Alier 发表于 2005-4-12 15:24:03

Argument174,高频,又超时了,sign.....

Argument174  第9篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧!
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作者:寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间:50分0秒     599 words
从2005年3月12日14时19分到2005年3月12日14时25分
------题目------
The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
'We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially.'
------正文------
The recommendation of preserving their traditional all-female education instead of changing to coeducation seems to be the natural conclusion given that most students and alumni of the college support it. However is it indeed the case? Actually, careful scrutiny reveals that there are several flaws both in the supporting evidences cited and the reasoning process of the arguer, which made his recommendation unwarranted.

To begin with, the argument is mainly based on two important surveys, which are lack of support in themselves. It is only mentioned that eighty percent of the respondents wanted the school to remain all female, but without providing other relevant information such as the total number of students in the college, the number  of respondents and the constitution of them, the author could not convince us the representativeness of this survey. For example, if there are thousands of students in the college, but only 100 students responded the survey, then the result actually is only 80 students wanted the school to preserve all-female tradition, which clearly could not represent the true wish of most students. This problem also occurs in the separate survey conducted on alumni. Besides, the method and content of the two surveys, which often critically affect the results, are also open to doubt. For instance, if the separate survey conducted on the alumni is conducive in the content , perhaps with an analysis of the disadvantages of coeducation or of the advantages of traditional all-female education, then its result may not reflect the true opinions of the respondents. Therefore, before coming to his conclusion, the author needs first to convince us of the validity of these surveys.

Moreover, even given the effectiveness of the surveys, we could find no evidence that lend support to the author's point that keeping all-female education will improve the morale among students. Even if as the author assumed, most students support the traditional way, there is no reason keeping this will necessarily heighten their morale. Generally speaking, due to human being's bluntness to unchanged things, it is more likely that little change in their morale will happen because they have already been used to the all-female education. Or it is even possible that their morale may even fall attributing to a few students' dissatisfaction who opposing the traditional education. Hence, without more convincing evidences concerning the causality between these two events, we could not believe in the author's deduction.  

Finally, the author also fails to provide us the reason why keeping traditional all-female tradition will help keep alumni's financial support to the college. There is not a little mentioning of the previous as well as current situation of alumni supporting to the college, which deprive us of the necessary information to get to the conclusion. Even accepting that the majority of alumni support keeping the traditional all-female education, it does not necessarily follow that they will keep their financial support to the college. What if the donators are mainly those opposing to the traditional education? What if the supporters are not rich enough to donate money? There are so many factors that may affect one's decision in whether to donate money to his college and how much to donate. Without finding out these true reasons, it is impossible for the author to make sound decision to help keep these supporting.

In sum, the recommendation is neither sound nor convincing. To make it more persuasive, the arguer needs to do more careful inspection on the validity of the surveys, on the real thoughts of the students, and one the true causes affecting their alumni's financial supporting to it.

点点滴滴走过 发表于 2005-4-12 15:28:18

占一个

点点滴滴走过 发表于 2005-4-12 16:04:51

-----题目------
The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
'We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially.'
------正文------
The recommendation of preserving their traditional all-female education instead of changing to coeducation seems to be the natural conclusion given that most students and alumni of the college support it. However is it indeed the case? 我觉得提问不好Actually, careful scrutiny reveals that there are several flaws both in the supporting evidences cited and the reasoning process of the arguer, which made his recommendation unwarranted.

To begin with, the argument is mainly based on two important surveys, which are lack of support in themselves. It is only mentioned that eighty percent of the respondents wanted the school to remain all female, but without providing other relevant information such as the total number of students in the college, the number of respondents and the constitution of them, the author could not convince us the representativeness of this survey. For example, if there are thousands of students in the college, but only 100 students responded the survey, then the result actually is only 80 students wanted the school to preserve all-female tradition, which clearly could not represent the true wish of most students. This problem also occurs in the separate survey conducted on alumni. Besides, the method and content of the two surveys, which often critically affect the results, are also open to doubt. For instance, if the separate survey conducted on the alumni is conducive in the content , perhaps with an analysis of the disadvantages of coeducation or of the advantages of traditional all-female education, then its result may not reflect the true opinions of the respondents. Therefore, before coming to his可能her更好吧,哈哈 conclusion, the author needs first to convince us of the validity of these surveys.
字数太多,时间去了不少呀

Moreover, even given the effectiveness of the surveys我觉得用given不好, 还是用比较常见的even if the surveys are effective比较省事, we could find no evidence that lend support to the author's point that 这个表达不地道,多用些常用的句式好一点keeping all-female education will improve the morale among students. Even if as the author assumed这个写法有点别扭, most students support the traditional way, there is no reason keeping this will wouldnecessarily heighten their morale. Generally speaking, due to human being's bluntness to unchanged things, it is more likely that little change in their morale will happen because they have already been used to the all-female education. Or it is even possible that their morale may even fall attributing to a few students' dissatisfaction who opposing the traditional education. Hence, without more convincing evidences concerning the causality between these two events, we could not believe in the author's deduction.
北美分析提到一点:作者没有考虑到男女同校可能给morale带来的好处,学生更活跃,各方面能全面发展。希望对你有帮助。
Finally, the author also fails to provide us the reason why keeping traditional all-female tradition will help keep alumni's financial support to the college. There is not a little mentioning of the previous as well as current situation of alumni supporting to the college, which deprive us of the necessary information to get to the conclusion. Even accepting that the majority of alumni support keeping the traditional all-female education, it does not necessarily follow that they will keep their financial support to the college. What if the donators are mainly those opposing to the traditional education? What if the supporters are not rich enough to donate money?少用或不用问句,北美上很少用 There are so many factors that may affect one's decision in whether to donate money to his college and how much to donate. Without finding out these true reasons, it is impossible for the author to make sound decision to help keep these supporting.

In sum, the recommendation is neither sound nor convincing. To make it more persuasive, the arguer needs to do more careful inspection on the validity of the surveys, on the real thoughts of the students, and one the true causes affecting their alumni's financial supporting to it.
将上面部分精力用到结尾,会更好,加油呀,不要怪我批多了,我考得不好,希望你能考好一点

Alier 发表于 2005-4-12 18:41:13

不会,不会,楼上的,尽量批,谢谢你!!
我确实还有很多地方需要改进。
ps:我没有看过北美,哪里有呢?我去下载

天晴了 发表于 2005-4-13 23:49:53

搜索 老外280 就好了  就是北美
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