严重超时了10分钟  并花了半小时修改 因为当时一个论点没想好 现在看起来有些牵强 请大家多多提意见 谢谢bbs.gter.net/G(m3qsn+F
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`]~L_zf|留学|签证|TOEFL|GREagree or disagree ：Advertisements is a waste ofa company's money and time because consumers have known what they want to buybbs.gter.net0x
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)Q?m+xH0N'|%sj)tq(Dbbs.gter.netIn recent years, there is an increasingly common controversy concerning that whether advertisement (ads) is a waste of shareholder's money and employees' time for enterprise. It is possible that some people cast doubt on the effect of ads as consumer become more rational and often know what they want. However, arguing for the validity of the ads' function are those people who hold opinion that companies prepare and place ads in order to compete market share with their counterparties. As far as I am concerned, corporations can acquire more benefits if they make ‘smart’ads due to ads' psychological impact on consumers' purchase behaviors.
WE/dT-S留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA Y*vC?j!eX~
Admittedly, it is undeniable that a growing number of people are aware of fact that ads can be misguided, which greatly limits and weakens the function of ads. We may cite an appropriate example which is very persuasive. Recently, a product called Brain Age lost its market since its consumers highly doubt its effect on preventing aging as it advertised, and raise serious counterargument via the Internet. As more people read and trust in this new, they dare not to buy Brain Age, which directly leads to its sharply decline in sale. Therefore, investment on untrue ads eventually proves to be failure when people find the truth.寄托家园'PO;nt        Fl4e0n(R2\
寄托家园of9D6{5HB;@
Nevertheless, ads, whether trustable or not, have overwhelming psychological effect on people's consumption behaviors. According to a recent research report from the Psychology Department of Harvard University, people, especially female, are more likely to be affected by ads even though they know what and which to purchase. The result shows that consumers are more likely to buy what they are familiar with or just heardabout before. It also indicates that men, even seems to be more rational than women, are still prone to buy something they don’t need due to the pretty shop girls’ zealous promotion. As a result, consumers’ purchase preference can be changed by ads.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA,\@J:A(@

+CL5Pfso/H寄托家园In addition, most of the companies are forced, in some sense, to increase their ads budget for competing market share. After all, even people are clear with what they should buy, they need to decide which to buy. For example, last year the famous computer company DELL was defeated by its rival HP on the potable computer sale last year. When asked about the reasons, the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) attributed most of its success to its Advertising Department, since their sales experienced a drastical break through after they put a new ads program on Television.bbs.gter.nety
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Oi+Ez&n#fG        dFrom what has been discussed above, we may safely come to the conclusion that considerable though costs and time that ads require, they cannot compete with the benefits it brings about, when its guiding influence on consumers and function of competing market share are taken into account.From my point of view, advertising is still a kind of advisable and profitable investment rather than a waste of money, even though they may not be as effective as before.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAT+qbHPc9m

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Qt[ 本帖最后由 ansoncode 于 2008-9-7 17:09 编辑 ]

严重超时了10分钟  并花了半小时修改 因为当时一个论点没想好 现在看起来有些牵强 请大家多多提意见 谢谢
;oT        Z*^`_9ng寄托家园
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^"W+A#Q;o2|Lbbs.gter.netw&J留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA!}:_1[0O3K
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:fgHV7V#Voeagree or disagree ：Advertisements is a waste of a company's money and time because consumers have known what they want to buy留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA,^8b4eD:SP&V/zAsb

zs&I-VM&g9z寄托家园cH.NN'k~留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAY$@
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e2H(bF#CIn recent years, there is an increasingly common controversy concerning that whether advertisement (ads) is a waste of shareholder's money and employees' time for enterprise. It is possible that some people cast doubt on the effect of ads as consumer become more rational and often know what they want. However, arguing for the validity of the ads' function are those people who hold opinion that companies prepare and place ads in order to compete market share with their counterparties.[有问题 多了谓语] As far as I am concerned, corporations can acquire more benefits if they make ‘smart’ads due to ads' psychological impact on consumers' purchase behaviors.`wEo        D&Y~
e@8JI%o!N寄托家园|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRER&ikD\h/M
Admittedly, it is undeniable that a growing number of people are aware of fact that ads can be misguided[misguide people], which greatly limits and weakens the function of ads. We may cite an appropriate example which is very persuasive. Recently, a product called Brain Age lost its market since its consumers highly doubt its effect on preventing aging as it advertised, and raise serious counter argument via the Internet. As more people read and trust in this new, they dare not to buy Brain Age, which directly leads to its sharply decline in sale. Therefore, investment on untrue ads eventually proves to be failure when people find the truth.AV(dVBwc寄托家园m3z}"DK2@

