issue128 渴望指点！相互批改，谢谢先
128"It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free."不同意：
1．正规教育奠定基础，放飞思想。
2．正规教育深化思想，使得解放的思想思考的更有效，
3．尽管正规教育有缺陷，但可以由方法来解决。
I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirts rather than set them free. Granted that formal education created some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions.
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain the freedom of mind and spirit. Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of them. Formal education provides various realm of knowledge, divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills before any further research and study. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that we should get ready a fully preparation. In other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and farther they will reach. As same as birds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm; otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world.
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creation comes from free mind and spirit can't be thorough and profound. Maybe, these creations are full of imagination, but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major background worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jury, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined to a further education in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own.
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum and false teaching methods, but they can eventually ameliorate under certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection, thus we should confront the problems and solve them. Although students complain about their curriculum all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding advanced teaching methods to attract the attention of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedly with softwares, such as flash an PowerPoint, which present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore, which is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit.
All in all, formal education releases our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it. With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthen the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free. No.1 issue128 渴望指点！相互批改，谢谢先 noopia
128"It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free."
不同意：
1．正规教育奠定基础，放飞思想。
2．正规教育深化思想，使得解放的思想思考的更有效，
3．尽管正规教育有缺陷，但可以由方法来解决。
I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirtsspirits rather than set them free. Granted that formal education created some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions.
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain the freedom of mind and spirit. Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of them这个比喻好象有点不知所云？下文的解释应该和这连接. Formal education provides various realm of knowledge, divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills before any further research and studyTS放在前面些会更好. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that we should get readyfor a fully preparation. In other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and farther they will reach. As same as birds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm; otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world.
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creation comes from free mind and spirit can't be thorough and profound. Maybe, these creations are full of imagination, but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major background worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jury, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined to a further education in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own.
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum and false teaching methods, but they can eventually be ameliorated ameliorate under certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection, thus we should confront the problems and solve them. Although students complain about their curriculum all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding advanced teaching methods to attract the attention of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedlyin detail with softwares, such as flash an PowerPoint, which present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore, which is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit.
All in all, formal education releases our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it. With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthen the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free.J 共同进步！ 先看看 占位置 B1非常好,指出正规教育提供了广阔的知识空间,因此解放思想.
我以为正规教育还有另外一个特点,就是它提供一种正规的训练, 这种训练使得基础牢固. 对比中美基础教育就可看出.
B2的例子后面的论证是不是不够,我也存在这个问题:举完例子就下结论,论证作得不够,希望高手们指点,到底怎样用例子有效回应主题
B3作者侧重于解决正规教育缺陷.但我想应该重点论述正规教育缺陷在哪里,解决的办法一句带过~
noopia,不知道以上分析的对不对,菜鸟一个~
请各位多指点, 128"It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free."
不同意：
1．正规教育奠定基础，放飞思想。
2．正规教育深化思想，使得解放的思想思考的更有效，
3．尽管正规教育有缺陷，但可以由方法来解决。
I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirts (spirits) rather than set them free. Granted that formal education created some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to (这里表达有点混乱，advantages which provide basic elements of attaining …?) free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions. 观点是承认有限制，但是正规教育提供了解放思想和精神的基本要素，就是说实际上还是主要为解放思想和精神服务的。有一点建议，根据你的全文，这里说一下限制也是可以解决的会比较全面，毕竟是全文的观点。
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain（attaining?） the freedom of mind and spirit. (感觉这个TS太简单了，不太全面，可以补充一下把这段的主要观点都放在TS里，个人意见，呵呵) Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of them（这个比喻说的不太明白，没达到效果，可以考虑换成更直接一点的说法）. Formal education provides various realm（realms） of knowledge, （which are） divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills（is…skills?） before（？） any further research and study. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that we should get ready a fully preparation（感觉这句也有点问题的）. In other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. （很对，但是应该继续下个定义啊）For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and farther they will reach. As same as birds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm; otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world. 我觉得你这个比喻/例子说服力不强，应该找更具体的例子来说明。总的感觉你这段停留在表面上，说来说去没能证明为什么教育提供了基础知识，为什么因此可以解放思想和精神。再深入一点，而且，对于这样的问题具体的例子很重要的。
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creation comes（creations come） from free mind and spirit（come from这样说不太好吧，which stem from?） can't (书面语用cannot) be thorough and profound. Maybe, these creations are full of imagination (imaginations) , but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. (通过后半句我感觉这句开头用at first glance比较好) There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major background worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jury, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined to a further education in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own. 你的例子要证明的东西不是很清晰啊，不太明白你的意思，最好在后面加上一点评述，更能支持你的观点，或者换一个更容易理解的例子）
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum （curricula）and false teaching methods, but they can eventually ameliorate (be ameliorated) under (by/through?) certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection (这个表达正确吗？) , thus we should confront（face/be confronted） the problems and solve them.（我觉得这里用should弱化了你的观点，应该说这些问题是一定可以解决的） Although students complain about their curriculum（curricula） all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding advanced teaching methods to attract the attention （attentions）of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedly with softwares, (前面说with computer了，这里再说with softwares重复) such as flash an PowerPoint, which present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore, which is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit. 我觉得不太妥当的一点就是你的例子说的是更容易接受更生动更启发的方法，可是你开头提到的不足是过多的课程，而且你说的错误教学法也太模糊。限定一下，使前后更一致。
All in all, formal education releases（还是free比较好吧） our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. （这里说的就有问题了，你前面没否定限制思想的方面，而这里的意思显然太绝对了，和你前面的不太相符。应该说，虽然有限制，但是主要还是解放思想和精神的，而且限制可以被解决） However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it.（这句应该并入上一句说，上句说是。。而不是。。已经把限制思想的可能排除了，所以这里说再注意这个方面就不对了） With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthen the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free.
