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标题: [主题活动] IMPULSE作文小组----19811010316-第6次作业
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发表于 2008-6-30 16:26  资料 短消息 
IMPULSE作文小组----19811010316-第6次作业

Renewable resources of energy (sun ,wind, water) will soon replace the old resources of fossil fuels(gas ,oil and coal ) ,agree or disagree?
Dd0J;c)xT)J2xL,^S N留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA ]?/yo1uQw/Mr

@3J9n L+KC.[Recently, I have been very concerned about international news, and then I get information that the price of crude oil is higher than people can accept. Crude oil is an important kind of fossil fuels and it plays important roles in the process of the development of industrialization and urbanization. Thus many scientists from different countries consider solving this problem through using other renewable resource of energy such as sun, wind or water. Whether these types of energy can substitute for fossil fuels soon? In my point of view it is so hard recently to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are a couple of reasons as follow.
s8]c-K#s
P"Dh?n2z+w/og Aw|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRETo begin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improve technologies of transferring sun, wind and water to energy that we can utilize in our daily life, like electricity, there are so many difficulties to overcome. One thing is that, sun and wind energy are scattered in different place and produced at different time, it is hard for us to collect them. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can be available in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted at night. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all places in the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part of countries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has the same problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in a period of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So these kinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuels.
Nb)zc2g_q8mj2r留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
C9\X#FnP-mf,w6Pb4Y|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREEven if we use these energy with no big difficulties in transferring these energy to easy controlled energy such as energy, it is so challengeable to gather and save these energy. According to a recently report about renewable energy which published on the magazine "Science", keeping these transferred energy in some facilities is difficult to perform, there will be much waste of these energy, and the cost of using these facilities is so high. There will be no country can better manipulating these facilities   for a very long following time because these challenges.
D
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Finally, people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Take cars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars is not tolerable to common workers. There scarcely have been civilians in a country can afford the cost on this kind of cars. Many investigations indicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when the price of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, however they will run gas cars again when is price of oil is as low as they can pay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewable energy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as their transportation tools nowadays and subsequent many years.bbs.gter.net,^1?sgU~(xXR

ji5~2b%^6e@Based on the proofs which I stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention to technological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon as possible.bbs.gter.net        F)O\!Eqeb

!e9F0@ c#z y7^e!bPS:文章写得有点头重脚轻了。bbs.gter.neto
@8PU^7D

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[ 本帖最后由 19811010316 于 2008-6-30 16:59 编辑 ]
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发表于 2008-6-30 16:29  资料 短消息 
自己先顶一下,大家狠狠地拍啊。
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发表于 2008-6-30 18:54  资料 短消息 
Renewable resources of energy (sun ,wind, water) will soon replace the old resources of fossil fuels(gas ,oil and coal ) ,agree or disagree?
do
pM9L$b8O寄托家园

|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREFa/S0GOmQ
x(W3b6N9B寄托家园        Wqe6t7z0@w+h
Recently, I have been very concerned about international news, and then I get information that the price of crude oil is higher than people can accept. Crude oil is an important kind of fossil fuels and it plays important roles in the process of the development of industrialization and urbanization. Thus many scientists from different countries consider solving this problem through using other renewable resource of energy such as sun, wind or water. Whether these types of energy can substitute for fossil fuels soon? In my point of view it is so hard recently to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are a couple of reasons as follow.(开头不错啊)
:O"|O_8\bbs.gter.netTo begin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improve technologies of transferring sun, wind and water (solar enery, wind energy and water energy )to energy that we can utilize( can be utilized)in our daily life, like electricity, there are so many difficulties to(need to be) overcome. One thing is that, sun and wind energy are scattered in different place and produced at different time, it is hard for us to collect them. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can be available in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted at night. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all places in the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part of countries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has the same problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in a period of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So these kinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuels.(表达的很连贯,感觉进步不少,可我怎么还在滞步不前呢)H0u;k&],Z        j#dKv\bbs.gter.netJ7[+WaE
vn