1d-JO}o8o7o|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRENevertheless, ads, whether trustable or not, have overwhelming psychological effect on people's consumption behaviors. According to a recent research report from the Psychology Department of Harvard University, people, especially female, are more likely to be affected by ads even though they know what and which to purchase. The result shows that consumers are more likely to buy what they are familiar with or just heardabout before. It also indicates that men, even seems to be more rational than women, are still prone to buy something they don’t need due to the pretty shop girls’ zealous promotion[不如香车美女的例子好]. As a result, consumers’ purchase preference can be changed by ads.
;D8g t"F#e@        Vw|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE
`"}2L6zkBIn addition, most of the companies are forced, in some sense, to increase their ads budget for competing market share. After all, even people are clear with what they should buy, they need to decide which to buy. For example, last year the famous computer company DELL was defeated by its rival HP on the potable computer sale last year. When asked about the reasons, the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) attributed most of its success to its Advertising Department, since their sales experienced a drastical break through after they put a new ads program on Television.改一下主题句学|签证|TOEFL|GRE)\*|!g"sg:nUg
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_+V7P寄托家园 |留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE:XN`        ~3g
From what has been discussed above, we may safely come to the conclusion that considerable though costs and time that ads require, they cannot compete with the benefits it brings about, when its guiding influence on consumers and function of competing market share are taken into account.From my point of view, advertising is still a kind of advisable and profitable investment rather than a waste of money, even though they may not be as effective as before.bbs.gter.netau        jRvXc
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V7H5KV:gSMu|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE拜读了！
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NU留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USA有些小错误 瑕不掩玉！|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE+U)@8Gn`
建议：你的4段：广告给公司带来的效益不容忽视，不是浪费钱，然后用事实证明了这点。 3-4段交换一下 先谈实事 再进一步说明 就更好了B*A'S-nq@B$C~:S
水平有限 望海涵-ktury

In recent years, there is an increasingly common （notable） controversy concerning that whether advertisement (ads)（ad）{ ads应该是复数形式的缩写吧？我不确定，楼主不要见笑哦} is a waste of shareholder's money and employees' time for enterprise.{在这里限定金钱为股份所有者的，时间为雇员的其实把原题的含义变得狭窄了，并不是所有公司都是股份所有制的，时间也可以是雇主的} It is possible (no surprise) that some people (might) cast doubt on (weather) the effect of ads (will be good), as consumer (consumers) become more rational and (clearer about what they want). However, arguing for the validity of the ads' function are those people who (people who admit the validity of ads might) hold opinion that companies (have to) prepare and place (broadcast?) ads in order to compete (compete for) market share with their counterparties (/other companies//counterworkers/) {counterparties是副本，相似之物的意思}. As far as I am concerned{这里，“就我所关心的”似乎用得不是很恰当,前面没有交代楼主为什么突然对广告的心理作用产生了关心}, corporations can acquire more benefits if they make‘smart’{引号没有必要} ads due to(according to) ads' psychological impact on consumers' purchase behaviors.

