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[作文] 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by TONY998作业帖 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-7-17 00:19:23 |显示全部楼层
我帮你改了哦,    呵呵    你也帮我改 7.14的哦。   写的还不错,
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发表于 2012-7-17 00:59:36 |显示全部楼层
Gyps_rueppellii 发表于 2012-7-17 00:19
我帮你改了哦,    呵呵    你也帮我改 7.14的哦。   写的还不错,


感谢批改,让我听到了不同的看法,以后也请多多指教。:lol建议以后不要把任务拖得太久,容易造成任务积压,我今天还要帮两个人改作文,有时间的话一定会帮你改的

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发表于 2012-7-17 17:54:08 |显示全部楼层
lz加油哦。
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发表于 2012-7-17 19:16:18 |显示全部楼层
  我是不是很速度啊~~求表扬!
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发表于 2012-7-17 23:19:23 |显示全部楼层
igrowing 发表于 2012-7-17 19:16
我是不是很速度啊~~求表扬!

的确是神速啊!!:lol

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发表于 2012-7-17 23:20:18 |显示全部楼层
liang0603 发表于 2012-7-17 17:54
lz加油哦。

太给力了,715的作文批改的人都还没有发来,716的就到了:loveliness:

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发表于 2012-7-18 00:02:17 |显示全部楼层
igrowing 发表于 2012-7-17 19:16
我是不是很速度啊~~求表扬!

非常中肯的建议!多谢了!:lol

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发表于 2012-7-18 00:47:05 |显示全部楼层
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Recently, we have so many sources of news and information, so that we cannot tell which one is the real one or who is telling the truth.

The past decades have seen the remarkable changes in technology. Coming to an age of information has greatly changed people’s horizon (I'm not quite sure what 'people's horizon' means here, but usually horizons in the metaphorical sense is broadened, not 'changed'..). Some people claim that the big bang of information disables them from telling which one ('one' what? horizon?) is correct or not, which I am strongly against.

First and foremost, we cannot deny that we are in an information age where messages spread out in the air (I'm not sure what you mean to convey here. Messages physically being spread out in the air would be rather comical, so it sounds like you're describing radio, which is quite a thing of the past by now. Otherwise, most informational signals are now physically carried by cables – the internet, the television and all.). Through the internet, we can have access to the message we want to know without a second (The negation of 'within' is not 'without'..).

Additionally, the newly born media like microblog and Facebook have greatly promoted the traditional media to improve the speed of information spreading. Pressing a few buttons on your phone, you can have what you have seen and what you have heard spread out as far as you want, no matter it is true or not.

However, this cannot be the excuse that we cannot tell the truth ourselves. Before the internet has been applied widely, we cannot even know the people in a nearby city, not to speak of international news. (There was this thing called radio broadcast..) At that time, we have nearly no idea about what is going on outside. Back to now, we can have access to any information we want, the only thing we need to do is to find the real one among them. Which is easier now? (I don't know which is easier. You're supposed to argue and persuade me that one is easier than the other, and so far you've only described the two sides being compared..)

Moreover, we have many effective ways to help us find out what is true. We can use a search engine to help sort information out and get the really useful intelligence. (A search engine doesn't sort information for you..it only provides a list of relevant sources, and it's up to you to sort the information out yourself..) Also we can put our problems on the internet to let others to give suggestions. (But how would you know whose suggestion is truly useful or genuine?) For us, being rational and calm in analyzing information really matters a lot. If we can use these resources and have an eagle's eye, it will be an easy job to find out the truth.

In a nutshell, having a lot of options is better than having nothing. Using the convenience that technology has brought to us and our great brain, truth can hide no more. (Right, but the human brain would have limits – and this is actually what the question is all about: that having too many sources of information would overwhelm our judgment so we can't tell which sources are true, or are not true. You've basically focused only on 'information', and beaten around the point about using one's judgment, but there's not much solid argument on how exactly using one's judgment would cope with 'so many sources' in particular.)

总结:

这篇文还是很空的说。。基本上你就讲了两点:1 现在的信息是很多,但是我们还是可以看出真假 2 我们要用脑就可以看出信息真假。。问题是你没法/没有通过论述的方式支持你的要点,你所提出的两点都只是停留在unsupported statement/claim。。



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发表于 2012-7-18 10:49:10 |显示全部楼层
mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-18 00:47
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Recently, we have so many sources of news and ...

:lol感谢你的修改,的确我的这篇文章在论述展开方面存在着问题,可能我还没有这个意识,不知道romanus老师能否提示我一下;另外,如果这篇文章要修改的话,是直接将论点修改好呢,还是将原有论点展开好呢?

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发表于 2012-7-18 16:02:49 |显示全部楼层
我系来批17号的,在哪里呀?:)

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发表于 2012-7-18 21:13:51 |显示全部楼层
liang0603 发表于 2012-7-18 16:02
我系来批17号的,在哪里呀?

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发表于 2012-7-18 21:17:43 |显示全部楼层
楼主7.17作文已改好,请过目~不要忘了改我的哦~
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发表于 2012-7-18 23:05:56 |显示全部楼层
请参考,谢谢
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口语帖https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/forum.ph ... =1390223&extra=
听写贴[url=https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&t

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美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

发表于 2012-7-19 06:19:15 |显示全部楼层
Tony998 发表于 2012-7-18 10:49
感谢你的修改,的确我的这篇文章在论述展开方面存在着问题,可能我还没有这个意识,不知道romanus老师 ...

托福作文一般是用例子展开论述,比如,虽然网上很多各种新闻图片,但是仔细看看就能从影子啊风的方向啊背景建筑啊酱油人物啊等等细节看出到底图是不是真的符合新闻内容,或者是不是被PS过的。。所以‘好好思考[新闻图片的细节]就可以辨别[新闻图片的]真伪’。你的论点就是停留在理论级别,没有去想‘那么实际生活中我要碰到怎样的情形就可以说这证明了<我的论点>’,或者‘我是基于什么样的事实而推论出<我的论点>’。。

如果不能很快的想出合适的例子来展开,建议换个论点。。

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发表于 2012-7-19 10:38:50 |显示全部楼层
mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-19 06:19
托福作文一般是用例子展开论述,比如,虽然网上很多各种新闻图片,但是仔细看看就能从影子啊风的方向啊背 ...

是不是说说理论证在托福写作中效果不大的意思啊:lol

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RE: 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by TONY998作业帖 [修改]
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