寄托天下 寄托天下
查看: 2206|回复: 14
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[活动] hjHK作文帖,欢迎大家帮我改改! [复制链接]

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2010-7-29 14:47:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 hjHK 于 2010-8-1 12:25 编辑

这是hjHK的作文帖子,先凉这儿,到时网上贴作业!
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
沙发
发表于 2010-7-29 22:31:19 |只看该作者
7月29日交
(09.01.23 NA) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the viewpoint of me, I totally concede it fruitful for young people to try different jobs before they take a long term career. It benefits the young from several grounds, some of which even are beyond of our original expectation. The follows are a few favorable items.

Firstly, by taking several different jobs, the young can expand their horizons which may be somewhat limited in their earlier childhood. Different jobs call different character and ability demands, such as capability to cooperation, novelty, discipline, and so forth. It is apparent that the young should undergo so challenging kinds of different demands, being prepared for more demanding long term career in the future.

Secondly, having tempted to involve in different jobs, the young can exploit their internal personal interests and requirements. It is an awkward situation that one cannot distinguish what the hell his own interest is when he sets out to make a fortune, which is a rather common phenomenon in the young generation. We cannot put too much emphasis on the importance of trying several different jobs for the young.

Thirdly, different jobs means the young can make friends in different fields. Some may be engineers, while the others are politicians, business men and so on. It pays to make friends in all kinds of life spheres. For example, a business man can consult his lawyer friend for some spiny commercial legal problems, and meanwhile resorts to his engineer friends for technical issues. Therefore, this facet of benefit may be unexpected, but it does abound in our daily lives.

To sum up, trying several different jobs before focusing on the long term career brings favors to the young, urging them to realize themselves and make friends. I cannot agree with this idea more.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
14
寄托币
1026
注册时间
2007-2-2
精华
0
帖子
11
板凳
发表于 2010-7-30 00:45:51 |只看该作者
From the viewpoint of me, I totally concede (有勉強承認的意思,建議換字) it (這個it是指什麼,在第一次提到的東西時,可以先用the issue)fruitful for young people to try different jobs before they take a long term career. It benefits the young from several grounds, some of which even are beyond of our original expectation. The follows are a few favorable items.

Firstly, by taking several different jobs, the young can expand their horizons which may be somewhat limited in their earlier childhood. Different jobs call different character and ability demands, such as capability to cooperation, novelty, discipline, and so forth. It is apparent that the young should undergo so challenging kinds of different demands, being prepared for more demanding long term career in the future.

Secondly, having tempted to involve in different jobs, the young can exploit their internal personal interests and requirements. It is an awkward situation that one cannot distinguish what the hell his own interest is when he sets out to make a fortune, which is a rather common phenomenon in the young generation. We cannot put too much emphasis on the importance of trying several different jobs for the young.)

Thirdly, different jobs means the young can make friends in different fields. Some may be engineers, while the others are politicians, business men and so on. It pays to make friends in all kinds of life spheres. For example, a business man can consult his lawyer friend for some spiny commercial legal problems, and meanwhile resorts to his engineer friends for technical issues. Therefore, this facet of benefit may be unexpected, but it does abound in our daily lives.

To sum up, trying several different jobs before focusing on the long term career brings favors to the young, urging them to realize themselves and make friends. I cannot agree with this idea more.

-------------------------------------
1.        用了很多不同的單字去表現,所以單字是OK
2.        建議: 可以多加點個人經驗去讓文章更廣,第三個論點有舉例但不夠詳細。結論有點短,可以多寫點。
3.        多加練習絕對可以上26

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
12
寄托币
222
注册时间
2008-5-28
精华
0
帖子
1
地板
发表于 2010-7-30 12:40:00 |只看该作者
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
5
发表于 2010-7-30 22:50:16 |只看该作者
From the viewpoint of me, I totally concede (有勉強承認的意思,建議換字) it (這個it是指什麼,在第一次提到的東西時,可以先用the issue)fruitful for young people to try different jobs before they take a  ...
ttuuttuu 发表于 2010-7-30 00:45
谢谢修改,您改的很好,顺便问你一个问题,开头那个concede用什么词替换好呢?我开始也准备用agree with, 但是想到题目本身用到agree with就想换一个。