%zz,e'D&Hf寄托家园Even if we use these energy with no big difficulties in transferring these energy to easy controlled energy such as energy?是不是少写了什么词, it is so challengeable to gather and save these energy. According to a recently report about renewable energy which published on the magazine "Science", keeping these transferred energy in some facilities is difficult to perform, there will be much waste of these energyin the process好像这部分energy这个词太多了), and the cost of using these facilities is so high. There will be no country can better manipulating these facilities   for a very long following time because these challenges.(这里就不用there be句型了。 No country can manipulating there facilities effectively in a very long following time because of these challenges.)&z!pP
^s4{V

|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE        ^}e8wx^2u
Finally, people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Take cars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars is not tolerable to common workers. There scarcely have been civilians in a country can afford the cost on this kind of cars.(不知道这样用可不可以,楼主解释一下。Civilians who can afford the cast on this kind of cars in a country are scarcely. ) investigations indicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when the price of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, however ,they will run gas cars again when is(the) price of oil is as low as they can pay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewable energy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as their transportation tools nowadays and subsequent many years.(这个用法准确吗,准确我也用)l-aQT0K#|ix
Based on the proofs which I stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention to technological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon as possible.
-BZyM        pkKuwuZ2E还有一个问题,我觉得头重脚轻不是毛病啊。 结尾短一点,没问题吧。
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19811010316 (superb)
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发表于 2008-6-30 20:12  资料 短消息 
其实我看了你的文章,发现你进步也很大的,能应用一下高级句型和用法。我这点就不行了,想起什么就一直写,不太能想到变。bbs.gter.net{f0@$P        K#dV
M7\FP-q

继续努力,别忘了,看范文啊。和习作一起结合起来会有更大进步。
(lWB8~s$RT0srbbs.gter.net你给我提的几个问题都很好:
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1(Civilians who can afford the cost on this kind of cars are scarce in any country) There scarcely have been civilians in a country can afford the cost on this kind of cars. 你的改法我看很好得的, 我这个there be 句型是用的太多太滥。|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE@q1E.rv/A
2.今后的许多年我也不太会表达。我也不太能确定。不过for/in many subsequent/consequent/succeeding years; in the future for many years??? 现在感觉我原来的表述subsequent many years可能不对。高手来点评一些这个知识点。谢谢。8jy&}9v~"|!LH
3No country can manipulate these facilities effectively in a very long following time because of these challenges
&b6y.ai"fA留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA 寄托家园`Qrea'Jo
c

缺点还很多,继续努力。留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
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发表于 2008-6-30 20:53  资料 短消息 
这是别人的一篇习作,我们粘连接,放着了,大家看看就行了,不要改了。
gNQ5w5{n$v K|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREA number of people maintain that renewable resources of energy will soon replace the old resource of fossil fuels. While the first reaction of some people may be to disagree with this statement, there are compelling reasons to explore this issue in great depth. Personally, I agree with this statement for three important reasons
,ob OoTL.O|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE

F        Y.Y,h%S Nbbs.gter.net
The first reason for my agreement is that those renewable resources are easy to find. We don’t have to worry about the storage of these elements which exist in this planet for thousands of years. Renewable energy like sunlight, for example, can easily be acquired as if the weather is not cloudy. The next reason is cheap. We don’t have to pay any money to buy renewable resources. As long as we can make the efficient equipments to transform these elements to power, there will be no cost problem. For example, in Holland, it has hundreds of windmills in their country. To them, wind power is not only an element but a necessary power. The final reason in support of my position is environmental protection. When the resource, such as coal, is used to produce energy, it will definitely discharge lethal air pollutant. Those dangerous chemical compositions, such as carbon dioxide and sulphur dioxide, are the main reasons why the rain is more acid than before. All of these causes have influenced my opinion on this issue寄托家园}"jL'Blyjx
I don’t mean to suggest that my point is unassailable. Of course, there is an argument to be made for the opposing position. However, for the reasons I have presented above, I believe my position is the most valid.      
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发表于 2008-6-30 22:00  资料 短消息 
Recently, I have been very concerned about international news, and then I get information that the price of crude oil is higher than people can accept. Crude oil is an important kind of fossil fuels and it plays important roles in the process of the development of industrialization and urbanization. Thus many scientists from different countries consider solving this problem through using other renewable resource of energy such as sun, wind or water. Whether these types of energy can substitute for fossil fuels soon? In my point of view it is so hard recently to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are a couple of reasons as follow.
`5iE?O }w4H6CO寄托家园|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREA|q*iwm:m        X,j*a
To begin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improve technologies of transferring sun, wind and water to energy that we can utilize in our daily life, like electricity, there are so many difficulties to overcome. One thing is that, sun and wind energy are scattered in different place and produced at different time, it is hard for us to collect them. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can be available in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted at night. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all places in the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part of countries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has the same problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in a period of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So these kinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuel
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAA7z(n#C#B        Cl
3j
XnZSqE

