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[作文] ~作文集合修改铺开张啦~ [复制链接]

cauthyxjs
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发表于 2009-12-6 23:20:17 |显示全部楼层

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mengtian
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发表于 2009-12-9 01:05:46 |显示全部楼层

Some people think space travel such as landing on the moon is importantwhile others argue it will not be remembered by people. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.
多谢了，开头和结尾不知道怎么写才好，帮忙看看吧~~~
In the contemporary society, space travel has aroused heateddiscussions around the world. In the meanwhile, the debate that whetherspace travel is important or people will not remember, has increasinglywidespread. Personally, I insist that space travel plays a significantrole in our daily lives.

Obviously, space travel, like landing on the moon, is stimulating,which is the nature of human being to explore the unknown outer space,(个人认为如果将这里的逗号换成“and",使其成为一个并列句更好）to learn more about the universe and its creation( its creation 改成 creations) . “What is the originof human?” “What is on the moon”, these questions have last centurieswithout being solved. Moreover, as our global environment devastatedand the shortage of natural resources, we have to expand ourenvironment and saving humanity to live which needs advanced scientificresearch. This motivation will definitely improve the development ofscience and space technology. In fact, we have benefited much from thisresearch. For example, the tomatoes, genes were cultivated under theweightless environment, can grow several times bigger than normal.Space exploration, not in terms of augmenting scientific andtechnological innovations, but can boost national prestige and promotethe patriotic emotion and pride. Take the manned space flight ofShenzhou VII for example, all the Chinese people stared at the TV set,watching the live show from the spaceship launching, carrying out thespace walk completely, to the return.( 个人认为本段第一个例子表达意思不明确，我猜你是想说好奇心是人的本性，对未知星球探索的正是满足了人类的好奇心。你可以更大胆的将中心意思表达出来。你文中写的人类的原形，月球上有什么。。读起来没有分量，累赘）

Admittedly, lots of people argue that space travel is a luxury（luxury前面可以有a吗？我没有见过，需要斟酌）. If theinvestment（这里的investment出现的有点突兀，望加以解释） can be allocated to tackle with the emergency, like povertyand starvation, it would be totally valuable. Apparently, space travelis a huge project, lasting a host of years, needing a large amount ofmoney. However, we get a bounteous return on our investment becausemoney spent on all the space programs is paid to suppliers, servicesand personnel who again pay taxes; no cash is ever "lost" or "wasted"in space. Furthermore, according to the report by the USA whose spaceresearch is the most advanced, the annual investment just accounted for0.1% of the GDP.（本段为让不段，但是后半段感觉偏离了本段的中心意思，望斟酌）

In conclusion, although space travel has some drawbacks, it is in thebest interests of humanity. It concerns not only about ourselves butthe descendents.

总结：1。space travel 和space research 是不同的吧（我也被搞得有点糊涂了）？整篇文章基本是按照space research的论点展开的，先要搞清楚论点对了没
2。有语法错误，不过不多（我的语法不好，不好给你指出，只是感觉）
3。套用了模板，文章结构比较规整（我是雅思新手，虽然不知道这样拖不妥当。但是我觉得很好，尤其是一些连接词的使用，要向你学习。加油~）

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wjyslq
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发表于 2009-12-13 18:39:58 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 wjyslq 于 2009-12-13 18:44 编辑

19号考试才开始练小作文所以拜托了-0-···
剑5T2的 TASK1
The bar charts convey interesting trends related to the main reasons for study among divergent age students and the figure of employer support for them. The two reasons which are reflected in the first bar chart are: career and interest.

In terms of the reason for study, we see that the percentage of career reason is much greater at 80% under 26 age group, compared to 10% reason for study. The gap decreases further between 40 and 49 years old when the proportions of interest reason and career reason arrive at 40%. From this point onwards, interest becomes the main reason for study, with the proportion peaking at 70% over 49 years. By contrast, reason for career appears a decrease, with the figure reaching the bottom at about 18%.

We can see a different pattern in the second bar chart, which shows that there is a slight fall in the employer support when people get older. At first, the support from employers hits around 63%. After that, the age group between 30 and 39 experiences a modest decrease, with the percentage bottoming out at approximately 33%. However, the proportion of employer support ascends to 45% over 49 years.

Overall, reasons for study change markedly along with age growth while employer support for them drops moderately when people become older.

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zscarl
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发表于 2009-12-14 09:17:59 |显示全部楼层

#108
The bar charts convey interesting trends related to the main reasons for study among divergent age students with diveragent ages and the figure of employers support for them. The two reasons which are reflected in the first bar chart are: career and interest.

