[备考小组] 14年秋季提纲互改小组-argument 3 [复制链接]

tesolchina
UID：2191404

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 912
寄托币: 6214
注册时间: 2006-2-26
精华: 4
帖子: 2367

16楼

发表于 2014-11-22 17:39:45 |只看该作者

ClaretZ 发表于 2014-11-20 00:20
这一篇直接上全文吧~
According to the letter, the author recommends that the city prohibit skateboar ...

你还是先提纲吧

3) The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.
Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

According to the letter, the author recommends that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza predicts because it is the increasing popularity of skateboarding that decreases in the business, leads to increasing litter and vandalism. If the recommendation is to be accepted, three questions about the cause of the decreasing of shoppers, the increasing number of the skateboard users and the increase in the amount of litter and vandalism are still in desperate need to be answered.

recommend 后面的从句用should
predicts语法结构
注意原文并没有说是increasing popularity 导致了...... 这里用词要小心
注意题目要求你提出问题来评估建议而不是问你要接受建议的条件
感觉你第一段暴露出了不少问题  有些是表达方面有些是对题目的理解
three questions about 后面跟的三件事并不是并列的结构第一个提到cause 后面就没有了

still in desperate need 为什么要加这个短语？

其实关于argument第一段的写法还是比较固定的
或者可以做一些专项练习

argument第一段的写法
第一句概括claim和主要的evidence （你在尝试概括但是表达和意思方面都有问题）
第二句根据不同的指引指出后面几段分别要讨论的几个方面  （你也有尝试这么做但是措辞方面需要调整；一部分涉及你对任务的理解一部分是语法结构的问题

  First of all, the author claimed that the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased during the past two years, based on which he or she thought it is the increasing number of skateboarding that has led to the decline of business. The decline of the number of shoppers, however, may result from other reasons. For example, the newly populated Internet shopping, which let people shop very conveniently by surfing the Internet and sitting in front of a computer without stepping out of the gate, may be the reason that leads to the dramatically decreasing number of shoppers.

在这一段的开头你没有指出要回答的问题  也就是没有正面回应题目

  What is more, the author insisted that the increasing popularity of skateboarding result to the decline of shopping. The reason and the conclusion, however, might be mistaken by the author because there is possibility that it is the decreasing number of shoppers that result in the low using rate of the enormous space in the plaza, which finally leads the plaza to become a great place to play skateboard.
问题同上

  The author wrote the fact of a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza but he or she did not bridge the gap between the fact and the phenomenon of increasing of skateboarding. How can the increasing skateboarding directly lead to the increase in the amount of litter and vandalism? This is the question that the author needs to solve and prove because there could be some other reasons.

wrote the fact ?
bridge the gap 用在这里不合适

  Based on what has been mentioned above, three questions about the cause of the decreasing of shoppers, the increasing number of the skateboard users and the increase in the amount of litter and vandalism are still in desperate need to be answered.

使用道具举报

chrishong119
UID：3412641

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 54
寄托币: 231
注册时间: 2013-2-18
精华: 0
帖子: 112

17楼

发表于 2014-12-11 22:18:14 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 chrishong119 于 2014-12-12 20:46 编辑

The store owner recommends that skateboarding should be prohibited in Central Plaza so as to help the plaza return to its previously high levels with lots of shoppers. Well, in order to decide whether or not this recommendation and the prediction are reasonable, a few questions need to be answered. The answers could strengthen or weaken this recommendation.

The first question which matters critically and need to be addressed is that whether or not the decrease of shoppers in Central Plaza is definitely due to the skateboard users rather than other factors.可能，滑板者与此没有任何关系，顾客少是因为别的地方新开了购物商场，位置优越、规模更大、环境更好、价格更优惠，也有可能是因为经济萧条，所以是整体性的事件。

Second, does the number of shoppers in Central Plaza decrease after the emerge of skateboarding there? 可能，在滑板者出现之前，商场的购物者就早已减少了；甚至，滑板者还未商场带来了人气，很多人还来这儿就是因为这儿有滑板者，滑板者减缓了商场的萧条。

Finally, the last question need to be clarified is that whether or not it is skateboarding that leads to the increase of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza.有可能，都与滑板者无关，乱扔垃圾是普遍的现象，在别的地方也一样，只是此plaza的垃圾桶少且位置不显眼，很多人就随手扔了；而且，在商场逗留的人也许只是简单的在那儿逗留，在那儿打发时间、等亲友等，而且，可能其并不围在滑板者周围。

使用道具举报

evanlu
UID：2610121

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 60
寄托币: 254
注册时间: 2009-3-3
精华: 0
帖子: 36

18楼

发表于 2018-12-28 15:37:32 |只看该作者

请老师指教，谢谢！

From the letter to the editor, we knew the concern of the store owner, complained the skateboarding users in Central Plaza, where he opened the business. However, acting in accordance with the statement, there are few evidences prove that the fans playing skateboarding caused the decreasing business there.
The owner mainly talked about the resurgence of skateboarding sport in the Plaza, he or she indicated that the skateboarding users increasing and shoppers deceasing happened simultaneously, and conclude that it is the users who make the shoppers away. There is no discernible connection between the two shifts of numbers, unless we make a survey to shoppers, thus we can make sure if they were disturbed by users of skateboarding at the Plaza.

Likewise, the statement noted more frequent litter and vandalism cases. We also can't say the users of skateboarding are thieves. I suggest the owner should offer us the proof like video tapes from surveillance. Then we can make a judgement.

Moreover, fewer shoppers may be because of the Internet stores. People can buy what they want online, so it is not essential for them to go to the Central Plaza. If the skateboarding prohibited there, maybe fewer and fewer people will get to the Plaza, thus may make the business worse.

About the business,there is not enough information to show that if the whole city or state business situation. The decrease may be in a large scale. Even merely the slump in the Central Plaza, there are other possibilities to make it worse. Perhaps the store is outdated. The environment is not clean as before.

The owner's concern misapprehended the cause of the striking out the business. He or she should make more survey and then get a tenable conclusion to undertake additional efforts.

使用道具举报