issue93 [color=blue]个人责任－－社会类－－写的时间很长，敬请大家提出宝贵意见
Issue93: N minutesThe concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
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Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one in the society, which may invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed. Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us.
However, someone believe that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好？）At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
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语言问题：
1. On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)
2. from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)
3. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好？）
4. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
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关于issue写作：
不知道为什么，我破题，分析题目倒是听快，30多分钟（其实，也很汗了，因为自己列了个提纲，这到花时间不少）但是写的时候就超慢，一会开一下词霸，一会看一下WM，一回又上google查例子，感觉太慢了，我都不敢说写了多少分钟，丢人：（ 猛个的写完后，后来又发现自己写的又有点多。特别是倒数最后一段是在是把话重复了一遍，就为了节构的完整，真是罗嗦。
我感觉，语言上对我的束缚太多。但时间紧，不知从何如手？我也知道语言这东西要多写多练，可毕竟就这么些时间，所以请各位给我提点操作性强的建议，谢谢你了！！！
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p.s.
提纲的样子死活调不好，传个图吧。 再p.s.：
1。这篇文章是我看完imong的特训chapter1.3“1＋1 得寸进尺” 的作业。开始看的时候，其他三个题目我顺便就安imong的思路分析了，写了提纲，可是这篇就是很茫然，所以拿来做。
2。本来不是这个开头。记得看过一篇很大气的文章，开头就是“高屋建瓴，指点江山”的感觉，好像是一篇没写完的范文。我想试试。但发现，写了有40多字后，觉得如果按这样写下去，就绕的太远了，有跑题的嫌疑。只好掐调。现在，附上作为大家讨论：如果是按这样写，能否写出好文章呢？
我觉得，issue的写作应向着"研究性分析写作“的方向进行，起码在备考阶段是好的。大家在同一个题目这个平台下讨论，什么样的开头，什么样的立论，什么样的例子。一下就出来了。经过一次酣畅的讨论，大家就能掌握多种方法，而且印象深刻。
3，再说下开头，因为这是一个半成品，所以大家发挥大余地很大，可以试着写写，看到底能否写出好的文字。还有就是，我对开头的迷惑，是开门见山式的好呢，还是曲径通幽式好呢？大家能不能给点建议呢？长短都好，参与第一。
4，附件：原始开头：
Every object works according to its own law.Sun rise and down,people burn and die.And each law control its object works in harmony.And all those laws intwine and become a net,which dominate the universe and make all in proportion.For us human being,what is the law inside our society?I believe it is
individual responsibility,which makes our home and society in a
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再再p.s.：
开始打好了，结果不小心，500多字就没了，：（_ _ _ _ No.1 issue93 个人责任－－社会类－－写的时间很长，敬请大家提出宝贵意见，附提纲，和求教
Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
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Recently there is a（an） assertion that: Individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional（这一句表达有问题不知but何意）, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly(to a great extent准确些), thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)（应该用for） Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one in the society, which may invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate（直接说restrict就行了） people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept (and) then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practice every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglecting for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did(was) , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there are no such terrible things before(before掉后) in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection（neglect） of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed(happened). Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable(indispensable) and absolutely necessary for each of us.
However, someone believes that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As an independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heresy the Church, so he was kept(put) in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing (abustle) market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted (scorched) to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for(from) a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise(conviction), fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral(radical) thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick to our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else wanted to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine(suppose) that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above-mentioned example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?(不知你要表达什么))However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is an obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry（equilibrium）.(不知道用什么词好？）At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)(我感觉这个词用的不错)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for. When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
(可能文章太长了吧，感觉段落内逻辑关系有些混乱，有些过度词比较勉强。例子不错，段落间关系相对比较清晰。总体来说还可以)
注意一下用词，尽量长短句结合
继续努力
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语言问题：
1. On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)
2. from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)
3. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好？）
4. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
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关于issue写作：
不知道为什么，我破题，分析题目倒是听快，30多分钟（其实，也很汗了，因为自己列了个提纲，这到花时间不少）但是写的时候就超慢，一会开一下词霸，一会看一下WM，一回又上google查例子，感觉太慢了，我都不敢说写了多少分钟，丢人：（ 猛个的写完后，后来又发现自己写的又有点多。特别是倒数最后一段是在是把话重复了一遍，就为了节构的完整，真是罗嗦。
我感觉，语言上对我的束缚太多。但时间紧，不知从何如手？我也知道语言这东西要多写多练，可毕竟就这么些时间，所以请各位给我提点操作性强的建议，谢谢你了！！！
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p.s.
