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[i习作temp] Issue 2 习作求点评~~~~同时寻找GRE作文战友!!可以站内信联系 [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-10-30 22:21:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue 2:
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.




Many people hold the idea that major cities are a refined image of a society, so people who want to learn about the society are more and more prevailing to study its major cites. As far as I am concerned, features of a society are various and for some of them we can have a deep look through major cites, however, other features can not be fully understand if we only keep our eyes on captal or other similar cities. In order to make myself clear, I will illustrate my point in three significant aspects of a society----economy, technology and people's well-beings.

At first, learning from major cities we can have a throughtful concept of its development of economy, which is a pivotal part of a society. No one can deny that the development of economy usually happens in a place where it has a boggle position in the whole country. Thus major cites are the best places where economy can brew at a tremendous speed. Take China as an example. Recently, China takes off no only in political field but also in economy field. Judging from the achievement in economy,  it has become the world's second important country, only next to America. From an authoritative survey which conduced by expers in sociology, we can know that the five major cities, including Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, Guangzhou and Wuhan, have contribute over 60% of the increase of China's economy. Thus, it is very reasonable to see the development of economy of a society from its major cities.


Moreover, when situation issue comes to technology seems also rational. In order to have some breakthroughs in technology, we need a lot of eminent scientists to work together.Besides, we also need mechines, big investment and so forth. All these prerequisites limit our sight only on those major cities of a society. Because in these cities, there are many universities or colleges which  can provide large quantity of professor and mechines; there are many firm which can offer investment and expers; there is also a strong market which can make some new innovation into money and promote the development of technology. These indispensible aspects can not happen or at least less likely happen in those second level cities.

Nevertheless, not all charater of a society can be fully and perfectly presented by its major cities. An obvious paradigm is people well-beings. Considering major cities' various advantages, people who live in those places will have a better than the average of the society. Thus if we merely take those cities into consideration a fair evaluation will be compromised. Still take China as an example. Even those accomplishments make China become the world's second economic entity. We both know that the average well-beings of Chinese people are not just ranking at the second place. Thus if people only look into the situation of major cities they may abtain an optimistic conclusion ,however, there is a huge room for Chinese government to improve its people's well-beings.

In summary, studying major cities can indeed help us to have an insightful knowledge of some charateristics of a society. Nevertheless, this method can also let us to have a partial thought about other features of the society.


随贴寻觅作文大大或老师指导,希望能在相互探讨下一起进步~~~~~
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美版2016offer达人

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发表于 2015-10-30 22:26:08 |只看该作者
还是惯例自己点评一下~~
(1)超时问题:超时18 min.
(2)由于没怎么写过issue 对题目的理解以及行文感觉还是不够准确深入。
(3)几个拼写或者单词误用的错误: machine-mechine, character-charater, experts-expers,attain-abstain, indispensable-indispensible capital-captal    全面的应该是well-round自己乱写了一个不知道什么的单词。。。

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RE: Issue 2 习作求点评~~~~同时寻找GRE作文战友!!可以站内信联系 [修改]
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