揭秘托福GRE作文电子评分器-元月20日晚公开课习作收集帖

wz1342322UID：3636321

习作类型：托福
题目：        Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television advertising directed toward young children(aged two five) should not be allowed.
习题正文：Should television advertising which is directed toward young children be allowed? I strongly agree with the speaker's statement, although it seems a reasonable way to advertise the company's products, after careful analysis, it turns out to be of no good for companies, parents and children.
        As advertisements are common to see in nowadays television programs, we often find ads between two TV series, or the break of movies, one might find it hackneyed to see an ad directed toward young children. However, companies which spend money to explore this territory are impolitic, after all, few children whose age falls in the range of two to five has time to watch it, in my observation, they spend most of their time writing their homework or playing with others, despite sometimes watching TV is allowed by their parents. Accordingly, it is safe to say that companies are not likely to receive expected response, which will lead a negligible profit while makes sponsors spend unnecessary investment.
        As for children, watching advertisements that are designed for themselves might lead to negative effects. We know that children aged two to five usually don't have the ability to either earn their own assets, or control the money that belongs to them. Under most circumstances, it is their parents who control the come and go of their money. So even children happen to watch the ad displayed on the TV and are touched by it, they can't afford to buy, which might lead some bad effects on them, such like stealing their parents' money to buy the one they like. After all, they are only children, who have not developed the ability to reasonably balance their desire with reason. For example, when I was young, I watched the TV and had a strong desire to buy a model of an airplane, if my parents didn't exert a great effort to persuade me to give up, I may have bought it and focus on other toy a few days latter.
        With the respect of the parents, as stated above, ads which advertise on the TV may inspire children to unreasonably buy something unpracticed, it is parents' duty to take more care of their children hence an extra effort is needed. I remember at some point I watch a news about a student illegally sold his kidney to buy an iPhone 5, although it is regretful to know that, but meanwhile I am angry with his parents for not finding it before it happened, since children are readily being inspired by the advertisement, parents have to make more efforts to watch out their child.
        In the final analysis, it is ill-conceived for companies to advertise to young children since it is difficult to receive a proper response, it is better to spend effort on parents who have children under age 5, and it is also harmful for both parents and children since it might bring about a bad effect on children and an extra effort to their parents.

<error_type> word form </error_type>
<seemingly_incorrect>We know that children aged two to five usually don't have the ability to either earn their own assets, or control the money that belongs to them. Under most circumstances, it is their parents who control the come and go of their money.</seemingly_incorrect>
<collocation_error> earn thier asset</collocation_error>
<COCA_search_term>[v*] [asset]</COCA_search_term>
<corrected_collocation>acquire asset</corrected_collocation>