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Sample Issue Essays
HERE YOU'LL FIND sample essay responses to the diagnostic Issue test at the end of Part 1 of the book. These essays were composed by actual GRE or GMAT test takers with varying undergraduate experiences. Each essay is scored and is immediately followed by my commentary. All test-taker errors in spelling, punctuation, etc. have been retained in the essays on this Web page.
Here is the simulated Issue statement from Part 1 and to which these essays respond:

"Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity, largely because technology has failed to achieve its goal of improving our efficiency in our daily pursuits."
In your view, how accurate is the statement above? Use relevant reasons and/or examples from your experience, observations, or reading to support you viewpoint.


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Essay No. 1
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 6

In a society where most households have clocks, phones, and televisions in almost every room, and daily schedules are demarcated by minutes instead of hours, many Americans suffer from stress and constantly complain that they don't have enough time to do everything they want to do. This complaint appears paradoxical because we know there has been an almost exponential development in technology. Our computers are faster and more powerful, we have more machines to do our tasks for us, and even our transportation gets us where we need to be much more quickly. Still, we have less time than ever to spend leisurely, and I will argue that this problem is not because technology has failed to achieve its goal of improving efficiency, but rather, because technology has created more pursuits and Americans are subject to a basic ethical drive for "More".
Many Americans complain they don't have enough time. As a society, most of us get caught up in a schedule of going to work each day, coming home late, then taking care of mundane details before finally falling into bed only to get up early the next day to continue the routine. In most households, both parents work full-time, so are busy working throughout the week, which leaves them only the weekends to take care of household duties like cleaning and doing the bills. As a result, many parents feel ostracized from their children because they don't have the time or energy to spend with their kids. Many people suffer from chronic stress because they don't take the time out from their busy lives to just relax. What little free time people do have, they spend on the phone, in front of the TV, or on the computer so that they are still not relaxing, but actively engaged in a cognitive process. People can wile away hours in front of a TV, and not come away feeling relaxed because they've spent that entire time keeping up with the constant flash of images, storing information about characters, plots, themes, products and other aspects of the media and all without realizing that they're doing so. The influx of media is just one element of the reason why people don't have enough time.

While technology has made many things better and faster, it has also created more pursuits with which the public can engage itself. We now have televisions, computers, palm pilots, stereos, DVDs, play stations, and cell phones to occupy our time with, just to name a few. Furthermore, all these things are within easy access to the average American. Meanwhile, pursuits that are traditionally considered relaxing are becoming more expensive and less accessible. For example, for most Americans $100 massages are an unaffordable luxury and as cities grow larger, nature walks are becoming harder to find. It is sometimes easier to just sit down in front of the TV than it is to take the time out to do something special. So people fill their time with mediated technologies and get so caught up in their favorite shows or games that they don't take the time to do other things they've been "meaning to do".

This whirlwind of activity is a product of another reason why our society pines for more leisure time. This country was founded on the conservative Protestant ethic that dictates people should work hard now so they may reap the rewards later. While this ethic is essential for effective productivity and pushes us to want more, it has become detrimental to the American psyche. People push themselves to become more efficient so they can accomplish more. However, then they've started adding more goals so that in effect, the job never gets done. For example, people will also want to buy more things to achieve higher social status, so instead of saving for early retirement, they end up having to work just as long to pay off all their debts. Furthermore, people are so busy pushing themselves daily with the vague promise of retirement at the end, hoping to retire sooner in life, that they forget to stop and enjoy life as it is happening. Instead of working when they are older, but enjoying each day of their lives, people forgo daily enjoyments for the promise of later rewards.

So while technology has given the means of more efficient production, it has also given us more things to deal with and accomplish. As a result, people find themselves running around endlessly, sometimes forgetting what it is they are running after. The key to more leisure time has become not more technology, but a refusal to let technology run our lives. We must learn to stop once in awhile, breathe, and enjoy life as it comes. We must learn to achieve a balance between looking ahead to tomorrow and learning to enjoy today.

Commentary on Essay No. 1 (Score: 6)

This outstanding essay provides an insightful analysis of the issue at hand, although it deserves what might be termed a "weak 6" (rather than a "strong 6").

The opening paragraph is particularly effective, providing a clear statement of premise (the writer's position or perspective on the issue). In Paragraph 2 the writer first establishes that our leisure time is in fact diminishing, then provides the first of three reasons for this phenomenon. (Paragraphs 3 and 4 provide two more reasons.) The supporting examples given for each reason are ample and relevant. While the reasons and examples given in Paragraphs 2 and 3 are not especially insightful, Paragraph 4 makes up for it with highly incisive discussion, contributing greatly to the essay's score of 6.

The discussion throughout the three middle paragraphs is not entirely unflawed. Notably, the three reasons (see above) could have been more clearly identified and delineated, and Paragraph 2 is a bit long-winded and rambling. Also, the writer should have made more explicit the important point that technology is not the culprit for our diminishing leisure time.

The essay demonstrates a mature, sophisticated writing style virtually free from grammatical, syntax, and language problems. (In the final paragraph the writer exhibits a particularly distinctive, and effective, style and voice.) These strengths contribute greatly to elevating this essay from the 5 to the 6 category.


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Essay No. 2
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 5
I beg to differ with the speaker's contention which seems to imply that the goal of technology is not only to increase effciency but also our leisure time. Also interwoven in the speaker's statement is the fallacious assumption that they are connected. So we have three points which need to be considered - technological advances, efficiency & leisure - and how they are related.
The aim of technological advance (progress in applied sciences), as far as I know, is to apply scientific data and discoveries toward practical and beneficial use. For instance we've used new knowledge of Particle Physics in diagnosing medical conditions - eg. through Magneto Resonance Imagery - and also in treatment - eg., radiotherapy. Did this technological advance and the motivation behind it really have anything to do with efficiency? Only in that efficiency might be a by-product of a certain technology , but I do not think it was the primary objective.

