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本帖最后由 晹城 于 2015-7-8 16:45 编辑
[0708 内容反馈之五] 中间段的展开与例子的解释
Argument 中间段的展开 和 Issue例子的解释不够清楚或者例子不能很好地支持观点,是我在练习过程中的一个比较大的问题。主要是思路不够清晰。
Argument还好,注意到这一点就比较容易改正。相比之下Issue在这方面难度就高一些。如果要例子很好地支持论点并展开,一方面要准确地理解题目表达的意思和要求,另一方面也要积累大量的例子。积累例子其实也还好,但是要准确理解题目,更需要大量的阅读。有一种路漫漫其修远兮的感觉。不过好在题库是确定的,可以提前准备。在老师的帮助下,比较难的题目经过练习和批改也能理解准确了。
1.
练习 | 0528 Argument 71 | 句子 | To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. It is possible that the objects of the surveys are different from that of three years ago. Evidence showing that the reports given by local people are reliable is needed here to examine this proposal. It may not be a worse traffic condition but the defferent survey objects that led to the conclusion of such a traffic problem. | 点评 | 感觉整段话没有展开 有point 但是更进一步的说明 | 修改 | To begin with, we need to examine the surveys more critically to decide if there is indeed a traffic problem in Waymarsh. We need to know more about the participants in the two surveys. It is possible that participants in the first survey took a shorter commute than in the second, because companies or residences had probably moved farther from downtown area. Also, it is important to look into the reliability of the surveys. Drivers may not take it seriously or recall the time accurately when filling a questionnaire, thus made the conclusion less reliable. If there is no more evidence to verify this result, the surveys-based conclusion indicating that traffic gose worse would be questionable. | 思考总结 | 中间段展开不充分的问题在我前期写Argument的时候经常出现。不过对如何在一段中表达观点熟悉了之后,类似的问题还是能够注意到的 |
2.
练习 | 0609 Argument 78 | 句子 | It could be possible that there was $100,000 worth of food stored in Palm City, while there was only $30,000 worth amount stored in Wintervale. Under this circumstance, the rate of destroyed food in Palm, where Fly-Away Pest Control Company was hired, is 20% but in Wintervale, where Buzzoff was hired, is actually 33%. | 点评 | 感觉这样举数字略显clumsy
It may be the case that a larger amount of food with higher total value was stored in Wintervale than in ... | 修改 | It may be the case that a larger amount of food with higher total value was stored in Palm City than in Wintervale. The $20,000 worth of food destroyed in Palm City, where Fly-Away Pest Control Company was hired, may be a smaller percentage than that in Wintervale, where Buzzoff was hired. In this case, less destroyed food does not mean less loss. | 思考总结 | 写的时候觉得直接举数字会直观容易理解一些,但是确实也是因为表达上面的不足。还是应该尽量用语言表达清楚 |
3.
练习 | 0611 Issue 33 | 句子 | With regard to the general public, it is a fact that things are going to be more comprehensible. Computer assistant design has released engineers from heavy work looking at a draft and imagining the 3-D model with difficulty. Engineers in architecture today can accomplish a blueprint of a building just by sketching their design with software and no longer have to draw a huge picture with a pencil. Computer models are also used in learning and teaching, where it made things easier to understand. As demonstrated by the examples above, more knowledge and new techniques are making things more comprehensible for general people. | 点评 | 我觉得这个例子不合适 CAD并不是知识 而是一种技术 注意题目讲的是knowledge 而不是technology
所以这段的例子都不行 | 修改 | With regard to the general public, it is a fact that many mysterious phenomena in the past are going to become plausible with the knowledge people acquired. Before the knowledge came to people's mind, they would interpret things with bizarre theories. People in ancient Greek thought it was the curse of the pharaoh that made the Nile overflow every year, which caused a great damage. With the knowledge in hydrology indicating that it was the climate change at the river source that caused the flood, people began to understand the natural phenomenon and did not think it as the punishment from pharaoh. | 思考总结 | 当时在写的时候确实没有想到合适的例子。后来借鉴了老师的范文,想到了人们对尼罗河涨水的认识的例子。例子不合适还有一个原因就是对题目或者题目中的关键词理解有偏差或者不到位。 |
4.
练习 | 0611 Issue 33 | 句子 | When we consider scientists who have devoted most of their time into theoretical problem, things might be more mysterious as more guess has been brought up. In the area of mathematics, the famous Goldbach’s conjecture has confused generations of scientists. Without more knowledge acquired by the mathematician Goldbach, he would not come up with such a conjecture, which made the demonstration puzzled and mysterious. Not only mathematicians, physicists are also puzzled by some unsolved problems led by some momentous theories which were developed by human with more knowledge. Quantum Mechanics, which was proposed by great scientists like Einstein and had helped solving many difficulties in communication area, also remains enigmatic problems like “Can quantum mechanics and general relativity be realized as a fully consistent theory?” Things are more mysterious for scientists with more acquired knowledge in the preceding cases. | 点评 | 第一个例子:注意题目的思路是 先获取新的知识 然后事情变得搞不懂或者神秘 但是你的例子里 没有看到获取了什么知识
第二个例子:同样的 没有看到知识的具体例子 | 修改 | When we consider scientists, who have devoted most of their time into theoretical problem, things might be more mysterious as they get more knowledge and findings. When scientists get to know something new, more relevant questions may come about and things could become more mysterious. Newtonian mechanics was once thought to be the most perfect and flawless theory to explain the macroscopic motion. However, when atom and electron were discovered, the interpretation based on classical mechanics would become invalid to explain the high-speed and random motion of the electrons. In this case, to explain the observations that might challenge the existing theories, scientists have to search for new theories constantly. | 思考总结 | 例子解释不清楚也是当时思路不够清楚。再回过头来看修改前后的内容就很明白了 |
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