[体育领域丑闻这个角度是很好的。不过总是感觉论述的时候事件描述和scandals略有脱节。在句子中间多联系一下可能效果更好。]
However, when we savor the benefits that scandals bring us, we should realize that just like every human production, scandals also like a two-edged sword, sometimes they can arouse disturbance in society. For example, lately in my hometown, the local newspaper published a piece of news reported [删去reported] that a woman acknowledged she had an illegimate child with one of the [用a不好么，如果用one of，后面复数] main government official. This unluckily [这个词用的合适吗？楼主的态度是同情？（看了后面的明白这个词了，但是第一感觉还是不太好）] leader, have to abandon his position in the government and wait for the checking carried by the local censorate . Whereas, several days later, after an examine toward the official and the woman, the government confirm that the woman told a lie to the public. So I would emphasize that the mass media and the newspaper should take a serious attitude before publish each scandal.[例子举的是丑闻被利用，也是合适的，但是和disturbance好像差的有点远.结尾总结句总结到媒体对丑闻的态度，更改了TS]
In sum, although in some situations scandals can help us recognize the problems of our society, we should take a seriously attitude about each scandal. More important, the government should legislate to restrain mass media use their rights improper.
[基本思路是对比优缺点。优点部分有一个单独成段的例子，结合下面的体育来看，似乎应该是分层面分角度说，但是没有对应的总起句，只能让人觉得是单纯的一个例子，而且是联系这上文的。那么它单独一段是不太合适的。如果是分角度论述是可以的。缺点部分写的有点浅，虽然有一个例子，但相对楼主该段的TS而言，似乎分量不够。而最后的总结部分，也有些偏离了全文的TS，似乎总结到了媒体和政府的态度问题，这些不是不能写，而是应当总结到TS之后捎带着补充.
写法上，搂主这一篇里反映出来的一个大问题是段末的总结常常和该段TS相去甚远。分段也要注意，否则是结构混乱。
语言上，要注意的一个是单复数（名词和谓动），一个是形容词和副词的混用，个别用词感觉不太准确。] No.15
by LSD
1.你文章里的有几个单词我改成了词组是因为以前有一些老师曾经强调过：用词组在老外眼里比用单词显得更地道一些。
2.关于However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening（awareness） of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts(这句读起来挺别扭,最好再想一下).一句，主要是觉得pay back 后面的内容和前面有点重复。呵呵，个人意见。 No.16
by LSD
认真思考了needle 的意见，觉得的确TS和例子的关系论述得不够紧密。
论述scandal 的正面作用时，那三段都讲的是一个意思，所以没有想出每一段分别的TS。以前看过一些范文（ETS公布的5分范文），从不同领域论述是可以另起一段的。
那个反面的例子应该再强调一下一些不负责任的丑闻给人们带来了不良后果以及给社会带来了一些不必要的浪费是不是要好些？
最后的结尾是个失败，因为太紧张了，要超时了，就草草收尾了，应该再强调一下scandal 的正面与负面作用。
AGAIN THANKS No.18
by 海洋
我看了阿nee的作文，四个字：深得我心！
怎么说呢，先抛开限时不限时的问题，这篇文章可以说是极品了，丝丝相扣，不断前后相顾，照应周到，而且能在后来把出题意向和自己的分析意向进一步拔高，这一点我很赞同。作者极认真，又这么能坚持，把理说得很透。常有智慧火花，读来受益很深。
在论证丑闻的正面效果时，作者显得有些不太清晰，虽然思考的很多，但没有足够有条理地剔除思维中的杂乱性，这种状态不仅影响条理性，还影响速度。我自己常常在这种时候陷入一种迷茫和停顿。你说写不出反例几乎想把body1拆开写完全赞同算了，最后还是忍了，但我却觉得后面的反面论证读起来反而更舒服呢！
一点关于改进正面论证、提高速度的建议：
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal to the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems ...{一句话刚完，并且这句话值得加以论证，却立刻写on the other hand，一个"on the other hand"词组本身就有能力把作者引到别的地方去，开始乱，词组自己也是有魔力的呢}On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology to be interest in everything happening around the famous, scandals, as closet affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch people's eyes. So it is easy to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton.
{呵呵，这里又来一个on the other hand了^_^} On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, which was revealed in 2002, render thousands of Canadians contracted AIDS by blood transfusion. Heath is the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.
