寄托天下 寄托天下
查看: 2030|回复: 12

[作文] 跪求mpromanus 修改rayban的independent writing [复制链接]

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-2 01:34:55 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 rayban二代 于 2012-7-3 18:47 编辑

一楼是题目:
It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
作文见二楼
作文我又修改了一下,上传成文档在3L,劳驾修改!谢谢!
回应

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-2 01:37:42 |显示全部楼层
As is known to all, we gain knowledge both from books and from experience. However, people are having conflicted opinions about which source to acquire knowledge is more important. In my opinion, experience is the more critical source to get knowledge.

First of all, the knowledge attained from experience is more useful. Although we are stay in a society with knowledge explosion, what we need to master is much less. The knowledge gained from books is much less useful than what gained from experience. For instance, many people study English for several years but they also have difficulty in communication with foreigner. However, someone live in England or America for several months, they would not have difficulty in communication because they acquire the most basic as well as most useful language knowledge from experience. In contrast, books deliver much more knowledge, but most of them is useless in the real life. So, we can obtain more useful knowledge form experience than from books.

Secondly, the knowledge learned from experience is much more impressed than from books. The experience which we get knowledge will stay in our memory for a much long time, whereas we will easily forget what we learned after we graduated from school. For example, few of us, except the people work in the mathematics, will remember the knowledge of calculus if we leave the school for several years. But almost all of us remember the chemical experiment in which so much amazing things happened, such as that a piece of magnesium burns in the air, releasing the dazzling white light. Therefore, the knowledge gained from experience is more impressed.
Finally, the knowledge in books eventually comes from experience. The authors of the book summarized their own experience, then gained the knowledge and wrote it down. So we learning knowledge from books is equivalent to learning from experience. Take Charles Darwin for example. He traveled around the world for five years then summarized his experience then wrote the famous book, "The Origin of Species". When we read this book, we gain the knowledge from this book. Actually, we gain the knowledge from Darwin's experience. That is, the most important source we gain knowledge is experience.

In summary, I think the more important source we get knowledge is experience rather than books. There are three reasons to confirm my opinion. Firstly, we get more useful knowledge from experience. Secondly, we are more impressed on the knowledge acquired from experience. Finally, the knowledge in books actually comes from experience. So we getting knowledge from books is equivalent to getting from experience.

还不知道怎么上传word,请mpromanus 先将就看一下!第一次写,请猛批!非常感谢!

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-3 18:46:25 |显示全部楼层
看了一下,把一些发现的小问题改了,这次上传成附件,劳驾romanus修改!谢谢!
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

发表于 2012-7-5 07:29:24 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-3 18:46
看了一下,把一些发现的小问题改了,这次上传成附件,劳驾romanus修改!谢谢!

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

As is known to all, we gain knowledge both from books and from experience. However, people are having conflicted opinions about which source to acquire knowledge is more important. In my opinion, experience is the more critical source to get knowledge from.

First of all, the knowledge attained from experience is more useful. Although we are stay in a society with a knowledge explosion (This is ambiguous between 'the society is having a knowledge explosion' and 'we are having a knowledge explosion'.), what we need to master is much less (less than what? I don't know that you're comparing against.). The knowledge gained from books is much less useful than that gained from experience. For instance, many people study English for several years but they blue have difficulty in communication with foreigners. However, someone who had lived in England or America for several months would not have difficulty in communication because they acquire the most basic as well as most useful language knowledge from experience. (Good use of example.) In contrast, books deliver much more knowledge, but most of them are useless in the real life. So, we can obtain more useful knowledge form experience than from books. (Good comparison and argument for the 'useful' point, but, since the question is about which is more important, I could well argue that knowledge can be important without being useful in the real life in the 'pragmatic' sense – Latin, for example, is one of the most common cases of practically useless but important knowledge: useless in the sense that nobody speaks the language anymore in real life, but extremely important from a linguistic point of view. With all that said, I mean to say that you could make the argument more complete by adding that being useful is a decisive aspect of importance and therefore knowledge gained from experience is more useful -> more important.)

Secondly, the knowledge learned from experience is much more impressed (I'd suggest 'better impressed/instilled'.) than that from books. The experience which we get knowledge from will stay in our memory for a much longer time, whereas we will easily forget what we learned from books after we graduated from the school. For example, few of us, except the people working on the mathematics, will remember the knowledge of calculus if we leave the school for several years. (Or people in communication/signal technology, or quantitative finance..calculus is actually much more widely used in the industry than many people might have realized.) But almost all of us remember the chemistry experiment in which so many amazing things happened, such as that a piece of magnesium burning in the air, releasing a dazzling white light. (I'd argue that you can't really call a school chemistry experiment like this 'experience'..but I won't press this too hard.) Therefore, the knowledge gained from experience is more impressed.

Finally, the knowledge in books eventually comes from experience. The authors of the book summarized their own experiences, then gained the knowledge and wrote it down. So our learning of knowledge from books is equivalent to learning from experience. Take Charles Darwin for an example. He traveled around the world for five years then summarized his experiences then wrote the famous book, "The Origin of Species". When we read this book, we learn the knowledge from this book. Actually, we gain the knowledge from Darwin's experiences. (I would still argue that a lot of knowledge, especially scientific knowledge, does not come from 'experience' if your definition of experience is something that one has to physically partake and observe as a part of his natural life. Rutherford's experiments, for example, by which he discovered the existence of protons and the concept of half-live, contributed greatly to our knowledge of the structure of atoms and in general, radioactivity - would you call such experiments 'experience'? Maybe, maybe not. Think about it.) That is, the most important source we gain knowledge is experience.

