[作文] 求Romanus批改 [复制链接]

vincychu
UID：3356328

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 49
注册时间: 2012-7-31
精华: 0
帖子: 4

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-7-31 20:20:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 vincychu 于 2012-8-7 22:40 编辑

楼主辛苦了....

Question: It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.

　With rapid development of science and technology, the students need to receive a lot of knowledge in order to improve themselves and accommodate to the constantly changing society. In the realm of knowledge, both facts and abstract notions involving ideas and concepts are indispensable elements. At first glance, it seems wise to emphasize the comprehension of ideas and concepts rather than learning the facts for the reason that the they are generalized from facts and help to reveal laws of the world. However, with closer examination about the actual needs of students in the process of developing their creative ability, I believe that learning facts is much more significant than understanding ideas and concepts.
Facts, acting as the foundation of almost all ideas and concepts, enable students to be deeply impressive with abstract even boring concepts. In many cases, facts is much more attractive and vivid for students than the plain even elusive ideas and they are more likely to get knowledge from learning facts than study concepts. For instance, when we study gravity, a concept in the field of physics, it will be much easier to comprehend and remember this term by associating it with the fact that the ripe apple will fall from the tree itself without human's pick, just as the classical story about Isaac Newton. This example illustrates that facts change the study of ideas and concepts into an easier one.
Learning facts, which helps to comprehend ideas and concepts, stimulates the creativity of students. Actually, creativity is the crux of whole education and learning facts is the best way for students to develop their creative ability. According to a recent investigation in my country, up to 75.8% teachers claim they attach top priority to enhancing the creativities of their students. Facts are objective and students can recognize them in different perspectives while the existed ideas are the subjective contemplation of others which is far from beneficial to creative ability. Imagine someone who concentrates himself in others' ideas or concepts without reflecting on the fact itself, there is high possibility that he may lose his creative ability, which is a huge disaster for students. From this standpoint of view, learning fact should always be paid much attention to.
It is absolutely essential to learning facts for it encourage the students to explore the unknown world. From the historical point of view, many brilliant ideas were sparked by observing various interesting facts happened in the natural world or in human society. Take the orientation and navigation of birds in the field of ornithology as an example. When researchers observed the annual migration of birds, impelled by curiosity, they began to think about what enabled the birds to reach their destination accurately instead of losing their way and proposed the concepts of orientation and navigation of birds during the process. In reaction to this phenomenon, the researchers devised a series of experiments to verify their ideas. This example demonstrates that facts can urge the students to exploit the mysterious field.
Overall, I hold my opinion that students should spend more on learning facts than on comprehending ideas and concepts. Yet there are difference between disciplines, we should take other factors into consideration and make a clever balance between learning facts and understanding ideas and concepts.

相关帖子

回应
0

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID：2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

沙发

发表于 2012-8-8 01:33:35 |只看该作者

It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.

With the rapid development of science and technology, the students need to receive a lot of knowledge in order to improve themselves and accommodate to the constantly changing society. In the realm of knowledge, both facts and abstract notions involving ideas and concepts are indispensable elements. At a/the first glance, it seems wise to emphasize the comprehension of ideas and concepts rather than learning the facts for the reason that the they (The nearest noun phrase to this 'they' is 'the facts', not 'ideas and concepts', so this 'they' actually ends up meaning 'the facts', rather than 'ideas and concepts'.) are generalized from facts and help to reveal laws of the world. However, with a closer examination about the actual needs of students in the process of developing their creative ability, I believe that learning facts is much more significant than understanding ideas and concepts.

Facts, acting as the foundation of almost all ideas and concepts, enable students to be deeply impressive (This does NOT mean 'impressed', which I think is what you're trying say.) with abstract even boring concepts. In many cases, facts are much more attractive and vivid for students than the plain even elusive ideas and they (Again, the nearest plural noun phrase is 'ideas', not 'students', so this 'they' actually means 'ideas' rather than 'students' – at the very least, your readers will think so until the meaning of the sentence forces them to change the reference. This means extra work – readers have to read further on, realize what they thought this 'they' are is not actually what you meant this 'they' to be, and go back to find out what 'they' actually means.) are more likely to get knowledge from learning facts than studying concepts. For instance, when we study gravity, a concept in the field of physics, it will be much easier to comprehend and remember this term by associating it with the fact that the ripe apple will fall from the tree itself without a human's pick, just as the classical story about Isaac Newton goes. This example illustrates that facts change the study of ideas and concepts into an easier one. (Very good exemple and argument.)

(It's kind of awkward that you jump from the previous paragraph to this without any connective device..) Learning facts, which helps to comprehend ideas and concepts, stimulates the creativity of students. Actually, creativity is the crux of the whole education system, and learning facts is the best way for students to develop their creative ability. According to a recent investigation in my country, up to 75.8% of the teachers claim they attach top priority to enhancing the creativities of their students (You say something is a 'top priority'; you don't 'attach' priority to things..). Facts are objective and students can recognize them in different perspectives while the existing ideas are the subjective contemplation of others which is far from beneficial to creative ability. Imagine someone who concentrates himself on others' ideas or concepts without reflecting on the fact itself: there is a high possibility that he may lose his creative ability, which is a huge disaster for students. From this standpoint of view, learning fact should always be paid much attention to.

It is absolutely essential to learning facts for it encourages the students to explore the unknown world. From the historical point of view, many brilliant ideas were sparked by observing various interesting facts happening in the natural world or in the human society. Take the orientation and navigation of birds in the field of ornithology as an example. When researchers observed the annual migration of birds, impelled by curiosity, they began to think about what enabled the birds to reach their destination accurately instead of losing their way, and proposed the concepts of orientation and navigation of birds during the process. In reaction to this phenomenon, the researchers devised a series of experiments to verify their ideas. This example demonstrates that facts can urge the students to exploit the mysterious field (Which field is the mysterious field?).

Overall, I hold my opinion that students should spend more on learning facts than on comprehending ideas and concepts. Yet there are difference between disciplines, we should take other factors into consideration and make a clever balance between learning facts and understanding ideas and concepts.

总结：

例子和论述都不错，请注意第三人称代词的指代。。如果一句话里有多过一个可以被指代的名词，一个代词通常会被默认为是指代之前最靠近这个代词的那个名词，所以使用第三人称代词的时候请特别注意指代。另外就是论点段之间没有半点过渡，生硬得很，稍微来一个furthermore神马的也好。。

2016 fall语言学Phd申请情况叨叨帖
DMC 3表忠心花痴帖！