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[i习作temp] issue 52 新人第一篇求批改！ [复制链接]

AlexisHe
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2016-7-27 09:38:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the
recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and
supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation
would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

No one is perfect. We just become better by consistently learning from others and previous mistakes. We also need rules to control our inside monsters sometimes. Imagine a world where stealing is not illegal, the possibility of stealing would increase sharply. Though people know stealing is bad, sometimes they are just lured by gain with no pain. In addition, we need forces inside or outside to push ourselves when we are lazy. However, ignoring negative ones is detrimental for children to learn and fit in those three situations.

Someone may argue that praising positive actions can encourage children do more positive actions. A boy who spends time on math can be encouraged to spend more time on math and thus perform better. Admittedly, praising can help form a positive circle to elicit children’s interests and help them do better and better. However, praising positive actions and ignoring negative ones can be a disaster. Assume a boy who steals from his mother, at first he would feel guilty and worried that mother wouldn’t love him anymore. Nevertheless, if he can receive passionate praise and love once he does something good, he wouldn’t worry about mother’s love and would feel free to steal more. The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and not ignore negative ones.

Ignoring negative actions can keep children away from learning from previous mistakes. Experience is treasure only if people can learn from that and merely make similar mistakes anymore. Suppose a boy who was too proud to prepare the final exam and failed, he would never know the problem and keep immersed in praises from parents. He would possibly fail another important exam and have a total different life. In contrast to that, if parents can point out his proud and help him overcome it, he would learn from that and avoid being proud in the future.

Ignoring negative actions can make children’s inside monsters out of control. Just as I mentioned in the first paragraph, since people unavoidably sometimes have evil willing more or less, people may actually follow the willing without the limitation of the rule and the punishments. Assume a boy who is naught and sometimes even beat others. If parents ignore this negative action, this boy would beat others next time he feels angry. For this boy, why bother controlling himself if no punishment? By contrast to that, if parents can educate the boy at the first time he beats others, the boy would learn to control himself and keep clam.

Ignoring negative actions can foster children’s characters of escaping from difficulties. Think about preparing for GRE test, we know we would do better if we focus on study efficiently for a couple of months. However, it is not rare that we would be distracted by numerous things such as family party, new video games, and traveling or we just do not want to study. In this situation, occasional relax is allowed, but we need admonishment inside or outside if we abandon ourselves to entertainment for several days. Children may escape from arduous study by keeping playing games day and night, which is a really bad action, and the ignorance of parents is actually fostering the characters of escaping from difficulties.

To put it all into a nutshell, to praise positive actions and not ignore negative ones can be the best way to teach. Children can feel encouraged and be willing to do better if they receive praises for positive actions. On the other hand, children who receive education for their negative actions can learn from that and avoid similar actions in the future.

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AlexisHe
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沙发

发表于 2016-7-29 11:00:07 |只看该作者

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大黎
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板凳

发表于 2016-8-2 16:24:08 |只看该作者

30分钟可以写出这么多，我已经跪了:mad

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肉末茄饼
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地板

发表于 2016-8-2 23:04:05 |只看该作者

总结一下撸主的行文思路：
第一段：人需要外界压力规范自己的行为，所以ignoring negative ones is detrimental for children to learn and fit in those three situations.
第二段：Someone may argue that praising positive actions can encourage children do more positive actions. However, praising positive actions and ignoring negative ones can be a disaster.
第三段：Ignoring negative actions can keep children away from learning from previous mistakes.
第四段：Ignoring negative actions can make children’s inside monsters out of control.
第五段：Ignoring negative actions can foster children’s characters of escaping from difficulties.
第六段：总结

撸主自己这样看一下会不会觉得思维有些跳跃？第一段一般是总起全文，表明自己的立场，比如同意要praise positive actions，但不同意ignore negative actions之类等等，然后后面几段分点展开论述。
论述中3，4，5段有没有觉得其实是一样的？只是变了一点点说法，感觉可合在一段表达。

撸主可以多在寄托看看gre写作入门贴，很有帮助的。
当然上面的分析都是我的一家之言啦。

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肉末茄饼
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5楼

