[a习作temp] Argument 8习作一篇~同时寻觅作文战友（有老师指导更好）以及作文互改小组的收留。 [复制链接]

喵了个咪仔
UID：3541306

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 62
寄托币: 430
注册时间: 2014-7-9
精华: 0
帖子: 78

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2015-10-28 09:25:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

8.The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.”

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument

From the memo we can know that the writer recommend Buckingham College to build a number of new dormitories for a series reason. Firstly, the writer points out that Buckingham's enrollment is growing, which will make the current dormitories inadequate for future students to live in. Moreover, the writer also believe that students of Buckingham College will have a difficulty to rent off-campus housing because the average price of renting an apartment in the town has risen. Finally, the writer thinks that new dormitories will help the college to attract more students. However, as far as I'm concerned, none of these evidence is concrete for the writer to make such recommendation.

To begin with, without any additional information, the increase of Buckingham's enrollment is not 100 percent to happen to last for next 50 years. The writer only tells us that it seems to happen, however, I can hard to find any valid information to support the foundation that the trend will definitely develop as expected. Perhaps, the enrollment of Buckingham will have a dramatic decline and the current dormitories can totally cover the need.

Another piece of evident to evaluate the recommendation is that whether the price of renting off-campus apartment is really beyond students' touch. According to the memo, the writer made a negative conclusion. Nevertheless, the average price of renting an apartment in the town has risen may not trouble students. It is totally possible that the rent of apartment that surrounds Buckingham keeps same or has decreased. Then students can still easily to rent an off-campus house. Besides, even the rent also increased, we cannot conclude that this increase will make students hard to accept it.

Finally, more evidence need to be put forward to buttress the conclusion that new dormitories will attract more students to study in Buckingham. From the memo we can hard sure that new dormitories will guarantee a increase of enrollment. It is very likely that students choose a college basing on other factors rather than dormitory. Thus, in order to support his conclusion, the writer should provide information that can show students consider dormitory as top factor ,or at least an important factor, when they choose a school.

作文, difficult, following, director, existing

相关帖子

回应
0

使用道具举报

喵了个咪仔
UID：3541306

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 62
寄托币: 430
注册时间: 2014-7-9
精华: 0
帖子: 78

沙发

发表于 2015-10-28 09:29:21 |只看该作者

首先自己点评一下~
（1）第一次练习，有点生疏，然后超时了6分8秒。
（2）几个拼写错误：recommend-recommond series-serice writer-writter以及自己编造了increasement这个名词。

然后再这里真心寻觅Gre战友，作文为主。深知独自备考的苦难以及无力感，希望能得到老师或者同学们的指导与建议。可以加QQ，wechat什么的深入探讨。
最后如果发帖违规请管理员大大通知我一下。

使用道具举报