Even if we use these energy with no big difficulties in transferring these energy to easy controlled energy such as energy, it is so challengeable to gather and save these energy. According to a recently (recent) report about renewable energy which (was) published on the magazine "Science", keeping these transferred energy in some facilities is difficult to perform, there will be much waste of these energy, and the cost of using these facilities is so high. There will be no country can (be) better manipulating these facilities   for a very long following time (in the future) because these challenges.
|j6{        t,A        aKj
k]bbs.gter.net
#v']&j9yx3s
Finally, people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Take cars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars is not tolerable to common workers.
There scarcely have been civilians in a country can afford the cost on this kind of cars. Many investigations indicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when the price of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, however they will run gas cars again when (the) price of oil is as low as they can pay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewable energy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as their transportation tools nowadays and subsequent many years5u(s M U S:b6{]2EJ

f;hx!j@X0`4q|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
;q&c8yo'_7eBased on the proofs which I stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention to technological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon as possible
;F'C{h
BTF(i@~|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
'm*m,MH}s$d7@y

^7_1n:Wn"H        vi1qt|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREsubsequent years: happen after something elsebbs.gter.netJ!J1M"~:q
有这样表达的for 2002 and subsequent years, 还有a subsequent year。bbs.gter.net"|.QY)rn9La
但是,当中加many的,好像没有。
LCqS?]8w
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参考一下这个例句,网上找的。留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA[K)^2Vui1o
The primary match links establishments having the same census identification number in both the initial and subsequent years.
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发表于 2008-7-1 07:31  资料 短消息 
IMPULSE作文小组----19811010316-第6次作业bbs.gter.net N:ti\*r6f8b!m

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Renewableresources of energy (sun ,wind, water) will soon replace the oldresources of fossil fuels(gas ,oil and coal ) ,agree or disagree?W-`
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y$p9`6tX*D留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
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RGRecently,I have been very concerned about international news, and then I getinformation that the price of crude oil is higher than people canaccept. Crude oil is an important kind of(有点Chinglish~可以去掉) fossil fuels and it playsimportant roles in the process of the development of
(有点Chinglish~可以去掉)industrializationand urbanization. Thus many scientists from different countriesconsider solving this problem through using other renewable resource ofenergy such as sun, wind or water. Whether these types of energy cansubstitute for fossil fuels soon? In my point of view it is so hardrecently to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are acouple of reasons as follow.(背景式的开头~赞一个~~!)bbs.gter.net1IR t {'I?-Y
|)VtH6cd|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREM?,pH(c
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k't j&Bp,y!@bbs.gter.netTobegin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improvetechnologies of transferring sun, wind and water to energy that we canutilize in our daily life, like electricity, there are so manydifficulties to overcome. One thing is that, sun and wind energy arescattered(太阳能能算Scattered吗...?) in different place and produced at different time, it is hardfor us to collect them. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can beavailable in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted atnight. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all placesin the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part ofcountries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has thesame problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in aperiod of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So thesekinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuels.(can hardly replace fossil fuels)9k
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{WT9R/vP3k留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
2E],\w#f?*\2O*wXM7R[6L[U Qr
GLlUH JA,N留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAEvenif we use these energy with no big difficulties in transferring theseenergy to easy controlled energy such as(这里是不是少了什么词啊~?) energy, it is so challengeableto gather and save these energy. According to a recently report aboutrenewable energy which published on the magazine "Science", keepingthese transferred energy in some facilities is difficult to perform,there will be much waste of these energy, and the cost of using thesefacilities is so high. There will be no country can better manipulatingthese facilities   for a very long following time because thesechallenges.(Hardly any country can manipulate these facilities in a short time because of these challenges)bbs.gter.net!TRs)k9f7i+bW
(K(W%ik^[tUbbs.gter.net
+c)Vj        co-n7{3_|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE;\}
I!ci&iWQxnK^bbs.gter.net^#x yFinally,people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Takecars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars isnot tolerable(affordable 会不会好一点~?) to common workers. There scarcely have been civilians ina country can afford the cost on this kind of cars.(这句跟前面那句说的不是一个意思吗...?为什么要再说一遍呢...?) Many investigationsindicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when theprice of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, howeverthey will run gas cars again when is price of oil is as low as they canpay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewableenergy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as theirtransportation tools nowadays and subsequent many years.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA$t2z8l7x/qo
Q'v[+M g/p8v+OH~留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA
&e;iw-x0Y-KJ,qxB*o留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA-];@a)e;x.Q+z寄托家园Basedon the proofs which I (have)stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossilfuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention totechnological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon aspossible.(We can only pay more attention to technology to welcome that day)留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAZv;I ]"?Le:{
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发表于 2008-7-1 10:58  资料 短消息 
IMPULSE作文小组----19811010316-第6次作业
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nXu8pL7O.N
Renewable resources of energy (sun ,wind, water) will soon replace the old resources of fossil fuels(gas ,oil and coal ) ,agree or disagree?寄托家园 N0l#S)f G a {
#@4BA\B'TD Mbbs.gter.net寄托家园2`acu(C7V