In terms of the reason for study, we can see that the percentage of career reason is much greater at 80% under 26 age group, compared to 10% reason for study. The gap decreases further between 40 and (to) 49 years old when the proportions of interest reason and career reason arrive at 40%. From this point onwards, interest becomes the main reason for study, with the proportion peaking at 70% over 49 years. By contrast, reason for career appears a decrease, with the figure reaching the bottom at about 18%.

We can see a different pattern in the second bar chart, which shows that there is a slight fall in the employer support when people get(s) older. At first, the support from employers hits around 63%. After that, the age group between 30 and(to) 39 experiences a modest decrease, with the percentage bottoming out at approximately 33%. However, the proportion of employer support ascends to 45% over 49 years.

Overall, reasons for study change markedly along with age growth while employer support for them drops moderately when people become older.

(Not a bad one, sentances structure can be further imporoved, something to take note: we do not say "career reason or interest reason", use reason of career or/and interest sounds better in my opinion. It should get 6)

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mengtian
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发表于 2009-12-18 16:22:13 |显示全部楼层

新手上路，请大家帮帮忙，谢谢
Today,the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the development of social consuming ability, sales of popular consumer goods increase at a alarming speed. Under this situation, some people think the high level of consumer sale means the strong live of advertisement only, but the true ability of social need. In my point of view, I do not agree with this issue.
Admittedly, the high need of fashionable goods does not mean that people real need them. Generally speaking, popular goods are emphasis on it's fashionable outlook, meanwhile, it's advantages are not so useful in our daily life. Take the mp3 as an example, some people, specially youth, would like to buy mp3 with small size, lovely shape or fashionable outface, but not whether it is utility. So, young individuals often change to new one, just because they are attracted by popular outlook. Further more, numerous of companies introduce their new productions through advertising sector. Although advertisement may not be the best way, we can not ignorant it nowadays. People can find them in anywhere, such as on the bus, in the TV screen, and in the subway station. So, it is not hard to imagine that civil would like to pick up goods which are always occurred in advertisement.
However, is the reason for high sales of popular goods be advertising sector? Actually, not exactly. As the growth of GDP, consuming ability is growing fast also. In recent study, we can see that, the CIP in latest two years is much higher than that in the past, and this growing tendency in continuing. So, it is normal that people have ability to buy more modern goods than that in the past. Moreover, the basic function of advertisement is which affords a good stage to communicate between consumer and producer. Consumer get more choice to pick up productions through advertisement, which does not instigate them to buy something that they do not need. Last but not least, civil consuming concept has changed. They have gave up their traditional consuming habit that choosing productions with high utilizing value only, but also focusing on aesthetic value and pursuing fashionable characters.
To sum up, although advertising influences individuals to prone to buy popular consumer goods in some levels, the more important reason for high sale is who have ability and who wish to choose them.

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fayehare
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发表于 2009-12-21 15:43:28 |显示全部楼层

Some people think governments should introduce new technology to improve the lives in developing countries while others think they should provide free education to achieve that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

请教这样的题目，如果写两者都需要的，既需要new technology又需要free education的话，可以吗？

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xiyusz
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发表于 2010-1-2 22:52:17 |显示全部楼层

大家都去过节了吗？这么好的帖子竟然好久没人跟帖了。。。嘿嘿，初来乍到，水平不高，先按照规矩改一改前位烤友的作文吧，能力有限，请高手指教。 T

Today,the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the development of social consuming ability, sales of popular consumer goods increase at a （an）alarming speed(另外，我认为用现在进行时更好一些，sales of popular consumer goods is increasing at a staggering speed). Under this situation, some people think the high level of consumer sale (sales) means (is attributed to )the strong live(这个live是啥意思，我想是不是改成media hype更好一点…请其他大虾指教。。。) of advertisement only, but (逗号去掉but换成instead of ) the true ability of social need（needs）. In my point of view, I do not agree with this issue（改成opinion, issue是“问题”，应该表达你同意哪方观点）.