集中说一下：
{下面这段话很棒，我建议把它整个挪到前面去，紧随你第一句Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems ...j其后，因为这样才是最佳的条理，你试试} scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire.（ 然后紧跟着desire就开始讨论大众心理，不需要举加拿大那个例子，因为对健康话题的关心与人们对秘密的探究心理可以归为一类，不需另外说了，太分散了，时间也宝贵啊。而且一个严谨的论证比一个生动的例子好很多，割爱吧）
后面furthermore的那段我喜欢得紧，而且from then on 就是越写越顺、也越看越爱了。
阿nee好好干，六分大大的有戏！ No.19
by 小豚
Scandals are usually linked with such ugly words as "bribe", "corruption" and even "sex-batter". This strong impression would probably be altered to some extent since scandals are now claimed useful by some voices. In terms of my point of view, I do partly agree with this justification that scandals function in calling for the public's attention in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Besides the realization of their active impact, it could not be ignored either that they may make a sense even worse in some cases.（很有文采的开头，问一下NEEDLE，这种开头大约花你多长时间？）
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology to be interest in everything happening around the famous, scandals, as closet affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch people's eyes. So it is easy to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton. On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. （这一句没读懂） As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, which was revealed in 2002, render thousands of Canadians contracted AIDS by blood transfusion. Heath（health） is the most valuable asset （s ）one owns （，）so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.（正如你自己也意识到了，这一段太长。我知道你想尽量作到面面俱到，而且这一段考虑的也确实很全面了，但对于考试来说，似乎不合适。我觉得你的观点不用改，即坚持PARTLY AGREE， 完全按你的提纲来，思路是很好的，关键在于取舍。比如现在，你这一段的内容可以去掉Furthermore 后面的，只用前面的两个方面就够了，或着你也可取后面的两个，总之，自己组合一下。曾经看过前辈们的文章中提到过，我们的ISSUE作文，不用面面俱到，我觉得NEEDLE你应该好好想想这个问题，这样也许会让你更明白你的作文要做的是什么—自圆其说。当然，有利的论述是不可少的。但不用求你的观点是否完全。但愿你能明白我说的意思）
However, the adverse effect of scandals should not slip out of one’s mind, that they may sometimes detract people from more profound and important problems, especially those happening all but concurrently and scandals may also lead a pessimistic attitude of people and a latent panic to the society. Firstly, the inborn feature of scandals to catch people’s attention would ensure them a central point in people’s consideration, which might cause a severe result that rare interest is shown in some other meaningful events. That is somewhat like that when a player had entangled in excitant scandal, nobody would care how the other 21 players acted on the soccer court. What is more, scandals are vehicles and embodiments of lies and lusts, which are both aspects of mean humanity. So what the information people received from them is nothing but a deep disappointment and a bad impression of the “foul” world full of scandals. Gloomy mood are spread by the influence of increasing number of scandals, as a result people would perhaps less believe in the society and even not any longer. Scandals but offers a description of the situation, however, they fail to help people surmount the trouble.（这一段不错 ）
Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful. Those advocating the goodness scandals bring about should not evade the shortcomings of scandals. It also should be taken into a well-round consideration to utilize scandals in helping focus people’s attention on the problems of society or other realms, especially in combating with the political adversaries, as is a much more abased way that could make sense even worse. However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts.（我觉得这一段的思想可以考虑作为结尾用，即，作为对scandal 应持的态度。这样文章会更有机。）
In sum, surely scandals sometimes dwarf a speaker or reformer in calling for public attention and making people focus on the problems involved in the sandals, but they do have some fallacies which are prone to cause severe results. So it would be inevitably impartial to merely emphasize the scandals’ active effect and likewise, their fallacies should not be overestimated either.(759words)
首先从语言来说，相当不错了（怎么作到的啊？NEEDLE给我传授一下心得哦！语言是我的难点）。从结构上说，思路很清晰。至于第一个BODY的问题我已经指出了，不知道能不能给你什么帮助。其他的没什么大问题。我希望你好好作好对思路的取舍，我觉得这很重要。如果脑子里一下子反映出很多东西，就尽量将他们归类，看看实际上说的是不是一个意思。 我个人的一点看法，希望能够对你限时的问题有点帮助。NEEDLE，顺便教教我怎么在几个月内能在语言上有个飞跃呢？（你的语言是我的榜样哦。） No.20
by lovebrian
Issue185
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. 这个题目……嘻嘻~~表打我！
提纲：
1。部分同意
2。丑闻的确可以吸引注意力并使我们知道更多的问题
3。丑闻有时候过分吸引注意力，反而使得人们忽略了更重要的问题；并且丑闻使得人们对社会的信任下降
4。鉴于丑闻的两面性，对于丑闻的利用要慎重
5。总结跟我的提纲几乎一样！
Scandals are usually linked with such ugly words as "bribe", "corruption" and even "sex-batter". This strong impression would probably be altered to some extent since scandals are now claimed useful by some voices. In terms of my point of view, I do partly agree with this justification that scandals function in calling for the public's attention in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Besides the realization of their active impact, it could not be ignored either that they may make a sense even worse in some cases.长了——像个body
