some people think scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the government instead of private companies.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, it is a well-known fact that scientific research plays an increasingly key role in our society.  But meanwhile, whether the government or privates companies should perform the scientific research has become a highly debatable issue.  Some people believe that the research should be controlled by the government.  Personally, I think their veiw has considerable merit.

Comparied with privates companies,the government has more advantages to carry out the scientific research.  To begin with, the authority has enough budget which comes from the tax revenue to invest in the scientific research.  Therefore, scientists may have numerous funds to transform their equipments to enhance the efficiency.  Furthermore, the government could monitor the scientific research.  They will make sure the aim of the research for promoting people’s living standard.  Finally, some scientific researches which link to the national security, such as the nuclear research, must be taken by the authority.  In other words, only the country could promise that these researches can be used to bring benefits to people.  We can imagine that if the nuclear technology is carried out by a evil private company.  It must be a danger to all over the world.

Admittedly,private companies have some merits to perform the scientific research.The reason is that the scientific research which carried out in some private companies seems more professional.  Apparently, the private company could pay all their attention to one research, which may make them have more knowledge on one signal aspect.  However, this situation also cause some bad impacts on their researches.  One illustration of this is they may ignore the relationship between their researches and other relative researches, which could lead the research to be an un entireable one.

To sum up, private companies definitely have some advantages in some scientific researches.  However, I think the government should have more opportunities to carry out the scientific research.

我觉得你要把个人观点再写得明确点
不要两边各点到为止
最后一段多写一点吧
---条理很清晰，我看好像没啥语法错误

不是privates companies，是private companies

谢谢大家的指教，这样的水平能有几分呢？我有的时候确实感觉思路一般，请教大家有什莫好办法解决呢？

作文互改活动:--TEAM WORK ,团队精神
希望作文修改的板油，最好不要等待别人主动给你修改，
建议你先修改论坛上别人的作文，然后把自己的作文链接留下给对方互改
如果你不愿意修改别人的作文，别人可能也有同样的想法
一份耕耘一份收获，强调互改，互相学习
寸有所长，尺有所短。不要顾忌自己水平低

我会遵守的

感觉很像toefl的风格

个人观点不够明确
标出认为可能不妥的地方，一家之言
Nowadays, it is awell-known fact that scientific research plays an increasingly key rolein our society.  But meanwhile, whether the government or privatescompanies should perform the scientific research has become a highlydebatable issue.  Some people believe that the research should becontrolled by the government.  Personally, I think their veiw hasconsiderable merit.

Comparied with privatescompanies,the government has more advantages to carry out thescientific research.  To begin with, the authority has enough budgetwhich comes from the tax revenue to invest in the scientificresearch.  Therefore, scientists may have numerous funds to transformtheir equipments to enhance the efficiency.  Furthermore, thegovernment could monitor the scientific research.  They will make surethe aim of the research for promoting people’s livingstandard.  Finally, some scientific researches which link to thenational security, such as the nuclear research, must be taken by theauthority.  In other words, only the country could promise that theseresearches can be used to bring benefits to people罗嗦？.  We can imaginethat if the nuclear technology is carried out by a evil privatecompany.  It must be a danger to all over the world.

Admittedly,privatecompanies have some merits to perform the scientific research.Thereason is that the scientific research which carried out in someprivate companies seems more professional.  Apparently, the privatecompany could pay all their attention to one research, which may makethem have more knowledge on one signal aspect.  However, this situationalso cause some bad impacts on their researches.  One illustration ofthis is they may ignore the relationship between their researches andother relative researches, which could lead the research to be an unentireable one.

To sum up, privatecompanies definitely have some advantages in some scientificresearches.  However, I think the government should have moreopportunities to carry out the scientific research. 结论语气未免太弱