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5a(1). Fill Sentences
Streamline your essay by avoiding unnecessary sentences.
•        Avoid sentences that do not advance your argument.
•        Avoid asking a question only to answer it.
•        Avoid sentences that announce that you are shifting the topic. Use transitional phrases instead of writing sentences to change your subject.
FILL: Who should be the next president? I think Mike Dukakis should give it another try.
TO THE POINT: Mike Dukakis should make a second bid for the presidency.

Exercise 1: Avoid "fill" sentences that do not serve a purpose.
Condense the two-sentence groups into one sentence.

1. Who was Abraham Lincoln? He was a President of the United States.


2. Patton was a famous general. He was renowned for his ability to surprise the enemy.


3. The twister destroyed three city blocks. Many buildings collapsed because of the twister.

answers below:





Answers
1. Abraham Lincoln was President of the United States.
2. General Patton was famous for his ability to surprise the enemy.
3. Many buildings were destroyed by the twister that destroyed three city blocks.

5a(2). Be Concise

Do not use several words when one will do. Writers tend to add phrases like "take into consideration" in order to sound scholarly. This only makes the text sound inflated and sophomoric. Don't use excessive and unnecessary verbiage.
WORDY: I am of the opinion that the said managers should be admonished for their utilization of customer response services.
CONCISE: We should tell the managers to improve customer service.

Exercise 2: Wordy Phrases
Shorten the sentence. (see answers)
1. This internet company is not prepared to expand at this point in time.



2. In light of the fact that Roger has worked with much effort and diligence to build this site, it would be a smart move to give him the contract.

3. The airline has a problem with always having arrivals that come at least an hour late, despite the fact that the leaders of the airline promise that promptness is a goal which has a high priority for all the employees involved.


4. In spite of the fact that she only has a little bit of experience in photography right now, she will probably do well in the future because she has a great deal of motivation to succeed in her chosen profession.


5. The United States is not in a position to spend more money to alleviate the suffering of the people of other countries considering the problems of its own citizens.


see answers below






Answers
1. The internet company is not prepared to expand now.
2. Since Roger has worked for this site so carefully, we should award him the contract.
3. Flights are always at least an hour late on this airline, though its leaders promise that promptness is a high priority for all its employees.
4. Although she is inexperienced in photography, she will probably succeed because she is motivated.
5. The United States cannot spend more money to alleviate other countries' suffering when its own citizens suffer.
5a(3). Qualification
Writing an AWA essay on the Analysis of Issue is walking a tight rope. You have to be persuasive about your argument, yet you cannot be excessively one-sided. The Analysis of Issue questions do not have a clear-cut "answer" to the essay topic, so do not overstate your case. To express that you are reasonable, sporadically use qualifiers such as fairly, rather, somewhat, relatively, and such expressions as seems to be, a little, and a certain amount of. However, excessive use of qualification will dilute your argument and weaken the essay.
WORDY: The Hess spy case was rather serious breach of national security and likely helped the Soviets.
CONCISE: The Hess spy case breached national security and helped the Soviets.

1. You yourself are the very best person to decide what you should do for a living.

2. It is possible that the author overstates his case somewhat.

3. The president perhaps should use a certain amount of diplomacy before he resorts to force.

4. In Italy, I found about the best food I have ever eaten.

5. Needless to say, children should be taught to cooperate at home and in school.



Answers:
1. You are the best person to decide what you should do for a living.
2. The author overstates his case somewhat.
3. The president should use diplomacy before he resorts to force.
4. In Italy I found the best food I have ever eaten.
5. Children should be taught to cooperate at home and in school.
(If 5a(4). Start Strong
Try not to begin a sentence with There is, There are, or It is. These roundabout expressions usually indicate that you are trying to distance yourself from the position you are taking. Weak openings usually result from writing before you think- hedging until you find out what you want to say.
there's no need to say it, don't!)
5a(5). Active & Passive Voice
TThe passive voice is weak because it diminishes accountability. When you use the active voice the verb performs an action. The passive voice does not directly suggest that the user does something.
The passive voice does have value under certain circumstances. For instance, if you want to express something without assigning blame or if there is a question of responsibility. For example: "collateral damage has taken place". The sentence blames no one and does not assign who actually did it.
PASSIVE: The assignment was completed by Joe in record time.
ACTIVE: Joe completed the assignment in record time.

How is it Graded?
Both the E-rater and the human grader can detect the passive voice and it will lower your score. Admissions officers will also frown on it.

International Students:

Certain languages, such as French, use more passives. Be careful to adjust your style.

Exercises: rewrite the sentences
1. Garbage collectors should be generously rewarded for their dirty, smelly labors.


2. The conditions of the contract agreement were ironed out minutes before the strike deadline.

3. The minutes of the City Council meeting should be taken by the city clerk.

4. With sugar, water, or salt, many ailments contracted in less developed countries could be treated.


5. Test results were distributed with no concern for confidentiality.





6.The report was compiled by a number of field anthropologists and marriage experts.




Answers:
1. incorrect: Garbage collectors should be generously rewarded for their dirty, smelly labors.
correct: City government should generously reward garbage collectors for their dirty, smelly labors.