我觉得thesis尽量用一句话表达
Primarily, scandals do serve to appeal the mass， by doing which they succeed in focusing people's attention on problems whether in politics, academic, or other areas. On the one hand, concerning that people always have a psychology to be interest in everything happening around the famous, 是不是第二个句子了？scandals, as closet affairs revealing not only the luminaries' underground characteristics but also the inside stories of significant matters, are a potent instrument to catch people's eyes. So it is easy前面很概述，后面就obviously~~偶不是说过表酱子写吗？！ to explain why the Whitehouse web site received more than 1,000,000 clicks after the public procurator had publicized his report of the Zippergate Sandal involving the pro-president Bill Clinton. On the other hand, scandals are significant social events which may be relative to the people' own profits, because of which, people are more likely to eye the scandals voluntarily为什么啊？unconvincing. Compared with a speaker or reformer, who would only face to limited numbers of audiences even with the help of modern tools这个切入点不好~~工具是很次要的, such as TV and radio programs, and could appeals only those taking his/her side, scandals are so distinctive that they can reach the point to cause people to be motivated by their own desire. As an illustration, the Canadian Blood Bank Scandal, which was revealed in 2002, render thousands of Canadians contracted AIDS by blood transfusion. Heath typois the most valuable asset one owns so can he/she keep such a scandal out of his/her sight? Furthermore, due to the fact that scandals usually discover the insides unknown to the public before, they are more eligible to inform the public some real situations which are recklessly neglected by or intentionally concealed to the public, and then arise up a wide-extent attention to the matter reflected in them. In brief, scandals do make a sense in invoking people to care for the problems.好空洞阿~~~到底没说出来关注丑闻会怎么样！具体出来补就得了？
However, the adverse effect of scandals should not slip out of one’s mind, that they may sometimes detract people from more profound and important problems, especially those happening all but concurrently and scandals may also lead a pessimistic attitude of people and a latent panic to the society. Firstly, the inborn feature of scandals to catch people’s attention would ensure them a central point in people’s consideration, which might cause a severe result that rare interest is shown in some other meaningful events. That is somewhat like that when a player had entangled in excitant scandal, nobody would care how the other 21 players acted on the soccer court. What is more, scandals are vehicles and embodiments of lies and lusts, which are both aspects of mean humanity. So what the information people received from them is nothing but a deep disappointment and a bad impression of the “foul” world full of scandals. Gloomy mood are spread by the influence of increasing number of scandals, as a result people would perhaps less believe in the society and even not any longer. Scandals but offers a description of the situation, however, they fail to help people surmount the trouble.还不错~~~ 比我想的深刻，我想的是会让人浪费时间，舍本逐末，而且会有错误的概念和推论，甚至错误的观念~~
Consequently, scandals should be treated as not only useful but also harmful这个句式简直就是自相矛盾. Those advocating the goodness scandals bring about should not evade the shortcomings of scandals. It also should be taken into a well-round consideration to utilize scandals in helping focus people’s attention on the problems of society or other realms, especially in combating with the political adversaries, as is a much more abased way that could make sense even worse. However, scandals should be sought by the media to some extent, not on the purpose to meet the mass’s curiosity, but to arouse a public awakening of some critical problems and pay back people the rights of knowing the facts.恩！这个跟我想得一样！
In sum, surely scandals sometimes dwarf a speaker or reformer in calling for public attention and making people focus on the problems involved in the sandals, but they do have some fallacies which are prone to cause severe results. So it would be inevitably impartial to merely emphasize the scandals’ active effect and likewise, their fallacies should not be overestimated either.(759words)
一看字数就知道狂超时（这就不提了。。椰树我就没有不超时的时候）
一看发帖子的时间就知道写的比较痛苦，又是改来想去，想来改去，写不出反例几乎想把body1拆开写完全赞同算了，最后还是忍了。
这一篇应该没有上一篇那么多语法错误了，虽然现在我也很困:PP
谢谢大家拍砖！！！！
body1最长，也是很失败的一个~~~写得不好
另外的写得都不错~~~如果减少body1，然后丰满一下3会很好的！
嘻嘻~~
努力努力！！
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