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[a习作temp] GRE第一篇GRGUEMENT求点评!狠狠点评! [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-7-10 09:34:55 |显示全部楼层
真心求修改,若有GRE作文修改者,诚求加群472154416。8月21考试最优
12) Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all  their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by 30 percent. Potential employers, looking at this dramatic rise in grades, believe that grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement; as a result, Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or  strengthen the argument.
1:时间太长,很多因素导致成绩上升
2:潜在的雇佣者的调查可能不正确,不具有参考性
3:和别的学校比不合适,相异因素太多
The statement list some unconvincing evidences and ill-conceived reasons that grades at Omega are inflated and do not accurately reflect student achievement as nearby Alpha University to draw the conclusion that Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors. At first glance, the statements makes some sense, while further reflection inidcates there are some defiency.
   To start with ,the time range which is between fifteen years the are too wide and there are some other reasons would lead to the change. During fifteen years, some other standards for evaluation the students' performance and the content of testing may be changed, and what's more, the students are relatively smart and preparing the tests ore sufficiently than the ones fifteen years before, thus, The relationship between the  students' evaluation of the teaching effectiveness and students' grades are not causal directly.
   At the same time, the statement makes unclear interpretion of potential employers. Who is potential employers? What is the method they take  when instigating the cause of the rise? Or whether the potential employers's judgement about the falsty of the dramatic rise in grades is  more important than the grounded employers? However, without making those questions clear enough, one can't get the conclusion that terminating student evaluation of professors would enhance the chance of geting jobs.   
   At the same time, comparing the condition of getting jobs in Omega University with that in Alpha University is unilateral. The criterion  of judging a student's performance to assign higher grade is different between both schools and the diversity of teacher's affection in assigning grades also varied. Besides the grades of the students, there are some factors that are of equal importance or even of superiority,  such as the ability of communicating with others and the sense of responsibility or the individual innovation, therefore, it makes little sense  to make a contrast with the two schools' rate of getting job.
  To sum up, basing on the invalid evidence and hastily obtianing the conclusion, it is unadvisable to draw a accurate conclusion. In order to  got a more reasonable solution, the arguer should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive, and take every possible consideration into account.   
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发表于 2015-7-10 09:58:32 |显示全部楼层
题目要求是 you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument  
你的中间段完全没有提evidence

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发表于 2015-7-10 16:29:08 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-10 09:58
题目要求是 you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument  
你的中间段完全没 ...

也就是说  得评价要想得到结论需要什么样的证据才能充分验证?

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RE: GRE第一篇GRGUEMENT求点评!狠狠点评! [修改]
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