Of course the by-product of certain new technologies might be"efficiency" but to what extent? Computers are typically cited as a perfect example. Yes they do help us get more work done without expending as much energy. But we need to factor in the time and energy required in learning how to efficiently operate one, and then expended in keeping our learning up to date with the rapid technological advances in the same. (A person with the energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!) So its possible that even computers don't in the end improve the efficiency of our daily lives, in net terms.

And then, there is the question of "leisure". Personally I think it is a matter of choice and not time saving ,technologically advanced, efficient tools. The speaker seems to assume that the time "saved" (we are still waiting for the verdict on that one) will be spent towards leisure. I do not see the connection. Ulitmately the motivation of a person, personality & lifestyle choices and circumstances determine how the time that is saved is used. It could be towards leisure in one person's case; in another's towards putting in more hours to make more money to make ends meet or to buy that new car which he/she absolutely must have.

In the end I think there is no clear connection between the three points under consideration. Hence in the absence of the relationship between technology, efficiency & leisure claimed by the speaker I disagree on whole.

Commentary on Essay No. 2 (Score: 5)

This essay provides an insightful and organized analysis of the issue's complexities, but is flawed by problems of syntax, too-informal expression, and a weak recapitulation of the essay's premise or conclusion.

The initial paragraph, which anticipates a three-pronged critique, is followed by three body paragraphs addressing each point in turn. These features demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the issue and strong organizational skills. The result is a balanced, cohesive, and persuasive essay overall. The reasons and examples in support of each point of critique are relevant and incisive, and the writer acknowledges differing perspectives on this issue. These features help distinguish this essay from lower-scoring ones. However, the two parenthetical comments (in Paragraphs 3 and 4) are inappropriately informal asides that contribute to keeping this essay out of the 6 category.

Also contributing to the essay's less-than-optimal score is the final paragraph, which appears to be an afterthought梐 hurried attempt to summarize the essay's arguments. A more effective closing paragraph would provide a clearer statement of premise (thesis or conclusion) and would more clearly recapitulate the writer's line of reasoning.

While the writer demonstrates good overall control of language and written expression, several problems in these areas contribute to keeping this otherwise effectively-argued essay out of the 6 category. The problems vary, from redundancy ("apply...toward use") to use of vernacular ("we are still waiting for the verdict on that one") to loose syntax ("A person with the energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!"). (There are other instances of syntax problems as well.) The essay's occasional errors in spelling and punctuation did not adversely affect its score.


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Essay No. 3
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 4
Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity in our society. However, this is not due to the failure of technology to improve our efficiency in our daily pursuits. In fact, improvements in technology have had a positive impact in our daily lives. We live in consumerist time savvy society that thrives on immediate gratification. Our lives depend on the convenience of technology in order that we may continue our busy lifestyles and accomplish simple everyday tasks faster and more efficiently.
Technology is improving the efficiency of our home, school, and work environments everyday. Because of technological improvements, hospitals, schools, libraries, businesses, and other institutions can look up information and records more efficiently. It is not always necessary to walk down a flood of charts and files to look up basic information. Computer software, such as Excel and Quicken allow us to budget and sort information more quickly and effectively. We do not have to pull out a calculator. The machines do it for us!

Since the invention of the internet, people have been able to accomplish time consuming tasks in short amounts of time. It is no longer necessary to write out a letter and wait for the postman to pick up your mail. Now you can type up a letter and send it instantaneously into cyberspace. We are able to make hotel reservations, book flights, process financial aid applications, and do our Christmas shopping in a matter of minutes. It is no longer necessary to go into the travel agency, shopping mall, or wait on hold for fifteen minutes to accomplish a simple task.

However, with all of these new technological conveniences, how come we find ourselves with even less leisure time? Because it does not matter how many fax machines, cell phones, drive thru windows, and ATM Machines we invent. We will always find some way to use to fill up our leisure time. Unfortunately, it is often through technology that we accomplish this. Just take a look at the stockbroker who takes his cell phone to his son's graduation ceremony. Or the couple that spends an afternoon emailing each other, when they could be out chatting during a nice leisurely hike or bike ride. Technology is not to blame for our lack of leisure time. Technology has made our lives more efficient. It is because of our unfortunate skewing of priorities that technology is not enough to provide us with more leisure time.

Commentary on Essay No. 3 (Score: 4)

This response is generally competent; it responds to the topic, recognizes some complexity about the issue, and conveys its ideas clearly and effectively (for the most part). The score of 4 is mainly a reflection of certain substantive and structural problems.

Paragraph 1 is problematic in several respects. First, the writer simply accepts, without providing reasons or examples, that our leisure time is diminishing. Second, the contention that "[w]e live in a consumerist time savvy society that thrives on immediate gratification" does not address the issue at hand, and in any event is not developed or supported in the essay. Thirdly, the paragraph is confusing and rambling overall, suggesting that the writer lacks a clear idea about the direction the essay will take梐n organization problem that helps keep this essay out of either the 5 or 6 category.

Paragraphs 2 and 3 provide numerous examples of the ways in which technology has enhanced the efficiency of our daily lives. While the examples provide adequate support for this point, they are not especially incisive. It is the writer's undue attention, in these two paragraphs, to a secondary point at the expense of developing the main premise that is primarily responsible for keeping this essay just out of the 5 category. The essay fails to adequately develop that premise, provided in Paragraph 4梩hat "our unfortunate skewing of priorities," not technology, is responsible for our diminishing leisure time.