Admittedly, the high need of fashionable goods does not mean that people real need them. Generally speaking, popular goods are （去掉are）emphasis on it's (their/the)fashionable outlook, meanwhile,(meanwhile可以放在句子中间吗？) it's（their） advantages are not so useful in our daily life. Take the mp3 as (for) an example, some people, specially (especially the) youth, would like to buy (a) mp3 with small size, lovely shape or fashionable outface (outlook?), but not whether it is utility(reckless of its utility). So, (逗号去掉，或者改成therefore)young individuals often change to new one, just because they are attracted by popular outlook(buy new gadgets because they are attracted by the fancy and fashionable appearance). Further more, numerous of companies introduce (sale) their new productions through advertising sector. Although advertisement may not be the best way, we can not ignorant it nowadays(没看懂). People can find them in(去掉in) anywhere, such as on the bus, in the TV screen(去掉screen), and in the subway station. So, it is not hard to imagine that civil would like to pick up (be affected to choose/buy) goods which are(occur 不能用被动，去掉are) always occurred in advertisement.

However, is the reason for high sales of popular goods be advertising sector? (is the advertisement the direct reason for high sales of popular goods?) Actually, (这个。。。没见过这种用法，个人觉得应该去掉actually)not exactly. As the growth of GDP, consuming ability is growing fast also (as well). In recent study, we can see that, (去掉逗号)the CIP in (the) latest two years is much higher than that in the past, (去掉逗号)and this growing tendency in (is) continuing. So, (去掉逗号)it is normal that people have (the) ability to buy more modern goods than that in the past. Moreover, the basic function of advertisement is which (to) affords (afford) a good stage to communicate between consumer(s) and producer(s). Consumer(s) get more choice(s) to pick up productions through advertisement, which does not instigate them to buy something that they do not need(没看懂). Last but not least, civil consuming concept has changed. They have gave (given) up their traditional consuming habit that choosing productions with high utilizing value only, but also focusing on aesthetic value and pursuing fashionable characters. （这句需要高人来改了）

To sum up, although advertising influences individuals to prone to buy popular consumer goods in some levels, the more important reason for high sale(s) is who(that people) have(the) ability and who(they) wish to choose them.

总体感觉这位同学和我一样需要继续努力啊。。。

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xiyusz
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发表于 2010-1-2 22:57:39 |显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 xiyusz 于 2010-1-2 23:06 编辑

电脑打字的，用了大概50分钟，期待批改。。。

Subject: Children are under increasing educational, social and financial stress. Some people think this is a positive development. Do you agree?

In this day and age, children are experiencing increasingly intense stress in terms of education, economy and society. Some people believe that it is beneficial to young people while others hold different opinions.
Obviously, stress can generate positive effects on children’s development to some extent. To begin with, students would become more self-motivated under stressful circumstance. For instance, students who grow up in impoverished families may be more industrious and tenacious than those whose parents are wealthy. Further, pressure renders young people better prepared for their career courses. It is an generally accepted fact that children studying in a stressful environment tend to be far more able to adapt to the fierce society and more likely to success in business.
Having said this, however, this phenomenon does not go without adverse influence on young people. Too much stress either in educational, social or financial ways may induce sever psychological problem to children. Specifically, students suffering from psychological stress can lose interest in study and even end up dropping out of school. Also, in extreme cases, students would develop resents on society due to huge pressures from family and school, which may increase young criminal tendencies. More importantly, children raised in such environment full of stress and competence probably grow up to be materialistic and result-oriented, which I believe is definitely not a fine education’s aim.
Overall, appropriate level of stress can enable children to study hard and think actively whereas too much pressure may constitute hazardous influence on young people’s lives and studies. Therefore, from my perspective, it is a question for parents and schools to figure out how to instruct children to handle the stress instead of being conquered by it.

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xiyusz
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发表于 2010-1-2 23:01:46 |显示全部楼层

111# fayehare

只要是正确合理的表达出自己的观点就可以吧

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LeslieLeslie
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发表于 2010-1-26 20:37:38 |显示全部楼层

偶这两天就要考试了写作一直想考个6 希望大大们给修改修改
4.More and more women go out to work. Is it the government’s responsibility to subsidize them and provide free staff and facilities to care for their children? To what extent do you agree or disagree to this idea?

Some people believe that the government should provide free staff and facilities like kin garden to care for the children whose mother go out to work. I firmly agree with this opinion. In this essay I will draw out the reasons that why I agree with this opinion.

First of all, women is an important group of our society and they pay tax to the government. So they have the right to obtain help from government. As more and more women go out to work to make more money to support their family after they have children. They really need the help of government to care their children. Besides, as a member of society children also have the right to get service from government.

Secondly, females who has big talent and special skill is essential for our country that can makes a great contribution to our country’s development. If they leave their child alone at home they can not keep their mind on job because of the thought of their children. The government should help them take care of their children, so that they would not worry about their children.

From what has been discussed above, a conclusion can be draw that it is the responsibility to help women who has children by subsidize them and provide free staff and facilities to care their children when they go out to work.

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