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水果的夏天
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发表于 2012-7-6 21:22:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由水果的夏天于 2012-7-6 21:24 编辑

t is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

There are various friends to choose from in society including people who helped you, played with you, communicated with you. I prefer to choose friends that help you when you need them. Because the real friend is that they won’t refuse you when you are in the tough time instead of mercenary friends.
First of all, it is unavoidable that a helping hand from friends is necessary. I used to believe I had a lot of friends since there were many people playing with me. But when I met difficulties and asked them for help, they were most likely to have various excuses to refuse me. At this time, one of my friends offered his help and supported me to go through the tough time. This friend may not have helped me a lot, but he did as much as he could, and made me confident in facing difficulties because I felt I was not alone. As the proverb says “a friend in need is a friend indeed.”
Furthermore, the friends that have fun with me may have bad attempts. They may flatter you by playing with you to attain the objectives. Take my friend joy for example. When joy met a group of people in KTV, they always played together happily. However, after a few days, one of these friends asked him to help them sell some pirate CD in the school. Suddenly he realized that they leaned on him for getting some kind of goal. So finally he broke with them.
To sum up, based on the reasons above, it is more important to choose friends will help you when you need them than to choose friends that could have fun with.

感觉没什么话说耶

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mpromanus
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发表于 2012-7-9 02:12:09 |只看该作者

It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

There are various friends to choose from in society including people who helped you, played with you, communicated with you. I prefer to choose friends that help you when you need them. Because a real friend is that they (This doesn't agree with 'a real friend', which is singular. This sentence is not well organised. If you have problem organizing ideas into a proper complex sentence, start with putting one idea into one simple sentence, then combining them together with connectives. For example, I'd probably write 'if you're in trouble, a real friend won't refuse to help you; but if you have a friend to just have fun with, he might not help'.) won’t refuse you when you are in the tough time instead of mercenary friends. (I understand what you're trying to express, that some friends are only looking for relationships from which they can profit. But, a 'mercenary' profits by engaging in armed conflicts, so that's rather different from a 'friend'. You can of course use this metaphor, but I think it's better to say 'mercenary-like friends, who only look to share your good fortunes', so your meaning is perfectly clear.)

First of all, it is unavoidable that a helping hand from friends is necessary. I used to believe I had a lot of friends since there were many people playing with me. But when I met difficulties and asked them for help, they were most likely to have various excuses to refuse me. At this time, one of my friends offered his help and supported me to go through the tough time. This friend may not have helped me a lot, but he did as much as he could, and made me confident in facing difficulties because I felt I was not alone. As the proverb says “a friend in need is a friend indeed.” (This is not really a good way to give examples, because you're only repeating what you wrote in the first paragraph, and there's nothing specific in this example. A specific example is something that does not repeat what your main point says, but illustrates parts of your main point with specific details. I'll give you an example at the end.)

Furthermore, the friends that have fun with me may have bad attempts. (Not sure what this means. Do you mean 'bad intentions/habits'?) They may flatter you by playing with you to attain their objectives. Take my friend Joy for example. When Joy met a group of people in a KTV ('KTV' is very much an Asian thing, and not all Americans know what kind of establishment a 'KTV' is. You can make it clearer by saying 'a KTV club', so it makes sense to both Asians and Americans.), they always played together happily. However, after a few days, one of these friends asked him ('Joy' is usually a girl's name. For a boy's name it would be 'Joey'.) to help them sell some pirate CDs in the school. Suddenly he realized that they leaned on him for getting some kind of goal. So finally he broke up with them. (This is a better example because it has details like 'sell pirate CDs' as an example of 'bad intentions'. The question is, friends who help you when you need them might also have bad intentions, and you'd actually be in a more dangerous position because they helped you and you'll feel obliged to do what they ask of you, even if they ask you to do bad things like selling pirated CDs. So, I don't see how this point supports your opinion that 'I prefer friends who can help me', or indeed the essay question, 'which is more important..'. The question in essence is a comparison of the merits of two things, A and B. If you say B is better, you can't just say it's because A is bad. You need to say B is better because A is worse than B.)

To sum up, based on the reasons above, it is more important to choose friends who will help you when you need them than to choose friends that you could have fun with.

总结：

1. 依然是把比较题写成了好坏描述。。问题是A和B哪一个比较重要，你的论点是B比较重要，但是要证明这一点，你不能只说B好，A不好，所以B比较重要。。你要说的是在x方面，A不好B好，A不如B重要；在y方面，A不好B好，A不如B重要；在z方面，A和B都很好，但是B比A更好得多，所以A还是不如B重要。。

2. 具体的例子是什么意思：具体的例子就是把你的论点中的实词具体化的例子，具体化是通过5W1H(who, what, when, where, why, how)来实现。你不能只是rephrase论点本来的语言。比如：

论点：动物能给人提供食物

非常不具体的例子：动物可以给人吃
不太具体的例子：猪可以给人吃；牛可以给人吃；鸡也可以给人吃
具体的例子：猪可以做成培根给人吃；牛可以出产牛奶给人吃；鸡可以生鸡蛋给人吃

在你的第一个论点段里，你就是一直在rephrase论点原有的语言 – 你说你有difficulty的时候好多朋友都不帮你，只有一个人help，这都是论点原有的语言 – friends who can help you when you need them。你如果说，我生病了导致功课赶不上（what exactly is the difficulty），别人都不管，只有一个朋友主动把笔记借我抄（what exactly is the help），这才是specific example..

至于没什么话说这个问题，这个你可以先开列清单，两种朋友各有神马好处，神马不好，神马用处，然后再选来比哪个比较重要。