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标题: [求助] 作文求拍,谢谢大家~
宁小宝
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发表于 2007-7-18 13:25  资料 个人空间 短消息 
作文求拍,谢谢大家~

Why do people attend college or university?        
T
gJ [-R,V(H|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
On the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more people choose to further their education in college or university. Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
a'k8C7?T'o/\寄托家园concerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons, including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close 留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA/|o7y3fxW
look at the two reasons.
]n4@x(UPu*|寄托家园

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Since the competition is increasingly severe nowadays, it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a bbs.gter.netH6f2qA[m7?
decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year, millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings. It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So 留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA        t;NG7n
^

confronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.
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|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREV
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Additionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAh5{d]f0]*aX
interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the
]&opkLg2c留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAold.SsG'g:B%Ap ng

NC e??XkB+]kC留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAIn conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid bbs.gter.net4nqz9BsH1z
foundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA8m!GB aiH[w

NmI5dQ|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
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宁小宝
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发表于 2007-7-18 13:39  资料 个人空间 短消息 
自己顶一下,大家给个意见吧!谢啦~
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kevinliu6883
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发表于 2007-7-19 03:36  资料 短消息 
回复 #1 宁小宝 的帖子

A little bit messy.
bV$` qX{%i5vbbs.gter.net
,dw`$Q$Jr N9^`bbs.gter.netYou seem gave three main reasons: obtain knowledge, improve job opportunity and enrich life.
(k\)EQR6tbbs.gter.net
H4]*[}X6J5h3qc?Follow these three lines to develop.
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nap (Nap)
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发表于 2007-7-20 10:35  资料 主页 短消息  QQ ICQ 状态
Why do people attend college or university?        
f
?y1^0r JC4W
On the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more(俗) people choose to further their education in college or university.Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
8xt3f~][Pconcerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons,including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close
`y1_#x!Q@%tbbs.gter.netlook at the two reasons.bbs.gter.net-fu6QA[,T^t
(感觉很罗嗦,建议第2句放到下面几段)
8~1k [P)G-\(g`?7Nobbs.gter.net
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA9}!bC.`tM0y(^3l5~
Since the competition is (+becoming 加点变化感) increasingly severe nowadays(我感觉应该是these days),it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a bbs.gter.net*t        Ru,drcQ
decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing(谁?是"attending college or university"?) so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year,millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings(不懂这个词). It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So
y'zE`8[        gbbs.gter.netconfronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.(解释清除一下)
/Wp$|i/mx寄托家园S8pmi2Ca3N
Additionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their
|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREWS,Ldc.^(^i
interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the 留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAt7g2g!Qa/[
Th2{

old.(有点单薄,建议写详细些)寄托家园ql
I}$~{Ep9@2R!A&E/s

寄托家园;q,d9k.S {^
In conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid
Ah [ J`'KGi|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREfoundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.
HS0?H2i!t vj(@9mD3J|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE+I5w5MW!{-ee|p8}
谢谢http://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=705886
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四海为家06 (猫猫)
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发表于 2007-7-20 11:39  资料 短消息 
Why do people attend college or university?        
4R yqHr2u c        IG|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREOn the contemporary society, there is a tendency that more people choose to further their education in college or university. Moreover, this phenomenon exists not only in China but also many other countries. So why an increasing number of people attend college or university is a question that is worth considering. As far as I am
t@f)f[S|concerned, it can be attributed to two main reasons, including obtaining specialized knowledge, more career opportunities and enriching oneself. Let us take a close bbs.gter.netQ$v3_s(^
look at the two reasons.
1IrNK*o:_2a留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
O{-q*wC~寄托家园Since the competition is increasingly severe nowadays, it goes without saying that a college degree carries more weight in the job market. Almost everyone expects a
#eb6P3D:Go寄托家园decent job with a high salary, good opportunities to develop and high chances to promote. As a result, facing so many choices after graduating from high school, attending college or university becomes the preference for numerous people. Sometimes, even this is not always enough. For example, in my country, every year, millions of graduates leave colleges or universities and compete for the relative saturated career openings. It is obvious to see how difficult to find a satisfying job career. So
.L,GEq5}寄托家园confronted with such an embarrassing situation, more people can do nothing but continue on for graduate degrees to be well qualified.

H.u[fUn:`Nbbs.gter.net
(这段分析的很好)
v0X#e5D l/sF&n|f留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
q/x$Dv@/D?i|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREAdditionally, it is exciting to see a great many universities solely for the old are set up. (这样说给人错觉,建议改为:for further study)After retirement, a lot of old people want to enrich themselves, cultivate their 寄托家园"E
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k&d(c+EZX(Y

interests as well as know more friends of the similar age. Universities just meet this demand, which create good atmosphere to study and discuss what interests the bbs.gter.net6U?mV@E
old. (这段内容有待充实),TQPN9f;gi~vYQ
4\}jDI-|
In conclusion, varied reasons are involved in why people attend college and university, and the two main reasons are listed as above. For many, it lays a solid
4n
Bg2U^~|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
foundation for a promising future; for the old, it provides a pretty good place to enrich themself.
1@5p/oT?V5P&B1L5~寄托家园总体来说,觉得第一段给人的感觉不是很清晰,明明是2个REASON,给人感觉像是3个|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE4?,J,h mZ
第二段的分析很棒bbs.gter.net6ixw(jr
句子和用词逻辑建议加强
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