ISSUE 94 第一次写教育类文章，找人互拍
Issue94 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分1秒 608 words
从2005年3月16日11时34分到2005年3月16日12时45分
------题目------
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
------正文------
Nowadays, with the rapid development of human civilization, people place great emphasis on the issue of education. The speaker claims that every student in university should take various courses outside the student's major field and reasons that acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated. I strongly agree with the speaker. From my point of view, the students should not only comprehend his major, but also need to take a variety of disciplines, which is a truly effective education.
To begin with, the purpose of true education is cultivating the students to be a mature well-formed people. The mature well-formed people are those, who not only can exert knowledge and ability to contribute to the evolution of society, but also have a comprehensive constitution and independent ideal in the world. "The final destination of education, "once remarked Confucius (with a little abridgement of mine) "is helping students live a decent life in society, and cultivating students a independent ideal." According to this, the true education lies in two aspects, one of which is the society and the other of which is about individuality. On the one hand, towards society, by education, it is indispensable to instruct students practical ability so that they can contribute to the progress of society, which also guarantee a decent life for the students. On the other hand, the students should be educated to have comprehensive constitutions and pursue their own ideal and belief in society.
In addition, taking different courses outside students' field of study can effectively meet the purpose of true education. On the one hand, students can better comprehend their major by taking a variety of courses outside their fields. As we know, with the advancement of science and technology, the boundary of distinct disciplines is becoming much dimmer than before, which demands the students to learn relevant knowledge regarding their majors. For instance, the students who major economics must learn mathematics to better understand the truths in econometrics. It is indispensable for the students who study software development to learn the knowledge about the art which can be conducive them to develop more beautiful interface of software. In this way, students can profoundly apprehend the truth in their major and enhance their ability to solve problems. Besides, the society demands the students to have a board scope of knowledge. The students who have a synthetic knowledge can be better accustomed to the drastic change of society. In fact, any job in society is not a sole job, which needs the synthetic ability and relevant knowledge. Accordingly, the students should take a variety of course to meet the needs of society.
On the other hand, taking different disciplines can enhance the students' internal constitution. The knowledge outside can effectively broaden one’s vision and idea, which can overcome his or her limit and avoid his or her narrow mind. A typical instance is Aristotle, who is a great philosopher in Greek. Aristotle has a broad scope of knowledge, such as logics, mathematics, physics and so forth, which ultimately shapes his great character and guide him pursue his ideal through all the life. In the course of chasing ideal, Aristotle attains outstanding achievement which is the foundation and core of the entire western civilization and ultimately implements his own value of life. According to this, by learning broad knowledge, one can see the life with different attitudes and realize the most significant belief for himself or herself. Knowing what is the most significant for him or her, one can truly establish independent ideal and pursue the ideal.
To sum up, it is likely that people ignore the true purpose of education. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that the students should take various disciplines outside to meet the true purpose of education. Nowadays, with the rapid development of human civilization, people place great emphasis on the issue of education. The speaker claims that every student in university should take various courses outside the student's major field and reasons that acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated. I strongly agree with the speaker. From my point of view, the students should not only comprehend his major, but also need to take a variety of disciplines, which isreuslts a truly effective education.
To begin with, the purpose of true education is cultivating the students to be a mature and well-formed people. The mature well-formed people are those, who not only can exert knowledge and ability to contribute to the evolution of society, but also have a comprehensive constitution and independent ideal infor the world. "The final destination of education, "once remarked Confucius (with a little abridgement of mine) "is helping students live a decent life in society, and cultivating students a independent ideal." According to this, the true education lies in two aspects, one of which is the society and the other of which of which 可省is about individuality. On the one hand, towards as to society, by education, it is indispensable to instruct studentsstudents' practical ability so that they can contribute to the progress of society, which also guarantee a decent life for the studentswhich这句可省吧，和society没关系. On the other hand, the students should be educated to have comprehensive constitutions and pursue their own ideal and belief in society.
好像第二段没有明确提和学其他学科的关系，只是提true education，显得太长
从连接词看,二段和三段是并列关系,从内容看确是依赖关系,换成 Accordingly或Consequently较好吧
In addition, taking different courses outside students' field of study can effectively meet the purpose of true education. On the one hand, students can better comprehend their major by taking a variety of courses outside their fields. As we know, with the advancement of science and technology, the boundary of distinct disciplines is becoming much dimmer than before, which demands the students to learn relevant knowledge regarding their majors. For instance, the students who major economics must learn mathematics to better understand the truths in econometrics. It is indispensable for the students who study software development to learn the knowledge about the art which can be conducive them to develop more beautiful interface of software. In this way, students can profoundly apprehend the truth in their major and enhance their ability to solve problems. Besides, the society demands the students to have a board scope of knowledge. The students who have a synthetic knowledge can be better accustomed to the drastic change of society. In fact, any job in society is not a sole job, which needs the synthetic ability and relevant knowledge. Accordingly, the students should take a variety of course to meet the needs of society.
