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[文书] 用于申请所有美国院校的个人简历,恳请大家提出修改意见 [复制链接]

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发表于 2018-12-1 21:47:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 liurui39660 于 2018-12-1 22:35 编辑

之前一直在考GRE,文书完全没有开始,这两周突击准备好所有材料,PS写的比较仓促,挂在这里,希望大家能多提意见,请不要手下留情

长度:913词,按Calibri,11pt字号
页数:刚好2页,采用默认页边距
原文的标题是16号字,行距也比较大,占了不少地方

Google Doc地址:https://docs.google.com/document ... vs/edit?usp=sharing
Word Online地址:https://1drv.ms/w/s!AofELYr8qWOlgvNjuTQNvhZN6mDyOg

下面是PS正文



Opening

People always say students from universities of 985 and 211 program are more successful. I don't believe this. I also have international awards, I also have research papers, I also have national scholarships; I'm not inept as they think, though I belong to neither of those programs. In the following sections, I'll illustrate my past experience and futural plans, and show you my ability and potential in pursuing the Ph.D. degree.


Freshman: Coding and Traning

Outsiders see our fame, only we know the sweat behind it.


Although harsh as it may seem, the experience in ACM-ICPC training team served as the first watershed of my college life. During semester 2, I devoted all my extracurricular time to it. Learning, coding, problem-solving, and discussing, these were already the daily routine. Days and nights spent in the training team rescued me from code phobia, and cultivate my logical thinking ability. Those two abilities are like the seed of academic, planted deeply in my heart, waiting for a proper chance to break out the soil.


Sophomore: Contest

If you're a true warrior, competition doesn't scare you. It makes you better.


Two years ago, creativity and efficient learning helped me hunt for the international award. During the Mathematical Contest in Modeling, based on the layout of checkout counters in supermarkets, I devised a honeycomb-shape design of toll plaza, which merges the traffic flow in two steps and can reduce the pressure at joining points. Next day, starting from scratch, I self-learned the queuing theory and proved that our new design was more economical and robust than the traditional one. Although our preparation was somewhat inadequate, those two points secured us from collapsing. Months later, as one of the 13 teams among more than 8,000 worldwide, we won the top prize, Outstanding Award.


Junior: Research

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.


In 2014, Rodriguez's DPC algorithm brought clustering algorithms into the Cartesian coordinate system; in early this year, my SNN-DPC algorithm brought neighborhoods into his two-dimensional world. Though it sounds exaggerated, from conception to implementation and then to the final manuscript, I undertook all the work of this research project. I added the neighborhood information to the properties determining centers so that cross-winding datasets could be well handled. Also, I developed a two-step distribution strategy which resolved the vicious domino effect and further improved the robustness. Referring to Rodriguez's code, I composed my implementation and published to GitHub. After two months' intensive works, the manuscript was finally submitted to Information Science, an SCI journal with impact factor 4.832, and was accepted in March this year.


Senior: New World

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.


This July, I went to the National University of Singapore for the summer workshop. Together with other Chinese students from colleges of 211 and/or 985 program, we spent three weeks full of challenges. For the first week, we spent two days on each of the three classes, with only one rest day between each switch. For the rest two weeks, endless assignments and research came to us one after another. Though hard, it brought me the precious sleepless experience learning abroad. But when I knew I got an A+, I felt all my efforts finally paid off.


Future: Chance and Challenge

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.


In-depth research is always necessary for the creation of cutting-edge techniques. While the master's degree is a process of learning existing knowledge, Ph.D. is more likely to explore the unknown space and convert ideas into realities. My goal belongs to the latter category, that's part of the reasons I apply for the Ph.D. program.


In the area of multimedia, captioning is a challenging problem remains to be resolved. Though there are already many research works, the end-user product is still at the preliminary stage, especially for video processing. In the Ph.D. period, first I'll familiarize with the necessary knowledge on CV and NLP. As for the deep learning frames, I've already learned some like TensorFlow, PyTorch, and Keras and had used them to implement practical neural networks. Next, through cutting-edge research publications, locating existing problems and potential fixes, followed with tentative experiments. In this stage, apart from public datasets, other sources are also necessary. I'll seek chances to participate in joint research programs held by large companies to acquire this part of data; at the same time, it'll give me the initial experience working in an industrial environment.


The trend of multimedia will not last forever, and no one can predict when it will start to decline. If there is no much fluctuation in the next few years, the natural choice would be becoming a researcher in the company, where both computing power and data are adequate. Also, there would be a whole team working in the same field, rendering quick iteration from idea to product. On the other side, if the job market shows a gloomy trend, research institutions would be a better choice. The research pressure here is far less than a commercial environment, and I can fully immerse myself into long-term research.


