flyxw 发表于 2004-8-9 13:23:31

issue161 媒体类-还有没有英雄? 第一篇ISSUE,请大家砸砖

写了1个小时,又认真的改了2个小时,希望大家给点意见,谢谢!

------题目------
In this age of intensive media coverage, it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero. The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished.
提纲:
B1:媒体消除英雄神话
B2:真正的英雄经得起考验
B3:假英雄原形必露

------正文------
                                                             Heroes in media times
In the era of overloaded information of and from every corner of the globe due to high advanced media network and communicating technology, do people no longer regard any woman or man as a hero, as the speaker assert? In my view of this issue, the improved recognize of heroes prevent our unnecessary superstition and misunderstanding, yet the true great figures of heroes would not wane alone with it.   

On the one hand, with the widely distributing media and communicating network, to lives in a vacuum keeping far distinction from others has become a day dream simply impossible, and this undoubtedly prevent our blind faith for any actual individual. In the old days, when the media industry is relatively unadvanced, it is just difficult for the common people to recognize and well communicate with others out of their small circle of daily life, let alone to knowledge a people who was regarded as a hero or heroine of their society. For this reason, comprehensibly the common people tend to consider their heroes and heroines as a people with all kinds of capabilities and without impossibility in that time. Yet this unreal superstition has been largely destructed by the development of modern media and communication. Nowadays when all aspects of information about every famous figure--not only his/her feats and performances, but also the daily lives including detail habits, hobbies, families, and so forth-- are highlighted under the frequently exposition of media and thus available to the their people by reading newspapers, magazines, watching televisions and internet, in a word, all channels of the communication, both the advantages and the disadvantages of the public figure covered by media weaken people's superstition to icons as compared with those before, and therefore improve our justifiable view to the heroes and heroines.  

On the other hand, the true great figures bearing respect and representing the spirit of a society would not wane regardless whether some disadvantages they might have. For instance, the great feat of Chairman MaoZedong in Chinese Revolution would not be conceal by his mistake leading in Chinese economic construction, Abraham. Lincoln, one of the greatest presidents in American history, is regarded as a great hero by Americans for his great characteristic and endeavor to abolish American Slavery. And his childhood ancedote of cutting his father's cherry tree also popular mentioned by common Americans. Albert. Einstein, who is one of the most famous scientists also has many disadvantages, but these disadvantages cannot contribute to shadow our eagerness to consider him as an icon. Usually, the greatest figures who receive our respect and ardor do so because of their outstandingly brilliant feats in one aspect of their life and work, and those imperfect of them cannot even hurt a bit of their perfect figures deeply implanted in our mind. After all, to err is human. By increasingly clear media scrutiny there might be some extent of disappoint of people in the beginning of realizing the fact that even their icons have these or those flaws, but it cannot prevent our eagerness to continue respecting and worship them.

Furthermore, the reputation of some heroes or heroines who get others’ ardors and worships simply by concealing the real fact and truth behind brilliant masks, would quickly lose their appeal to their fans under the intensive coverage of media. After all, lacking of any material great characteristics and valuable feats, all truth concealed in the fog of superstition and beyond the distinction between icons and the publicity would quickly exposed under the sunshine. Thanks for the increasing intensive media coverage, we can have a much complete comprehension and more accurate distinguish on the truth and falsity of our heroes and heroines.      

In sum, the widely increasing media and communicating networks help us go out of the fog of superstition for heroes and heroines, but under a clearer cognition of our icons, those true great figures would not wane while the time.

鬼谷子 发表于 2004-8-9 13:27:40

占座
看看柏芝的issue
嘿嘿

flyxw 发表于 2004-8-9 15:00:57

谢谢,看完了还请鬼兄多提点宝贵意见,第一次发,不知道怎么改进

鬼谷子 发表于 2004-8-9 18:16:52

刚才同学用我电脑来着
才给你改
不好意思

------题目------
In this age of intensive media coverage, it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero. The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished.
提纲:
B1:媒体消除英雄神话
B2:真正的英雄经得起考验
B3:假英雄原形必露

------正文------
Heroes in media times
In the era of overloaded information of and from every corner of the globe due to high advanced media network and communicating technology, do people no longer regard any woman or man as a hero, as the speaker assert? (感觉有点绕,再简练一点,清晰一点) In my view of this issue, the improved recognize(recognition) of heroes prevent our unnecessary superstition and misunderstanding, yet the true great figures of heroes would not wane(我对这个词有疑问,这么用正确吗?研究一下) alone (?)with it. 从开头来看,感觉好像对于题目的后半句没有涉及啊。

