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发表于 2012-7-17 12:16:43 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 mayijie 于 2012-7-26 10:12 编辑


7.25~




















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发表于 2012-7-17 15:39:37 |显示全部楼层
7.17
Colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future
before they start working. Agree or disagree?
大家一定要狠批,从主旨,用词,句子多样性,例子的使用,还有别的什么都行来搞!我也会为大家狠批的,希望都能快速提高!
In this day and age, some people think that universities should not offer too many courses for students, since students need more opportunities to improve their ability in society, while other people consider more courses as conducive to students' preparation for future works. As far as I've concerned, I agree with the latter opinion, since by learning more courses, more useful knowledge can be obtained for our future need and we can also have a broad job selection in the future.

First of all, learning more courses in universities is conducive for us to obtain more useful knowledge which contains both some basic theoretical knowledge and some applied knowledge. With such knowledge, we can not only understand our own major well, but comprehensively prepare for future work as well. I can think of no better illustration than the example of my own, I am a junior student whose major is automation. Last month, when I went for an internship interview of a company which produces automatic devises, I was asked to do a test. To my surprise, the questions of the test were all related to the basic knowledge which I have learned in my freshman and sophomore year. Then, the interviewers explained their reasons that since they did not have enough time to check applicants' practical ability and also, basic knowledge in one's mind can reflect his or her understanding level toward a specific major, thus it became what the interviewers concentrated on. Therefore, basic knowledge is crucial for students to attend a job interview. In addition, what is really need in the future work is practical and handling ability and we can also prepare for these skills by learning some experimental and applied courses. For example, last semester, I have taken a practical course called computer hardware and software analysis. During this course, students were not only required to learn some theory of microcomputer, but required to make the hardware and software of a microcomputer as well. Such requirement is identical to a real project which I will probably do in my future work. Therefore, it is beneficial for us to learn more courses in universities so as to prepare for future work.

Moreover, learning more courses means that students can broaden their horizon and learn knowledge in different subjects or majors. Students can also choose classes based on their interests. Thus, beneficial to those students is their great amount of choices to select future jobs. For instance, a student whose major is physics might find his or her talent in history after taking a course about medieval history. Then, the student could select more courses about history and he or she could even change the major. Therefore, it is much more convenient for students in universities to find what they really want to learn by offering more courses. As a result, they are more likely to engage in the works which they are interested in.

Admittedly, it is unrealistic only to require students to learn more courses in school and not to provide chances for them to practice in internship, for there must have difference between class and real job circumstances. However, learning more courses in universities does have a crucial and beneficial effect on their future work owing to the reasons above. I, therefore, reinforce my standpoint to approve the necessity of taking more courses in universities.

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发表于 2012-7-18 04:32:22 |显示全部楼层
请过目,多交流!~
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发表于 2012-7-18 09:07:42 |显示全部楼层
igrowing 发表于 2012-7-18 04:32
请过目,多交流!~

麻烦了!你真快!4点多。。。我好好看看

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发表于 2012-7-18 14:28:49 |显示全部楼层
7.17
Colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future
before they start working. Agree or disagree?
大家一定要狠批,从主旨,用词,句子多样性,例子的使用,还有别的什么都行来搞!我也会为大家狠批的,希望都能快速提高!
(o(∩_∩)o 建议可以先写写背景再进入观点哦~~)In this day and age, some people think that universities should not offer too many courses for students, since students need more opportunities to improve their ability in society, while other people consider more courses as conducive to students' preparation for future works. As far as I've concerned, I agree with the latter opinion, since by learning more courses, more useful knowledge can be obtained for our future need and we can also have a broad job selection in the future.

First of all, learning more courses in universities is conducive for us to obtain more useful knowledge which contains both some basic theoretical knowledge and some applied knowledge.(楼主~这里我觉得题目说的是more courses 应该着重说说学校里还没有offer的课程) With such knowledge, we can not only understand our own major well, but comprehensively prepare for future work as well. I can think of no better illustration than the example of my own, I am a junior student whose major is automation.(o(∩_∩)o 和我专业一样) Last month, when I went for an internship interview of a company which produces automatic devises, I was asked to do a test. To my surprise, the questions of the test were all related to the basic knowledge which I have learned in my freshman and sophomore year. Then, the interviewers explained their reasons that since they did not have enough time to check (out? )applicants' practical ability and also, basic knowledge in one's mind can reflect his or her understanding level toward a specific major, thus it became what the interviewers concentrated on. Therefore, basic knowledge is crucial for students to attend(perform well in) a job interview. In addition, what is really (needed(crucial)) in the future work is practical and handling ability and we can also prepare for these skills by learning some experimental and applied courses. For example, last semester, I have taken a practical course called computer hardware and software analysis. During this course, students were not only required to learn some theory of microcomputer, but required to make the hardware and software (system?) of a microcomputer as well. Such requirement is identical to a real project which I will probably do in my future work. Therefore, it is beneficial for us to learn more courses in universities so as to prepare for future work.