On the other hand, taking different disciplines can enhance the students' internal constitution. The knowledge outside can effectively broaden one’s vision and idea, which can overcome his or her limit and avoid his or her narrow mind. A typical instance is Aristotle, who is a great philosopher in Greek. Aristotle has a broad scope of knowledge, such as logics, mathematics, physics and so forth, which ultimately shapes his great character and guide him pursue his ideal through all the life. In the course of chasing ideal, Aristotle attains outstanding achievement which is the foundation and core of the entire western civilization and ultimately implements his own value of life. According to this, by learning broad knowledge, one can see the life with different attitudes and realize the most significant belief for himself or herself. Knowing what is the most significant for him or her, one can truly establish independent ideal and pursue the ideal.
To sum up, it is likely that some people ignore the true purpose of education. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that the students should take various disciplines outside to meet the true purpose of education.
感觉多次在举了一个例子或名言后，用According to this+结论,有点太过.
事实上例子或名言只能部分支持结论,而不能直接退出结论.所以应该更婉转一点.
可以说,According to this, we can learn that ...can...
请回拍我的issue 138 Nowadays, with the rapid development of human civilization, people place great emphasis on the issue of education. The speaker claims that every student in university should take various courses outside 'beyond' is better?the student's major field专业是哪样直接说major就可以了 and reasons that acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to becomebe truly educated. I strongly agree with the speaker. From my point of view, the students should not only comprehend his major, but also need to take a variety of disciplines, which is a truly effective education.
To begin with, the purpose of true education is cultivating the students to be a mature well-formed peoplea people 搭配错误，people 是个复合性名词，用person. The mature well-formed people are those, who not only cancan not only exert knowledge and ability to contribute to the evolution of society, but also have a comprehensive constitution and independent ideal in ofthe world. "The final destination of education, "once remarked Confucius (with a little abridgement of mine) "is helping students live a decent life in society, and cultivating students a independent ideal." According to this, the true education lies in two aspects, one of which of which 可以不用啦~！is the society and the other of which is about individuality. On the one hand, towardsto society, by education, it is indispensable to instruct students practical ability so that they can contribute to the progress of society, which also guarantee a decent life for the students. On the other hand, the students should be educated to have comprehensive constitutions and pursue their own ideal and belief in society.
In addition, taking different courses outside students' field of study beyond their majorcan effectively meet the purpose of true education. On the one hand, students can better comprehend their major by taking a variety of courses outside their fields. As we know, with the advancement of science and technology, the boundary of distinct disciplines is becoming much dimmer than before, which demands the students to learn relevant knowledge regarding their majors. For instance, the students who major economics must learn mathematics to better understand the truths in econometrics. It is indispensable for the students who study software development to learn the knowledge about the art which can be conducive them to develop more beautiful interface of software. In this way, students can profoundly apprehend the truth in their major and enhance their ability to solve problems. Besides, the society demands the students to have a board scope of knowledge. The students who have a synthetic knowledge can be better accustomed to the drastic change of society.你是说有综合知识的人更适应社会的巨变是吧？但我觉得是不是说更适应社会激烈竞争更好些呢 ？In fact, any job in society 罗嗦了，不要in societyis not a sole job, which needs the synthetic ability and relevant knowledge. Accordingly, the students should take a variety of course to meet the needs of society.段首说是要适应教育的需要，后面又说是适应社会需求，最好统一一下。
On the other hand, taking different disciplines can enhance the students' internal constitution. The knowledge outside can effectively broaden one’s vision and ideabroaden idea? enrich idea, which can overcome his or her limit and avoid his or her narrow mind这句读起来不爽哈！and cast away biased opnion. A typical instance is Aristotle, who is a great philosopher in Greek.你这句话明显没完嘛，打个逗号后接个WHO打头的定语从句 Aristotle has a broad scope of knowledge, such as logics, mathematics, physics and so forth, which ultimately shapes his great character and guide him pursue his ideal through all the life. In the course of chasing ideal, Aristotle attains outstanding achievement which is the foundation and core of the entire western civilization and ultimately implements his own value of life. According to this, by learning broad knowledge, one can see the life with different attitudes and realize the most significant belief for himself or herself. Knowing what is the most significant for him or her, one can truly establish independent ideal and pursue the ideal.
To sum up, it is likely that people ignore the true purpose of education.这句话好象没说完 Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that the students should take various disciplines outside换个词 to meet the true purpose of education.
