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发表于 2010-8-1 22:57:52 |显示全部楼层
29# 伶女

抱歉,7.31的文章刚修改完,请注意查收
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发表于 2010-8-2 18:48:13 |显示全部楼层
额.....你好像还没有帮我改作文耶~~~~

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发表于 2010-8-3 15:25:39 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 伶女 于 2010-8-3 15:27 编辑

8.3  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job withmore vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary butless vacation time.

As it isknown to all that high salary equals to endless work time which means yourvacation plan will be sacrificed. Along with the accelerating pace of modernlife, an increasing number of people come to realize that long work-hour onlyfinals in negative results such as fatigue, low state of health, gap amongfamilies, even though high salary is sort of tempting. In my opinion, a jobwith lower salary but more vacation time is better in terms of my personalexperience and emotion.
High salaryseems to improve our life for it is capable to afford us a cozy life. But withless vocation time, this kind of job won’t change our lives as we expected. Setan example for this. Before industrial revolution, most people walked on footand it always took them so much time and energy or even money for transportation.But nowadays it is no longer such troublesome, because both ground andsubterranean transportation system are sophisticated and choice for vehicles isvaried. Although people even don’t have to walk, they begin to exercise in gymsince this huge convenience brings them health problems. And the time, energyand money they spend on fitness programs is far more than before. Thereby insome cases, something currently seems good will have negative impact in thelong run. It makes sense in high salary jobs, too. With fatigue, low state ofhealth, gap among families that high salary job brings us, people will pay moreat the end.
What is also worth noticing is that more vocationtime leads to efficient work. Only through total relaxation can people gatherenough energy to performance well on work day. Then relaxation in vocation andfluent work day together will contribute to happiness and goo mood and shapepositive attitude, which will be helpful to our people’s life and work inreturn. In spite of lower salary, extra vocation time benefits people more as awhole.
In a nutshell, from the discussing above we cansafely draw the conclusion that the job with lower salary but more vocationtime is definitely better for the reason that high salary job will have negativeimpact in the long run and more vocation time benefits people more as a whole.
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发表于 2010-8-4 13:19:05 |显示全部楼层
小修改了一下下~:)
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发表于 2010-8-5 08:43:33 |显示全部楼层
As it is known to all that high salary equals to endless work time which means your vacation plan will be sacrificed. Along with the accelerating pace of modern life, an increasing number of people come to realize that long work-hour only finals in negative results such as fatigue, low state of health, gap among families, even though high salary is sort of tempting. In my opinion, a job with lower salary but more vacation time is better in terms of my personal experience and emotion.

High salary seems to improve our life for it is capable to afford us a cozy life. But with less vocation time, this kind of job won’t change our lives as we expected. Set an example for this. Before industrial revolution(Industrial Revolution), most people walked on foot and it always took them so much time and energy or even money for transportation. But nowadays it is no longer such troublesome, because both ground and subterranean transportation system are sophisticated and choice for vehicles is varied. Although people even don’t have to walk, they begin to exercise in gym since this huge convenience brings them health problems. And the time, energy and money they spend on fitness programs is far more than before. Thereby in some cases, something currently seems good will have negative impact in the long run. It makes sense in high salary jobs, too. With fatigue, low state of health, gap among families that high salary job brings us, people will pay more at the end.(I don’t think the example in this paragraph is closely related)- ^! h: I4 B3 `$ {4 s

What is also worth noticing is that more vocation time leads to efficient work. Only through total relaxation can people gather enough energy to performance well on work day. Then relaxation in vocation and fluent work day together will contribute to happiness and good mood and shape positive attitude, which will be helpful to our people’s life and work in return. In spite of lower salary, extra vocation time benefits people more as a whole. (I my opinion, you need to cite a example in this paragraph);

In a nutshell, from the discussing above we can safely draw the conclusion that the job with lower salary but more vocation time is definitely better for the reason that high salary job will have negative impact in the long run and more vocation time benefits people more as a whole.

The words and sentences used in the article are very graceful and smooth.

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发表于 2010-8-5 08:48:49 |显示全部楼层
sorry, i do not have enough privilege to make a appendix

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发表于 2010-8-5 13:44:39 |显示全部楼层
Although as anevolution of information dissemination, internet has covered almost the whole planet,newspapers and magazines are still playing an important role in the media world.And along(去掉along) with the development of science and technology, newspapers and magazines areinclined to be more variety(需要形容词,应该是various) and wide-spreading 这个and 之后好像应该接一个动词的throughout the world. Therefore,an increasing number of people live in(越来越多的人 数 处于???应该是很多的人吧) an illusion that nowadays you can learnabout a foreign country without any outdoor activities题目上没有这样的暗示 because all theinformation is provided by newspapers and magazines. Obviously, they fail totake into account newspapers and magazines are public media, their expressionand content will be absolutely limited by many issues.+ ^! C" K9 u7 P7 c% k) v

First of all, newspaperoffice is a legitimate institution that(去掉that) supported by government, so attitude andstatement in all articles should be along with the direction and policy ofgovernment. If a foreign city is encouraged to develop tourism by government thisyear, it might take up the cover of a famous tourism magazine or the front pageof a newspaper.