On the one hand, with the widely distributing media and communicating network, to lives in a vacuum keeping far distinction from others has become a day dream simply impossible, and this undoubtedly prevent our blind faith for any actual individual. In the old days, when the media industry is relatively unadvanced, it is just difficult for the common people to recognize and well communicate with others out of their small circle of daily life, let alone to knowledge(可以做动词吗?) a people (a person) who was regarded as a hero or heroine of their society. For this reason, comprehensibly the common people tend to consider their heroes and heroines as a people with all kinds of capabilities and without impossibility in (at) that time. Yet this unreal superstition has been largely destructed by the development of modern media and communication. Nowadays when all aspects of information about every famous figure--not only his/her feats and performances, but also the daily lives including detail habits, hobbies, families, and so forth-- are highlighted under the frequently exposition of media and thus available to the their (去掉一个) people by reading newspapers, magazines, watching televisions and internet(不能做watch的宾语吧?), in a word, all channels of the communication, both the advantages and the disadvantages of the public figure covered by media weaken people's superstition to icons as compared with those before, and therefore improve our justifiable view to the heroes and heroines. 我感觉该多说一点媒体对英雄负面的报道或者因为报道带来的负面影响,因此英雄的神话破灭,我们看到更真实的作为人而不是神话的英雄。而且加上例子能更具体一点。

On the other hand, the true great figures bearing respect and representing the spirit of a society would not wane regardless whether some disadvantages they might have. For instance, the great feat of Chairman MaoZedong in Chinese Revolution would not be conceal by his mistake leading in Chinese economic construction, Abraham. Lincoln, one of the greatest presidents in American history, is regarded as a great hero by Americans for his great characteristic and endeavor to abolish American Slavery. And his childhood ancedote of cutting his father's cherry tree also popular mentioned by common Americans.(是Washington吧我记得) Albert. Einstein, who is one of the most famous scientists also has many disadvantages, but these disadvantages cannot contribute to shadow our eagerness to consider him as an icon. (其实后两个你都没说出他们的缺点啊,而且,题目谈的是媒体的scrutiny对英雄的影响,我觉得应该说媒体的报道不能削弱真英雄的声誉,那么提到的缺点应该也是由媒体找到的缺点,我是这么觉得的) Usually, the greatest figures who receive our respect and ardor do so (有点问题吧)because of their outstandingly brilliant feats in one aspect of their life and work, and those imperfect(?) of them cannot even hurt a bit of their perfect figures deeply implanted in our mind. After all, to err is human(这句是否也有点问题). By increasingly clear media scrutiny there might be some extent of disappoint of people in the beginning of realizing the fact that even their icons have these or those flaws, but it cannot prevent our eagerness to continue respecting and worship them. 这里终于提到了媒体的scrutiny,但是我觉得应该更早的提出,然后,按照你的观点来反驳。现在的情况是,已经论述完了才提到媒体,好像跟前后联系不太紧密。

Furthermore, the reputation of some heroes or heroines who get others’ ardors and worships simply by concealing the real fact and truth behind brilliant masks, would quickly lose their appeal to their fans under the intensive coverage of media.(主谓有点混乱,前面的主语应该是声誉,后面的主语又变成英雄了) After all, lacking of any material great characteristics and valuable feats, all truth concealed in the fog of superstition and beyond the distinction between icons and the publicity would quickly exposed under the sunshine. Thanks for the increasing intensive media coverage, we can have a much complete comprehension and more accurate distinguish on the truth and falsity of our heroes and heroines. 媒体起到了好作用?

In sum, the widely increasing media and communicating networks help us go out of the fog of superstition for heroes and heroines, but under a clearer cognition of our icons, those true great figures would not wane while the time. (?)结尾简单了一点。
首先要说,语言不错的,作为第一篇的话是相当好的了。唯一要注意的是,长句子不要太多,能简练就简练一点,我也总有这个毛病,呵呵
然后,总体的结构也很好的,但是我觉得从我的理解来说,应该充分的交代一下媒体对英雄的负面影响,狗仔队,丑闻了什么的,这些才会影响到声誉的。还有就是段与段之间要有一些结合和联系,形成一个整体比较好。
继续加油啊!

flyxw 发表于 2004-8-9 19:05:16

多谢鼓励,DOWN下来,刻苦改去!还有BOWBOWBOW... :)

我要飞 发表于 2004-8-10 12:53:28

提高的很快啊

呵呵,不过我觉得好象过于求复杂了,语言

flyxw 发表于 2004-8-10 17:33:30

哎,说中偶的软肋了,限时啊限时

noopia 发表于 2004-8-11 00:14:20

(在鬼谷子批改的基础上改一下,他已经提了很多语言上的问题,我就侧重一下结构好了,呵呵)
------题目------
In this age of intensive media coverage, it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero. The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished.
提纲:
B1:媒体消除英雄神话
B2:真正的英雄经得起考验
B3:假英雄原形必露
(仅仅单从提纲上看,我感觉B1和B3是一个意群,建议将B2,B3交换位置)
------正文------
Heroes in media times
In the era of overloaded information of and from every corner of the globe due to high advanced media network and communicating technology, do people no longer regard any woman or man as a hero, as the speaker assert?感觉有点绕,再简练一点,清晰一点 In my view of this issue, the improved recognize(recognition) of heroes prevent our unnecessary superstition and misunderstanding, yet the true great figures of heroes would not wane我对这个词有疑问,这么用正确吗?研究一下 alone (?)with it. 从开头来看,感觉好像对于题目的后半句没有涉及啊。(我觉得可以把后半句以壮语从句的形式加进去,eg:Scrutinized by media, …)