The writer handles language and syntax competently. The essay does contain a few minor language problems, varying from improper references ("institutions can look up...") to improper word usage ("to budget ... information") to questionable idioms ("how come we find out..."). However, these minor and infrequent problems carry little adverse impact on the essay's overall score.


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Essay No. 4
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 3
Picture this, a family sitting down for breakfast. The father at the head of the table asking everyone what their agenda is for the day. Suddenly he looks at his watch, then with a frantic look on his face, he lets out a bellowing roar of I'm late. Every one looks at each other and scrambles to get thier belongings for the day. Five minutes later everyone meets at the family vehicle and files in. The car speeds away and everyone is off to their busy filled day.
you would think that with today's technology, the family would be able to sit down together and enjoy breakfast without being rushed, but in todays society this is not the case. It seems like the more we are advanced in technology the more we pack into our schedultes eliminating free time. We are trained as children to work as hard as we can, to advance ourseveles in careers or growth and any relaxation could be viewed as laziness by out parents or peers.

Though we do have the technology which could enable us to live stress free lives, we choose to use it to our benefit, but instead of taking advantage of our newly created "spare time", we bog ourselves with more work. Let's take the father of this family who is a well known executive at a prominant accounting firm. He is the man that solves all the problems and has all the answers for his company. During his lunch hour he sits and calculates numbers instead of enjoying himslef and relaxing. "No time for rest" is his motto. When his boss says we're going to give you a half day today, he decides to spend it on the golf course discussin work. He has no time for his family and always seems to be found in his office when at home. This is a very unhealthy way of live and could be damaging to the raising of his children.

The children pick up patterns at a very young age. Grwoing up we are trained by our parents subcounciously. These children from a very young age are taught that leisure time is wrong. At a young age that children are subjected to little league and ballet, as a detourant of cutting into their parents time. In these activities childrn are pushed to their fullest potential, allowing them to accompish the honor roll, class president, or even valedictorian for there graduating class. It is great that the children have such drive, but without relaxation or leisure time it oculd lead to psychological problems or mental breakdowns.

Even though technology has created free or leisure time, we as individuals need to learn to take advantage of it. We have been trained at a very young age always to be busy. When were not working on deadline or have meeting to be at we are often wondering what do we do with ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we do have the technology to make our lives a lot easier, we just need to take advantage of it, if we don't we could end up seriously injured physically, or even more detrminetal psychologically.

Commentary on Essay No. 4 (Score: 3)

This essay, which contains 526 words, exemplifies that composing a lengthy essay is not the key to a high score. Although the essay exhibits some competence, it suffers from limited analysis, lack of cohesiveness, and frequent problems in written expression.

Throughout the essay, the writer provides anecdotal support for the claim that as a society we do indeed lack leisure time and that the reason for this phenomenon has to do with how we choose to use our time. However, the writer fails to develop, or even articulate, a position on the extent to which technology is to blame. The writer digresses from the issue, focusing in a rambling fashion on our penchant for busy-ness and its potential health problems. It is the essay's improper focus and lack of clear structure that are primarily responsible for the essay's limited score of 3.

Frequent grammatical errors and other problems in expression also contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher score category. Examples of grammatical errors include:


error in choice of relative pronoun ("everyone looks at each other")
mixed case ("The children pick up patterns at a very young age. Growing up we are trained...")
misplaced modifying words and phrases ("trained by our parents subconsciously" and "These children from a very early age are taught")
vague prounoun references ("without relaxation or leisure time it oculd lead to...")
Here are some examples of other problems in expression:


awkward phrases ("It seems like the more we are advanced in technology")
awkward use of the passive voice ("seems to be found in his office")
lack of sentence sense (first sentence of the third paragraph: "Though we do have the technology...")
improper word choice ("Though we do have the technology which could")
improper idiom ("accomplish the honor roll...")
Punctuation and spelling errors, while frequent, do not obscure intended meaning and hence do not contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher score category.

imongUID：140258

http://www.west.net/~stewart/gre/ai_sampl.htm

"The safety of consumer goods can best be ensured not by way of government regulation but rather through voluntary efforts of the private businesses that produce those goods."


Sample Response (475 Words)

The extent to which government should oversee the production of goods by the private sector is a complex issue--involving a tug-of-war between the interests of public safety and free enterprise. On balance, however, I tend to agree that consumer safety is best left to the private sector--given the dubious effectiveness of government regulation and the proven tendency of our corporate culture to set its own safety standards irrespective of those set by government.

One compelling argument against such regulations is that they are costly to administer and enforce, and can even be counterproductive. Government regulatory agencies tend to be unwieldy bureaucracies; thus administrative delays can frustrate the purpose of regulations--particularly those designed to curb activities that pose an immediate threat to the public's safety or health. Moreover, the costs of administering and enforcing government regulations are passed on to the same taxpayer-citizens whom the regulations are designed to protect--thereby countervailing the value of those regulations.

A second compelling argument against such regulations is that they are ineffectual when it comes to large corporations, which have the power and financial resources to undermine them. Specifically, in my observation the private sector tends to view potential civil and criminal penalties simply as business risks to be weighed against the potential profit accruing by violating the law. Two other responses to government regulation are common as well: circumventing them by relocating to places where it is legal to produce harmful products, and lobbying lawmakers to modify or repeal regulations that serve to reduce profitability.

