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锤先森G330
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46楼
发表于 2015-7-28 11:16:16 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-29 00:08 编辑

Argument 100
100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

My response:
2015/7/28 10:30-11:03

The author of the argument suggests that Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable. And the author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which include the people who took part in jazz festival last year, the musicians that have homes in Monroe and the typical fans that live in Monroe. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.

Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable 和题目中的意思不一样啊  opening a Jazz club in ... should be profitable
assumption include the people ... 搭配   



To begin with, in order to prove that there are lots of music-lovers in Monroe, the author points out that over 100,000 people took part in jazz festival that held in Monroe last summer and the radio program that has the highest reputation is ‘Jazz Nightly’. And this is based on the assumption that the all people who took part in jazz festival come from Monroe and the reputation of radio program can reflect people’s preference. However, perhaps most of the people that participated in jazz festival came from other area rather than Monroe only, and the reason why ‘Jazz Nightly’ is the highest-rated radio program might be that the local people in Monroe can hear just two radio programs and they might like ‘Jazz Nightly’ better. Hence, Monroe might not have so many jazz-lovers if the statement aforementioned is true.

can hear- can access 选词  


Further, the arguer contends that establishing a jazz club in Monroe will be profitable by pointing out that many well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. And the author draws his or her conclusion by assuming that these jazz musicians will live in Monroe constantly and go to the club. Nevertheless, it’s possible that these famous jazz musicians just live in Monroe for serval weeks per year in order to have a vacation, and thus they might be unwilling to go to the jazz club even if they live in Monroe as they want to have a rest. Therefore, the jazz club in Monroe might not be attractive to them and consequently the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.

Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. 这个也是支持 Jazz music is extremely popular 不明白你为什么要提 go to the club 感觉你这里对题目有点误读  


Finally, the author of the argument points out the club would be profitable by giving the evidence that jazz fans will spend some one-thousand-dollar per year on jazz entertainment. And the author’s conclusion is based on the assumption that all people in Monroe is typical jazz fans and thus are willing to spend money going to the club. However, even if people in Monroe do like jazz music, they may not like going to the music club because perhaps not all of them are wealthy. In addition, even if music fans will spend about $1000 per year on jazz entertainment, they might just use money to buy jazz-related instruments rather than going to the club. Consequently, opening a jazz club in Monroe might not be profitable if the Monroe doesn’t have enough people who like to investigate on joining in the club.

because perhaps not all of them are wealthy - 这个和wealthy关系不大 because perhaps they prefer to stay at home ...

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47楼
发表于 2015-7-28 18:18:58 |只看该作者
整体感觉挺好哒，发现我自己写的可以借鉴一下你这个，把前两个揉到一块儿，另外比如1个小时以外那个没有提到不知道会不会有影响？
还有觉得最后写一个概括性的总结有没有必要呢？〉因为之前看介绍结构是要写一个的，不知道啊哈哈。。。
语言上我的一个感觉尤其是前面就是that好多啊~！
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
锤先森G330 + 1 谢谢点评~~

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美国offer勋章

48楼
发表于 2015-7-28 22:55:13 |只看该作者
浅评如下：

对于题目中的假设我也有些疑惑，因为有的时候我觉得题目中的假设你能找出来的不止三个，然后，如何取舍？
题目中的data没有用完可以吗？
这个我也不太清楚。

最最严重，你的末段没有粘贴上来。。。。。。不会没有末段吧？

句子我看不出有什么问题，我觉得挺好。
有一点小瑕疵（我也不知道对不对哈）：
para 1
The author of the argument suggests that Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable.
题目中是要要贷款建立一个俱乐部，不是建议Monroe city建立一个jazz club。这句有待商榷是不是。。。
我觉得这样要好一些：
The author of the argument applied for a small-business loan in order to build jazz club with the belief that the club would be profitable.
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
锤先森G330 + 1 谢谢点评~~

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49楼
发表于 2015-7-28 23:50:03 |只看该作者
赵祎 发表于 2015-7-28 18:18
整体感觉挺好哒，发现我自己写的可以借鉴一下你这个，把前两个揉到一块儿，另外比如1个小时以外那个没有提到 ...

1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个，自圆其说就好；
2. argument不用写结尾段
以上两点是厨师班老师的上课建议。。。。
3. that的问题。。以后的写作会注意句式多样性的，谢谢提醒。

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50楼
发表于 2015-7-28 23:52:52 |只看该作者
dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-28 22:55
浅评如下：

对于题目中的假设我也有些疑惑，因为有的时候我觉得题目中的假设你能找出来的不止三个，然后 ...

真巧欸，你和楼上问了一模一样的问题。。
1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个，自圆其说就好；
2. argument不用写结尾段
以上两点是厨师班老师的上课记录，王老师也说了argument可以省去结尾段，个人觉得既然可以省干嘛不把更多精力用在论证上。。。。
3. 谢谢提醒，有时候会出现转述argument失真的问题。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

51楼
发表于 2015-7-29 00:10:02 |只看该作者
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-28 23:52
真巧欸，你和楼上问了一模一样的问题。。
1. 一篇argument的逻辑问题肯定大于等于3个，只要能找到三个， ...