提纲的样子死活调不好，传个图吧。
naiba369 上传了这个图片: 先占个位。发现你好几个an都写成了a。呵呵，粗心。 谢谢devotion，谢谢你在快考试的情况下还这么认真的批改我这篇比较长而次的文章。你提出的问题，我会好好研究，尽量下次不犯了，谢谢你了^_^
谢谢paisley有空来坐，我觉的还是自己写的太少了（篇数），写东西就像挤牙膏一般，主要试语言，句式的问题，太束缚我，例子也很土。能否给我提出点建议，指导一下后面的学习。我的具体情况请看下面的链接
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208735
bless~~ Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) （to the person himself如何？）Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one（应合写） in the society, which may （少一个be）invisible but exist indeed. Besides it（指代不明，其实你前面还没说清楚） is the restriction that regulate（第三人称单数要加s） people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its（同理，这个its是什么？） ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept （最好加it）then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection（neglect即可，既是名词又是动词） for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks（A应大写） for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did（应是was） , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is（应用was或had been） no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed（perform是主动含义，但是悲剧一般不是由人“主动”制造的，最好用would never take place）. Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us.
这段论述得不太明朗。我没看懂你的意思。如果你直白得说：个人责任在于恪尽职守，为社会贡献自己的力量，那么就容易理解一些。但是你没有从工作上或是人的心理上去论说，感觉比较“虚”。还有我建议不要轻易用911这个例子，对有些美国人来说，这是他们最深的痛楚，很不愿意被人毫无感情地拿着说事。
However, someone believe（少s） that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may （少be）restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so（前面有as，这里无须so） he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare（前面有is，后面有can，变成两个谓语动词了，应是is。。。comparable） with death? Is（应是does） anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is（前面是behaviors，后面不应是is） determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself（为什么突然用you？用he或one即可）. Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick（少s） to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would （应是will he die）die from the outside forces?（最好是external forces） (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up(这么说不合适) and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself （这种价值判断型的语句最好不要出现）.
后面没细改了，我要出去办事了。
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好？)At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
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我建议你下次不要把ISSUE写得那么长。当然初期是可以的，但是现在剩的时间不多了，你要尽快学会在有限的时间里、有限的字数里把意思表达得完整深刻。万一现在这样洋洋洒洒惯了，考场上可能会写不完。
几个应该是an不是a的地方我就不改了。
语法上你还比较弱，出现好多错误。下次争取自己先改过来。
我现在要出去办事，明天再给你提点其他建议。我觉得你推迟时间考试可行。 谢谢，paisley的仔细批改，我保存了，等会好好研究一下。
btw，paisley，通过看我这篇文章，你觉得我我现在最急需解决的问题是什么? 占位先 Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
Recently there is a assertion that: individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional, since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly, thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal Literally speaking, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准) as an individual，这里下的定义很含糊 Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one everyone in the society, which may be invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate regulates people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practise every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglection for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did was , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there is are no such terrible things before in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed. Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable and absolutely necessary for each of us. 政府情报部门的工作失职也能算是individual responsibility。比较怀疑ing。下面语法错误就不改了，自己好好查一下:)
However, someone believe that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may be restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. 武断而且含糊。这些因素对个体的影响体现在哪些方面？与个体责任有关吗？ .As a independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heretical by the Church, so he was kept in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise, fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral immortal thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else want to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is a obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you.为什么 Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好？）为什么说是linkage使得社会和谐 At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel 何以见得, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)这段一连跳出来N个论断都没好好论证
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is both a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for . When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
段落结构不太清晰。b1像是要给individual responsibility 下定义但写到下面又跑掉了。911的例子举得不好 虽然被apolloxp批的一无是处，但我明白大家都是为我好，我会好好研究你给我提出的建议的。
谢谢你了，apolloxp，想必让你读我这种新手的文章正所谓－－“不忍卒读”，写的既烂，又长。对此，我表示万分的感谢，希望我过些日子，我的文章会给你耳目一新的感觉。相信我^_^
在此，对楼上所有的xdjm，BOW! BOW! BOW! 我觉得你最重要的任务是学会在规定时间内既把文章写完，又能自己把最基本的错误改过来。当然你的文章还有待更深入，但是前者的任务显然容易达到，后者要花很多力气和时间。所以你先保证前者，兼顾后者。
平时有空就多思考思考问题啊，什么现象都可以拿来做ISSUE素材练脑的。 把学习融入生活，生活化学习,我明白了，谢谢paisley姐
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