Moreover, learning more courses means that students can broaden their horizon(expand their outlook? ) and learn knowledge in different subjects or majors. Students can also choose classes based on their interests. Thus, what beneficial to those students is their great amount of choices to select future jobs. For instance, a student whose major is physics might find his or her talent in history after taking a course about medieval history. Then, the student could select more courses about history and he or she could even change the major. Therefore, it is much more convenient for students in universities to find what they really want to learn by offering more courses. As a result, they are more likely to engage in the works which they are interested in.

Admittedly, it is unrealistic only to require students to learn more courses in school and not to provide chances for them to practice in internship, for there must have difference between class and real job circumstances. However, learning more courses in universities does have a crucial and beneficial effect on their future work owing to the reasons above. I, therefore, reinforce my standpoint to approve the necessity of taking more courses in universities.

我理解楼主的主要论点有两个 一个是理论课和实验课是重要的 二是广泛的学习只是有助于学生就业,然后用了很多生活中的实例说明(这是我要尤其学习滴~)。我的意见是,就业这方面可以细化发散出很多论点,比如应聘方面,而学校课程目前没有提供这方面丰富的信息~

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发表于 2012-7-18 22:50:19 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 mayijie 于 2012-7-18 23:37 编辑

写了一篇机经里的,也放上来,希望各位朋友可以帮忙修改,或有写过的一起讨论下
机经题目:学生小组作业是不是比个人more effectively

effective意思是有效的,强调一个事情的结果,表示结果很好;
efficient意思是有效率的,强调一个事情的过程,表示过程很快。

Some students think teachers should offer them assignment in a group way, since dealing with assignment in a group way may improve their efficiency and also strengthen their collaboration ability. While others advocate doing assignment by oneself. As far as I've concerned, I agree with the latter opinion, for tackling assignment by oneself can optimize one's working efficiency, handling ability along with independent ability.

First of all, compared with working in groups, dealing with assignment alone can greatly promote one's efficiency. Because when facing with an assignment, important to students is not repeatedly discussing which method is supposed to be used, but establishing a definite way and working along with it. For example, a question of mathematics can be solved in different ways and it is hard to say which one is the best. 断句Therefore when a group of students are discussing which method should be applied, perhaps one student has already finished this question and go for the next one. On the other hand, if a group cannot be in conformity with others in one question, some harmful effect might occur, such as a dispute leads to the exaggeration of relationship between group members. Thus, personal assignment is a much more efficient way than group assignment.

The efficiency of solving a question is indispensable to students. Besides, some other important abilities can also be obtained for students by providing personal assignment.

Crucial to students' future development are their handling and independent ability and these abilities can be acquired by tackling questions by oneself. For example, if a student is required to finish a project about MCU(Microprogrammed Control Unit) alone, he or she is supposed to do all aspects of works, such as searching for information, making the hardware and software, checking the conclusion and writing reports. Therefore, the student will be familiar with different types of work which are all indispensable for a project and his or her handling ability will be extremely improved. Moreover, through the process of dealing with this project, the student can establish his or her independent ability which is lacking if a group of people are responsible for this work, since they can rely on each other. Thus, with personal assignment, students can learn things much more than working in groups.

Admittedly, sometimes working in groups has its advantages, for instance, students can practice their communication skill and enhance their collaboration ability. I, to some extend, acknowledge such merit. However, considering of the discordance which might happens in a group and realizing that personal assignment does have a crucial and effective effect on students owing to the reasons above. I, therefore, reinforce my standpoint to approve the statement that we should advocate personal assignment.