我觉得中间三段的论述最主要的是找准三个方面 你可能找到超过3个assumption 这时就可以根据具体的内容来决定放在哪三段里 当然 我自己考的时候写了不止3个中间段  

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52楼
发表于 2015-7-30 00:03:24 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-31 09:11 编辑

Issue 105
105)
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience.
Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

2015/7/29 23:15-23:50
My response:

Nowadays, some people agree with that imagination is a more valuable asset than experience as people who lack experience can imagine without being constrained by established habits and attitudes. As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that whether the statement is convincing depends on people in different age group. For young children who don’t have much experience, imagination is a more valuable asset. Yet for teenagers and elderly, imagination and experience have the same significance to them.

some people agree with that- believe 选词  
As far as I am concerned, I hold the view that 这个有点重复啊
depends on people in different age group- depends on the ages of the people
elderly- adults  选词

To begin with, compared with experience, imagination might become more essential for young children. To illustrate, young children don’t have much experience and what way they rely on to explore the world is by their curiosity that driven by imagination. For instance, lots of parents like to read fairy tales to their child, and the hero of these tales constantly include some images established on animals. These stories will board the children’s imagination. And when parents bring their child to the zoo or the park, their children will express strong interests to the animals, which represents a typical way for children to explore the world. Therefore, from children’s perspective, imagination is a more valuable asset for them, which will help them discover the world.

what way they rely on to explore the world is 句子结构
that driven by imagination 句子结构
some images established on animals- some images of animals  
These stories will board the children’s imagination. 搭配

为什么想象力对孩子更有价值 你这段的例子并没有说的很清楚 在童话书里读到动物的故事和在动物园里看动物这两件事和想象力有什么关系 感觉木有说清楚啊  
另外这一段也没有回应reason


Further, for people who have work, imagination has the same significance as experience. On the one hand, people who have imagination will think without some established habits and attitudes, which might have a positive influence on their future. For instance, around five years before, when conventional mobile phone makers tried their best to improve the hardware of their products, Jobs introduced the idea of smart phone into people’s life by utilizing his creative imagination, and the coming of smart phone has greatly changed our life. On the other hand, people’s imagination has more possibility to become the reality if they have some experience. If Jobs didn’t know anything about the mobile phone industry, his imagination couldn’t come into real so fast. Therefore, I think people who have work, both imagination and experience are essential for them.


主旨句里说的是teenager 这里变成 office workers?  
到了例子里又变成 product designer和entrepreneurs  感觉你对文章的内容还是缺少整体的规划啊  
也许你可以先想例子 再从例子里提炼观点  


Finally, for elderly, having enough life experience as well as imagination will enable them live a good life. In other words, both imagination and life experience are indispensable for them. To illustrate, if a retired people want to go travel alone, the life experience he or she has will help him or her decide where to go and what to do. A person who catch cold easily will obviously choose someplace that is usually warm. In addition, having imagination can let people always have expectation for their life, which will make them become more positive. Therefore, both the imagination and life experience are vital for elderly to have a good life.

挺勉强的 感觉这个例子不给力啊   后面说的内容不仅适用于老年人


To sum up, I think that the significance of imagination to people varies from age to age. For young children who don’t have much experience, imagination plays a more essential role in them. Yet for elderly or people who have work, both imagination and experience are indispensable for them.

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53楼
发表于 2015-7-30 17:17:11 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-31 22:45 编辑

Argument 34
34) The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted."

2015/7/30 16:30-16:59
My response:

The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries recommends that the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their work stations in order to increase their productivity and finally improve their overall profits. And a series of assumptions are used by the author of the recommendation in order to draw the conclusion, which includes the ways to kill time, relationship among the productivity, profits, ethic and Internet monitoring policy. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the recommendation critically.

assumption - used 搭配
which includes the ways to kill time  which指代的是assumption吧 后面和include搭配不对   


To begin with, the author of the argument points out that employees won’t waste their time anymore by installing software to detect their Internet use on company computer. And this is based on the assumption that spending time using computer on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games, is the only way employees might kill their time. However, the employees might waste their time by other way. For instance, at the work time, they might just sit on their chairs without doing nothing, which will also have a negative effect on their productivity. Consequently, if the employees at Climpson have other ways to kill their time, monitoring their behavior on the Internet might not increase their productivity.

detect their Internet use 搭配  
这里没有讨论用手机上网 这个点是不应该漏掉的

Further, the president contends that implementing electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use will decrease the time that wasted by employees and then increase their productivity. The president assumes that the productivity of the employees will be influenced by the time wasted by people only. Nevertheless, other factors might also have a negative effect on it, such as the emotion of employees. For instance, if the industry monitor the use of the Internet in employees’ work stations, employees might feel uncomfortable, which might prevent them from concentrating on their work. Therefore, if something other than time can influence the employees’ productivity, the author’s conclusion might be unconvincing.