2. incorrect: The conditions of the contract agreement were ironed out minutes before the strike deadline.
correct: Negotiators ironed out the conditions of the contract agreement minutes before the strike deadline.
3. incorrect: The minutes of the City Council meeting should be taken by the city clerk.
correct: The city clerk should take the minutes of the City Council meeting.

4. incorrect: With sugar, water, or salt, many ailments contracted in less developed countries could be treated.
correct: With sugar, water, or salt, doctors can treat many of the ailments that citizens of less developed countries contract.

5. incorrect:Test results were distributed with no concern for confidentiality.

correct: The teacher distributed test results with no concern for confidentiality.

6. incorrect: The report was compiled by a number of field anthropologists and marriage experts.
correct: A number of field anthropologists and marriage experts compiled the report.

5a(6). Self-Reference
Effective writers should avoid such unneeded phrases as "I believe," "I feel," and "in my opinion." The grader knows whose opinion is being expressed and he need not be reminded.
WEAK: I am of the opinion that excessive self-reference may add a level of pomposity to an otherwise effective essay.

FORCEFUL: Excessive self-reference may add a level of pomposity to an otherwise effective essay.
Self-reference, like qualification, is effective when used sparingly.

1. I must emphasize that I am not saying the author does not have a point.


2. If I were a college president, I would implement several specific reforms to combat apathy.


3. It is my belief that either alternative would prove disastrous.





Answers
1. The author has a point.
2. College presidents should implement several specific reforms to combat apathy.
3. Either alternative would prove disastrous.


5a(7). Redundancy

Redundancy is the unnecessary repetition of an idea. It is redundant to say "a beginner lacking experience." The word beginner implies lack of experience by itself. You may eliminate redundant words or phrases without changing the meaning of the sentence. Watch out for words that add nothing to the sense of the sentence.
Here are some common redundancies:
Redundant Phrase         Concise Phrase
1. refer back         to
2. Few in number          few
3. Small-sized         small
4. Grouped together         grouped
5. In my own personal opinion         in my opinion
6. End result         result
7. Serious crisis         crisis
8. New initiatives         initiatives
Redundancy often results from carelessness, but you can easily eliminate redundant elements when proofreading.
1. Those who can follow directions are few in number.

2. She has deliberately chosen to change careers.




3. Dialogue opens up many doors to compromise.





4. The ultimate conclusion is that environmental and economic concerns are intertwined.





Answers
1. Few people can follow directions.
2. She has chosen to change careers.
3. Dialogue opens many doors to compromise.
4. The conclusion is that environmental and economic concerns are intertwined
5a(8): Vague Writing
Don't just ramble on when you're writing your GMAT essays. Choose specific, descriptive words. Vague language weakens your writing because it forces the reader to guess what you mean instead of concentrating fully on your ideas and style.
WEAK: Brown is highly educated.
FORCEFUL: Brown has a master's degree in business administration.
WEAK: She is a great communicator.
FORCEFUL: She speaks persuasively.
Notice that sometimes, to be more specific and concrete, you will have to use more words than you might with vague language. This principle is not in conflict with the general objective of concision. Being concise may mean eliminating unnecessary words. Avoiding vagueness may mean adding necessary words to illustrate your point.



1. The principal told John that he should not even think about coming back to school until he changed his ways.



2. The police detective had to seek the permission of the lawyer to question the suspect.

3. Thousands of species of animals were destroyed when the last ice age occurred.


4. The secretary was unable to complete the task that had been assigned.








Answers
1. The principal told John that he could not return to school until his behavior improved.
2. The police detective had to ask the lawyer for permission to question the suspect.
3. Thousands of animal species were destroyed in the last ice age.
4. The secretary was unable to type the document.
e 5a(9). Cliche
Cliches are overused expressions, expressions that may once have seemed colorful and powerful but are now dull and worn out. Time pressure and anxiety may make you lose focus; and that is when cliches may slip into your writing. A reliance on cliches will suggest you are a lazy thinker. Keep them out of your essay.
WEAK: Performance in a crisis is the acid test for a leader.
FORCEFUL: Performance in a crisis is the best indicator of a leader's abilities.
Putting a cliche in quotation marks in order to indicate your distance from the cliche does not strengthen the sentence. If anything, it just makes weak writing more noticeable. Notice whether or not you use cliches. If you do, ask yourself if you could substitute more specific language for the cliche.
International Students: You should avoid any regional expressions. Students from Britain and the commonwealth nations should particularly beware of using local expressions that are not used in America.


Exercises
1. You have to take this new fad with a grain of salt.

2. The politician reminds me of Abraham Lincoln: He's like a diamond in the rough.




3. A ballpark estimate of the number of fans in the stadium would be 120,000.







Answers
1. You need not take this new fad very seriously; it will surely pass.
2. The politician reminds me of Abraham Lincoln with his rough appearance and warm heart.
3. I estimate that 120,000 fans were in the stadium.
. A ballpark estimate of the number of fans in the stadium would be 120,000.

permission of the lawyer s

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