没有想到这篇帖子会被加精，其实初衷是，平时自己喜欢看范文并且加上自己的修改和心得，正好GTER|IELTS版为我们提供了这样一个交流的平台，所以就抛砖引玉，希望大家也能分享自己看到的优秀作文。
说实话很喜欢GRE写作版的那种气氛，大家踊跃发表自己的习作和心得，并且积极的互改（他们管互改叫“互拍”），虽然我知道GTER上主要活动的是那些考G和考T的，不过既然我们选择了IELTS（不管是因为TOEFL报不上，还是目标就是英联邦国家），这里都是我们的一片天地，我们从这里得到了很多东西（看看置顶帖就知道了），but，只taking不giving是不行滴~我们也应该在学习的过程中分享自己的资料，习作，心得，以及一点一滴的经验，别怕会“前人栽树，后人乘凉”，保证你现在就能受益匪浅的！
感谢H-Kevin版主的肯定和朋友们的鼓励（当然定期的提高精华级别鼓励一下也是一定的 ），让我有了继续下去的信心，当然前提是现在暑假，自己的时间上也能够保证，恐怕开学实验开始之后，就没法保证每天都有更新了，不过我会尽力的！也希望大家积极踊跃，踊跃积极的给我仍“版砖”啊，俺带好头盔搬一小凳在这等呢！

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               最新更新：#37----------------Topic：大学生活
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                             #1         Topic：电脑能是否能取代教师？
                             #7         Topic：体育与政治
                             #15       Topic：南北问题
                             #18       Topic：互联网
                             #31       Topic：太空探索
                             #32       Topic：生活压力
                             #37       Topic：大学生活
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Topic: As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom.

There is no doubt that education and the learning process has changed since the introduction of computers: The search for information has become easier and amusing, and connectivity has expedited the data availability. Though experts systems have made computers more intelligent, they have not yet become a substitute of the human interaction in the learning process. In my opinion; what can be expected, is a change of the teachers’ role but not their disappearance from the classroom.
第一段首先陈述了计算机在教学过程中大量使用的事实，尽管专家系统使得计算机更加的只能，但是还不足以替代教师的作用。段尾引出主题：是教师角色的改变而不是完全消失。
几个好的表达值得我们学习：introduction of sth.---------sth.的引进;
A is a substitute of B = A is a altnative of B---------A是B的替代品;

Nobody can argue that the acquisition of knowledge is more fun and easier with computers. The mere activity of touching and exploring this device constitutes an enjoyable task for a kid. This, accompanied with the relaxing attitude and software interactivity, usually conduce to a better grasping of new knowledge. At a higher educational level; the availability of digital books, simulator and other academic materials, provide the student with an ever accessible source of information, that otherwise would not be at hand.
第二段作者并没有马上就自己的观点进行辩论，而是先做了让步,让步的目的不是要同意所提的观点，恰恰相反，让步式论证是一种高姿态的论证策略，它承认所探讨问题的复杂性和部分合理性，然后正面提出理由支持自己的立场，最后通过妥协得出自己的结论，值得学习。
好的表达：conduce to = be benificial to---------对...有利;

But, （这里but笔锋一转，要开始批判了~）besides the increasing complexity and behavior of intelligent software, which is usually embedded in the academic digital material, the need of human interaction in the learning process will always be present, at least in the foreseeable future. There is the necessity for a human being to be able to determine what the specifics needs of each individual are. The expertise of a teacher in how to explain and adapt complex concepts to different individuals can hardly be mimicked by a computer, no matter how sophisticated its software is.
第三段作者列举了计算机不能取代教师的几个理由。典型的先让步，后论述结构。
几个好的表达：the foreseeable future---------可以预见的未来;
adapt ...to = adjust...to---------适应，调节;
be mimicked by = be simulated by---------模仿：