the time that wasted 句子结构
The president assumes that the productivity of the employees will be influenced by the time wasted by people only.  这个说法是不对的  



Finally, the author of the argument suggests that by installing software to detect the use of Internet on company computers, overall profits will be improved and a better work ethic at Climpson will foster. And this is based on the assumption that the industry ethic and profits are largely influenced by the computer use. However, on the one hand, the ethic of a certain industry might be influenced by factors more than the use of computer, such as the emotion of the employees aforementioned. On the other hand, even if monitoring the Internet use can increase the employees’ productivity, the overall profits might not be enhanced as they may be determined by other things, like the market condition. As the result, the vice president’s suggestion might be unwarranted if the factors mentioned above do have impact on shaping the ethic at Climpson and improveing the industry’s overall profits.

a better work ethic at Climpson will foster搭配
你这里强调影响work ethic的其他因素 这个思路是错误的  因为即便有其他因素也不代表改变这个因素没有用

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54楼
发表于 2015-8-4 12:04:11 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 12:38 编辑

Issue 57
57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

说明：这篇文章依然存在超时问题，原因还是立意方面，在一开始不能对全文有一个准确而及时的把握，耽误了一点时间。
一些思路和词句借鉴了老师的范文

2015/8/4 10:10-10:45
My response:

From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that the main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times in terms of the physiology and belief system. 这句话要分成两句来写 因为physiology和belief system都是你自己提出的概念 不是原命题的内容   这是很明显的问题啊  In addition, I would argue that we shouldn’t ignore the role that history plays in our education.



To begin with, modern people are significantly different from their ancestors in shapes and other factors of the physiology. With the development of agriculture and technology, most people don’t have to worry about their living problems anymore. To illustrate, previous people usually had to be concern about their food resource while people nowadays have a relatively stable food resource because of the technology development. As the result, people pay more attention to living a healthy life. Therefore, modern people usually have longer lifespan and become much taller and stronger than previous people. However, this difference is not an illusion between us and our ancestors, and thus I think the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life.

previous people搭配
however这句话的意思乱七八糟的 汗


Further, people’s belief systems have changed a lot as the time goes by. For instance, in the pre-modern world, people’s social status had been determined before they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants were born as peasants. Our ancestors held the view that the social hierarchy was strict and difficult to be changed. Nowadays, with the widespread of the education, the society becomes more democratic and people’s concept of the social hierarchy has been changed. People that born in an ordinary family can become the elite of the society by their efforts. And the concept difference about the social hierarchy is not an illusion, either. The meaning I think to study the history is to feel lucky about the time we live in and to be more positive about our world.

concept difference 搭配
The meaning I think to study the history is to feel lucky意思模糊



Finally, we shouldn’t ignore that history is essential for us to learn the modern world. To illustrate, history is a story we invented about the past rather than a simple reconstruction about the previous time. In fact, it’s virtually impossible for us to reconstruct the past due to the incomplete records and limited understanding. For example, the study of Industrial Revolution will give us a better understanding of how powerful the technology could be to have a profound impact on people’s lives rather than a complete picture of how people developed new technologies at that time. Likewise, the study of the World War II would warn us about the dire results about the war. All in all, the educational value that history has can’t be overlooked by us.

ignore the fact that ...




To sum up, I think the statement is misleading as we are physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors. Nevertheless, the history plays an essential role in teaching us appreciating the modern lives and learning the world better.

前面有几句的语言表达问题很严重
总的来说还可以

2015/8/16 12:24 2nd eidtion
修改记录：
1. 之前写这种立论的时候没有意识到如果否定原观点提出新观点的时候要断句，现在意识到了这样确实不合适。
2. 修改了一些表达方面的问题。

From my perspective, I disagree with the statement that the main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times. In terms of the physiology, studying history will make us become grateful about our modern life, while and belief system in terms of belief system, studying history brings us a positive attitude toward life. In addition, I would argue that we shouldn’t ignore the role that history plays in our education.

To begin with, modern people are significantly different from their ancestors in shapes and other factors of the physiology. With the development of agriculture and technology, most people don’t have to worry about their living problems anymore. To illustrate, our ancestors previous people usually had to be concern about their food resource while people nowadays have a relatively stable food resource because of the technology development. As the result, people pay more attention to living a healthy life. Therefore, modern people usually have longer lifespan and become much taller and stronger than previous people. And this discrepancy is not an illusion between us and our ancestors. Therefore, I think that the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life. However, this difference is not an illusion between us and our ancestors, and thus I think the meaning of studying history is to be grateful about the modern life.

Further, people’s belief systems have changed a lot as the time goes by. For instance, in the pre-modern world, people’s social status had been determined before they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants were born as peasants. Our ancestors held the view that the social hierarchy was strict and difficult to be changed. Nowadays, with the widespread of the education, the society becomes more democratic and people’s concept of the social hierarchy has been changed. People that born in an ordinary family can become the elite of the society by their efforts. And the concept difference of people’s concept about the social hierarchy is not an illusion, either. The meaning benefit I think to study the history is to make us feel lucky about the time we live in and to be more positive about our world.