In summary, I think the more important source we get knowledge from is experience rather than books. There are three reasons to confirm my opinion. Firstly, we get more useful knowledge from experience. Secondly, we are more impressed on the knowledge acquired from experience. Finally, the knowledge in books actually comes from experience. So we getting knowledge from books is equivalent to getting from experience.(This last sentence has been corrected previously.)

总结:

很成熟的写作,没有短板,例子用得很好。对于论述上可以更加严密的部分,请参见文中的评论 – 这个属于进阶级别,不是说你的文章不好。。



使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-5 08:53:23 |显示全部楼层
mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-5 07:29
It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast kno ...

非常感谢!一定好好研究一下。

使用道具 举报

声望
0
寄托币
22
注册时间
2012-7-5
精华
0
帖子
7
发表于 2012-7-5 14:35:05 |显示全部楼层
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
签名被屏蔽

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
460
寄托币
1788
注册时间
2012-2-24
精华
0
帖子
2721

IBT Zeal Golden Apple

发表于 2012-7-14 22:36:49 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-5 08:53
非常感谢!一定好好研究一下。

楼主这篇文章应用了不少的例子,我想请教下楼主是收集了素材库的么?

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-15 19:01:38 |显示全部楼层
black_marble 发表于 2012-7-14 22:36
楼主这篇文章应用了不少的例子,我想请教下楼主是收集了素材库的么?

抱歉,最近感冒了这几天没上论坛。其实这篇文章是我写的第一篇TOEFL作文,整整花了3个小时……= =
怎么说呢,当时写的时候就是凭着直觉写了这几个例子,并不是特意去找素材库的。但是作文写到现在感觉越写越烂了……所以我觉得素材库应该还是有作用的~仅供参考~~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
460
寄托币
1788
注册时间
2012-2-24
精华
0
帖子
2721

IBT Zeal Golden Apple

发表于 2012-7-15 22:44:05 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-15 19:01
抱歉,最近感冒了这几天没上论坛。其实这篇文章是我写的第一篇TOEFL作文,整整花了3个小时……= =
怎么说 ...

好的,多谢。楼主的语言功底很不错了。文章读着很舒服。我是刚学写作不久,那个规则学了不少,但是写下来总觉得词不达意,所以还想问下楼主是不是以前背过些文章什么的,多谢楼主了

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-15 23:50:39 |显示全部楼层
black_marble 发表于 2012-7-15 22:44
好的,多谢。楼主的语言功底很不错了。文章读着很舒服。我是刚学写作不久,那个规则学了不少,但是写下来 ...

我想每个人的写作过程都会经历一系列的变化吧,从一开始的无从下笔,到后来的文思泉涌,中间可能会经历一个乃至多个瓶颈。刚开始写的时候可以按照那些比较好的模板来写,等你能够熟练运用了,整体的文章框架结构比较熟悉之后就可以抛开框架了。我见过很多作文写的很好的人,有的文章真的看不出一点模板的痕迹。我们还是应该像高中那样,通过不断的模仿,不断的修改来提升作文水平。至于字词句细节的方面还是得靠平常积累了,一些范文、素材库、好词好句都可以积累积累,最终熟练运用,成为文章的highlight。我没有背过范文,也不喜欢背,但是对范文结构逻辑的分析以及字词句的积累我觉得还是必要的,也是提高作文水平的良好手段。我也在做这个方面的工作,所以,一起加油吧~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
460
寄托币
1788
注册时间
2012-2-24
精华
0
帖子
2721

IBT Zeal Golden Apple

发表于 2012-7-16 00:06:30 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-15 23:50
我想每个人的写作过程都会经历一系列的变化吧,从一开始的无从下笔,到后来的文思泉涌,中间可能会经历一 ...

恩,你说的很中肯,也很有道理。
目前,我也主要在积累些素材,和对别人的文章进行逻辑分析。就好像以前读初中老师会让我们做摘抄一样。

不过由于我快要考托福了,以前也没考过G,所以总希望能有别人现成的实例材料什么的可以让我背诵一下,想以此来尽快提高自己的语言水平。因为我觉得其实逻辑分析对于托福的作文来说还是相对容易找到规律的,mpromanus版友的逻辑分析就比较好,我把他这几年改过的文章浏览了一部分,从中能学到不少。目前我到时觉得应用语言熟练的表达自己的观点需要大量的积累。所以,还是得加油背诵一些比较好的段落

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
8
寄托币
759
注册时间
2009-12-26
精华
0
帖子
104

律政先锋

发表于 2012-7-22 16:57:39 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-2 01:37
As is known to all, we gain knowledge both from books and from experience. However, people are havin ...

楼主作文这最后一句话和全文的主旨是不是有点矛盾?还是我没理解对?

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
25
寄托币
1161
注册时间
2011-8-21
精华
0
帖子
228
发表于 2012-7-22 22:31:03 |显示全部楼层
teenteen 发表于 2012-7-22 16:57
楼主作文这最后一句话和全文的主旨是不是有点矛盾?还是我没理解对?

最后一句的So是紧跟在前一句Finally那句之后的。我最后只是把三个分论点再重述了一下,那个So并不是对全文的总结。

使用道具 举报

RE: 跪求mpromanus 修改rayban的independent writing [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
跪求mpromanus 修改rayban的independent writing
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1391057-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部