       Admittedly, it is undeniable（与 admittedly意思稍显重复） that a growing number of （more and more）{原文中主语为number} people are aware of (the) fact that ads can be misguided (might misguide them), which greatly limits and weakens the function of ads. We may cite an appropriate example which is very persuasive. (There is a persuasive example:)Recently(recently), a product called Brain Age lost its market since its consumers highly doubt its effect on preventing aging as it advertised, and raise serious counterargument via the Internet. As more people read and trust in this new, they dare not to buy Brain Age, which directly leads to its sharply decline in sale. Therefore, investment on untrue ads eventually proves to be failure when people find the truth.
+VXF
b,p  Nevertheless, ads, whether trustable or not, have overwhelming{该词过于绝对，似与前一自然段矛盾，既然已经压倒一切了，何来消费者的不信任和网上的质疑？} psychological effect on people's consumption behaviors. According to a recent research report from the Psychology Department of Harvard University, people, especially female, are more likely to be affected by ads even though they know what and which（what production and which band of that）to purchase. The result shows that consumers are more likely to buy what they are familiar with or what they are（去掉）have just heard about before (before 与just have heard意思有些重复). It also indicates that men, even（though）seems(seem) to be more rational than women, are still prone to buy something they don’t need due to the pretty shop girls’ zealous promotion. As a result, consumers’ purchase preference can be changed by ads.bbs.gter.net*u9PDb(~iEjD
  In addition, most of the companies are forced, in some sense, to increase their ads budget for competing market share. After all, even people are clear with (about) what they should buy; they need to decide which to buy. For example, last year the famous computer company DELL was defeated by its rival HP on the potable computer sale last year. {potable adj.适于饮用的n.饮料，这里我没能明白楼主想表达什么} When being asked about the reasons of the success, the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) of DELL attributed most of its (their) success to its(their) advertising department{这里似乎不需要大写，楼主可以再问问别人，我不是很肯定}, since their sales experienced a drastical (drastic) break through after they put a new ads program（去掉）on television.  From what has been discussed above, we may safely come to the conclusion: considerable though(Though considerable) money and time that (去掉) adsmight require, they (the cost ) cannot compete with (out weigh) the benefit it brings about, when its guiding influence on(towards) consumers and function of competing market share are taken into account.{costs:诉讼费，benefits做好处，益处，利润时为不可数名词} Frommy point of view, advertising is still a kind of advisable and profitable investment rather than a waste of money and time, even though they may (might) not be as effective as before.{为什么不如以往有效？虽然作者在第二自然段中举了例子说明人们对广告的质疑，但是个人以为结尾还是应该要稍有交代的}
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m'z@6R9o留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAbbs.gter.netq~"u&la)zwP5J
留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAks'J}!c+D

总的来说，楼主把做广告的利和弊都进行了比较充分的阐述，尤其第四自然段DELL的例子很不错，第三自然段哈佛的研究结果也比较能说明问题。

就文章结构来说，也许先讲利后讲弊要好些，即把第二自然段的内容调整到第五自然段后面，因为文章整体上是肯定广告作用的，而英美人的习惯是先拣重点说，然后讲次要的，而且也能更自然的过渡到结尾段中那个有保留的肯定的结论。

语言方面，楼主似乎用太多的长句了，长句要写好不容易，有时候简单句更能直截了当的解决问题，生拼硬凑出的长句很容易犯错误：一是句式杂糅，把好些关联词语都用上了，最后导致句子结构混乱，涵义模糊，因为句子一长，有时写着写着就忘记前面的主语了，所以导致语法错误。这种问题，我写作文的时候也爱犯，楼主不要见笑，说错了请多包涵。争取一句话只表达一件事，是我自己在作文中避免出现句式凌乱的一点小经验。

字数方面，这篇文章有690字之多，个人以为考试时可能时间有限写不了这么长，而且写得过长似乎在托福作文中是不被推崇的，我说的不算，楼主可以参考新东方李笑来老师的意见，他似乎是不赞成写太长的。

说了这么些想法，希望说错的地方楼主笑笑就好，我的水平很有限，请楼主谅解，大家共同进步，谢谢。

[eyf)M|留学|签证|TOEFL|GRE HquS*]4R
[ 本帖最后由 verabbits 于 2008-9-8 09:06 编辑 ]

不好意思 我是刚加入作文小组的新人 不懂规矩 寄托家园 A#doe$p7rsP.wN!f
关于结构 我走的是让步的路线 不可否认 欧美语言习惯是先说重点 你提的结构也是可以合理的 但哪种好 似乎没有一个定论吧
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W9U{-Z关于语言 长句是考G的时候养成的坏习惯 写的好就是两点 写的不好就是败笔 不得不承认 有的地方确实比较晦涩
A$X!k Ee关于字数 我用word统计了一下是490 由于我开头结尾都是模板 我练习的时候只要思维不出现停顿 应该是可以写完的 我没有上新东方的课  听的是新东方戴云老师的网络课程 他对独立写作字数的建议是450 而且the 长er, the better 可能新东方内部老师也没能统一意见吧bbs.gter.nettk'E)z,YM6]
你们真是太客气了 我这人比较straightforward 有什么说什么 有offend的地方 还请见谅
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c7P6ic%D[ 本帖最后由 ansoncode 于 2008-9-8 14:16 编辑 ]