Finally, we shouldn’t ignore the fact that that history is essential for us to learn the modern world. To illustrate, history is a story we invented about the past rather than a simple reconstruction about the previous time. In fact, it’s virtually impossible for us to reconstruct the past due to the incomplete records and limited understanding. For example, the study of Industrial Revolution will give us a better understanding of how powerful the technology could be to have a profound impact on people’s lives rather than a complete picture of how people developed new technologies at that time. Likewise, the study of the World War II would warn us about the dire results about the war. All in all, the educational meaning that history has can’t be overlooked by us.

To sum up, I think the statement is misleading as we are physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors. Nevertheless, the history plays an essential role in teaching us appreciating the modern lives and learning the world better.

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55楼
发表于 2015-8-4 12:32:20 |只看该作者
以Issue 57范文为例--文章的呼应和连贯

范文分析：
57）The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are significantly different from people who lived in earlier times.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


I do not agree to this statement about how we can benefit from studying history because people nowadays are indeed very different from those in earlier times in terms of physiology and belief system. In addition, the educational value of studying history should not be ignored.

Due to the fundamental changes in lifestyles,【这里回应第一个点：physiology】 modern people are significantly different from our ancestors in terms of the shape of our bodies and other aspects of our physiology. For one thing,【过度，用for one thing, for another thing连接，体现段内结构】 in our industrialized society, with the access to abundant food, we do not need to spend most of our time hunting and gathering for food to survive. With more calorie intake and other nutritous food, we are in general healthier and taller than our ancestors and enjoy longer lifespan as well. 【展开说明physiology的一个change及其原因，用industriliazed society体现历史性质】 On the other hand, the sendantary lifestyle has also led to more health concerns such as high blood pressure and obesity that were unknown in earlier times.【展开说明physiology的另一个change】

Our belief systems have also been modernized since Industrial Revolution. In the pre-modern world, the social positions of our ancestors were often defined and fixed at the time they were born. Noblemen were born as noblemen and peasants's children were also peasants.  Our ancestors considered such social order as natural and acceptable. 【说明旧社会的社会制度，后一句是前一句的细化】Nowadays, with the introduction of public education, modern society has become increasingly meritocratic.【说明新社会的社会制度】 As monarchies were often replaced by democracies, people from humble socioeconomic classes may move upwards socially if they demonstrate their talents that the society need. 【说明这一变化的影响】

As I illustrate clearly above, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion.【回应题目里的illusion观点，也呼应了Tp里自己的观点】 Therefore, one of the benefits of studying history is to recognize and understand that difference and feel lucky and grateful for the more desirable human conditions. 【亮明自己的观点】Nevertheless, the statement is also wrong in assuming that the study of history is only a matter of learning facts.【论证另一种可能让观点错误的可能】

As far as I am concerned, a more important benefit of studying history is to better understand the modern world. 【回应第三个主题词】As we know, history is not reconstruction of what happened in the past. In fact, it is nearly impossible to do that given the incomplete records of the past and our limited understanding of the world. Instead, history is a story we invented about the past that can help us better understand who we are and what we can do in modern society. 【提出新概念，进一步支撑观点，第一句是一个大概念，第二句进一步说明了第一句提到的观点】 The study of Industrial Revolution, for example, would not give us a complete picture of how people in 18th and 19th century developed new technologies. But a better understanding of how steam engines changed the manufacturing industries will help us predict the impact of the Internet on modern industries. 【举例子论证观点，前半句呼应 in fact这一句，后半句呼应主题句】 Likewise, the study of WWII would warn political leaders nowadays about the dire consequences of industrialized warfares. 【举例子论证观点】

To reiterate my position, the statement is misleading in that we are indeed physiologically and ideologically different from our ancestors; in addition, the statement unnecessarily narrows the potential benefits of studying history.

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本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 11:52 编辑

Argument 135
135)
The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in the district of Sanlee many of these teachers reported assigning daily homework, whereas in the district of Marlee, most science and math teachers reported assigning homework no more than two or three days per week. Despite receiving less frequent homework assignments, Marlee students earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. These results call into question the usefulness of frequent homework assignments. Most likely the Marlee students have more time to concentrate on individual assignments than do the Sanlee students who have homework every day. Therefore teachers in our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


2015/8/5 20:00-20:29
My response:

The author of the argument suggests that teachers in our high schools should assign homework less than three times per week. The author of the argument cites the data of a survey to illustrate his or her idea. However, we still need to know some evidences in order to evaluate the argument correctly, which include the amount of the homework in two schools, the evaluation mechanism of each school and the feasibility of requiring all teachers assign less homework.

evidence不可数  
我觉得还应该考虑一下老师有没有改作业 光布置了不检查不反馈效果也会差很远的  
至于最后一点要求老师少布置作业的可行性 我觉得不太成立吧  

To begin with, the author of the argument cites the data of a survey to suggest that it is because the less homework frequency that cause the students in Marlee have better grades. Nevertheless, we don’t know the exact amount of homework that assigned by teachers. Perhaps the teachers in the district of Sanlee assign homework everyday while each assignment is composed of only three basic problems. Yet each assignment that assigned by the teachers in Sanlee consists at least ten difficult problems. Consequently, the students in Marlee might spend more time and more efforts on their study, which cause them get higher grades. Therefore, we need to know the more details about the homework.