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
6
发表于 2010-7-31 17:32:26 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 hjHK 于 2010-7-31 17:34 编辑

7.31 hjHK
(09.02.21 NA) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personally, although I concede that newspapers and magazine play an elemental role in getting to know about a foreign country, it’s not conceivable to harbor that those two medias are the best ways, for this statement is somewhat irrational, and other far better ways abound in our lives.

First of all, there is no doubt that newspapers and magazines are under the control of the foreign governor and serves as the favorable façade of the corresponding government. Messages in these media may be, I think, deceptive and fallacious, covering the ugly dimensions of the government. Taking this into consideration, we cannot pour too much trust on the newspapers or magazines when it comes to the clear recognition of a foreign country.

Moreover, often passages in newspaper and magazines are a bit short and therefore cannot cover the essential details. What was worse, we might impress ourselves with partial knowledge of what we find in these media and make wrong decision about the item. For instance, when I read from an American newspaper that citizens in American bear as much Internet freedom as they can to a high altitude, I am misled to a concept of there being no way for network censorship for Americans, which, virtually, is just the opposite case that American do need and have network audit.

In the final analysis, so inaccurate are newspapers and magazines that we should convert to something else better, learning about a foreign country. From my part, it pays to go on a tour and have a see in a foreign country in person. It goes without saying that what you see is more than what you hear. By experiencing the local and original circumstances on our own, talking to folks there face to face, we can cultivate a reasonable impression and principle of the country, which cannot be obtained from some confusing newspapers information.

Consequently, I insist that newspapers and magazines don’t serve as the best ways to learn about a foreign country, for what we receive from them is full of the governor’s promotion and incomplete, not exactly the overall fact. On the other hand, we might as well experience a foreign country by ourselves, which, I suppose, is a even better and beneficial way.
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
7
发表于 2010-8-10 22:52:58 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 hjHK 于 2010-8-11 12:33 编辑

8.10:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and TV programs made in one’s own country are more interesting than those made in other countries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although we are certain even more familiar with our own movies and TV programs and the culture thereof, it depends on specified circumstances when it comes to interestingness, compared to those filmed in foreign countries. As far as I am concerned, whether a movie or TV program is more or less interesting has something to do with several factors as follows. Therefore, we, might as well, assume that exotic and novel programs from another country are still more interesting than our own.


To begin with, it's self-evident that culture along with entertainment programs plays a vital
role in shaping our opinion. We cannot take it for granted that a particular kind of culture is definitely superior to some other ones. In the meantime, when exposed to a movie or TV program of a new culture, we might become addicted to such novel and uncommon matter. It’s universally acknowledged that exotic movies and TV programs are always interesting and draw our substantial attention rapidly.

What’s more, as we all know that neither do we generally reckon
an entertainment program based on which country it derives from nor whether it is a foreign one or domestic one. It's the exact content that determines if a program is interesting or not. Take myself for example, as born in China, I prefer American movies and TV programs to those of my own country. Of all assorted TV series, I like "Friends" the most, since the arrangement of its content and the profound ideas illustrated for the young generation fascinate my attention. From my part, "Friends” is unequalled.

While I am against the statement that domestic programs are more interesting than foreign ones, I consent to, more often than not, that it is far easier for us to appreciate our own programs, for we need not take so much struggle as that we take when enjoying foreign programs. We cannot imagine what an embarrassment it will be for a foreigner that cannot speak Chinese to go to the theater for Peking Opera.