Second,advertisement is necessary for newspaper and magazines since ad-rate isessential to their development. Thereby, they will publicize for the sponsorsin turn. Take vogue magazines for example. As they cooperate with some organizerson fashion, the reports upon such activities are always occupied several pagesleading to the impression of fashion on that country to readers.4 }5 I" s/ {$ c

( P; o: e; q) {  ]; n
Last but not theleast, as a crucial section to business, market is also a matter of live and death toward newspaper and magazine. Considering the taste of the public, they willbe likely to include the most acceptable and popular information. Thosenegative aspects or easy-neglected details that might be vital to learn thecountry won’t be presented to readers.

Q
As a consequence,the description on magazines and newspapers about a foreign country won’t beobjective as it suppose to be and will definitely influence readers’understanding about the country. To learn another country, you’d betterexperience it by yourself in stead of figuring it out through others’ comments

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发表于 2010-8-5 15:16:32 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 伶女 于 2010-8-5 15:17 编辑

8.5 art&music necessary to younger school children

Nowadays normal elementary school provides variety disciplines including math, language, science, history, art and music. Since some of those classes like art and music seem to have no relation with the promotion to higher grade, many people claims that won’t be necessary. But from my perspective, significance on those disciplines shouldn’t be ignored and my personal reasons are presented as follows.

For one thing, children have rights to access to different fields, especially for those ages from five to ten, a crucial period of early development. Generally speaking, hardly five to ten years old children will spontaneously realize what they interest in.  They need help from adults. And parents and teachers have responsibility to serve a platform for children to get access to diverse areas, even though some of them might not be considered into admission for grade promotion. Development of children shouldn’t be limited in assigned areas in such young age.

We have to admit that math, science, history and language are boring comparing to art and music. Long time on tedious disciplines in the classroom won’t have positive impact on personality. But in art and music class, another lively atmosphere allows students transforming their mood and thinking patterns to experience a different way of study and receive wider range of knowledge. In return such happiness and relaxation brought by active art and music class will make study in math, science, language and history more efficient.

Furthermore, what should also be noticed is that there tend to be too much pressure on children. Along with the development of the society, they are expected to be more competitive as grown up. In China, a large number of elementary school students are running a busy life with extending school time and large amount of homework. If art and music classes are canceled, classes like math and science will absolutely take the place, which will enhance the stress on children and they won’t even have such class to release the pressure.

In a nutshell, from all the aspects we discuss above, we can safely draw the conclusion that art and music classes are required for younger school children for the reason that children have rights to access to diverse fields and they need such class to transform from other boring class and release pressure.
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发表于 2010-8-6 14:12:47 |显示全部楼层
8.5 art&music necessary to younger school children

Nowadays normal elementary school provides variety disciplines including math, language, science, history, art and music. Since some of those classes like art and music seem to have no relation with the promotion to higher grade, many people claims that won’t be necessary. But from my perspective, significance on those disciplines shouldn’t be ignored and my personal reasons are presented as follows.
最好第一段能把自己的理由说出来+

For one thing, children have rights to (get加进去)access to different fields, especially for those ages from five to ten, a crucial period of early development. Generally speaking, hardly five to ten years old children will spontaneously (good~~~~)realize what they interest in.  They need help from adults. And parents and teachers have responsibility to serve a platform for children to get access to diverse areas, even though some of them(指代不明,建议用全称) might not be considered into admission for grade promotion. Development of children shouldn’t be limited in assigned areas in such young age.
2 i! Y. m4 X0 q0 l$ K) J" b& P
We have to admit that math, science, history and language are boring comparing to art and music.(观点看上不明确,换个说法更好) Long time on tedious disciplines in the classroom won’t have positive impact on personality. But in art and music class, another lively atmosphere allows students transforming their mood and thinking patterns to experience a different way of study and receive wider range of knowledge. In return such happiness and relaxation brought by active art and music class will make study in math, science, language and history more efficient.: p2 X* L! F  D" A# B' w
$ _( U* D! u" V, h% L$ q+ s- f
Furthermore, what should also be noticed is that there tend to be too much pressure on children. Along with the development of the society, they are expected to be more competitive as grown up. In China, a large number of elementary school students are running a busy life with extending school time and large amount of homework. If art and music classes are canceled, classes like math and science will absolutely take the place, which will enhance the stress on children and they won’t even have such class to release the pressure.' K1 d& }8 ^6 w3 ^
. i$ A" A/ ]/ o' k
In a nutshell, from all the aspects we discuss above, we can safely draw the conclusion that art and music classes are required for younger school children for the reason that children have rights to access to diverse fields and they need such class to transform from other boring class and release pressure.(总结全文,很好)