这段写得挺好


Further, in order to emphasis his or her viewpoint, the arguer suggests that students in Marlee earn better grades and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. Nevertheless, we don’t know if these two discrepancies are caused by the difference in homework frequency. We still need evidence about the students’ average intelligence and the student evaluation system in each school. Perhaps the students that study in Marlee always have higher intelligence quality, which makes them become easier to get better grades. In addition, maybe the teachers in Sanlee evaluate their students with a relatively strict standard, which makes it difficult for students to get high grades. Consequently, we need to know the detail information about the quality of the students and evaluation systems to know whether the discrepancies mentioned in the argument are caused by other factors.

emphasise/ support
always-去掉
also the requirement for repeating grades could be different


Finally, we need to know the viability to let all the teachers in Sanlee schools assign homework with less frequency. No evidence shows that students who study subjects other than math and science will have higher grades if their teacher assign homework with less frequency. Maybe they can’t find their problems in study if they do homework less frequently when they study subjects like Chinese or history. Therefore, applying this change to all subjects might cause them have lower grades. Hence, we need to know the viability to require all the students assign homework less frequently.


这段的点我觉得不太成立

2015/8/16 11:48  2nd edition
这篇感觉还好，修正了老师提出的一些的语法错误

The author of the argument suggests that teachers in our high schools should assign homework less than three times per week. The author of the argument cites the data of a survey to illustrate his or her idea. However, we still need to know some evidence in order to evaluate the argument correctly, which include the amount of the homework in two schools, the evaluation mechanism of each school and the feasibility of requiring teachers of all subjects assign less homework.

To begin with, the author of the argument cites the data of a survey to suggest that it is because the less homework frequency that cause the students in Marlee have better grades. Nevertheless, we don’t know the exact amount of homework that assigned by teachers. Perhaps the teachers in the district of Sanlee assign homework everyday while each assignment is composed of only three basic problems. Yet each assignment that assigned by the teachers in Sanlee consists at least ten difficult problems. Consequently, the students in Marlee might spend more time and more efforts on their study, which cause them get higher grades. Therefore, we need to know the more details about the homework.

Further, in order to support his or her viewpoint, the arguer suggests that students in Marlee earn better grades and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are students in Sanlee. Nevertheless, we don’t know if these two discrepancies are caused by the difference in homework frequency. We still need evidence about the students’ average intelligence and the student evaluation system in each school. Perhaps the students that study in Marlee have higher intelligence quality, which makes them become easier to get better grades. In addition, maybe the teachers in Sanlee evaluate their students with a relatively strict standard, which makes it difficult for students to get high grades. Consequently, we need to know the detail information about the quality of the students and evaluation systems to know whether the discrepancies mentioned in the argument are caused by other factors.

Finally, we need to know the viability to let all the teachers in Sanlee schools assign homework with less frequency. No evidence shows that students who study subjects other than math and science will have higher grades if their teacher assign homework with less frequency. Maybe they can’t find their problems in study if they do homework less frequently when they study subjects like Chinese or history. Therefore, applying this change to all subjects might cause them have lower grades. Hence, we need to know the viability to require all the students assign homework less frequently.

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发表于 2015-8-6 08:42:05 |只看该作者
锤先森G330 发表于 2015-8-5 20:44
Argument 135
135)
The data from a survey of high school math and science teachers show that in th ...

最后一段的point 现在看来是成立的 我之前看漏了 ~~~

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本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-16 10:42 编辑

Issue 1
1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

2015/8/6 20:25-20:57
My response:

Nowadays, with the development of science and technology, people become increasingly rely on technology to solve problems. Therefore, some people hold the view that the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. Nevertheless, I would argue that whether this statement is true depends on different types of people. For students, their thinking ability might not be as good as previous people. Yet for elderly and working stuff especially those scientists and engineers, technology advancement will greatly enhance their thinking ability.

become increasingly rely动词用法
previous people选词搭配
stuff- staff  working staff是啥意思？   officer workers?



To begin with, the thinking ability of the students might be deteriorated by the development of science and technology. To illustrate, in math class, previous people had to solve a complicated equation by themselves, which required the students to know more knowledge and then find the solution. However, with the development of technology, students can solve these difficult equations by computers or calculators. What should they do is just type the equation into the computer and then they will get the right answer within a second, which don’t need the thinking process of people anymore. Nowadays the number of students who use their calculators or computers to do their math homework is increasing rapidly. In other words, they might become less skillful in thinking solutions than previous people.

