[作文] kitty 的TOEFL 作文贴~welcome~ [复制链接]

Agatha_kitty
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-12-7 13:14:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 Agatha_kitty 于 2010-12-7 18:02 编辑

第一篇：综合写作用了30min，不太会写哎，请~达人~们~拍~zhuan~吧~

附reading 和 listening 部分。

The reading and listening passages have a conflict of opinion about the reasons of the rise of factories. The reading material believes that the steam engine, the railroads and steamships, and property rights are three the most important reasons, providing three reasons, which are contradicted by the following lecture.

Firstly, the reading material claims that the steam engine is the main technological achievement enabling the rise of factories. It is because the steam engine, which can provide its user with enough power to do the work of many people, was needed to be centralized in protective buildings to maximize their capabilities. And this need directly resulted in the factories. However, the speaker contradicts the reading’s claim. The reason is that iron and steel were integral components for parts of steam engines.

Secondly, the reading material argues that the railroads and steamships could transport raw materials to a central point and then turn around and transport these goods to the markets throughout the world. However, the speaker holds the opposite opinion. First, many factories were built near the resources, such as coal and water, which they required. Second, railroads were not developed until the 1840s and did not spread around the world until the end of the nineteenth century.

Thirdly, the reading material points out that property rights is another important point,Because many people without any land had to supply cheap labor in factories.However, according to the speaker, the reading’s claim does not hold water, because this was not the case in many countries.

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Agatha_kitty
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沙发

发表于 2010-12-7 22:12:50 |只看该作者

It is easier to be a success in the past than it is today.[2008.9.20NA]

Nowadays, social competition appears more and more intense with the development of society, people making more time and effort to be success. Then which one is much easier to succeed on earth, in the past or today? Maybe many people think that it is in the past that people are easier to succeed, but I completely hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, I am convinced that achieving success is easier for people living in modern society than the past, because people have more opportunities today.

Firstly, the modern people have more opportunities to get education. Unlike before, more and more young people have the option to enter high schools and even colleges now. No doubt, a people absorbing enough knowledge is just like a bird with a pair of wings. And knowledge is so useful that it can help people go where he wants to go, and fulfill the target he plans to achieve. On the other hand, a person without knowledge will have less chance to be success.

In addition, people can get more resources fairly easily today. For instance, people do not need to worry about information any longer. When they want to learn about anything, they can look for it in encyclopedia, or search in the internet. But in the past, maybe even after traveling a long way and spending a lot of time, people still could not get the information what they want. As well as we know, information is just an important kind of resources, and the same situation other resources face.

Admittedly, people maybe confront a bit less competitors in the past, but it definitely not means that it is much easier to make success, because competition can stimulate people to try their best to strive for their ambitions. On the contrary, people would become lazy and not like to rake any responsibility without competition. To sum up, for what has been discussed above, although modern society is full of competition, I insist that it is much easier to achieve a success in today than in the past.(348)

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fengyanhong
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板凳

发表于 2010-12-9 11:53:53 |只看该作者

Nowadays, social competition appears more and more intense with the development of society, people making more time and effort to be success.（make time 似乎不通） Then which one is much easier to succeed on earth, in the past or today? Maybe many people think that it is in the past that people are easier to succeed, but I completely hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned, I am convinced that achieving success is easier for people living in modern society than the past, because people have more opportunities today.

Firstly, the modern people have more opportunities to get education. Unlike before, more and more young people have the option to enter high schools and even colleges now. No doubt, a people absorbing enough knowledge is just like a bird with a pair of wings. And knowledge is so useful that it can help people go where he wants to go, and fulfill the target he plans to achieve. On the other hand, a person without knowledge will have less chance to be success.

In addition, people can get more resources fairly easily today. For instance, people do not need to worry about information any longer. When they want to learn about anything, they can look for it in encyclopedia, or search in the internet. But in the past, maybe even after traveling a long way and spending a lot of time, people still could not get the information what they want. As well as we know, information is just an important kind of resources, and the same situation other resources face.（此段需要说明一下resource 和success的关系）
Admittedly, people maybe confront a bit less competitors in the past, but it definitely not means that it is much easier to make success, because competition can stimulate people to try their best to strive for their ambitions. On the contrary, people would become lazy and not like to rake any responsibility without competition. To sum up, for what has been discussed above, although modern society is full of competition, I insist that it is much easier to achieve a success in today than in the past.

句子很顺，结构也很规矩。
建议，开头结尾金可以不用花很大笔墨，充实的论证更重要，例证是最有力的论证手段。李笑来特意指出请认真阅读《新托福考试官方指南》第259页的倒数三个段落：Do not “memorize” long introductory and concluding paragraphs just to add words to your essay. Raters will not look favorably on wordy introductory and concluding paragraphs

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topics_jason
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地板

发表于 2010-12-9 12:32:38 |只看该作者

It is easier to be a success in the past than it is today.[2008.9.20NA]2 g  l/ F) ], Z6 m0 P

# \: P% p: S. q& u. j, }$ b1 `& KNowadays, social competition appears more and more intense with the development of society, people makingmake跟effort可以搭配，跟time就牵强了。 more time and effort to be success这句话跟主旨没联系. Then which one is much easier to succeed on earthon earth？, in the past or today? Maybe many people think that it 这有点别扭is in the past that people are easier to succeed, but I completely hold the opposite opinion. As far as I am concerned这句可以去掉, I am 去掉amconvinced that achieving success is easier for people living in modern society than the past, because people have more opportunities today.
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Firstly, the modern people have more opportunities to get education. Unlike before, more and more young people have the optionoption后面应该是个选择，用or，跟choose，且两个比较的对象应该不想高中和大学没有对比度 to enter high schools and even colleges now. No doubt, a a？person people absorbing enough knowledge is justlooks like a bird with a pair of wings. And knowledge is so useful that it can help peoplehim或者one go where hehe不能跟people对 wants to go, and和逗号？and fulfill the target he plans to achieve. On the other hand, a person without knowledge will have less chance to be success.比喻不给力啊，像鸟和更多机会…？
7 B5 n# k( ~& m" }  i! z0 p  V/ w8 z. C4 ^4 b& g
In addition, people can get more resources fairly easily today. For instance, people do not need to worry about information any longer. When they want to learn about anything, they can look for it in encyclopedia,逗号去掉 or search in the internet. But in the past, maybe even after traveling a long way orand spending a lot of time, people still could not get the information what they want. As well as we know, information is just去掉 an important kind of resources, and the same situation other resources face.
" O7 |! f  ]8 ^8 b- m. `& g, w9 m0 P/ \! ^! M) y5 t
Admittedly, people maybe confront a bit less competitors in the past, but it definitely not means that it is much easier to make successmake success？, because competition can stimulate people to try their best两个不定式不推荐 to strive for their ambitions. On the contrary, people would become lazy and not like to rake any responsibility without competition. To sum up, for what has been discussed above, although modern society is full of competition, I insist that it is much easier to achieve a success in today than in the past.(348)

建议：例子不够到位，跟主题衔接不紧。Just用的太多。句式多为不定式，可以换复杂点。

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