Ending

My undergraduate school was not an obstacle in my academic journey, but a touchstone highlighted my ability and potential. Also, I'll be thankful for all my friends, lecturers, and my supervisor, without whose help, I would never have the chance to realize my academic aspiration.




再次感谢你完整阅读了我的拙作




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人文版offer勋章 美国offer勋章

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发表于 2018-12-4 15:55:14 |只看该作者
如果是申phd话,语言应该需要再润色润色?开头和结尾表达可以再清晰一些

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发表于 2018-12-4 23:34:31 |只看该作者
野田坂神 发表于 2018-12-4 15:55
如果是申phd话,语言应该需要再润色润色?开头和结尾表达可以再清晰一些

感谢提醒

不过我感觉这个不太符合很多学校的要求,我写了太多关于自己的东西,而院校要求一般是说科研的内容,不知道是不是需要大改一番

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2015 US-applicant

地板
发表于 2018-12-20 19:52:31 |只看该作者
我觉得LZ应该是想要真实的反馈吧。。那我就把我的想法说出来了,如果你有些你不赞同可以无视我哒。
我虽然没申请过phd,不过上周刚完成JD的所有申请,所以也是刚写完PS的人。。

你说学校一般要求要写科研的内容,我的猜测是他们很不希望申请者把PS写的像简历一样。那如果这样的话,在我看来你的PS写的很干。我不知道你能不能理解我的意思。。我站在读者角度感觉你主要就在罗列,虽然你也提及了你的想法,但给我一种你写的都很表面的感觉。。我的理解是申请phd会很看重你感兴趣的科研方向,你做过的科研,是什么让你决定想要研究这个方面(如果我说的不对请无视我哈)我在美本上英文写作的时候,老师最常强调的是show, don't tell.你的PS给我的感觉就是你一直在tell没有什么show的感觉。打个比方,你想卖一个产品给顾客,你就直接告诉这个人,我们家的产品最好,物美价廉,你觉得这个顾客会买吗?

第二个问题是你的英文写作技巧,我感觉你的表达方式有些欠缺。。有些地方承接的不是很好。我的建议是找一位native speaker帮你修改,但在此之前你应该先把你ps的思路理清楚,写好,再去找native speaker修改写作技巧上的问题。

我自己的ps初稿写的也蛮糟糕的,后来也是自己研究了好久,改了好几版。。不过加油啦 我觉得你能写好的!

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分享之阳 Gemini双子座 荣誉版主 US Advisor US Assistant 美版友情贡献 VISA版特殊贡献

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发表于 2018-12-22 04:27:55 |只看该作者
就PS而言  我觉得篇幅过长了,按时间顺序罗列的很多成就,更像简历或者CV中的内容。PS还是想看到你是一个什么样的人,你为什么喜欢你现在的做得东西,你的能力和潜力应该只是其中的一部分而不是所有。 另外,按时间的平铺直叙缺乏了一点阅读的乐趣性,或者说是故事性。

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发表于 2018-12-22 07:25:13 |只看该作者
首先太长了,一页比较推荐,600 words左右这个长度。很少看见小标题的形式,刚看到觉得还不错,但是仔细一读觉得其实有点没必要,帮助没有很大,不过如果你觉得喜欢,保持这个也行。语言需要好好改,很多地方写的很口语,然后用词有的也是很别扭。句子需要调整,长短句一起穿插用,有的地方有歧义,把句子写短一点就不会有这个问题。

然后几个琐碎的建议,985/211这个概念很多教授都不知道,你这个一点背景信息没说,开头就提个985/211项目,读者很懵,后面大四又提了一次,说和985学生一起参加xx,你如果想强调你是来自稍弱一些的学校但是还是可以和更强的学校的学生有相同的能力,我觉得这个好像没啥必要…你直接证明你能力在peer中很出众就得了:ppublication, schoalrship, award, project, and high scores (GT..)。这些简历都有,ps中highlight简历没办法说的细节,比如学习过程,领导team,你的具体研究兴趣等等。

其次关于journal的impact factor,个人建议如果不是华人教授不要提IF,或者你在cv上加一下就好。

你最后在ending又说了一个你本科学校没成为你的阻碍…又一次显示了你对你学校的嫌弃。怎么说…这个有点没必要,你不需要强调很多次你本科学校很差。

最后就是你需要按照每个教授和每个项目要求改一改,准备一份肯定不太靠谱的。

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RE: 用于申请所有美国院校的个人简历,恳请大家提出修改意见 [修改]
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用于申请所有美国院校的个人简历,恳请大家提出修改意见
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