[推荐]humour-a cow grazing
A Cow Grazingartist:"that,sir,is a cow grazing."
visitor:"where is the grass?"
artist:"the cow has eaten it."
visitor:"but where is the cow?"
artist:"you don't suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass,do you?"
notes:
a cow grazing:牛吃草。
to graze:放牧，吃草。
Creative Imagination
a well-known royal academician who noticed a drawing of a fish by a pavement-artist asked the man what sort of fish it was supposed to be.
"a shark,sir!"
"but you've never seen a shark," said the r.a.
"that's true,sir," the man agreed:"but then,don't some of those academy chaps paint angels?"
notes
royal academician :皇家艺术院院士。
pavement-artist:马路画家，即用有色粉笔在人行道上作画讨钱的人。
r.a:royal academician
academy:是指royal academy，1784年英王george三世创设。
chap:家伙。
Not "How" But "Why"
critic:"by george,old chap,when i look at one of your paintings i stand and wonder-"
artist:"how i do it?"
critic:"no,why you do it."
notes
by george:确实，的确。表示惊奇或感叹。
old chap：老兄。
[推荐]The Latest Masterpiece
The Latest MasterpieceA painter of the "impressionist"school is now confined in a lunatic asylum.To all persons who visit him he says,"Look here;this is the latest masterpiece of my composition."They look,and see nothing but an expanse of bare canvas.They ask,"What does that represent?"
"That?Why,that represents the passage of the Jews through the Red Sea."
"Beg pardon,but where is the sea?"
"It has been driven back."
"And where are the Jews?"
"They have crossed over."
"And the Egyptians?"
"Will be here soon.That's the sort of painting Ilike;simple,suggestive,and unpretentious."
Notes:
impressionist:印象派
to be confined in a lunatic asylum:被关在精神病院
an expanse of bare canvas:一块光光的画布
It has been driven back:海已经流回去了
to cross over:渡过
unpretentious:不矫揉造作的
[推荐]Flattering
FlatteringCritic: "Ah! And what is this? It is superb! What soul! What expression!"
Artist: "Yeah? That's where I clean the paint off my brushes."
Notes:
to flatter: 奉承，讨好。
superb:极好的。
What soul:多么有气魄。
What expression:表现力真强。
That's where I clean the paint off my brushes:那是我擦笔的地方。
[分享]Here's One of My Best Pictures
Here's One of My Best PicturesArtist:"How,here's a picture-one of my best,too.I've just finished.When I started out I had no idea what it was going to be."
Friend:"After you got through,how did you find out what it was?"
[分享]Congratulations!
Congratulations!"I painted something for last year's academy."
"Was it hung?"
"Yes,near the entrance where everybody could see it."
"Congratulations! What was it?"
"A board saying, 'Keep to the left.'"
Notes
to paint:1)绘画；2)刷（标语等）。
academy：学会。 Thanks a lot!
[分享]You are the very man for the job
You are the very man for the jobFirst Artist:"Well, old man, how' business?"
Second Artist:"Oh, splendid! Got a commission this morning from a millionaire. Wants his children painted very badly. "
First Artist(pleasantly):"Well, my boy, you are the very man for the job."
Notes
commission:委任；任务。
Wants his children painted very badly：1）他非常想给孩子们画像。
2）他希望把孩子们的画像弄砸了。
my boy:老兄。
you are the very man for the job:你最合适这个工作了。第一位画家把badly理解为“很糟糕”。
[分享] I Own My Success to Telephone
I Own My Success to TelephoneArtist:"Whatever success I have had, I owe it all to the telephone."
Friend:"How's that?"
Artist:"Well,while I was waiting for them to give me the right number I practiced drawing on a pad."
Notes
to owe...to:把...归功于。
to practice drawing on a pad:在本子上练习画画。 I owe my my success to my friends, because anytime I need help, they come and offer me a hand
[分享] An Imitation
An ImitationAn artist famous for painting animals was motoring through Iowa, when he saw a very animated looking bull. Thinking he would like to take him on canvas, he got permission of the owner. In due time he produced an excellent likeness of the bull, which he sold for five hundred dollars. On seeing the farmer a year later, he told him he had sold the picture of his bull for five hundred dollars.
"Good lord!" exclaimed the old farmer, "Why, I would have sold two real bulls for less than one imitation of yours."
Notes
imitation:仿制品；模仿。
Iowa:衣阿华州。
animated looking bull:生气勃勃的公牛。
to take sb. or sth. on canvas:将某人或某物绘在画布上。
Good Lord!:My God.
Why, I would have sold two real bulls for less than one imitation of yours:哎呀，我即使卖掉两头真牛，价钱也赶不上你一头假牛多。 Wherever whatever you are, home is unique...
[分享]You Should Have Thought of That
You Should Have Thought of That"I don't like there photos at all," he said, "I look like an ape."
The photographer, famous for his wit as well as for his art, favored him with a glance of lofty disdain.
"You should have thought of that before you had them taken," was his reply as he turned back to work.
Notes
ape:类人猿
photographer:摄影师
to favor sb. with:给某人以...
a glance of lofty disdain：高傲而轻蔑的一瞥
[分享]Unnecessary
Unnecessary"Did you visit the art galleries when you were in New York?"
"We didn't need to.Our daughter paints."
Notes:
art galleries:美术馆
[分享] I Hope to Be a Great Artist
I Hope to Be a Great ArtistShe:"I hear you are a great artist."
He:"I hope to be. I've only just started."
She:"What are you doing?"
He:"Well, I'm living in a studio and growing whiskers."
Notes:
living in a studio:住在画室
growing whiskers:蓄连鬓胡子
[分享]The Sunset
The SunsetFather:"This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know."
Friend:"Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country."
Notes
to account for:说明
[分享]A Bad Picture and Bad Grammar
A Bad Picture and Bad Grammar"Is this a picture of you?"
"Yes. That's me."
"That's bad grammar."
"I know it. It's a bad picture, too."
[分享]Life-Size Enlargements
Life-Size Enlargements"Do you make life-size enlargements of snapshots?"
"That's our specialty."
"Fine, here's a picture I took of the Grand Canyon."
Notes
life-size:同实物一样大小的
enlargements:放大
snapshot:快照
the Grand Canyon：科罗拉多大峡谷
[分享]You Should Get the Key
You Should Get the KeyShe:"I'm continually breaking into song?"
He:"You would not have to break in if you'd get the key."
Notes
to break into song:唱起歌来
to break into:突然...起来；破门而入
to break in:破门而入
key:钥匙；调子，音调
[分享]Singular and Plural
Singular and Plural"That girl across the hall has a singular voice."
"Thank heaven it isn't plural."
Notes
across the hall:在大厅那边
a singular voice:绝妙的声音
plural:复数的
singular除作“绝妙的，非凡的”解释以外，还作“单数的”解，听话人将它曲解为后者，并说出与之相对的词：plural
[分享]Why Do You Go on the Balcony?
Why Do You Go on the Balcony?"Why do you go on the balcony when I sing? Don't you like to hear me?"
"It isn't that. I want the neighbours to see that I'm not beating my wife."
Notes
balcony:阳台