As computers are becoming a common tool for teaching, teachers should be more aware of their role as guides in the acquisition of knowledge rather than transmitters of facts. They have to be open minded to the changes that are taking places, keep updated and serve as a problem solvers in the learning process, thus allowing students to discover the fact for themselves.
第四段提出对于教师来说，所面临的挑战和应该采取的应对措施。
好的表达：be aware of = be conscious of---------意识到;
open minded to---------对...思想开放;
keep updated---------保持最新;

To summarize, in my personal view, teachers play and will play an important role in the classroom, especially at the primary level. No matter how complex computers become, there will be no replacement for the human interaction, but in the way how this interaction takes place.
结尾比较简单，重申论点并加以强调。

最后看一下原文出处所给的评论：
Excellent essay! Are you a native English speaker? Well done. The only problem: too long, 365 words instead of 250-265 maximum.

PS:写完这篇看看表，已经4点了。。。 不知不觉几个小时就熬过来了，明早估计可以直接起来吃午饭了。。。
不过，今晚的成绩还不错，晚上下自习后狂看了几集《死亡笔记》，夜神月不愧是东大的高材生啊，所有事情都安排的天衣无缝，眼看用笔记杀人的事情就要暴露了，还是没有被抓住证据，看到这里都觉得那个龙崎有点太啰唆了，找不到证据就别在那推理了，有时候感觉他就是在硬掰，要么就是他偷窥月了。。。
快十二点开始上寄托转，去G版看了几篇issue，找找灵感，回头自己练习了一篇Task 2作文，以后索性就直接在电脑上写了，免得写在纸上再敲进来错误多多，反正最后都是要放在这里让大家修改。
之后看了几篇范文，都是号称8分+的，写的就是牛啊，用词地道不说，逻辑也很好，读的过程中总结了一些好的表达（写作的素材啊~）
最后，精读了一篇8分的Essay。
哈，不说了，上床睡觉，估计我是今天最后。。。嗯，应该是今天第一个离开版面的人吧。。。呵呵
好困啊，

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-28 02:25 编辑 ]

分析的很详细

高分作文看起来行文流水，而且也没有多少难词，但是真的让自己写起来，却好像很难达到那个程度，只要多练习了，养成一种写作习惯，写的时候多修改，多找同义词替换，多分析结构，这样作文肯定提高的很快 ~~

LZ加油

哈，被加精了啊，感谢H-Kevin版主的肯定啊！
为了回报大家，以后就不开新帖了，我会继续在这个帖子里更新每天的优秀习作精读笔记，如果大家看到优秀的习作，也欢迎拿出来分享啊！
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btw，说来咱们的kevin斑斑也很敬业嘛，基本上每天都是很早就来版上看，晚上也走的挺晚，加油啊！支持你！

字写的太小了看起来好累啊,不过大致看起来分作文写的就是不错啊

向楼主学习分析作文~~

　用上了不少

Topic: Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

Every four years, the whole world stops to watch international sporting events such as the Olympics and the Football World Cup in which athletes show their best performance to make their country proud of them. These sporting occasions have proved to be helpful in easing international tensions in difficult times when powerful leaders were trying to control the world’s economy and other governments were fighting over land.
很常规的开头，简单的陈述事实，之后提出论点，这也是IELTS写作最普通也最保险的一种开头方法，能够有效控制范围，免得开头什么都想说一下，最后搞得头重脚轻~

The Olympic Games are one of the best examples which prove how sporting events can bring nations together, at least temporarily. From ancient History, when Greeks and Romans would interrupt battles to participate in the games, to the more recent international disputes, when athletes from Palestine and Israel would forget their differences, compete pacifically and even embrace each other after an event. Moreover, these popular events have called the world’s attention to the terrible consequences of wars; thus some leaders have tried to accept agreements to end their dispute and live peacefully.
第二段呼应论点，用古希腊和古罗马，以及巴勒斯坦和以色列的例子说明体育运动在缓和国家关系，促进世界和平上的作用。属于正面论述。

