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发表于 2015-5-25 22:27:49 |只看该作者

（7）文书写作第一要素---越易读越好（2）

如何让你的文书更加易读呢？这里有几条方法。

第一条是提高文章的韵律和节奏感。大家不妨做这么一个尝试。在一个空旷的地方，比如操场，大声朗读你自己写的文书。一遍读下来，如果你气喘吁吁，那么你文章的韵律和节奏感就不够好。反之，如果你读下来，痛快淋漓，呼吸很顺畅，那么你的文章的韵律和节奏感就很完美。好的文章能通过这种完美的节奏加深你对内容的领悟，而差的文章会让你有窒息感。

提高文章的韵律和节奏感的最简单的方法是缩短句子长度。一个内部没有标点来停顿的句子长度极限是52个单词，再长就无法呼吸了。当然，如果句子有标点来断开，句子长度可以超过52个单词。比如数学家John Nash遭遇车祸身亡，纽约时报报道的第一句就有67个单词之多。

John F. Nash Jr., a mathematician who shared a Nobel Prize in 1994 for work that greatly extended the reach and power of modern economic theory and whose decades-long descent into severe mental illness and eventual recovery were the subject of a book and a 2001 film, both titled “A Beautiful Mind,” was killed, along with his wife, in a car crash on Saturday in New Jersey.

但即便如此，正常的英语文章，句子的平均长度是10~25个单词。其中有的句子会比较短，比如只有10个单词，有的常一些，比如上面这个例子。但平均长度不能超过25。不少同学再准备了GRE考试之后，学习GRE阅读的写法，文书句子平均长度超过30。这样的文章的韵律节奏感和可读性都会大大降低。而修正这个问题也很简单，就是将长句拆分成短句。

长句拆分成短句的另一个重要作用是将不同的意思分开，达到一句一意的作用。这是很多nonfiction 作家的重要经验，为了让文章更清楚，一个句子最好只表达一个意思。在实际写作中不可能严格遵循这个原则，但至少也要保证一个句子只表达一个复杂的意思。这是第二条让你的文章变得更易读的简单方法。

我以下面这个GRE作文的一段来解释如何进行拆分。

If the very purpose of a corporation is to generate profits, and the obligation to adhere to safety expectations established by law cuts into those profits, then to expect corporations to embrace such practices beyond what is required is to presume that they willingly engage in an inherently self- destructive process: the unnecessary lowering of profits.

这个句子很长，一共有56个单词，而且意思的表达相对拗口。现在我来一分为二。

Adherence to safety regulations cuts into profits, which are the very purpose of any company. Therefore, expecting corporations to embrace such practices beyond what is required is to presume that they willingly engage in an inherently self-destructive process: the unnecessary lowering of profits.

一份为二之后，意思简化了很多，但是第二个句子有28个单词，依然很拗口。可以将其再一分为二。同时为了让逻辑更加流畅，将其提前。

Some people expect corporations to implement safety measures stricter than legal requirement. But it would amount to presuming that they willingly engage in an inherently self-destructive process: the unnecessary lowering of profits. This is because adherence to safety regulations cuts into profits, which are the very purpose of any company.

虽然原来的一个句子已经一分为三，但是读起来还是让人不舒服。问题在于它的表述方法不够清晰。比如they willingly engage in an inherently self-destructive process. 这个意思就很模糊。而让文书更易读的第三个秘诀，也最重要的一个秘诀是提炼你的表达，让你的意思更加清楚。这个inherently self-destructive process，说的很吓人，但是仔细一想是经不起推敲的。因为不可能是利润降了，这个企业就立马垮台了。所以更简单也是更贴切的表达方法是defeat their own purpose （违背办企业的初衷）。另外原句另一个地方embrace such practices beyond what is required，也可以解释得更清楚一些，改为implement safety measures stricter than legal requirement。这样一来最后的改动是下面这样。

Some people expect corporations to implement safety measures stricter than legal requirement. But it would amount to asking them to voluntarily defeat their very purpose, the profitability. This is because adherence to safety regulations often undermines profits by driving up the cost.

尽管一分为三，但是单词总数从56减到42，而且意思比原来清楚了很多。

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