Those who disagree with the statement might argue that, left unfettered by regulation, private enterprises will naturally sacrifice product safety for profit--because the profit motive is what drives them. Thus absent product-safety regulations, the argument goes, consumers would find themselves in constant peril of injury, illness, and even death. However, this argument overlooks the offsetting economic and social benefits of free enterprise. By maximizing profits businesses provide jobs, stimulate the economy, and facilitate innovation and progress.

The argument also ignores the fact that many corporations today actually go further than regulations require in ensuring that their products are safe. Many car manufacturers, for instance, design their automobiles to exceed government safety guidelines. Admittedly, such safety measures are probably born not of social conscience but of self-interest; after all, consumer-friendly products attract consumers and thus can enhance longer-term profits. Regardless of the motive, however, the empirical evidence is that businesses produce safe goods whether or not they are subject to government regulation.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that the private sector's profit motive is not about to yield to a collective social conscience any time soon. Nevertheless, given the ineffectiveness of government regulation and the economic benefits of a laissez-faire economic system, product-safety issues are best resolved by the producers of products--and ultimately by consumers who choose to buy or not buy them.

imongUID：140258

http://www.west.net/~stewart/grewa/waissue.htm

The Issue-Perspective Writing Task
The Issue-Perspective section is designed to test your ability to communicate your opinion on an issue effectively and persuasively. Your task is to analyze the issue presented, considering various perspectives, and to develop your own position on the issue. There is no "correct" answer.

Your Issue-Perspective question will consist of two elements:

the directive: a brief instruction for responding to the statement (the directive is always the same)
the topic: a one- or two-sentence statement of opinion about a particular issue of general intellectual interest


Here's a simulated Issue-Perspective question. This question is similar to the ones on the actual GRE. Keep in mind, however, that it is not one of the official questions, so you won't see this one on the actual exam. (I'm not permitted to reproduce the actual test questions at this Website.)
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Simulated Issue-Perspective Question
Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples to support your views.

"Look at any person today who has achieved great success in his or her career or profession, and you'll see either someone without a significant personal life or someone with significant personal failings."


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Now here's a sample response to this question. As you read the response, keep in mind:
None of the points asserted in this response are irrefutable, because the issue is far from "black-and-white." It's all a matter of opinion.
This response is relatively simple in style and language and brief enough (463 words) to compose and type in 45 minutes.
This response meets all the ETS criteria for a score of 6 (the highest possible score).
Sample Response (463 Words)

I agree with the statement insofar as great professional success often comes at the expense of one's personal life, and can even be inextricably related to one's personal failings. However, the statement is problematic in that it unfairly suggests that personal and professional success are mutually exclusive in every case.
Undeniably, today's professionals must work long hours to keep their heads above water, let alone to get ahead in life financially. This is especially true in Japan, where cost of living, coupled with corporate culture, compel professional males to all but abandon their families and literally to work themselves to death. While the situation here in the states may not be as critical, the two-income family is now the norm, not by choice but by necessity.

However, our society's professionals are taking steps to remedy the problem. First, they are inventing ways--such as job sharing and telecommuting--to ensure that personal life is not sacrificed for career. Second, they are setting priorities and living those hours outside the workplace to their fullest. In fact, professional success usually requires the same time-management skills that are useful to find time for family, hobbies, and recreation. Third, more professionals are changing careers to ones which allow for some degree of personal fulfillment and self-actualization. Besides, many professionals truly love their work and would do it without compensation, as a hobby. For them, professional and personal fulfillment are one and the same.

Admittedly, personal failings often accompany professional achievement. In fact, the two are often symbiotically related. The former test the would-be achiever's mettle; they pose challenges--necessary resistance that drives one to professional achievement despite personal shortcomings. In the arts, a personal failing may be a necessary ingredient or integral part of the process of achieving. Artists and musicians often produce their most creative works during periods of depression, addiction, or other distress. In business, insensitivity to people can breed grand achievements, as with the questionable labor practices of the great philanthropist Andrew Carnegie.

However, for every individual whose professional success is bound up in his or her personal failings, there is another individual who has achieved success in both realms. One need only look at the recent American presidents--Carter, Reagan, and Bush--to see that it is possible to lead a balanced life which includes time for family, hobbies, and recreation, while immersed in a busy and successful career.

In sum, I agree that as a general rule people find it difficult to achieve great success both personally and professionally, and in fact history informs us that personal failings are often part-and-parcel of great achievements. However, despite the growing demands of career on today's professionals, a fulfilling personal life remains possible--by working smarter, by setting priorities, and by making suitable career choices.

imongUID：140258

http://www.west.net/~stewart/grewa/waargum1.htm

The Argument-Analysis Writing Task
The Argument-Analysis writing task is designed to test your critical-reasoning skills as well as your writing skills. Your task is to critique the stated argument in terms of its cogency (logical soundness) and in terms of the strength of the evidence offered in support of the argument.

Your Argument-Analysis question will consist of two elements:

the directive: a brief instruction for responding to the argument (the directive is always the same)
the argument: a paragraph-length passage, which presents an argument (introduced as a quotation from some fictitious source)


Here's a simulated Argument-Analysis question. This question is similar to the ones on the actual GRE. Keep in mind, however, that it is not one of the official questions, so you won't see this one on the actual exam. (I'm not permitted to reproduce the actual test questions at this Website.)
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Simulated Argument-Analysis Question
Discuss how well reasoned you find the argument below.