用Matlab是要学写代码的呀
What should they do is just type the equation句子结构
thinking solutions搭配



Further, for the working stuff, especially those people who are scientists and researchers, the development of the science and technology will let them think more. Take the development of computer as an instance again, 断句due to the limitation of arduous calculation work, previous people who studied astrophysics have to spend lots of time on calculating work. Nowadays, they don’t have to worry about the calculating problem anymore with the help of advanced computers, which makes them put more efforts on data processing and analyzing. Compared with calculation, data processing and analyzing require people to become more skillful in thinking. Hence, for people who have work, the development of science and technology might increase their thinking ability.
people who have work是什么意思




Finally, for elderly, the technology and science advancement will also have a positive effect on enhancing their thinking ability. To illustrate, elderly don’t have to do chores anymore in their daily life, which enables them to do other things like reading, playing chess and so on. And activities like reading and playing chess will have positive effect on increasing or maintain the old people’s thinking skills. In addition, in some advanced countries, many old people have a smart robot in their home, which can talk to them, play with them and thus prevent their thinking skills from deterioration that caused by loneliness. Therefore, the advancement of science and technology will increase the thinking ability of elderly.

老人都会去下棋读书么  technology如何减少chore也没有说啊
为什么机器人和他们说话就可以避免思考能力退化
that caused by loneliness 句子结构


感觉还是缺少合适的例子啊 思考的能力到底是什么 你需要在实际的例子中去界定它啊  



To sum up, I think whether development of science and technology will deteriorate the people’s thinking ability is true depends on different types of people. The thinking ability of the students might be deteriorated while of the elderly and working stuff might be increased.


2015/8/16 2nd edition
由于上一次的分类和例子十分不合适，所以借鉴老师范文的结构和例子改写一篇。
这一篇老师的点评提醒我了论述例子的时候要注意其逻辑连贯性，也就是要注意呼应例子和TS,TP的关系，注意前因后果。
Issue 1
1) As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

My response:

It’s no doubt that modern people have become increasingly dependent on advanced technologies to solve many problems in different fields. However, whether or not our thinking ability will be deteriorated depends on our roles we play in the society. For people who develop the technologies to solve problems and people who engage in policy making, their abilities to think will be sharpened. Yet for people who don’t seek opportunities for creative thinking in this technology-driven society, their thinking ability might be deteriorated.

To begin with, it’s true that scientists and engineers always rely on technologies to solve their problems in research and product developments. Yet they have to rely on their own thinking abilities to solve problems in their works. For examples, software engineers of mobile apps rely on the programming platforms to develop the apps. The platform can help the engineers to visualize the user interface and tell engineers how the users behave in response to designs. Nevertheless, engineers have to think by themselves to debug their programs and decide how to improve the design. Hence, for scientists and engineers who are responsible for developing the theoretical and practical aspects of the new technologies, their ability of thinking will not deteriorate.

Further, the development of new technologies also improve the thinking ability of those people responsible for formulating policies and rules regulating the use of technologies. For instance, the popularity of social networking sites, such as Facebook and Twitter, presents a variety of social problems such as cyberbullying, hacking and privacy violation that call for the introduction of new rules and policies. Therefore, government officials, and experts have to work harder to find solution in order to address these issues. Although they might rely on e-mail, analytical software to help them find the solution, they still have to think about these issues from different perspectives and come up with their own decisions. As a result, for these policy makers, this statement doesn’t not hold true, either.

Nevertheless, for those who don’t have the opportunities to think creatively and critically as a result of technological development, their thinking ability might be deteriorated. For instance, with the prevalent of television, people rely on this multimedia way to get news, which suggests they don’t have to read newspaper critically and make one’s own decisions anymore. As TV can keep the children busy and occupied for hours, parents don’t need to think about how to develop interesting and creative activities for their children. Consequently, these people aforementioned might gradually lose the abilities to develop more creative solutions through their own thinking.

To sum up, I hold the view that whether this statement is true depends on different roles people play in the society. For people who rely on technology to solve problems and policy-makers, their thinking ability might not be deteriorated. Yet for those who lose their opportunity to think critically and creatively, the development of technology might deteriorate their thinking ability.

