[作文] 新人~急求Romanus修改作文 [复制链接]

llshruby
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-7-19 17:13:58 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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mpromanus
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沙发

发表于 2012-7-24 23:04:13 |只看该作者

If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e‐mail or text messaging ,or using telephone/voice-messaging.

Although many people think the telephone and voice-messaging are more convenient for communication, I prefer to use e-mails to ask for my friends’ opinions when I confront (You 'confront' <people> 'with' <things>, not just 'confront' 'with' <things>. You can only 'be confronted' 'with' things.) with upsetting or controversial problems.

To begin with, I am an extremely sensitive person; even a glimpse ('a glimpse' of what? 'a glimpse' from other people of you? 'a glimpse' of something else?) might lead to a bad feeling, so that I always have many problems. Compare to the telephone or voice-massaging, using an/the e-mail can help to express my problems more comprehensively, objectively and fluently. And after I write down the problems and send them to my friends, I usually find I can calm down and have the ability to come up with more solutions. On the contrary, if I use the telephone or voice-messaging, the tension would grip my mind. As a result, they might miss my points.(You have a problem with using generic nouns correctly. Please see my comments at the end of the essay. I'll not highlight all instances of these generics.)

Moreover, using e-mail can help me avoid many embarrassments that I might encounter during phone conversations. For instance, a friend of mine had owed me 1000 yuan for almost two years, but I was so embarrassed to phone him to repay it. I worried about the money for a long time because I really needed the money to pay for my rent. Finally, I decided to write a sincere e-mail to remind him and tell him my difficulty. A few days later, he immediately returned the money to me and said sorry about his forgetfulness. And after all, we are still good friends. (I find this point rather similar to the previous point about 'tension' over phone conversations.)

Also, e-mail can be sent to many people at the same time so that I am allowed to receive more suggestions and do not need to repeat the controversial problems again and again. For example, once I needed to investigate something for my papers, which required a large amount of data. Then it only costs me one minute to send the questionnaires to all my friends which is extremely convenient and fast.(This is a fine example, but I'd argue a questionnaire is not normally taken as a 'discussion' of an 'upsetting or controversial problem', because there's no exchange of opinions..it would be better, for this particular question, to add that you also find it easier to e.g. follow up with your respondents, so that the whole business feels more like a 'discussion' of sorts.)

However, if the problems I confront are urgent, I will use telephone or voice-message because I can receive useful solutions as soon as possible. In conclusion, e-mail is still my favorite communicate pattern to discuss upsetting problems.

总结：

论述还不错，但是长句的动词请注意agreement。。还有就是你似乎还不确定generic noun phrase和冠词的用法。。英文中的名词一般来说，要么得带冠词，要么得带复数，它不能一个单数名词神马都没有直接用。。像在‘我平常喜欢用电邮和别人联系’这样一句话里，‘电邮’是所谓的generic noun。它并不指任何一封具体的电邮，而是‘电邮’这种东西的概念。这样的名词在英文里，如果是可数的，必须是冠词+单数: I usually like to use an/the email to contact other people; 或者无冠词+复数: I usually like to use emails to contact other people. 如果是不可数名词，那么一般只是无冠词+单数形式: I like beef. 中文里没有冠词和复数-s，习惯就只用光杆名词，于是基本上经常会有类似你的using email …这样的错误。。

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