The following appeared in a memo from the manager of UpperCuts hair salon:
"According to a nationwide demographic study, more and more people today are moving from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at UpperCuts, we should take advantage of this trend by relocating the salon from its current location in Apton抯 suburban mall to downtown Apton, while retaining the salon抯 decidedly upscale ambiance. Besides, Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall, has just relocated downtown and is thriving at its new location, and the most prosperous hair salon in nearby Brainard is located in that city抯 downtown area. By emulating the locations of these two successful salons, UpperCuts is certain to attract more customers."

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Now here's a sample response to this question. As you read the response, keep in mind:
Each one of the "body" paragraphs isolates and discusses a distinct flaw in the argument. A typical GRE argument will contain 3-4 flaws. (This simulated Argument contains 4 major flaws).
This response is relatively simple in style and language and brief enough (410 words) to compose and type in 30 minutes.
This response meets all the ETS criteria for a score of 6 (the highest possible score).
Sample Response (410 Words)

The manager of UpperCuts (UC) argues here that UC would improve its profitability by relocating from a suburban mall to downtown Apton. To support this argument, the manager relies in part on a certain study about demographic trends, and in part on the fact that two other similar businesses are located in downtown areas. However, the manager's reasoning rests on a series of unproven assumptions, which together undermine the argument.
One such assumption is that Apton reflects the cited demographic trend. The mere fact that one hair salon has moved downtown hardly suffices to show that the national trend applies to Apton specifically. For all we know, in Apton there is no such trend, or perhaps the trend is in the opposite direction. Thus I would need to know whether more people are in fact moving to downtown Apton before I could either accept or reject the manager抯 proposal.

Even assuming that downtown Apton is attracting more residents, relocating downtown might not result in more customers for UC, especially if downtown residents are not interested in UC抯 upscale style and prices. Besides, Hair-Dooz might draw potential customers away from UC, just as it might have at the mall. Before I can accept that UC would attract more customers downtown, the manager would need to supply clear proof of a sufficient demand downtown for UC抯 service.

Even if there would be a high demand for UC抯 service in downtown Apton, an increase in the number of patrons would not necessarily improve UC抯 profitability. UC抯 expenses might be higher downtown, in which case it might be no more, or perhaps even less, profitable downtown than at the mall. Therefore, before I could agree with the proposal, I would need to examine a comparative cost-benefit analysis for the two locations.

As for the Brainard salon, its success might be due to particular factors that don抰 apply to UC. For example, perhaps the Brainard salon thrives only because it is long-established in downtown Brainard. Accordingly, in order to determine whether the success of the Brainard salon portends success for UC in downtown Apton, I would need to know why the former salon is successful in the first place.

In sum, the argument relies on what might amount to two poor analogies -- between UC and two other salons -- as well as a sweeping generalization about demographic trends, which may or may not apply to Apton. As a result, without the additional information indicated above, I find the argument unconvincing at best.

imongUID：140258

http://www.west.net/~stewart/ws/wstest2.htm

Sample Argument Essays
HERE YOU'LL FIND sample essay responses to the diagnostic Argument test at the end of Part 1 of the book. These essays were composed by actual GRE or GMAT test takers with varying undergraduate experiences. Each essay is scored and is immediately followed by my commentary. All test-taker errors in spelling, punctuation, etc. have been retained in the essays on this Web page.
Here is the simulated Argument (and directive) from Part 1 and to which these essays respond:

The following appeared in an advertisement for United Motors trucks:
"Last year the local television-news program In Focus reported in its annual car-and-truck safety survey that over the course of the last ten years United Motors vehicles were involved in at least thirty percent fewer fatal accidents to drivers than vehicles built by any other single manufacturer. Now United is developing a one-of-a-kind computerized crash warning system for all its trucks. Clearly, anyone concerned with safety who is in the market for a new truck this year should buy a United Motors truck."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


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Essay No. 1
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 6

A person viewing this advertisement might at first glance be convinced that a safety-minded truck buyer should buy a new United Motors truck rather than some other new truck. After all, United Motors has an ostensible superior safety record over the past 10 years, and the company seems committed to further improving the safety of its new trucks. However, if one examines the evidence provide in the ad more carefully, one sees that the ad's success turns on consumers blindly accepting numerous assumptions about the statistics and other facts in the ad. I will discuss each one in turn below.
First I turn to the statistic given in the ad. The "30%" statistic does not differentiate trucks from cars. We are asked to assume that this safety statustic is accurate even for trucks alone - in other words, 30% fewer United Motors trucks (not just vehicles generally) have been involved in fatal accidents than other trucks. It is also presumed that the 10-year record for safety applies to the company's new line of trucks. But is this necessarily so? The ad offers no proof or evidence to back up this implicit claim. An astute consumer would require more information about the safety of United trucks (not cars) compared to other trucks manufactured during the most recent year or two. (However, there might not be enough data yet about this year's models.) Finally, the statistic cannot be relied upon as accurate unless we know that the survey was fair and objective. (What if United motors is a sponsor of In Focus? Could we trust the truthfulness of accuracy of the statistics? No!)

These are not the only reasons why the statistic in the ad does not give us enough evidence to support the argument that new United trucks are safer than other new trucks. The statistic really says nothing explicit about why this is the case. Is it because United trucks are safer? Or becase United truck drivers are better drivers? Or because of some other reason? Once the company can prove that the safety of its trucks is the reason why they are in fewer accidents, then the statistic becomes valid to the intelligent consumer deciding bewteen a United truck and another brand.