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发表于 2012-7-19 19:34:08 |显示全部楼层
7.18 已改好,楼主过目:
Ps:基本没有问题,楼主写作很成熟~学习了不少~
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发表于 2012-7-19 19:48:46 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-19 19:34
7.18 已改好,楼主过目:
Ps:基本没有问题,楼主写作很成熟~学习了不少~

谢谢!
不过我越看越觉得有问题。。。特别是结尾处。。。

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发表于 2012-7-19 22:19:07 |显示全部楼层
mayijie 发表于 2012-7-19 19:48
谢谢!
不过我越看越觉得有问题。。。特别是结尾处。。。

我唯一能给的建议就是关于money的重要性另起一段,结尾单独一段,你的那种写法感觉结尾缺少总结的力量,但是问题也不大。如果你还不满意,可以让Romanus老师给你修改一下,他的水平非常高,我曾经请教过一次,他会给你在逻辑层次上再进行修改~地址是https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1388894

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发表于 2012-7-19 23:14:36 |显示全部楼层
rayban二代 发表于 2012-7-19 22:19
我唯一能给的建议就是关于money的重要性另起一段,结尾单独一段,你的那种写法感觉结尾缺少总结的力量,但 ...

好,我明天尝试一下,谢谢!!!

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美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

发表于 2012-7-20 05:58:50 |显示全部楼层
0718作文题:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

In this day and age, there is a general debate about the main purpose for which people have jobs. Some people regard money as the main purpose for owning jobs, since money is useful to everyone. While others consider social status as a/the dominant factor. (Such a 'while' clause cannot stand on its own as a sentence. It must be joined to the previous one with a comma: …useful to everyone, while..) As far as I'm concerned, I agree with the latter opinion, for social status can offer a person more discourse right (This is not the way to form composite noun phrase especially for abstract nouns like this. What you want to say would be 'right to/of discourse'.) in a specific major and also, can improve one's social relationship which can contribute to his or her self-actualization.

First of all, owning a high social status means that one will have more discourse right and influence on a particular field. And these things cannot be obtained by money. For example, my professor Ding is an expert in the major of automation. He has published several academic articles on different academic journals such as the IEEE Trans on Circuits and Systems. Therefore, he has a high social status as well as a well-known reputation and he is now responsible for a national project about the design of spacecraft. Professor Ding does not have much money and everyday he rides his old bicycle to the research lab, however, he still feels happy and the origin of his happiness is the satisfaction of being respected and demanded by others. As a result, what a high social status provides us is much more meaningful than what money does. (The question is not just about which is more dominant or important or meaningful or morally better. It's asking which is the more dominant purpose of jobs. Your example is good, but you need to make it more explicit by saying that he keeps doing his job as a professor because of the social status. If not, I can argue that not all academic professionals are as well respected and socially privileged, for example many RAs – I' m sure you'd know more about such things than I do - but they nonetheless cling on to their positions in the academia, why? Think about it.)

Besides the discourse right a high social status will bring to a person, one can also take advantage of a high social status so as to possess a favorable social relationship. Beneficial to a person is the great opportunity provided by a good social relationship to fulfill one's own expectations. For instance, Bill Clinton, the forty-second president of the United State of America, lives a full life after his retirement. With his great social status, he successfully raised funds from his friend who is a merchant to establish his own president library in his hometown, Arkansas. Moreover, Clinton dubbed for a magical story film "Peter and Wolves" in 2004 which was his dream when he was a child and the director of this film has a good relationship with him. In short, due to his social status and broad relationship, Bill Clinton has plenty of time and chances to actualize his dream after retirement even if he is paid for a low president pension which is identical to an ordinary person. (But his major income is not from his pension – he gets paid handsomely for giving speeches and writing a book..)Therefore, a good social status can help people achieve their goals and make their lives better. (True, but is this social status the reason for Clinton to work as a president or as whatever he's been working as? As said, the question is not expecting you to merely discuss the importance of money or social status – it's expecting you to discuss why people would opt to work for money, or social status. If the previous paragraph still has a hint as to the 'work/job' part of the question, then I don't see any relevance in this paragraph at all.)