楼主基本上没有语法大错误,每一段也都深入讨论,但是提一个建议,我原来看一个论点就得摆出例子,一个例子就得给出深入讨论,如果楼主把例子讨论的更深入和具体些会更好的吧





希望楼主继续努力,下面是我作文的链接,希望能批改。
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1131675-2-1.html

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发表于 2010-8-6 17:53:36 |显示全部楼层
8.5的作文已修改,见附件~~
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发表于 2010-8-7 13:20:14 |显示全部楼层
8.7 students should take part-time job or not while they are in university

Taking part-timejobs tends to be common these days for students in universities. An increasingnumber of people deem that student should focus all their time and energy onstudy and part-time job seems to be time-consuming. In my opinion, thesignificance of part-time job is profound to university students and mypersonal reasons are presented as follows.


To begin with,part-time job provides an opportunity to get familiar with the world outsidethe campus. As it is known to all that inadaptation in the transforming from schoolstudy to work circumstance is common in graduates. Employers always preferexperienced students rather than the ones that might take months or longer timefor adjustment. Former work experience will cut down adaptation period andcontribute to work performance. Thereby, part-time job make students morecompetitive among graduates.


Some part-timejobs teach students extra knowledge for their study. Campus study inclines to theknowledge on text book, while real company takes all things into practice. Learningfrom both aspects, students will become insightful to their major, which willimprove their study to a higher level. So part-time job won’t lead to negativeinfluence, but it appears to be helpful to students’ study as campus classdoes.


Last but not theleast, some people live under the illusion that part-time job will occupy toomuch time and leave limited time and energy for campus study. But I think it isa good chance for students to schedule their life. With campus study andpart-time job, time becomes tight and if they don’t plan well, both won’t be accomplishedsatisfyingly. This forces students to cultivate good habit of time-planning andis also supportive to their individual development.


To sum up, fromthe discussion above, we can safely draw the conclusion that students inuniversities should take part-time jobs because it contributes to their study, individualdevelopment and adaptation to the society.
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发表于 2010-8-7 23:02:22 |显示全部楼层
这是8.5的作文,重写了一遍,路过有空的同学可以帮忙看看,谢谢啦:loveliness:


09.05.30NA
Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger schoolchildren(ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music inaddition to math, science, history and language.

Nowadaysnormal elementary school, which is mainly targeted towards children aging fromfive to ten, provides various disciplines including math, language, science,history, art and music. Since some of them such as art and music seem to haveno relation with the promotion to higher grade, many people claim that won’t benecessary. But from my perspective, significance on those disciplines shouldn’tbe ignored in terms of my personal experience and emotion.

Forone thing, ages of five to ten is a crucial period for children to developtheir interests. But hardly will any child in such ages spontaneously realizewhat they are interest in. So a platform with wider range of knowledge thatextended to diverse disciplines or fields is necessary. Children shouldn’t belimited in classes like math and science only, especially when those classesmight fulfill their life in later secondary school and high school. Inaddition, interest in art and music will contribute to active thinkingpatterns, personality-shaping and aesthetic of beauty in early ages. And whenthey grow up, the special experience in art and music will become advantages intheir career because employers always prefer versatile individuals.

Whatshould also be noticed is that classes of art and music provide a chance torelease pressure. We have to admit that along with the fast-pace lifestyle, notonly adults live under huge working stress, children are also enduring pressureof entering a higher school. Since they are expected to be more competitive inthe future, study burden with extended classes and large amounts of homeworktends to be overweight. Long time on tedious disciplines such as math, science,history and language will cause negative impact on children’s emotion to study.However, art and music classes associated with active atmosphere will adjustthe bad mood so that improve the efficiency of study in normal classes. On thecontrary, if we cancel art and music classes, other normal disciplines willtake place, which will enhance the pressure and there will be no time formood-adjustment.

Ina nut shell, art and music classes are important to children aging five to tenfor the reason that early development in various field will contribute to theirfuture and lively atmosphere in such classes is helpful in releasing pressureand adjusting bad emotion for stressful study.
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发表于 2010-8-8 09:27:46 |显示全部楼层
8.7日的修改。。
感觉楼主的文章写的非常好,看的很舒服
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蜀道难,难于上青天。

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发表于 2010-8-8 09:39:37 |显示全部楼层
这是楼主的那篇习作我也顺道给改了:lol
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蜀道难,难于上青天。

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发表于 2010-8-8 19:20:11 |显示全部楼层
附件是我改的,楼主写的很好,很多值得我学习,也非常感谢你帮我修改,继续一起加油~~
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RE: 伶女作文贴~~~ [修改]
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