Besides the assumptions about the statistic in the ad, another assumption involves second part of the ad - about the new crash warning system United is developing for its trucks. Presumably the new system will not be available for a while because it is still being developed. However, the ad tries to convince us to buy a new United truck now based on this evidence, which is illogical. Once United's trucks have the system and it can be proven that the system adds to the safety of the driver and other occupants, then I might be swayed toward purchasing a United truck as opposed to another brand on the basis of the safety factor. But not until then.

In sum, in light of all of the assumptions listed above needed for the argument to "have teeth" but missing from the ad, no consumer should buy a United truck based soley on this ad's false appeal to safety. Consumers should not be hoodwinked by an advertisement like this one that leaves out important information about how an impressive statistic is arrived at, or that attempts to entice the consumer based on impressive but unproven R&D (especiaaly when today's United Motors truck buyers are the ones who actually paying for the R&D but don't receive the benefits from it.)

Commentary on Essay No. 1 (Score: 6)

This outstanding essay exhibits very strong analytical and organizational skills, as well as a firm grasp of language, grammar and syntax. Ultimately it is the essay's incisive, comprehensive and well-organized analysis梟ot its mechanical aspects (grammar, syntax, diction)梩hat places it squarely in the highest score category.

The essay commences with an introductory paragraph that is rhetorically effective, then proceeds to identify nearly all of the major problems with the argument, in a logical sequence, each point connected with the next by helpful transitions. In the three middle paragraphs the writer challenges the following assumptions underlying the argument:


that the statistical datum is an accurate gauge of the comparative safety level of United Motors trucks (rather than vehicles generally)
that the statistical datum梬hich involves prior years梚s an accurate reflection of current conditions
that the survey results are unbiased
that the past fatal-accident record of United Motors trucks is due to the truck's safety feature (rather than to some other factor)
that the new crash-warning system is included in current United Motors trucks and serves its intended purpose
The only major flaw in the argument that this essay neglects to identify and discuss is that the statistic fails to account for non-fatal accidents. However, this single oversight is far outweighed by what is otherwise a comprehensive critique.

The final paragraph serves as a stylistic and rhetorically-effective recap. (However, the essay's closing parenthetical remark about R&D is unnecessary and appears to be an afterthought.)

Admittedly, the essay does suffer from various problems in grammar and expression. These problems vary widely:


improper idiom ("differentiate trucks from cars")
several instances of redundancy ("The ad offers no proof or evidence," "reasons why" and "because of some other reason")
faulty parallelism ("deciding between a United truck and another brand" and "safety of United trucks ... compared to other trucks")
loose syntax ("in light of all of the assumptions listed above needed for the argument to "have teeth" but missing from the ad...").
However, these flaws are neither major nor frequent enough to warrant lowering the essay's score to a 5. A GRE or GMAT reader would overlook this essay's occasional word omissions and other typos, since they are infrequent and do not interfere with the writer's communication.



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Essay No. 2
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 5
United Motors truck advertisement is weak and misleading. In their advertisement, the company does not provide sufficient evidence and a strong argument for the sale of this year's United Motors trucks. The reports and evidence that United Motors uses to back up this year's trucks is based on past studies and future developments, rather than current research. Not every consumer would be convinced by United Motor's sales pitch. However, the company does use some language that could easily manipulate and convince some unassuming consumers into buying a new United Motors truck.
United Motors ad is questionable because the only information they provide regarding the safety of their trucks is based on insufficient past and future evidence. The safety survey they mention was reported by In Focus a year ago and was conducted over a period of ten years. This information does not support the safety aspects of this year's United Motors trucks. United Motors mentions that their vehicles were involved in at least thirty percent few fatal accidents to drivers than vehicles built by any other single manufacturer. However, they fail to mention the fatal accidents to passengers and any statistics for non-fatal automotive accidents involving their brand vehicle.

In their ad, the company describes the one-of-a-kind computerized crash warning system they are developing for all of their trucks. However, this new technology is not currently installed in this year's model, so this is not a valid persuasion for a consumer to buy a United Motors truck this year. Consumers would be more likely to buy a future model that included this computerized crash warning feature. In addition, a crash warning system does not make United Motor's vehicles safer. It simply warns the driver that they are about to crash, which most likely would be apparent to the driver without the computerized system in the first place.

However, the United Motor's advertisement does use some manipulative language that could persuade the unquestioning consumer. In their pitch, they use statistics and a safety-survey to convince the consumer. United Motors also mentions that the survey was reported by a local television- news program, and many people believe what they see or read in the news. The automotive manufacturer also states that it is "clear" that this year's car buyers should purchase a United Motors truck. However, despite the effectiveness this advertisement may have on some car buyers, analytically United Motors ad is weak and unconvincing.

Commentary on Essay No. 2 (Score: 5)

This strong response demonstrates solid analytical and organizational abilities, as well as a solid control of language, grammar and syntax.

In Paragraphs 2 and 3 the writer identifies the following problematic aspects of the argument:


that the statistics do not necessarily indicate current safety levels
that the statistics fail to account for non-fatal accidents
that the new crash-warning system is not included in current United Motors trucks
that the new crash-warning system might not actually enhance safety
The writer's critique of each but the last aspect (which critique is weak and unpersuasive) is adequate. However, the writer neglects to identify any of three additional, and important, potential problems with the argument:


that the survey encompassed cars as well as trucks, possibly undermining the statistic's relevance
that the argument provides no evidence that the survey sample was of sufficient size and representativeness to provide a reliable indication of United Motors vehicles' comparative safety record
that the stellar past safety record of United Motors trucks might be due to some factor other than their safety
These omissions contribute significantly to keeping this essay out of the 6 category. Also contributing to this essay's sub-optimal score is the essay's final paragraph, which is not a critique of the argument itself (either its line of reasoning, use of evidence, or internal logic), but rather little more than a claim about consumer gullibility.