思路是很好的，论证过程中有一些不足，还有一些用词的小问题。
加油！ 128"It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free."
不同意：
1．正规教育奠定基础，放飞思想。
2．正规教育深化思想，使得解放的思想思考的更有效，
3．尽管正规教育有缺陷，但可以由方法来解决。
I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirts rather than set them free. Granted that formal education created some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions.
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain the freedom of mind and spirit. Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of them.[放飞思想是这样表达的吗？我也想不出其他] Formal education provides various realm of knowledge, divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills before any further research and study. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that we should get ready a fully preparation. In other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and farther they will reach. As same as birds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm;[不错的类比，学习] otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world.
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creation comes from free mind and spirit can't be thorough and profound. Maybe, these creations are full of imagination, but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major background worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jury, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. [个性化的例子，很新颖，一点小建议--再加上诸如 “通过jury指出，随后自己翻阅了marketing相关教材，解决了一些当时未考虑到的问题，这样相对而言更明确说明正规教育帮助自由思想的深入思考吧。否则，光说将来要去接受marketing教育，似乎没有足够证据能体现出正规教育所带来的好处。][菜鸟意见哦]Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined to a further education in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own.[另外，用自己举例子见得比较少，利>弊or弊>利？]
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum and false teaching methods, but they can eventually ameliorate under certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection, thus we should confront the problems and solve them. Although students complain about their curriculum all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding advanced teaching methods to attract the attention of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedly with softwares, such as flash an PowerPoint, which present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore, which is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit.
All in all, formal education releases our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it. With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthen the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free.
总体感觉不错！论证很全面，值得我好好学习！
一起努力！ 谢谢大家的批改，我来慢慢学习一下。
一会发现问题再请大家指教。 一个一个来：）
To CHERRY
其实我的第一段首句就想作为TS的。
你改的细节确实是我要注意的
谢谢：） To Taylor:
你说得很对，我经常是说了例子就下结论。对例子的进一步解释缺乏。我曾经在一位前人的说明档中看过一个帖子，不过找不到链接了，专门讲怎么有效引用例子，怎么引用名言，印象中帖子中说关键在于对例子进行分析，可是话说得容易，做起来就难了，特别是受限制于时间的情况下。
关于B1我觉得中美的教育差别很难作为例子，没法说人家的不formal呀：）
你对B3的意见很对，建议有点喧宾夺主了
thanks again：） To 鬼谷子兄:
你的批改很详细，我看了好久，受益匪浅。看到你的批改才知道我的问题太多了。
1、开头部分欠全面，提起注意！
2、例子的选择重要，解释例子更重要！其实我第二段的例子是编的，我总希望在没话说得时候编一些例子。不过目前都没有成功案例，难道编造例子这么难吗？
3、细节的地方错的很多，我的基础不扎实，多注意！
4、结尾我想避免重复，可又难于既总结前文，又有所升华。现实的说，结尾还是只进行总结吧。
另外be acme of perfection是查到的，表示十全十美。
希望能多和你交流，谢谢指正！我要开始对这篇文章大改动了！ To ritchiepan
你对例子的疑问也是我的疑问。不过由于经常会没话说，我准备大胆采用。
谢谢你的批改哟。 I can hardly agree with the author's assertion that formal education tends to restrain our minds and sprirts spiritsrather than set them free. Granted that 个人认为在此用Although 更好一些formal education createdbring about some restrictions, its advantage that provide basic element to attain in order to free the mind and spirit exceeds its restrictions.这一句很混乱但也我也不确定怎么说更好些 或许可以这样：its advantage that provides basic elements of freeing the mind and spirit exceeds its restriction.