zL$?        tORecently, I have been very concerned about international news, and then I get information that the price of crude oil is higher than people can accept. Crude oil is an important kind of fossil fuels and it plays important roles in the process of the development of industrialization and urbanization. Thus many scientists from different countries consider solving this problem through using other renewable resource of energy such as sun, wind or water. Whether these types of energy can substitute for fossil fuels soon? In my point of view it is so hard recently to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are a couple of reasons as follow.!Z*P!N*n$S kEaA2C
(开头过长,红线部分完全可以不写,你要表达你的观点,而不是复述观点,所以,你的观点是你的主要要写的,建议用简单的表达代剔红字。)
b,nC"|Ju au|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRETo begin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improve technologies of transferring sun, wind and water to energy that we can utilize in our daily life, like electricity, there are so many difficulties to overcome. One thing is that, sun and wind energy are scattered in different place and produced at different time, it is hard for us to collect them. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can be available in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted at night. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all places in the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part of countries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has the same problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in a period of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So these kinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuels.(这段谈新能源的缺点,可以开门见山,不要太多的冗余,太阳能的缺点,水能的缺点,和风能的缺点,多写点。你的红字部分又占三分之一了)E        t
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|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE        OlqMj8R#R$cj@{$B
Even if we use these energy with no big difficulties in transferring these energy to easy controlled energy such as energy, it is so challengeable to gather and save these energy. According to a recently report about renewable energy which published on the magazine "Science", keeping these transferred energy in some facilities is difficult to perform, there will be much waste of these energy, and the cost of using these facilities is so high. There will be no country can better manipulating these facilities   for a very long following time because these challenges.寄托家园+O:](v#Z8f} W
(新能源缺点:技术难)
3]tK!Rq4a(y寄托家园
yC ?z j寄托家园
H$C8I6h3Y f9a8ae
B|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
Finally, people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Take cars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars is not tolerable to common workers. There scarcely have been civilians in a country can afford the cost on this kind of cars. Many investigations indicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when the price of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, however they will run gas cars again when is price of oil is as low as they can pay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewable energy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as their transportation tools nowadays and subsequent many years.(这段是以汽车为例,写新能源的不可行性,成本高,可以与上一段合并。)

