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[未归类] 8月17日作文帖（Daisy) [复制链接]

daisy1031
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-8-18 03:20:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

8月17日交! W2 d1 w; p( X; A, F* u* _
2008.5.16 NA: g% z( b/ x) ~
independently writing: 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects" i! B z

文章：Daisy
字数：413 时长：不计

The impact that telephone or television has had on our daily life, they both paly an essential role in the society. But in my opinion, the telephone effects human life more than television.

In the hustle and bustle life, people more and more often to contact with their family members, friends and colleagues by telephone. For instance, I am out of my country, I talk with my parents a lot by telephone when I was missing them. Whatever web phone or regular telephone, they both help us to communicate with others and express our emotion.
Furthermore, in foreigner countries, people usually make a doctor or business appointment by a call. On other hard, television is as a part of our life. We watch news, comedies, movies and commercials by television. But we all have only 24 hours a day and it is clear that the more time spend on watching TV, the less time on do with our family and friend. Thus, some people advocate “television destroyed communication among people”.

Additionally, it is nothing important than a telephone when we have the emergency. There is abundance of examples. Such as when somebody has fire in the house, she or he has to call“911” as fast as she or he can. When people get lost in a foreigner country, they are able to ask help by call. When you meet traffic on the way to meet a customer, you call him or her to apologize and explain your situation is much better than don’t say anything. Let us thinking about, how many times we felicitate ourselves have a telephone or cell phone which is an old friend always help us out of the trouble.

Today, telephone is not only a machine which uses for calling and texting, but also it has more featureless function, such as blue- tooth, 3G and GPS. For example, people can have a meeting or an interview by a 3G phone. And driver can use GPS to find out the right direction by a phone.

In conclusion, telephone is more and more important in our life. Therefore, I prefer to the statement that the telephone effects human life more than television.

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binghuoshenlong
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-18 22:16:02 |只看该作者

看附件请回改谢谢

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

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daisy1031
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板凳

发表于 2010-8-19 03:20:49 |只看该作者

2# binghuoshenlong

谢谢对我的狠批，如果方便的话请把你的QQ告诉我，谢谢！

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daisy1031
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地板

发表于 2010-8-19 03:27:59 |只看该作者

2# binghuoshenlong
你如果不嫌弃我的写作水平的话，我很乐意帮你回改。:loveliness:

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daisy1031
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5楼

发表于 2010-8-20 10:24:14 |只看该作者

2# binghuoshenlong

不好意思，我不能发附件在回复里面，又不能发QQ邮件给你。

只有直接在这粘贴了：

817, tv or television, which has more effects.(你题目写错了吧？ Television or telephone, which has more effects)

There is no permanent and direct way to campare(compare） the importance of the TV and television. Just like the question that which means more to you, your arms or your leg? What we can say is that they both are involved in our life. The reason why the TV and television（ telephone） are invented is they (their) function a specific part of our society, our daily life(去掉) and spirit life.(our daily and spirit life.)
建议：托福作文最好在第一段表明你的立场和陈述基本观点。你的第一段很模糊，不知道你的立场。另外，拼写错误导致读者很困惑，请反复检查

Nowadays, it is really rate to a family without TV which seems to be essential proportion of the home. When we come back home (+ after work), it
relaxes us to see some soap operas, and the news programme (programmer) can help us know about our world, in addition, some history or science programme (使用太多次相同的单词，建议换成“channel”)can broaden our knowledge. What's better still, we feel warm and satisfied when all the family sit together watching the same programme (改成”show”). Someone says watching TV takes a lot of time belonging to the communication, however, in my view it enhance the communication between the members of the family, because rare can we have much time sit together and many topics about the TV plots of actors. So the TV is dispensable (indispensable) for us.
建议：总的来说我不太喜欢这几句“When we come back home (+ after work), it
relaxes us to see some soap operas, and the news programme can help us know about our world, in addition, some history or science programme
can broaden our knowledge. What's better still, we feel warm and satisfied when all the family sit together watching the same programme
。建议换成个排比句型会更有逻辑性和说服性。

It is the same to the telephone which is really great help for us to call someone no matter we just greet or have some emergency. In ancient times, the letter is the only way to communicate between (with) people in a different place, it would take so long time to deliver it by the postmen or carrier pigeon. Then how about the message is an emergency, we can just be anxious but it is
unable to do anything. Whereas, it will not go far the (to) see the convenience of the telephone takes (brings) to us. Just dial and wait a few minutes, then talk whatever you want to with the other side. Therefore, the telephone is definitely efficient tool to make the communication rapidly and correctly.

Then we can try to imagine the life without TV or television. When the TV is unavailable, can our after-work life be very colourful (colorful)? To some extent, we are deaf and blind because we can not access to the international or even the local news, and the wonderful series and so forth.
And we can not keep in touch with our loving family to help them deal with some tough stuff or just say hi to them. For the modern people, it is just like a nightmare to live the life without the TV and television.
建议：我觉得这段是多余的，如归你想用，可以把它融入到前两段中去
In conclusion, TV and telephone separately
（separately） act their own role in accomplish the mission the human beings assign then. It is almost impossible the
（to） evaluate the effects and convenience they take to us. Besides, it is meaningless to think about this question painstakingly. Just remember, let the TV and telephone accomplish their their （删掉）functions, and let our life become more wonderful and convenient.

总的建议：
1.建议首先确认个明确的立场，哪怕是你真的觉得这两样事物根本没有意义去比较。
2.很多简单单词拼错，请在交稿前反复检查。
3.不要一味最求难句而忽视简单的语法知识。
4.如果你分述了2个不同的观点，建议在最后一段表明自己看法。这样子不会以至于读者读完后，还是不清楚你自己的观点是什么。

以上是我的薄见，希望能有所帮助，谢谢！
Daisy J

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