发表于 2016-8-2 23:05:44 |只看该作者

撸主也帮忙看看我的argument和issue哈，我也才开始写，多多指教。
32.The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing suggested that to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and increase the overall productivity, they should shorten the three work shifts by one hour. However, such assumptions of the similarities between Quiot and Panoply, as well as the correlations among length of work shift, enough sleep and the occurrence of accidents had been made. More insight investigations into these assumptions are needed in order to evaluate the soundness of the argument.
First, the vice president assumed that the Panoply Industries plant resembles Quiot Manufacturing in a large degree, so the results of Panoply can be equally applied to Quiot. However, there could be many differences of working conditions. For example, Quiot Manufacturing produces clothes whereas Panoply is a power plant, which implies the machinery the employees deal with are totally different in terms of operation and maintenance. Also, there may be differences in professional training for employees as well. Panoply regards professional training seriously and spend a month to train the employees to raise their safety awareness while Quiot only spend a week to train the employees and the supervisors there do not give adequate attentions to the safety protocols of the employees. If these differences mentioned above exist, then it would be unreasonable to apply the measures of Panoply directly to Quiot.
It is also assumed that shortening work shifts by one hour can help the employees get enough sleep. However, there are many other factors that contribute to the deprivation of sleep. For example, employee may have a personal lifestyle of staying up late until mid-night to watch TV or just hang out with friends in the bar. Also shortening the work shifts will increase the total number of work shifts in the same time. an employee who used to take an eight-hour work shift with 16-hour interval now has to take the work shift of seven hours with an interval of 14 hours. Obviously, the previous work shift arrangement would allow him or her to have more sleep time.
The last but not the least, the vice president took for granted that enough sleep will decrease the number of on-the-job accidents. Though experts said fatigue and deprivation of sleep are significant contributing factors to on-the-job accidents. But it’s ambiguous in terms of how significant are these two factors. Maybe in this scenario, lack of sleep is not a factor for the occurrence of accidents, but rather the lack of safety awareness among workers or the aging machinery that should be updated. If this is the case, then increase the sleeping time of workers would do little impact to the overall occurrence of accidents.
In conclusion, the assumptions that Panoply resembles Quiot, shortening work shifts will help workers gain enough sleep and adequate sleep will reduce on-the-job accidents need to be investigated more insightfully. The executives of Quiot need to take into consideration all the possibilities mentioned above and take the most efficient measure to reduce the on-the-job accidents.

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肉末茄饼
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6楼

发表于 2016-8-2 23:07:57 |只看该作者

这是一篇issue
Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Nowadays, we live in the information era, news spreading out in speed you cannot imagine through mobile phones, laptops, televisions or even big screens on the street. Scandals are often exploited by media to attract peoples’ attention. It’s thoroughly understandable because knowing others’ scandals can give ourselves a sense of moral superiority. However, it depends on the problems that the scandals unveil to judge whether a scandal is useful or it’s just a ploy by the media to increase their audience share. In my opinion, a scandal reflects social or moral problems is of great help while that exposes privacy of others is facetious.
Scandals that debunk social problems is useful. For example, the Red Cross Chinese chapter was reported to had abused millions of the donation money for other personal uses by its employees, like buying fancy cars, going on vacations and so on. After the exposure of this scandal, the whole nation was incensed, for that such a famous charity organization failed its donors. During that time, rebuking words was sent against Red Cross all across the nation.
Some people may argue that the effects of such scandals are ephemeral. People’s attention would be diverted to other news before long. But in fact, after this Red Cross scandal, people also began to look into other social or government organizations of corruption or even the corruption inside the government departments. It is because of many such corruption scandals that hatred for corruption is a common value in China now.
What’s more, some may argue that scandals mainly focus on public figures so it has little to do with our daily life. But, actually, scandals do not necessarily have to be public ones, they can also be in small-scale. For example, if a student is punished for cheating, this would become a scandal in the whole school or at least among his classmates. Then the other students won’t dare to cheat because they know the consequences of such behavior. One punishment is enough to warn the entire group.
But, there are also kinds of scandals that focus on others’ privacy. In my point of view, such scandals are of little use. For example, there are many scandals about the perplexing relations among celebrities, like today celebrity A shows her contempt for celebrity B on twitter, tomorrow celebrity A is dumped by her fiancée and so on. Such scandals are just for the audience’s amusement and has little edification impacts.
In conclusion, scandals, in spite of its scale, that can trigger our thinking on social or moral problems is useful in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. But the ones that is merely gossip about social figures is nothing more than entertainment.

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