topic:   室友是由学校选还是由学生自己选？
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%e+s$zN7~5_b 请托友门帮忙看看，我月30号就考试了，作文一直没底。谢谢你们了！！！！！
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There is always a discussion between students who are living in campuse.Should we choose doormats or school help us to choose? As far as I am concerned it is better that campus help us select doormats.

Firstly,if we have the chance to choose doormats we would want to live with our best friends, who have the same hobbies and topics with us, as a consequence we will always stay with our roommates, and won't want to communicate  with other students.Because we don't have same interests with other students.That is, between the other students and us will have a gap.This is bad for our personalities.Later when we enter the society and have no intimate  friends with us to share the same topicts, views, we will feel upset and lonely maybe we will not know how to communicate with others.

Secondly, it is known that when intimate friends get together, they will talk a lot, especially at night. Take me as an example, I have a cosun,we are the same age.When she comes my home and sleep with me, we will have too much things to talk. Talking about our families, our friends. Even we stay with each other for a week we still have things to share.It is the same for campus students. And the difference is that  we  may come from different locations. Consequently we will have more things to talk about. The features of our hometown, the climate there, and the places to travel and so on.Talking too much at night will make us sleepy the next day in the classes and learn nothing..

Thirdly, due to the room is limited; all of our close friends couldn't live in a same dormitory. This will create misunderstandings, the one who isn't chose to live with us may think we don't like him, we desert him and he will feel sad by his thoughts, the worse thing is we may loss this friend.

Form what we have discussed above we may come to a conclusion that is it inappropriate to choose doormats all by ourselves, it’s better that school determine this instead of us for losing friends, missing the important things in   classes and communicating less with other students.

You seem following Chinese writing habit in English writing. I believe that do more harm to your score.

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First, an English sentence usually consists of one verb, one subject. You may better pay attention to those reading material. None of English writing teacher can bear the current form.&X3u9FG;}        @v}2uZ_~

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L3t7J)[bbs.gter.netSecond, put the topic sentence at the remarkable place like the beginning or the ending of the paragraph. Then provide suppotive sentences with evidence, fact and examples.寄托家园5T$bu8hu pR

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Z1m~WkC寄托家园Third, develop logical relatoin between your arguement and evidence.'L^E'}%U2u~]

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You have great supporting ideas and good reasoning. But you need to try and make the sentences a little clearer. Here are some suggested revisions:]'\6b ydO        H
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There is always a discussion between students who are living in campuse. Should we choose doormats or school help us to choose? L cMWlZm
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Bz7s/{MF|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREAs far as I am concerned it is better that campus help us select doormats.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA-dO
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--> As far as I am concerned, it is better that the university help us select the
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i_8@.L8Hv"iNOTICE: I think you meant to say "dormitory," not "doormat," right? So that's an
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Also, campus is the place where the university and the students are. You want to be
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I think you are on the right track! You just need a little more practice. Don't worry.

Thirdly, we can't live in the dormitory with all of our close friends due to the limited room which may cause some misunderstandings. The one will be sad at the incorrect thought that we don't like him and want to desert him. Even worse, we may loss this friend.
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The one will be sad at the incorrect thought that we don't like him and want to desert him. Even worse, we may loss this friend. $vM:w(~Sm
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Our other friends might mistakenly think that we don't like them as much, and 寄托家园LvrmX!?j
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that we have intentionally chosen not to live together with them. We might even lose these friends because of this misunderstanding.寄托家园7CGk#qE"R

f(sBbEt5nN_Remember: "loss" is a noun    "to lose something" is a verb.  

i:t0{5o4@3AMG留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USALoss has 2 s's (you can remember-- it rhymes with BOSS, which is also a noun)  
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lose is a verb. It rhymes with choose, which is also a verb.

Thank you guys.
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8J2\1t3G`&a$Z!MtX2X留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAI will try my best to make up my shortness.  
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;s8u Q`nbbs.gter.netThank you for your useful advice and your encouragement I will work harder!!

第一句，我觉得不是between, 而是among

between the other students and us will have a gap. 改成被动
7b8yo'L^        WXMJ4d"{留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAthe gap between the other students and us will be unfortunately formed.是不是更好些呢？

You'd better use a long sentence instead of some short ones and put the topic sentence first.

菜鸟给的一点建议:留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA.@9xG3S%x8tr0b
1.每一段主题句不明确,最好是放在每一段的首句;
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ss'xH7Z$b寄托家园2.主要的论点段要举例,比如你的第二段里面;
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{g0f9x寄托家园3.不推荐使用firstly,secondly,thirdly;