o5s%o*_f"[|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE

C6V3J1gKrRHp5pbbs.gter.netBased on the proofs which I stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention to technological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon as possibleNd:E/[qe
(整体的框架,建议采用四段,倒数二三段合并, 建议没段第一句,要明确提出关点,不要有太多的重复性语言,显得每一段也是头重脚轻 感觉搂主希望多运用一些语言来表达自己的意思)
r7vG%y!q9U寄托家园(在以后的许多年,可以用many years later)
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Sn~8E寄托家园
(不好意思,我试验很忙,已经一周没上网了,所以看到你们的作文我已经晚了一周了,呵呵,我尽量跟吧。)|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE}2c
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|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE#\&\!p)HI
[ 本帖最后由 jiangzuodong 于 2008-7-1 11:12 编辑 ]
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harrykia
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发表于 2008-7-19 15:37  资料 短消息 
    Recently, the crisis of oil shortage which leads to higher prices has caught up with a great many people attentions. So do I.O g9F`4GO[v%M
    Crude oil, the important fossil fuels to the world, plays important roles in the process of industrialization and urbanization. Many scientists from many different countries devote into solving this problem by replacing with other renewable resource of energy such as sun, wind or water. Anyway, it is still controversial whether these types of energy can be the substitution of fossil fuels as soon as possible.bbs.gter.netf ?Ai/rpjOn
     In my viewpoint,It is too difficult to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. There are a couple of reasons as follow.@W^.x3X
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     To begin with, though many specialists have made great efforts to improve technologies of transferring sun, wind and water into energy in the form of electricity that we can utilize in our daily life, there are so many difficulties to overcome. For one thing,(原文中LZ是one thing is that ,但是我未见下文有另外的观点,请下面再补多一个观点,for other thing.还有wind, sun, water大可以简要地举其一而阐述,不必面面俱到,一来篇章冗长,二来时间耗费过多) it is hard for us to collect and absorb the energy from sun and wind which scatter in many different place and evolved in different time. When it comes to sun, sunlight only can be available in day but night, so the energy we got is interrupted at night. At the same time, wind resource can not be found in all places in the world, we can just accumulate huge energy of wind in part of countries and even merely partial places in a country.  Water has the same problems as sun and wind have. It can only be acceptable in a period of time during a year and just abundant in some places. So these kinds of energy are hardly to replace fossil fuels.
0X)q/v3xg3Ybbs.gter.net
5c[E?d0y#}he|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE      Even if we transfer these kinds of energy to the stable and confined form of energy without any difficulties, it is so challengeable to gather(上段不是说了收集能源的观点了么) and save these energy(这跟你的Even if 的让步从句中叙述有重复,你想想要表达什么新的观点). According to a recent report published on the magazine "Science", renewable energy kept in some facilities is difficult to perform. There will be much waste of these energy, and the cost of using these facilities is so high. There are no countries can better manipulating these facilities for a very long following time because these challenges.(这段的表达较为混乱,而且用了不少there be 举行,发现LZ很喜欢用,但是这个句型是许多人经常用错的。)
^0{A.@        U7Oau留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA

6_"]Z$l8}h      Finally, people can not afford the high charge of renewable energy now. Take cars which use renewable energy for examples, the cost of these cars is not tolerable(这个词用在这里显然不够好,应该说是搭配主语和在情景上不合适,acceptable or affordable也许好点吧) to common workers. (又是there be 句型,小心谨慎哦!)There scarcely have been civilians(citizens会不会好点呢) in a country can afford(建议用新的词代替,避免单一) the cost on this kind of cars. Many investigations indicated that people prefer to drive renewable energy cars when the price of gas increase to the level that they can not sustain, (当石油气的价格上升到人们不能承受的水平,人们驾车时还是会愿意选择循环利用能源。似乎跟上下文的意思没有很好地联系好!)however they will run gas cars again when is price of oil is as low as they can pay. As we know, the price of oil is rather lower than renewable energy, so a large number of people choose cars which burn oil as their transportation tools in the future.(这段的意思表达还是挺混乱,尤其是在However之后,其实你知道你表达的意思没错,但是读的人却读不懂,那是最痛苦的,也是问题的根源)
BSh!TB*}a2jBased on the proofs( points会好点) which I stated above, it won't be soon to replace fossil fuels with renewable energy. We only can pay much more attention to technological progresses if we want to see this day's coming as soon as possible.(最后建议延伸一下,说说未来新能源取代就能源的趋势是不可逆和即将到来,但这还是需要一定的过程和时间,这样点题和结尾我觉得会好点。)
x        h9e*|6k|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE寄托家园X!eRs#BH S        m
最后,提点建议,楼主写前还是要列好提纲,然后把层次思维理清楚再写,别过于注重长短句,什么复杂的文章撰写,还是注重分析和思考的能力,这样会让你写出与众不同,而且能打动ETS老头们的文章,那高分就有望了。嘿嘿~
au8j3j8r#Fv7~G花了挺多时间改这作文,感觉自己也学到了新的东西。谢谢LZ,我学艺不精,但却敢班门弄斧,望包涵。有空来拍我。
J8_LSkn(a2zi'D[寄托家园
http://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-859523-1-1.htmlr4e?Q'|[&{

$@RE`M寄托家园[ 本帖最后由 harrykia 于 2008-7-19 15:44 编辑 ]
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