[求助] 最近练手的独立作文第二篇，求修改！求点评！可互改！ [复制链接]

团团_饭
UID：3924671

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 50
寄托币: 58
注册时间: 2018-12-5
精华: 0
帖子: 9

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2018-12-5 15:41:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由团团_饭于 2018-12-13 16:21 编辑

之前的一篇练习文章有幸得到修改、点评，受益匪浅，也非常感谢！之前因为论坛里的作文修改小组慕名而来，却发现似乎是几年前的事情了，希望能以这种方式得到指点、点评。再次发出练习文章一篇，希望依旧可以得到修改或点评。同样，如果信得过，也可以互相修改文章，互相帮助，共同进步:lol             2018.12.13

Childhood is an important period for children to learn and they should not waste their time on playing computer games.

Living in Internet age, people are surrounded with various kinds of electric devices and hi-tech. At the same time, people tend to touch computer games at a lower age than before. However, from my perspective, children would better focus on learning knowledge and skills rather than indulge in playing computer games. Playing computer games is not only a waste of time but also a misleading of life.
To begin with, common sense informs us childhood is a critical period to learn knowledge and skills. For one hand, throughout the whole life people at young age are best at observing, thinking and learning. They are ready to acknowledge the world around them and absorb a series of new things physically and mentally. For the other hand, children are required to be adept in basic theories about what the world are and how the society runs, which are essential for everyone’s daily life. To do this, they need to spend a large amount of time to learn and practice . Provided primary students spent most of their time on computer games, lack of common sense and fundamental knowledge would make their adult life much tougher.
On top of that, the virtual world created in the computer games cut off children’s lives from the outside world and influence their behavior in a negative way. There is no doubt that games especially computer games are a big attraction for children as well as adults, they helps people escape from high pressure of hard-working and unhappiness, for it is much easier to win in computer games than to gain achievements in real life. However, compared to adults, children are lack of self-control and mature values, they are much easier to be addicted into the virtual life. Then the consequence is that they would be isolated from the society. Furthermore, the bad element in computer games such as violence might mislead young people’s life into an illegal way, which we all do not want happen.
In addition, it is not to say that computer games are totally forbidden for young people, they could play proper games under control. Parents and teachers should assume the responsibility for choosing healthy computer games and limiting playing hours for kids and students.
All in all, children could play selected computer games in short time as entertaining without any bad influence on their normal studying life. It is not reasonable to spend too much time on that. Once children were addicted in computer games, their whole life would be out of control.(427)

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————

如题，托福作文21分，最近密集练习提分中，下面是练习的一篇TPO45独立作文，自己初步修改过，希望可以得到他人的修改或点评。如果信得过，也可以互相修改文章，互相帮助，共同进步:lol

Statement：
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

Yes
1.Parents experiments have been outdated
2.Young people is an independent person
3.Learn to take responsibility for their own decisions and learn to make decisions

There is always a tendency of most people to ask elder and more experienced people for advises when it’s hard to make a decision. Therefore, adults tend to consider it reasonable to make decisions for youth. Maybe it worked well during the last decades, this method to prevent young people from unknown crisis and mistake is getting to lose its advantage nowadays in the high-speed developing society and information-exploring times.
When it comes to the old time, the lack of various information sources and limited knowledge about the outside world make the old and experienced people much more respected and admired than today. Because they are not only a experience sharer but also a wise adviser. As a result, parents in a family always act as director, they planed the future of their family including their children’s life from education to career even marriage. Like my grandparents, their marriage is determined by their parents. It might sound unbelievable nowadays, but it was indeed common at that time.
While, time elapse, thanks to the information explosion and the rapid developed net work, people could search for whatever knowledge they need on the Internet and communicate with experts directly online about some professional questions. Furthermore, with the popularity of blogs online, people could find large amount of net-friends having similar experience and facing the same problems who would be helpful in daily life. As a result, young people tend to search for answer online rather than to ask parents for advises before they make a decision.
In addition, for the last fifteen years the world was updated so quickly that parents were not able to catch up due to their limited learning capability. And most of the rules they concluded from their own life experience could not fit with the new world.
Young people would better intend to manage their own life, the instinctive knowledge-seeking desire and smart brain as teenage could make them adapt to the highly-switched society more quickly than their parents. Every time when a new technique like ali pay, shared bicycle appears, it is always young people who are the first to study it and try to use it. When this new technique becomes popular, it is also young people who teach their parents to use them. Admittedly, young people fit well with the swiftly changing world.
Another vital point we could not ignore is that Being the director of one’s own life is essential for a teenage to complete the switch from young people to real men. Always living under the shelter from parents, people would not be responsible . To be specific, one of my classmates worked hard and always got high scores in high school because his parents kept close eyes on him and finally he was accept by a good university in another city. But in the university, everything was changed, without the monitor of his parents, he got lost into computer games. Unfortunately, he was dropped. Sometimes, if a person is always over-controlled by his parents, he might lose himself.
All in all, living in this swiftly changing world, depending on various information sources, young people have capability to manage their own life nowadays. And it is necessary for them to take responsibility of their own future.

独立作文

[求助] 最近练手的独立作文第二篇，求修改！求点评！可互改！ [复制链接]

相关帖子

站长推荐