Accordingly, it's, to some extent, rather arbitrary for us to harbor the notion that our own movies or TV programs are more interesting than those of foreign countries. The culture thereof, contents and arrangement of plot, to name only a few, are all necessary and indispensable elements items involved. Thereby, while we judge movies and TV programs in one’s own country and those of foreign countries, it remains to be unknown, and it may vary under variable kinds of aspects.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
131
注册时间
2009-7-13
精华
0
帖子
0
8
发表于 2010-8-11 11:17:44 |只看该作者
你好!文章写的挺不错的,详见附件。
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
16
寄托币
473
注册时间
2006-1-4
精华
0
帖子
8
9
发表于 2010-8-11 12:33:09 |只看该作者
您好,文章已修改,请查收,水平有限,请多多包涵!
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
10
发表于 2010-8-12 23:03:03 |只看该作者
1# hjHK 辛苦了同组的人。
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
21
寄托币
492
注册时间
2009-10-12
精华
0
帖子
14
11
发表于 2010-8-13 12:50:29 |只看该作者
10# hjHK
你好,文章已改好,请查收
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
61
寄托币
890
注册时间
2010-7-27
精华
1
帖子
48
12
发表于 2010-8-14 20:12:54 |只看该作者
8.12-comment by matlabadd oil la  XDXD
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册
it will make sense in the end.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
13
发表于 2010-8-14 20:55:42 |只看该作者
1# hjHK
8.14 by hjHK


09.08.07NA      Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their children’s future for them.

To make choices for individuals is remarkably a big deal and should be drawn crucial attention with discreetness, especially for those young, who are not not mature enough to express their ideas reasonably and even do not know what they want in the future. In spite of this actuality, I insist that children should and also must make choices for themselves. It's conceivable for me to support that parents should allow children to make determine their future on their own.


Apparently, what kind of life a child may earn in the future will definitely play an underlying and pivotal role in his or her happiness, and even will determine the point of success which he can reach. Therefore, we cannot never emphasize the importance and carefullness of decision-making to much. Parents who, more often than not, habar the notion that they know what on earth their children want and like are inclined to make choices arbitrarily instead of their children. The result, however, is not so favorable and agreeable as expected. Children, then in return, argue with parents and have to bear the undesirable choice in the end. Take one of my friends for example, his mother sent him to a notorious university without his idea when he was young, and now he is wandering around the neiborhood for no one company would hire him. The time I get up in every morning, I invariably hear that he is quarreling with his mother, complaining about her hasty choice.


Anothe equally paramount consideration is that by making self choices a child can learn how promote his capability to make choice, to rectify his choice, and to live an still more independent and successfull life. There is doubt that children may change his desire with time flying. All kinds of
elements involves in this process, such as friends, teachers, experince, society reformation, to name only but a few. It's will be rather awkward and impossible for parents follow so complicated a process. Accordingly, it fairly wise for children to make their own future and determine their future career.



On the contrary, while I assert that children make choice themselves, parents, of course, can contribute a lot in this matter. As demonstrated above, children is not so rational and mundane as adulds, and their persoal choice might be somewhat unacceptable. For instance, parents defenitely should refuse to buy a knife for his child to fight against others
for some tiny affairs. Hereby, parents should better help and
supervise children with their decision-making.



As has been clarified, children should determine their future on their own, while parents had better give a hand in appropriate occasion but without too much meddling. With such sort of proper tragic, parents will also make the right choice and children will live up to his own dream.
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
223
注册时间
2010-3-9
精华
0
帖子
13
14
发表于 2010-8-15 21:49:00 |只看该作者
楼主文章结构内容问题不大,但是语言细节方面还望注意
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册
我要用意念的力量求包养

使用道具 举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
0
寄托币
487
注册时间
2009-11-24
精华
0
帖子
24
15
发表于 2010-8-19 22:56:35 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 hjHK 于 2010-8-19 22:59 编辑

谢谢同组人修改!
附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

使用道具 举报

RE: hjHK作文帖,欢迎大家帮我改改! [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
hjHK作文帖,欢迎大家帮我改改!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1130663-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部