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发表于 2015-8-8 21:53:17 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 锤先森G330 于 2015-8-11 23:50 编辑

Argument 14
14) The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

2015/8/8 21:15-21:41
My response:

The author of the argument suggests that a company who wants to become successful should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. The author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which include the reliability of the survey, the reason that cause a company’s faster growth and the prerequisite of a business who wants to prosper. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.

which include- which involve 选词搭配
the reason that cause - the reason why ...
a business who wants to prosper选词搭配


To begin with, the author of the argument cites the result of a recent study to support his or her conclusion. And the author assumes that the subjects that took part in the study truly reported their information about sleeping hours. However, we don’t know anything about whether the information from the subjects was true. Maybe most of the executives who engaged in the survey didn’t want to truly report their sleeping information, which they think as a person’s privacy. Hence, if people can’t truly express their sleeping hours, the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.

they think as a person’s privacy- they consider as ...
这里的理由不算太让人信服吧 或许说他们想impress别人更好些  
truly express their sleeping hours 选词  accurately report  




Further, the author draw his or her conclusion by pointing out that a company whose executives need less than six hours sleep per night could has higher profit and faster growth. And this is based on the assumption that it is the relatively less sleep hour that cause the higher profit and faster development of a certain company. However, this assumption might also be unconvincing. Many factors other than the executives’ sleeping hour might also make contribution to prompting the company’s profit margins and development. For instance, the higher work efficiency and outstanding teamwork spirits of executives might have a great positive effect on the company’s profit and growth. Therefore, the author’s suggestion might be useless if the statement aforementioned is true.

could has 动词用法
that cause 动词用法



Finally, the author suggests that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. And this is based on the assumption that only people who sleep fewer time per night can determine whether a certain company has possibility to become prosper. Yet the arguer doesn’t give any evidence about this, either. Maybe some people who have more than eight hours sleeping time per night can also make the company to become prosper, because they have more rest and become more energetic to deal with their work. Consequently, the author’s argument might be unwarranted if people who sleep more than six hours per night also can lead a company to prosperity.

The assumption here is that the need of sleep of executives and the staff at other levels have the same effects on the company's prosperity.  
我觉得你漏掉了两个重要的点
第一由广告业延伸到所有行业
第二由管理人员延伸到所有的员工

这么重要的两个破绽你没有回应 说明你需要去刷argument题库了  

2015/8/11 23:49 基于第一稿基本错误的修改
内容调整还需补上
The author of the argument suggests that a company who wants to become successful should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. The author’s conclusion is based on a series of assumptions, which involve the reliability of the survey, the reason why a company grows fast and the prerequisite of making a business prosper. And we need to reexamine these assumptions in order to evaluate the argument critically.

To begin with, the author of the argument cites the result of a recent study to support his or her conclusion. And the author assumes that the subjects that took part in the study truly reported their information about sleeping hours. However, we don’t know anything about whether the information from the subjects was true. Maybe most of the executives who engaged in the survey didn’t want to truly report their sleeping information, which they consideras a person’s privacy. Hence, if people can’t accurately express their sleeping hours, the author’s conclusion is unconvincing.

Further, the author draw his or her conclusion by pointing out that a company whose executives need less than six hours sleep per night could have higher profit and faster growth. And this is based on the assumption that it is the relatively less sleep hour that causes the higher profit and faster development of a certain company. However, this assumption might also be unconvincing. Many factors other than the executives’ sleeping hour might also make contribution to prompting the company’s profit margins and development. For instance, the higher work efficiency and outstanding teamwork spirits of executives might have a great positive effect on the company’s profit and growth. Therefore, the author’s suggestion might be useless if the statement aforementioned is true.

Finally, the author suggests that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. And this is based on the assumption that the need of sleep of executives and the staff at other levels have the same effects on the company’s prosperity. Yet the arguer doesn’t give any evidence about this, either. Maybe some people who have more than eight hours sleeping time per night can also make the company to become prosper, because they have more rest and become more energetic to deal with their work. Consequently, the author’s argument might be unwarranted if people who sleep more than six hours per night also can lead a company to prosperity.

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本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-8-16 15:00 编辑

Issue 2
2) To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

2015/8/11 22:10-22:45
My response:

The most important characteristics of a society include the society’s political system, economy development and educational system. As far as I am concerned, I would argue that it’s necessary for someone who wants to understand them to study the major cities in the society, 断句yet I also agree with that people can’t ignore the significance of studying rural areas if he or she wants to fully understand the society’s most essential characteristics.

economy development- 词性
agree with that  搭配 选词 believe that  我在点评你的文章时会想去看看我之前写的  或许你在自己的帖子这里加个链接或者比较一下你的思路和我的思路会方便些  
我不知道为什么你还会出现断句的问题 已经这么久了  


To begin with, one must study the major cities in order to learn a society’s political system. To illustrate, during the presidential election in U.S.A, candidates usually put more efforts on encouraging voters that live in major cities to support them. Consequently, it’s a great chance for someone to study various electioneering activities that held on the street in order to understand an essential aspect of the political system in U.S.A. Nevertheless, studying a society’s rural area is also helpful for people to know it. For instance, voters in rural area might held different opinions about a particular issue compared with people live in major cities. Consequently, we need to study both the major cities and rural area in order to fully understand the political system of a society.

learn about  搭配
that held - that were held 动词用法
know it指代不明

Further, economy is another significant characteristic of a society. And studying the major cities is an effective way to learn the society they belong to. For instance, Beijing and Shanghai are two of the biggest cities in China, who typically represent the cutting edge of the economy development in China. Therefore, someone who wants to learn the economy development of China can observe the stock exchange in Shanghai, or investigate companies in the central business district in Beijing. Nevertheless, we should notice the fact that economy resource is not distributed evenly in a certain society. For instance, there are still lots of poor areas in China, and people who wants to study the economy of China shouldn’t overlook these areas. In other words, after we studying the economy development in both rural area and major cities can we know the economy development of the society better.

