Issue130 论述不彻底后修改,请拍
------题目------How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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People are always talking about the children. Just like the author suggests that the future of our society has not been well educated yet with the social system nowadays. In my point of view, I tend to agree what the speaker says, and I think that some inefficient methods do more harms than benefits to the children who will determine the destiny of the society with this system
Undoubtedly, the youth play such a vital role in the society, and they are the determinatives of the development of the society. The old, like the youth’s grandfathers, created the environment and the basic substance they live in. The adults, like their parents, steady the situations from the old and make opportunities for the children. What those people do is to lead the youth to develop the society. As a brilliant novel, before the climax; there is always some wateriness to give the readers transitions. So after the transitions, the children, like the climax in a novel, finally come into the stage. With the experiences and works inherit from the seniors; with the new knowledge they have learned, they become the mainstream in the society for the future. When the time passed by, they become increasingly mature and experienced, but what they used is still what they were taught when they were young. So how are the children socialized today indeed determines the destiny of the society.
But unfortunately, the hunans still haven't find an efficient way to solve the problem that how to raise the children since they appeared on the earth. From the meadival to now, the waste to the east, tow extremily methods, held deeply around the whole world, really do harm for the children. One called ‘educating just for factors’, favorite by the easterners, is inherited from their ancestors. It only make the people do complexity exercises times by times, and irrigate the factors to the youth with out analyzing but just memorizing. The most curious thing to the students is the marks their get in the endless exams rather than the knowledge they have learned during the school lives. And on the other hand, the west, who looks forward to creating and operating seem to be originalier. But there is still a question that how could a people succeed the researches with so few basic factors based on the disciplines. That to say the world need a call for the balance for both of the tow opposite methods but now we still have a long way to go.
Further more, the family also makes some negative effects to the children. The environment around the children plays such a big role during their rising. However, both the west and east don't send a positive way to built a suitable circumstance for the future. Some children like little emperors in the east and get what he want easily from their family members; with the spoiling by the family they won’t become the pillars of the society and even can’t suffer a little failures. On the opposite, most of the west just like some beggars because their parents usually pay little attention on their daily lives, and prefer to let they emerage of themselves and perish of themselves. But how would the children think when they get up with so little solicitude. The sense deeply in the tow sides’ brains also prevents us to learn an efficient way to raise the children
In sums, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that since we still not find an effective way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we must solve this problem quickly because how they are socialized today do determine the destiny of our society. 你的结构逻辑都没什么问题了，要是语言再简练一点，论证再严密一点就好了。
至少4分啊，羡慕你能打这么多字。 People are always talking about the children. Just like the author suggests that the future of our society has not been well educated yet with the social system nowadays.第一句话想说什么？ In my point of view, I tend to agree what the speaker says, and I think that some inefficient methods do more harms than benefits 不要to the children who will determine the destiny of the society with this system
Undoubtedly, the youth play such 不要 a vital role in the society, and they are the determinatives of the development of the society. The old, like the youth’s grandfathers, created the environment and the basic substance they live in. The adults, like their parents, steady the situations from the old and make opportunities for the children. What those people do is to lead the youth to develop the society. As a brilliant novel, before the climax; there is always some wateriness to give the readers transitions. So after the transitions, the children, like the climax in a novel, finally come into the stage. With the experiences and works inherit from the seniors; with the new knowledge they have learned, they become the mainstream in the society for the future. When the time passed by as time goes by, they become increasingly mature and experienced, but what they used is still what they were taught when they were young. So how are the children socialized today indeed determines the destiny of the society.
But unfortunately, the hunans 错字still haven't find found an efficient way to solve the problem that how to raise the children since they appeared on the earth. From the meadival 错字to now, the waste? to the east, tow two extremily 错字methods, held deeply around the whole world, really do harm for the children. 没有读懂 One called ‘educating just for factors’, favorite by the easterners, is inherited from their ancestors. It only make the people do complexity ???? exercises times by times, and irrigate the factors to the youth with out analyzing but just memorizing. The most curious thing to the students is the marks their get in the endless exams rather than the knowledge they have learned during the school lives. And on the other hand, the west, who looks forward to creating and operating seem to be originalier. 错字 But there is still a question that how could a people succeed the researches with so few basic factors based on the disciplines. That to say the world need a call for the balance for both of the tow two opposite methods but now we still have a long way to go.
Further more, the family also makes has 或exerts some negative effects to the children. The environment around the children plays such a big role during their rising. However, both the west and east don't send a positive way to built a suitable circumstance for the future. Some children like little emperors in the east and get what he they want easily from their family members; with the spoiling by the family they won’t become the pillars of the society and even can’t suffer a little failures. On the opposite, most of the west just like some beggars 乞丐？ because their parents usually pay little attention on their daily lives, and prefer to let they emerage错字 of themselves and perish of themselves. But how would the children think when they get up with so little solicitude. The sense deeply in the tow sides’ brains also prevents us to learn an efficient way to raise the children
In sumsin sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that since we still not find an effective way to raise children who can help bring about a better society, we must solve this problem quickly because how they are socialized today do determine the destiny of our society.
楼主的语言逻辑还要提高，说实话我很多没有读懂。所有的two 都是tow ,严重影响阅读。还有作者从the east 还有the west两方面，我不好判断，感觉中国味浓了点。 占一个
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