The essay contains a scant few diction problems ("not a valid persuasion" and "despite the effectiveness this advertisement may have..."). The essay's otherwise clear expression and complete absence of grammatical, syntax, language, spelling or punctuation errors help distinguish it from lower-scoring essays.


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Essay No. 3
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 4
There are two "exhibits" used in this argumnet in evidence of the conlcuion that anyone concerned with safety should buy a United Motors truck. The first is the survey that claims to prove that United Motors "vehicles" were involved in 30% fewer "fatal accidents" during the last 10 years than other vehicles were. To base the given conclusion on this stitistic is faulty reasoning for three reasons:
1) the survey only covered fatal accidents. It should also cover nonfatal accidents which also help to prove the safety of one type of truck vs. other trucks.

2) Vehicles include more than trucks. They also includes cars. THerefore, the survey is only vaild to help prove the company's argumnet for trucks, and therefore is not very convincing on this basis.

3) In Focus could be paid by United Motors to conduct a survey in a wya that shows what the company wants consumers to see to help sell their trucks. We cannot trust the numbers. If its a show like 60 Minutes then maybe the survey would be beliveable. We need more information about this to evaluate the argument.

The second exibit is the crash warning system, which is in current development. This fact is also not convincing to prove the argument. There are two questionable assumptions that underlie this evidence:

1) The system is installed on the trucks available now from truck dealers. (If not, then the conclusion that "anyone in the market for a new truck THIS YEAR should buy a United track" is invalid. A future feature is irrelevant for consumers this year.

2) We are asked to assume that the warning system will perform its purpose - namely, to help prevent accidents. (The argument contains no evidence to support this assumption.)

In conclusion, the evidence might persuade some consumers to to buy a truck from United because the evidence sounds convincing, like many advertsiements. However, upon further analysis the questionable assumptions need to be proven before a more skeptical consumer could accept the argument and justify buying a United truck on the basis of safety. The argument would be strengthened by pointing out other features that make United trucks better than other trucks (price, comfort, cargo space, reliability, etc). The argument would be more logically sound if IN Foucs provided more facts to help prove the assumptions listed in this essay: the crash warning system is available this year and makes United trucks even safer than before.

Commentary on Essay No. 3 (Score: 4)

This essay exhibits better-than-average organizational skills but mere adequacy in developing an analytical critique and in overall written expression.

The essay shows that the writer recognizes most problematic aspects of the argument ?specifically:


that the survey failed to account for non-fatal accidents
that the survey encompassed cars as well as trucks, possibly undermining the survey's relevance
that the survey is potentially biased
that the new crash-warning system might not be included in current United Motors trucks
that the new crash-warning system is not shown to actually enhance safety
When it comes to developing each point of critique, however, the essay is not especially effective. (The writer's second numbered point of critique is particularly inarticulate.) Although the essay fails to identify certain other problems with the argument (see my foregoing commentary on the higher-scoring essays), these omissions do not contribute significantly to keeping this essay out of a higher score category (5 or 6).

The essay's final paragraph is a merely adequate attempt to recapitulate the essay's salient points. More importantly, the additional types of evidence listed in this paragraph as means of strengthening the argument are in fact irrelevant to it. This problem leaves the reader with a distinctively negative impression of the writer's analytical ability, and contributes to keeping the essay out of the 5 category.

The essay is well organized ?into a two-prong analysis with enumerated points of critique under each prong. (The writer's enumeration of these points is a useful device but does not in itself serve to enhance the essay's score.) The essay's clear structure helps significantly to keep this essay out of a lower score category.

The essay demonstrates adequate control of language, grammar, and other aspects of written expression. Nevertheless, the essay suffers from numerous problems in these areas, ranging from awkward strings of prepositional phrases (e.g., "...in this argument in evidence of the conclusion" and "what the company wants consumers to see to help sell their trucks") to vague and unclear pronoun references (e.g., "The second exhibit is the crash warning system, which is in current development. This fact..." and "We cannot trust the numbers. If its a show like 60 Minutes") to questionable parallelism ("to base the given conclusion on this stitistic is faulty reasoning"). Such problems are frequent and bothersome enough to help keep this essay out of a higher score category. Spelling and punctuation problems, although frequent, do not interfere with meaning and hence do not adversely impact the essay's score.


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Essay No. 4
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 3
As a prospective buyer this advertisement is not very convincing to me. The thread of reasoning is broken right in the middle. It cites a TV programme's survey based on the past 10yrs and then jumps to talking about the future installment of a crash warning system in their trucks, which by the way is still in it's developmental stage. The survey is based on the PAST and the argument for convincing the buyer is based on the FUTURE. The omission of the PRESENT is glaring.
On rereading the advertisement I can conclude that the cars AND trucks were under consideration and that the trucks definitely did not get a clean bill of health compared to the cars hence they are trying to develop a computerised system to warn the driver in advance of the crashes their trucks seem to be prone to.Till they work out a way to make them less prone to accidents and not just warn me of the accident Iam headed towards , as a buyer I'd just focus on the cars.

It is true that fatal-crash-statistics incline buyers towards the manufacturer but to cement the deal I think the manufacturer needs to focus on their R&D contribution towards making their cars safer than the competitors.How are the United Motors'cars safer ? By what means provided by them are the fatalities reduced? Is it extra air bags? Is it the design? Could it be all time on headlights? The advertiser should be careful to not presume that the buyer has seen the TV programme and is already aware of all this.This is an advertisement where United Motors should focus on reiterating the facts which make their vehicles on sale NOW a safer bet for the discriminating buyer.