First of all, formal education is not the obstacle to attain the freedom of mind and spirit. Reversely, it is the formal education that frees the students to fly in the sky of themthemselves. Formal education provides various realms of knowledge, divided which is divided into three main categories including the sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences. Each of them involves several subjects. Such knowledge is the basic skills beforewhich are predictions of any further research and study. There is a famous saying that "Never try to run before you can walk". The meaning behind it is apparent that去掉 that 改为，namely,we should get ready a fully preparation. make adequate preparationsIn other words, in order to free the mind and spirit, we have to know what is the substance of mind and spirit, the criterion of them and the relation between them. For example, birds strengthen their wings, before they can fly. The stronger and wider wings they have, the higher and fartherplace they will reach. As same asThe same withbirds, people have to broaden and deepen their certain knowledge, before they want to fly in the sky of their realm; otherwise, they are cheating themselves and dreaming in a fancy world.这段你想强调的是学校提供的基础课知识有助于解放思想,但过多的篇幅论述只有扩展这些知识才能达到目的是不是偏离你的初衷了?
Furthermore, without formal education, most of creations comescoming from free mind and spirit can'tcannot be thorough and profound. Maybe, these不应该用这些吧？some creations are full of imagination, but after a close consideration their superficial essence will be unmasked. There is a good example of my own to illustrate this point. As a juniorWhen I was a junior, I took part in a nationwide competition called "Entrepreneur". Students with different major backgrounds worked together to form a suppositional company. Science students provide product and technical support. As a business student, I took charge in marketing. Without much knowledge in marketing, I wanted to be creative. So I invent用在此不合适 a market segment of our company called "Delta marketing segments". I was so excited that within only one week I made this creative thing. But under the censor of jurybut when jury censored my work, they asked several questions and indicated lots of fallacy in my method. Thus, my awareness toward the importance of formal education deepened. So I determined时态前后不一致 to a further educationfurther my study in marketing and I believe that one day, I will create a real market segment of my own.这段例子能很好的证明你的ts, 不错
Admittedly, formal education does have some shortcomings, such as overloaded curriculum and false teaching methods, but they can eventually beameliorated under certain measures. Nothing is the acme of perfection, thus we should confront the problems and solve them. Although students complain about their curriculum all the time, educators have made great progress on it. With high-tech equipment, teachers are finding may adoptadvanced teaching methods to attract the attention of students. With computers, for example, teachers illustrate knowledge vividly and detailedly with Withsoftwares, such as flash an PowerPoint, which去掉which 改为teachers present information in a more acceptable way. Furthermore,感觉与后面的more 重复了用个And 或许更好点 whichwhat is more important is that these active teaching methods provide students a capacity of critical analysis and thinking--the key to the freedom of mind and spirit.为什么能得出这样的结论那？最好阐明一下
All in all, formal education releases our mind and spirit rather than restrict them. However, we should not overlook the restrictions of it. With certain solution to release these restrictions, formal education fundamentally gives people indispensable knowledge and strengthens the ability of critical thinking. Such knowledge and ability is the essence of formal education and the basic element to set mind and spirit free.最好一段说得比较乱 如果我写的话可能会是这样：All in all, formal education not only provides fundamental knowledge but also strengthen the ability of critical, both of which contribute to setting mind and spirit free. Meanwhile, even if they have shortcomings , we have certain solution to release them nowadays.
以上仅是个人看法， 仅供参考， 希望共勉 谢谢xiaoxiao的详细批改，特别是结尾段的修改令我受益匪浅，我正愁不知怎么写结尾呢！ 另外be acme of perfection是查到的，表示十全十美。
我记得是红宝书上acme后面的解释中的例句
我的疑问是，你说Nothing is the acme of perfection.我不知道对不对，呵呵，
对于例子我觉得编例子当然可以，但是最好别编自己的，可信度相对小了一点，你可以编我们学校怎么怎么样，甚至直接编西方的历史了，名人了，故事了。记得新东方老师特别教我们怎么编例子，怎么编数据，怎么编人名（尤其是印度，阿拉伯名，非常有意思）。其实反正都是编，与其编自己的，不如直接编狠一点的吓唬住判卷人。可以说某某牛人说过，（编个人名，最好是印度，阿拉伯的，他肯定看不懂，还以为自己孤陋寡闻呢），再编点数据，精确到小数点后面两位，HOHO。其实最终目的就是编一个能为论点服务又不被识破的例子。
我的想法不一定对，批判着看就好
加油！
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