Improving Paragraphs
questions require you to make choices about improving the logic, coherence, or organization in a flawed passage.

Here are some general hints for Improving Paragraphs.

Read the entire essay quickly to determine its overall meaning. The essay is meant to be a draft, so don't be surprised if you notice errors. Don't linger over those errors.


Make sure that your answer about a particular sentence or sentences makes sense in the context of the passage as a whole.


Choose the best answer from among the choices given, even if you can imagine another correct response.

The following passage is an early draft of an essay. Some parts of the passage need to be rewritten. Read the passage and select the best answer for the question that follows. In making your decision, follow the conventions of standard written English. (Typical essays are approximately 225 words.)

question 1 of 7

[NOTE: Boldface replaces underlining in the sample question below.]
Passage:

   (1) Recently a group of workers from a clothing factory in my hometown picketed peacefully in front of a department store. (2) They carried signs, and passing shoppers were urged by them to buy products that were made in the United States. (3) A newspaper article suggested that they were wrong. (4) It pointed out that nearly all stores now sell goods that are not made in this country. (5) However, I would argue that the demonstrators are right, consumers should think about the effect they can have on industries here in the United States.

Question: In context, which is the best way to revise and combine the underlined portions of sentences 3 and 4 (reproduced below)?

A newspaper article suggested that they were wrong. It pointed out that nearly all stores now sell goods that are not made in this country.

(A) A newspaper article suggested that the demonstrators were wrong, pointing out
(B) They were wrong, a newspaper article suggested, it pointed out that
(C) Suggesting that they are wrong, in a newspaper article it says
(D) The newspaper article suggests that the shoppers were wrong,
(E) In the newspaper article was the suggestion that they were wrong and


(from the October 1996 test)

Correct Answer: A
Explanation: This question asks you to connect two related ideas. Choice (A) is the correct answer. Choice (B) incorrectly and awkwardly connects several independent clauses with a comma. In choices (C) and (E), the pronoun "they" is ambiguous and could refer to either "workers" or "shoppers." Choice (C) also has a structural problem. The opening phrase, "Suggesting that they are wrong," should be immediately followed by the phrase "a newspaper article" that it modifies. Choice (D) may be grammatically correct, but the use of the definite article "The" and the present-tense verb "suggests" in choice (D) is inappropriate in the context of the passage. The correct sentence reads: A newspaper article suggested that the demonstrators were wrong, pointing out that nearly all stores now sell goods that are not made in this country.

question 2 of 7

Passage:
   (1) In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible. (2) For example, today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and business people. (3) Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers, researchers, and office workers. (4) In addition, many families use computers to organize information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment.

Question: Which of the following would be the most suitable sentence to insert immediately after sentence 1?

(A) The race is on to produce the "ultimate" computer.
(B) I have found the computer somewhat difficult to learn to operate.
(C) Many people are understandably intimidated by computers.
(D) They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life.
(E) Modern telephones belong to the family of computers.


(from the October 14, 1997 test)

Correct Answer: D
Explanation: This question asks you to recognize that sentence (1) does not adequately introduce the examples described in sentences (2), (3), and (4). The examples do more than illustrate how "increasingly accessible" computers have become; they point out how indispensable and widespread the use of computers has become. The only choice that expresses this idea is choice (D). The correct paragraph reads:

   In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible. They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. For example, today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and businesspeople. Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers, researchers, and office workers. In addition, many families use computers to organize information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment.

question 3 of 7

Passage:
   (1) Barbara Hendricks had been pursuing a degree in mathematics and chemistry from the University of Nebraska with the intention of fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. (2) In 1968, however, the direction of her life changed when she decided that her future was in singing classical music.

   (3) Hendricks is always enjoying music, and so her decision to change careers was not completely unexpected. (4) When she was a child in Stephens, Arkansas, she often sang in the Methodist church.

Question: In context, which of the following revisions is necessary in sentence 3?

(A) Replace "Hendricks" with "she".
(B) Replace "is always enjoying" with "had always enjoyed".
(C) Replace "and so" with "but".
(D) Replace "decision" with "decisions".
(E) Replace "to change" with "of changing".


(from the October 18, 1997 test)

Correct Answer: B
Explanation: This question asks you to make the one necessary correction in sentence 3. Choice (B) is the correct answer because the past perfect tense "had always enjoyed" is consistent with the tenses used elsewhere in the passage. The correct paragraph reads:

   Barbara Hendricks had been pursuing a degree in mathematics and chemistry from the University of Nebraska with the intention of fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. In 1968, however, the direction of her life changed when she decided that her future was in singing classical music.

   Hendricks had always enjoyed music, and so her decision to change careers was not completely unexpected. When she was a child in Stephens, Arkansas, she often sang in the Methodist church.

question 4 of 7

Passage: (The paragraph below is the first paragraph of a passage that appeared in the test.)
   (1) Advertisements are present wherever we go. (2) They enter our houses in newspapers, magazines, and on our television screens. (3) Television advertisements are used not only to sell products but, more importantly, to sell ideas. (4) It is in selling ideas that ads have the most significant impact. (5) They interrupt most television programs every few minutes. (6) Many ads imply that if we buy specific products then we will be happy. (7) An example of this strategy is an ad in which a woman is shown driving her family in a new car. (8) She has a smile on her face, a new car will bring people happiness.

Question: Sentence 5 would make the most sense if placed after

(A) Sentence 1
(B) Sentence 2
(C) Sentence 6
(D) Sentence 7
(E) Sentence 8


(from the October 17, 1998 test)