economy- characteristic 搭配
learn the society - 上面既然是说economy 这里就应该具体说economy  前后连贯与衔接  
economy development  你见过这么用么   词性

Finally, education system lay the foundation for the future development of a society. And this is another major characteristics of a society. There might be some variance of education system in different region of a society. For instance, nowadays, in China, most primary school students that live in major cities have access to taking science self-exploration class, as their school are equipped with advanced facilities and schools in cities put greater emphasis on cultivating students’ creativity. However, in some schools in rural area, students are required to do agriculture work like picking cotton, which will not only develop their working skills but also alleviate their parents working pressure. Hence, a person can’t fully know the education system of a society unless he or she studies the system in both major cities and rural areas.

have access to taking science self-exploration class搭配



In conclusion, to understand the political system, economic development and educational system of a society, it is indispensable to study the major cities as well as the countryside and the suburban areas where different types of people are engaged in different political, economic and educational activities.

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倾向日后在欧洲工作，或者不限地区地进行博士申请。关于进入学术/工业界还没有非常坚定明晰的思考，欢迎前辈们指点。 瑞典项目Lund计算科学，科学计算项目，尽管名字像计算机科学但不是，有geoscience，physics和scientific computing三个方向可选，无奖 芬兰项目Helsinki-DS，50%奖，估算大体上两年总花销相较瑞典便宜13w rmb左右 纠结的地方在于： 1. DS是竞争激烈的领域，但我的coding水平很差，几乎和一般的不接触编程的文科生水平相当，在工作岗位或者学习，科研竞争中没有什么信心。 2. 计算科学似乎和工作不太对口，或许是因为我不足够了解计算数学或者科学计算在工业界能做什么样的工作所致，但目前能想到的计算科学项目出路只有继续读博找机会。但对博士申请的细节，流程和选拔率不太了解。lund这个项目似乎也只是第二年。 3. 假使考虑在国内求职这一不太理想的情况，芬兰项目ds似乎更适合找工作，但它的排名在qs100开外，也许会被认作野鸡大学/被发达城市的人才引进拒绝落户？而lund在qs100内，反而会好一些？感觉13w暂时还买不回qs100这个在很多hr眼里的小关卡。 4. 芬兰语显著难于瑞典语。但据网上信息了解到想在瑞典或芬兰工作，当地语言是重要的加分项。 5. 海德堡大学的英授科学计算项目申请我还没开始，出结果较晚，要是申请也许会错过这两个ddl，还有必要申请吗？（倾向于不申）这个项目我匹配度比较高，但就业也不清楚。 6. 芬兰就业市场听说不如瑞典，lund同时在地理上似乎也很方便去隔壁哥本哈根找工作（尽管这一可行性只停留在一些欧盟友人的经验分享里，在非欧盟留学生里我还没得到这样的信息验证） 7.lund在瑞典本地的雇主认可度听说比较高，Helsinki不太清楚。 希望大家可以给出一些自己的见解，谢谢大家?
求帮忙EIT digital二选一TuT
都是无奖，不太清楚这个项目毕业后就业是否和出口校息息相关......希望能去就业环境更好一些的，不介意学当地语言！（之前似乎有看到说这个项目毕业后就业范围全欧？） 具体到项目本身，ds的medical其实然我有点困惑，毕竟本科我完全没有相关背景......hcai的出口是很想去的学校，但是觉得kth的ds应该也很值得，绝赞纠结中......不知道有没有学姐学长能给一些生活体验/专业情况/就业等因素上的建议，两个都交注册费的话还是太痛了......麻烦各位了！ 1、hcai 入特温特 出阿尔托 方向 cross-device interaction 2、ds 入kth 出图尔库 方向medical data science
港城大offer二选一
本科高分子材料 男生 都是一年制 主要考虑就业待遇 纳米材料好像城大专排不错 机械热门方向能不能入行？
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The Hong Kong Polytechnic University
AFA
1.为什么想来香港2.学习过编程吗3.spss Python stata中的区别和联系4.想从这门课收获什么...
The Chinese University of Hong Kong, Shenzhen
人工智能与机器人
1.先做了自我介绍2.问了一些专业的问题，毕设也问了一些3.根据材料提问本科学校等4.怎么看待人工智能未来发...
The University of Hong Kong
英语研究
1.自我介绍2.你对这个项目感兴趣吗？具体是对哪里感兴趣？3.对于跨文化交流你怎么看，你觉得最大的挑战是什...
The University of Hong Kong
中国发展研究
1.自我介绍2.为什么申请这个项目3.了解这个项目吗？对这个项目感兴趣吗？4.中国目前遇到的社会问题5.未来的...
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