On the one hand, with the widely distributing media and communicating network, to lives in a vacuum keeping far distinction from others has become a day dream simply impossible, and this undoubtedly prevent our blind faith for any actual individual. In the old days, when the media industry is relatively unadvanced(感觉用个比较更好,as advance as), it is just difficult for the common people to recognize and well communicate with others out of their small circle of daily life, let alone to knowledge可以做动词吗? a peoplea person (我觉得用individual更好)who was regarded as a hero or heroine of their society. For this reason, comprehensibly the common people tend to consider their heroes and heroines as a people with all kinds of capabilities and without impossibility in (at) that time. Yet this unreal superstition has been largely destructed by the development of modern media and communication. Nowadays when all aspects of information about every famous figure--not only his/her feats and performances, but also the daily lives including detail habits, hobbies, families, and so forth-- are highlighted under the frequently exposition of media and thus available to the their 去掉一个 people by reading newspapers, magazines, watching televisions and internet不能做watch的宾语吧?, in a word, all channels of the communication, both the advantages and the disadvantages of the public figure covered by media weaken people's superstition to icons as compared with those before, and therefore improve our justifiable view to the heroes and heroines. 我感觉该多说一点媒体对英雄负面的报道或者因为报道带来的负面影响,因此英雄的神话破灭,我们看到更真实的作为人而不是神话的英雄。而且加上例子能更具体一点。

On the other hand, the true great figures bearing respect and representing the spirit of a society would not wane regardless whether some disadvantages they might have. For instance, the great feat of Chairman MaoZedong in Chinese Revolution would not be conceal by his mistake leading in Chinese economic construction, Abraham. Lincoln, one of the greatest presidents in American history, is regarded as a great hero by Americans for his great characteristic and endeavor to abolish American Slavery. And his childhood ancedote of cutting his father's cherry tree also popular mentioned by common Americans. Washington吧我记得 Albert. Einstein, who is one of the most famous scientists also has many disadvantages, but these disadvantages cannot contribute to shadow our eagerness to consider him as an icon. 其实后两个你都没说出他们的缺点啊,而且,题目谈的是媒体的scrutiny对英雄的影响,我觉得应该说媒体的报道不能削弱真英雄的声誉,那么提到的缺点应该也是由媒体找到的缺点,我是这么觉得的(非常同意鬼谷子的观点) Usually, the greatest figures who receive our respect and ardor do so 有点问题吧because of their outstandingly brilliant feats in one aspect of their life and work, and those imperfect of them cannot even hurt a bit of their perfect figures deeply implanted in our mind. After all, to err is human这句是否也有点问题(我记得这句话没错). By increasingly clear media scrutiny there might be some extent of disappoint of people in the beginning of realizing the fact that even their icons have these or those flaws, but it cannot prevent our eagerness to continue respecting and worship them. 这里终于提到了媒体的scrutiny,但是我觉得应该更早的提出,然后,按照你的观点来反驳。现在的情况是,已经论述完了才提到媒体,好像跟前后联系不太紧密。(例子不是很恰当,另外例子要经过论述才能为主题服务,这话说得很轻松,可我一直做不好)

Furthermore, the reputation of some heroes or heroines who get others’ ardors and worships simply by concealing the real fact and truth behind brilliant masks, would quickly lose their appeal to their fans under the intensive coverage of media.主谓有点混乱,前面的主语应该是声誉,后面的主语又变成英雄了 After all, lacking of any material great characteristics and valuable feats, all truth concealed in the fog of superstition and beyond the distinction between icons and the publicity would quickly exposed under the sunshine. Thanks for the increasing intensive media coverage, (这是不是要衔接一下了)we can have a much complete comprehension and more accurate distinguish on the truth and falsity of our heroes and heroines. 媒体起到了好作用?

In sum, the widely increasing media and communicating networks help us go out of the fog of superstition for heroes and heroines, but under a clearer cognition of our icons, those true great figures would not wane while the time. ?结尾简单了一点。
首先要说,语言不错的,作为第一篇的话是相当好的了。唯一要注意的是,长句子不要太多,能简练就简练一点,我也总有这个毛病,呵呵
然后,总体的结构也很好的,但是我觉得从我的理解来说,应该充分的交代一下媒体对英雄的负面影响,狗仔队,丑闻了什么的,这些才会影响到声誉的。还有就是段与段之间要有一些结合和联系,形成一个整体比较好。
继续加油啊!
(但了全文才发觉你的提纲没什么问题,可是我还是感觉B2和B3作为两个段落不合适,不过这个想法不成熟,我甚至觉得应该把B2B3缩写后合成一段,然后再发展一个段落,比如说鬼谷子说的媒体对英雄的负面影响,个人意见,仅供参考)
(第一篇就写了这么出色,实在佩服,你的语言很好,再接再厉)
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