Commentary on Essay No. 4 (Score: 3)

This limited essay provides some reasoned analysis of the argument but suffers from bothersome problems with the presentation and development of its critique as well as with grammar, syntax and diction.

The essay identifies four questionable assumptions underlying the argument:


that a past safety record provides a reliable indication of a current one
that a future development is relevant to the truck's current safety level
that a statistic about all vehicles (cars and trucks) applies as well to trucks only
that the crash-warning system currently under development will be effective in enhancing safety
However, none of the points of critique is stated articulately, and none is fully developed. Also, the essay's conclusion (in Paragraph 2) about United Motors' truck safety record is unjustified. Moreover, the essay fails to identify certain other key problems with the argument. (See my foregoing commentary on the higher-scoring essays.)

The essay is not well organized; the ideas do not flow logically and naturally from one point to the next. Also, the essay demonstrates less-than-adequate control of expression. Such problems are frequent, ranging from misplaced modifying phrases ("As a prospective buyer this advertisement") to awkward or inappropriate idioms ("jumps to talking about," "a clean bill of health" and "cement the deal") to loose and confusing syntax (Paragraph 2's first sentence). These and other problems of expression contribute to keeping this essay out of the 4 category. Frequent punctuation problems interfere somewhat with meaning and hence further contribute to a score that is lower than it otherwise might be.

imongUID：140258

http://www.west.net/~stewart/gre/aa_sampl.htm

Here's a simulated Argument-Analysis prompt (topic), which is similar to many of the ones in the testing service's official pool:
Simulated Argument-Analysis Prompt
The following appeared in a memo from the sales director of Aura Cosmetics Company:

"The best way to reverse Aura Cosmetic's recent decline in profitability is to require each new employee in Aura's sales division to enroll in the popular SureSale seminar. Last year, the software company TechAide began incorporating SureSale's week-long seminar into its training program for all new sales employees, and since that time TechAide's total sales have increased dramatically. Also, according to a recent article in a reputable business magazine, the SureSale sales system has been widely adopted among the nation's twenty largest companies, and the employee turnover rate at these companies is lower today than five years ago. Therefore, by enrolling Aura sales employees in the SureSale seminar Aura will also retain its highest caliber salespeople."

Discuss how logically convincing you find this argument. In your discussion, you should analyze the argument's line of reasoning and use of evidence. It may be appropriate in your critique to call into question certain assumptions underlying the argument and/or to indicate what evidence might weaken or strengthen the argument. It may also be appropriate to discuss how you would alter the argument to make it more convincing and/or discuss what additional evidence, if any, would aid in evaluating the argument.


Now here's a sample response to this question. As you read the response, keep in mind:
This response meets all the official criteria for a score of 6 (the highest possible score).
I didn't compose this response under timed conditions; the essay is intended as a model梠r benchmark. Take heart: You can attain a top score of 6 with an essay that is a bit briefer and less polished than mine.
Sample Response (525 Words)

In this argument Aura's sales director relies on certain anecdotal evidence about one other company, as well as certain statistics about general trends among large companies, to convince us of the merits of enrolling certain ABC employees in the SureSale seminar. Close inspection of this evidence reveals, however, that it provides scant support at best for the director's argument.

Turning first to the anecdotal evidence, the director assumes too hastily that the SureSale seminar--rather than some other phenomenon--was responsible for the increase in TechAide's total sales. Perhaps the increase simply reflected general economic or supply-demand trends, or a misstep on the part of TechAide's chief competitor. For that matter, perhaps the increase is attributable to certain TechAide salespeople who are not new employees and who did not take the seminar. Without eliminating these and other plausible explanations for the increase in sales at TechAide, the director cannot convince me that the SureSale seminar was responsible for the increase--let alone that it would also enhance sales at Aura.

Even if TechAide's sales increase is attributable to SureSale, the director's argument rests on the additional assumption that the seminar would provide a similar benefit at Aura. However, the memo fails to account for possible differences between Aura and TechAide that might have a bearing on the seminar's effectiveness. For example, perhaps the SureSale system is effective for companies that provide services and/or are technology-oriented, but ineffective for companies such as Aura that offer traditional products. If so, the memo's recommendation would be indefensible--at least based on TechAide's experience.

Turning to the memo's statistics about the largest twenty companies, the director fails to account for any possible reason--other than the SureSale method--for the decline in employee turnover. Even if SureSale deserves credit for this decline, it is unreasonable to conclude on this basis that Aura would benefit similarly by adopting the SureSale method. The increase in employee turnover at Aura might be due to certain factors--such as working conditions--that would remain unaffected by the seminar. If so, then the proposed course of action might not suffice to retain Aura's best salespeople.

Finally, even assuming the SureSale seminar would serve to enhance Aura's profitability and reduce its employee turnover, the director has not convinced me that the proposed course of action is a necessary means toward these ends. Perhaps some other sales seminar, or certain cost-cutting measures, would prove more effective in enhancing Aura's profitability. By the same token, perhaps some other course of action--such as revising Aura's personnel policies or work environment--would be more effective in reducing employee turnover.

In sum, as it stands the director's argument is weak. To strengthen it the director should provide statistical evidence showing that companies similar to Aura that have adopted the SureSale program have tended to benefit from it--both in terms of profitability and employee turnover. To better assess the argument, it would be useful to compare the proven benefits of the SureSale seminar to those of similar seminars. It would also be useful to conduct a cost-benefit analysis of alternative courses of action--including various revenue-enhancing as well as cost-cutting measures.