Similarly, international sporting events show benefits in some developing countries which live in a daily internal civil war. For example, Brazil has a high rate of unemployment, lack of education, hunger, crime, poverty and corruption which leads to an immense embarrassment of being Brazilian and a low self-esteem. However, when the Football World Cup starts, the Brazilian squad, which is considered the best team in the world, provokes an amazing feeling of pride in their country. Most people seem to forget all their problems and even the criminal activity decreases. They paint roads with the national colors, use wear the Brazilian team shirt and buy national flags. Moreover, the competition brings families and neighbors together and even rival gangs watch the games and celebrate peacefully.
第三段继续正面论述，说明体育运动不仅在国与国之间的关系中，在缓和国内矛盾上也有特别的作用。
几个描述social problem的词语可以学习一下：unemployment---------失业
lack of education---------教育匮乏
hunger---------饥饿
crime---------犯罪
poverty---------贫穷
corruption---------政府腐败

In conclusion, popular sporting events play an important role in decreasing international tensions and liberating patriotic feelings as History has shown.
顺着刚才两段的正面分析，自然而然的得出结论。

总评：纵观全文，是不是有种感觉，发现原来8分的作文也不过如此？没有刻意考虑逻辑，转承，句式变换，和举多么distinguish的例子，无数写作教材所教的，并被我们所熟悉并且发誓要烂熟于心的模板，套句不见了，没有了last but not least, in my opinion, it is undoubtly之类的句子了，取而代之的是朴实的词汇和语言，但是，就是一篇这样“Simple”的essay，读起来却让人感觉很舒服，很流畅。
引用以前在G版看到的一个帖子里所说的：“我认为一切新东方(的作文课)和模版全是骗子!包括北美范文也是骗子!(但我没说不用看,我之后要说我对用北美的经验) 虽然这一切在复习作文的初期功不可没,但是请你去看看那些6分官方范文吧,哪一个是正经文绉绉说话的?就好像我们说中文,问你今天吃饭没,你说我妈叫我晚上回去用膳.你会没有抽它的冲动吗?范文只是说的很流畅,很顺畅.然后可以把自己的逻辑顺下来,甭管那逻辑是不是严密,是不是具有独创性和创新性啥的.并且正确的语法我认为要比用低频词重要.”
（原文链接：http://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=684567&highlight 《领悟自由之美~我用满分告诉你写作的真相》，作者：GRE作文版版主星夜无夏）
没错！虽然说的是GRE写作，但是我觉得同样适用于IELTS。
语言是表达我们思想的工具，而思想是深深植根于我们的内心的，不会因为换了一种语言，你的思想就没了。
恰恰相反，我们现在所遇到的最大的问题，就是在写作的过程中过分的依赖什么无敌模板，黄金句式，思想被语言所束缚，难怪会抱怨写起来很费劲，无话可说也就不足为奇了，因为你脑子里想的都是怎么找模板，找句式，最后写完只能是一种感觉---我根本不是在说人话！
我们并不是反对不看别人的文章，不学习别人的语言，譬如我们经常会在写中文的时候，用到以前看过的精彩的句子，就举个例子来说吧，我们在高考写作文的时候，想的是如何让自己的文章出彩出奇，反而到了现在，只不过是换了种语言，就被绑住了。实在是不应该啊！
所以，从这篇简单的范文中，我们是不是也能学到一些“黄金句式”之外的东西呢？

照例放上原文出处的评论：This is a great essay, the ideas, language, structure of paragraphs and sentences, grammar show high level of English. In my opinion it is Band 8. Keep up the good work!

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-18 23:13 编辑 ]

学习ing~~~~~

这种分析对大家都很有帮助的，一个字都写不出来的同学可以看看范文的构思，和在构思的骨架上添加肌肉和羽毛，写的不错的同学，可以注意单句的结构，还有句子的衔接。

加油坚持做吧，坚持到一定数量我就给你提高精华级别

斑竹能把字弄大么？太小了，眼睛疼！！！！