Admittedly, since money is also an indispensable factor in our daily life, I, to some extent, accept the idea that some people have jobs mainly for money. However, obtaining a good (3rd time – I think this is not an accidental error. 'well' is generally an adverb, so it doesn't go with nouns. Adjectives go with nouns – and as an adjective 'well' only means that a person is healthy and happy as in 'I'm very well'.) social status does have a crucial and beneficial effect on one's life owing to the reasons above. I, therefore, reinforce my standpoint to approve the statement that we would better consider social status as our main purpose to have jobs. (The minor problem here is that the mention of money is not a proper argument, as you never properly refute it – but that's minor. The major problem with this essay is that you've only argued that social status is more important and meaningful and useful and blah than money – but you've not established why it must be taken as the reason to have jobs. Social status can be achieved outside one's job as a hobbyist, or bought, or inherited – if social status doesn't necessarily must come through jobs, some people would already have some kind of social status when they go out to work, then would they still see social status as their main motivation to get a job? Think about it.)

总结:

语法神马的都还好,例子也很好,但是,最大的问题是没有清晰地指出social status和工作之间的关系..这个问题不是光说明social status和money哪个重要就完了,你必须指出social status很重要,然后对一般人来说social status又是主要通过工作得来的,这样才能得出‘一般人工作还主要是为了social status’这个结论。。否则就像我最后的评论所说,social status不一定要通过工作获得,有人出来工作的时候就不缺乏social status - 比如跟我男人MBA同届的一个印尼大财团的公子,一群同学去银行团面的时候银行的人直接无视其他的同学就围着这位公子说话。。像这位公子这样的,工作还一定是主要为了social status,或者主要为了钱么?我觉得都可以说是,也可以都说不是。这就是一个例子。论述要圆满,覆盖整个题目而不只是题目的一半。。否则很容易被challenge。。




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发表于 2012-7-20 12:38:12 |显示全部楼层
mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-20 05:58
0718作文题:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who h ...

谢谢老师,我理解了一下又重写了一篇,老师有空的话能再帮我看看吗,谢谢老师!

0718作文题:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

No matter how the world develops, job, which reflects the social division of labor in modern society, is the foundation of our life. There is a general debate about the main purpose for which people have jobs. Some people regard money as the main purpose, while others consider social status as the paramount reason. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter opinion, since money, all along, is nothing more than a material, however, what is really crucial and indispensable to a person is being recognized and respected by others along with a good social relationship. These things can be acquired by social status which is what most people truly strive for by having jobs.

First of all, desirable to everyone is the sense of being accepted and respected by others which can definitely be obtained by a high social status. Taking the example of my professor Ding who is an expert in the major of automation. He has published several academic articles on different scientific journals like the IEEE Trans on Circuits and Systems and also invented lots of patents which have been applied in different fields. Some of his patents have even been used in the national project of the construction of spacecraft. Undoubtedly, Ding has a prestigious reputation as well as a high social status. Once when I asked him why he choose the road toward the scientific research, he thought about a moment and then answered:"Because when I receive affirmation and respect from others and when I see my invention and design are accepted and applied by others, I feel really happy and satisfied. I know that my endeavor has been paid off and I realize the meaning of my life." The high social status provides him the opportunities to be recognized by others and the right of discourse to change people's life. By changing others' life, he receive the sense of satisfaction and happiness. The case of professor Ding is not rare, in fact, most of people who own jobs want to be recognized by others and to actualize their own dream. Mostly, their goal can be attained by striving for a good social status.

Moreover, what is also crucial to people is their social relationship. They want a broad relationship which is beneficial to not only the development of themselves, but to their family as well. It is undoubtedly that a good social status contributes to an excellent social relationship. An ordinary family in China is the best example. The young strives for a good social status and establishes a better social relationship based on his or her parents' social relationship. Then the whole family can be continued and expanded to a much wider social relationship. We all have the instinct to perpetuate our lineage which is supposed to be relied on the social relationship. And under most cases, a better social relationship can be obtained by working for a good social status. Therefore, the main purpose of most people to have jobs is social status which can also improve their social relationship so as to continue and thrive their family.

To sum up, with the necessity of social status stated above, I, therefore, reinforce my standpoint that rather than money, social status is the main purpose to have jobs.

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发表于 2012-7-20 22:21:52 |显示全部楼层
请过目
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发表于 2012-7-21 01:18:12 |显示全部楼层
719亲过目
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美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

发表于 2012-7-21 11:02:34 |显示全部楼层
mayijie 发表于 2012-7-20 12:38
谢谢老师,我理解了一下又重写了一篇,老师有空的话能再帮我看看吗,谢谢老师!

0718作文题:Do you a ...

大致过了一下,这篇的文字已经没有什么问题了。

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