总的来说，结构不是特别紧凑，语言上也存在一些问题，但是整体观点把握还是不错的！加油~~~~~~！：） to symphony22：
我第2段是说教育的目的，两个方面：对受教育者本身和对社会
第3段是说 taking outside courses 对于满足教育对于社会的目的
（所以第三段的最后总结句并不是对应第三段的第一句，而是对应第三段的第二句）
第4段是说 taking outside courses 对于满足教育对于受教育者的目的
我现在觉得整体结构的主要问题是第2段说教育的目的和这道题的taking outside courses没有直接的关系，就像liujingx1分析得一样，不知道这样的结构好不好？现在正在犹豫改提纲，改为下面这样：
1。taking a variety of courses outside 满足真正教育的目的，主要是从社会这个角度说
2。take a variety of courses outside 帮助学生更好的理解他们的专业知识
3。take a variety of courses outside 帮助学生提高综合素质
哪个提纲更合理一些呢？ ------题目------
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
------正文------
Nowadays, with the rapid development of human civilization, people place great emphasis on the issue of education. The speaker claims that every student in university should take various courses outside the student's major field and reasons that acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated. I strongly agree with the speaker. From my point of view, the students should not only comprehend his major, but also need to take a variety of disciplines, which is a truly effective education.这段能再稍微精简下更好
To begin with, the purpose of true education is cultivating the students to be a mature well-formed peoplea people？. The mature well-formed people are those, who not only can exert knowledge and ability to contribute to the evolution of society, but also have a comprehensive constitution and independent ideal inof the world. "The final destination of education, "once remarked Confucius (with a little abridgement of mine) "is helping students live a decent life in society, and cultivating students a independent ideal." According to this, the true education lies in two aspects, one of which is the society and the other of which可以不要of which么 is about individuality. On the one hand, towards society, by education, it is indispensablefor education，把前面的by education去掉，感觉不对 to instructteach students practical ability so that they can contribute to the progress of society, which also guarantee a decent life for the studentsthem. On the other hand, the students should be educated to have comprehensive constitutions and pursue their own ideal and belief in society.感觉这段实质内容太少，一直在绕来绕去得说一件事情，可能再加点具体例子拓展一下好一些。ps：引用不错，但是引用的内容最好不要再在前面重复了。
In addition感觉没有递进阿, taking different courses outside students' field of study can effectively meet the purpose of true education On the one hand换个说法，和前面重复了, students can better comprehend their major by taking a variety of courses outside their fields. As we know, with the advancement of science and technology重复, the boundaryboundaries ofbetween distinct disciplines is becoming much dimmer than before, which demands the students to learn relevant knowledge regarding their majors这句有点没说清楚. For instance, the students who majorin economics must learn mathematics to better understand the truths in econometrics.这个例子不太贴切，数学应该是公认的基础学科 It is indispensable for the students who study software development to learn the knowledge about the art which can be conducive forthem to develop more beautiful interface of software. In this way, students can profoundly apprehend the truth in their major and enhance their ability to solve problems前面的例子似乎没有很好支持这个点. Besides, the society demands the students to have a board scope of knowledge. The students who have a synthetic knowledge can be better accustomed to the drastic change of society. In fact, any job in society is not a sole这个词不太贴切 job, which needs the synthetic这个好，赞～ ability and all/manyrelevant knowledge. Accordingly, the students should take a variety of course to meet the needs of society.这个点也还需要拓展，感觉一直在说理，就有点重复，加个具体的例子是不是好些。
On the other hand, taking learning knowledge indifferent disciplines can enhance the students' internal constitution内部结构？呵呵，有点恐怖了. The knowledge outside can effectively broaden one’s vision and idea, which can overcome his or her limit and avoid his or her narrow mind这句也还欠斟酌. A typical instance is Aristotle, who is去掉who is a great philosopher in Greek. Aristotle has a broad scope of knowledge, such as logics, mathematics, physics and so forth, which ultimately shapes his great character and guide him pursue his ideal through all the life这个跟guide关系好像不大. In the course of chasing ideal, Aristotle attains outstanding achievement which is the foundation and core of the entire western civilization and ultimately implements his own value of life.这个例子很有代表性，但是还要注意加强它和你的论点的关系，比如应该具体说学习了其他学科的知识对他产生了什么影响？ According to this, by learning broad knowledge, one can see the life with different attitudes and realize the most significant belief for himself or herself这个跟前面的论点不太一致哦. Knowing what is the most significant for him or her, one can truly establish independent ideal and pursue the ideal.
To sum up, it is likely that people ignore the true purpose of education这句显得多余. Nevertheless, judging from what has been discussed above, we should to a large extent realize that the students should take various disciplines outside to meet the true purpose of education.
页:
[1]