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标题: [作文] 5.10A类作文默写,请高手来评个分吧
Sniper619
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发表于 2008-5-12 01:25  资料 短消息 
5.10A类作文默写,请高手来评个分吧

相似度85%
以前我考toefl的,吃了很多亏,得了莫名其妙的低分也不知道怎么申诉.
这次出来就默写下来,大家给评个分,作为以后重判的依据.谢谢大家了!!
作文题目很简单,多亏了这个题目可以随心所欲的写.
题目是:看电视是不是一种对孩子有效的教育方法?有些人赞同这个观点,你同意吗?


As an old saying goes, ”one man’s meat is another man’s poison” People’s opinion always diverge from each other, not to mention on such an intricate issue of whether watching TV is ultimately beneficial or detrimental to our formative children. People retain such varied notions that they can hardly reach an absolute consensus. Before presenting my viewpoint, I intend to take a closer look at the argument on both sides.

The proponents argues that with the amazingly speeding up of TV program development, there are more and more educational programs such as ‘Go around USA’, ‘Friends’ and ‘Crazy English’ which exert a positive effective on educate the children just like a kind of tonic for children’s mentality. For another, watching TV regularly help children to form a right concept of real world, Know the different cultures and customs and differentiate virtues and evil. Moreover, from a economic point of view, watching TV is the most cheapest educational activity for cultivate children, that is to say, this is the most effective way to educate children under the tight family budget.

All that glitters is not gold, as superior watching TV is, there are some inevitable demerits for children. In the first place, many TV programs contain violent and pornography pictures, from which the children are so naïve that they might emulate the actor who will make an adversely affect on children. Even worse, watching TV is so alluring and children are likely diverted from their academic work. The last but not least, overindulgence in watching TV might lead the children to be introverted, depressed and alienate them from friends and relatives even the  parents.

Coincidently, I have read a gossip which timely regard on this theme in the Society column of China Daily, in which, a general investigation conducted by Edinburgh University, UK, discovering that at least 3 factors would influence on education of children. One of them is TV set. And 45% respondents agree on children watch TV regular, compared with 49% opponents and 6% abstainer. Thus, my claim is not merely a proverbial wisdom but a fact verified by statistics.

All in all, basing my conclusion on illustrations and expositions, I insist that, maybe, the final judgment should rely on a case-by-case analysis. The minor advantages yield by watching tv can not justify the advocates. After all, we can not throw the baby out with water bath.


我个人觉得,这个作文有3个主要的缺陷,有摸班痕迹.结构有点不好.可能还有写拼写和语法的错误.
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yidi mercury (yidi)
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发表于 2008-5-12 01:38  资料 短消息 
呵呵~这个写作角度和偶滴风格貌似不一样。感觉模版痕迹很明显。。。
这个是议论文的感觉,但是数据的引用上感觉很像论文。。。。
your opinion, why you focus on opinions on both sides and don't  make your conclusion??
如果考官是我的话。。5-6分。。不过我好久不看亚斯作文了,现在不知道0.5的政策是怎么评分的 。。




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发表于 2008-5-12 01:42  资料 短消息 
才有5-6分吗?
挫败........
不过斑竹大人的话貌似还是很客观和专业的.
这次废了,阅读又没什么把握...难道又要重考..
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发表于 2008-5-12 01:53  资料 短消息 
对了,还有一问.文章好象写的很长,答题纸全部写满了,就是不能再写下一个词的那种,最后一段都没空行.是不是过长的会被扣分??
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发表于 2008-5-12 01:55  资料 短消息 
不过可能会是考官的口味吧~~
偶建议看看雅思的写作书。。。
你滴词汇用的很多不一样的,这个应该能加分,但是首段和末段老师一看估计不会喜欢。。。




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发表于 2008-5-12 01:56  资料 短消息 
不过要是我说和你的分数不对可不能拍我。。。我好久不上寄托看作文了。。。偶今天路过了。。做一次好人俄。。。。




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发表于 2008-5-12 02:01  资料 短消息 
恩,谢谢~~~
鸭的作文书一直都有在看,我看了一本忘记什么名字了,感觉里面的范文主题都是正反各写3个层面的,我就也象那样写的.
开头好象确实太摸斑了点.......而且好象主题段说的还不够多.正面我写的比较多.第二段看了下格子发现不够写了,就压缩了下.....
早知道就压缩开头了....
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发表于 2008-5-12 02:02  资料 短消息 
希望能到6分.....BLESS
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发表于 2008-5-12 02:06  资料 短消息 
汗~你写一个面~~理由充分点~~看吴建业的那本蓝色的书~~~那本比较经典的说~~~
正反面3个。。。。这个我个人不喜欢那个。。。感觉没有个人观点。。。一般考官就看开头结尾然后再看看别的,不是说1分钟一篇文章。。。




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发表于 2008-5-12 02:08  资料 短消息 
RuG还真把我的思维改成了英文。。。倒。。。不过两年前偶写的时候,是英语思维。。。现在是说也是。。。。




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